


Here's To Belcher Growing Up

by GoodMourningCoffee



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Family Dynamics, Flashbacks, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:19:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 86,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23057608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodMourningCoffee/pseuds/GoodMourningCoffee
Summary: Twenty-two year old Louise Belcher has it all: a loving family, a struggling food truck, and a dream of opening up her own restaurant. A dream that only grows more distant. Trying to make a life for yourself isn’t easy, especially when minor inconveniences like money, time, and a nemesis wanting to make nice are all standing in the way. Fortunately for Louise and her family, they’re Belchers from womb to tomb. Cross Posted to FanFiction.net
Relationships: Bob Belcher/Linda Belcher, Gene Belcher/Alex Papasian, Louise Belcher/Logan Bush, Tina Belcher/Zeke (Bob's Burgers)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1: "Pepper Don't Preach" Burger

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: First, I want to thank my beta-reader, "S". This story would not have come together nearly as well without their recommendation and insight. This story has fifteen chapters: some long, some short. This is a story that contains flashbacks and insight into the lives of the Belcher family, but mostly centers around Louise at age twenty-two. This story takes place thirteen years into the future from current Bob's Burgers continuity. I have tried to include characters from the show throughout the story and make references to the show throughout the seasons. I have attempted to make it all as canon as possible.
> 
> This story is a Louise/Logan story. I want to put that out there right now, because I don't want anyone to get invested in the story before they realize where it is headed. For understandable and obvious reasons, this pairing is very controversial for a lot of people and a lot of people do not support this pairing.
> 
> I also feel it is my responsibility as the author to include a trigger warning. This story contains strong language, suggestive and sexual scenes, LGBTQ+ characters and relationships, and stalking.
> 
> All of that being said, in this long-winded author's note, for those of you that continue to go forward with the story, I hope you enjoy it. I have been working on this for approximately five months. It is fully written, but still being edited. I hope to get the rest of this story out in rapid succession. Constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Chapter One: "Pepper Don't Preach” Burger:

Louise grabbed the dry erase board hanging from the hook on the open window of the food truck. She scrawled "I Can't Believe It's Not Veggie Burger (Comes with Real Burger)" under "Burger of the Day '' and started a pot of coffee. She tossed some change into the lock box she used for cash, dubbed "The Hurt Locker" for times when profits were suffering. She stowed the lock box under the lawn chair propped up in back. She zipped up her leather jacket and poured herself a cup of coffee before the pot was done brewing. 

Louise plopped down in the lawn chair and set her laptop on her legs, scrolling through her course work.

As the lights in the shops and apartments along Ocean Avenue turned off for the evening, the sign on the door of Bob's Burgers was flipped to “closed.” Louise watched Linda slip through the door to their upstairs apartment. Bob locked the door to the restaurant before turning on his heels to make eye contact with his youngest daughter. Louise looked back down at her laptop a little too slowly as her father walked to the back of the food truck and knocked on the door. 

"Dad! Help! There’s this creep with a mustache trying to kidnap me.”

"Oh my God. Let me in, Louise."

She grumbled as she unlocked the back door to the food truck. Bob let himself in and took a seat on a plastic crate by the door. He sat down slowly, the pain in his back increasing with his hunched position. He was starting to gray around the temples and he’d put on a few more pounds around the waist. 

"You've been sitting outside of the restaurant for half an hour."

"I make money sitting out here all the time," Louise said, messing with the ears on her hat. She’d taken only to wearing her Ears on particularly cold nights. She’d been known to carry them on her person, often tucked in her jeans pocket. A practice she’d started around the time she’d reached middle school. 

"Teddy stopping by to get a burger on this way home doesn't count."

"Okay, okay. I'll go work the corner for money," Louise said, pulling her Ears down further over her head, hair frizzy and loose around her shoulders. “Think I look okay like this? I’m not trying to win Miss New Jersey or anything, but I don’t think the  _ really _ lonely men will mind.”

"Don’t talk like that," Bob gave an exhausted sigh as Louise abused the strained apartment WiFi to log into Chowster and post the food truck’s location for the night.

At first, the food truck had been a point of contention in the Belcher Household. Louise was of the belief that Bob still had Post Truck-matic Stress Disorder from when he’d requisitioned a food truck on poor judgement and little money,  _ Lolla-Pa-Foods-A _ saga notwithstanding.

Deep down, she knew her father had begrudged her decision to run a food truck. Thirteen years apparently wasn't enough recovery time. That and the threat of Louise spending her meager college fund and savings from her old job at Wonder Wharf on a food truck didn't do anything to encourage positive feelings. But Bob knew his daughter well enough to know she was going to do what she wanted anyway, parental interference be damned. 

Louise had proven her seriousness when she did the legwork. She shopped around for a reasonably priced, barely running food truck. She talked down Teddy and some of his pals to negotiate the work to get the truck running. She got the food permits, licenses, and an insurance policy. 

Louise didn't hesitate to use the insurance policy as an argument in her favor whenever Bob tried to counter her progress with another " _ Lolla-Pa-Foods-A _ lecture." Louise was never remiss to remind Bob that one day she wanted to take over the restaurant. She waxed poetic about all the work experience and management skills it would give her, a new perspective the restaurant couldn’t.

When Louise got Linda on her side, it was all over. Bob had no reason good enough not to give in, even as he continued to argue against it all the way up until the first night Louise took the food truck out for its maiden voyage.

The matter of Louise operating a food truck by herself, into the hours of the early morning, was an entirely different argument that had been much harder for her to win. She still wasn't completely sure she had her parents convinced. Yet here Bob was, encouraging her to spread her wings and get her money's worth out of her passion project.

It started when Bob agreed to let Louise go outside of the neighborhood and away from Wonder Wharf proper, so long as Zeke was with her. They had some security measures installed on the truck “just in case.” Teddy installed double locks on the front and back doors. The secondary security measure was the fact that Louise Belcher didn't live her life in fear. 

Zeke began to take more shifts at the restaurant to cover the hours Louise missed while she was cruising around Seymour’s Bay in Bob’s Burgers 2.0. Two people in the food truck proved to be less sustainable than Bob had hoped. Zeke had another job at Glencrest Yacht Club. Bob needed the extra help in the restaurant and he knew Louise wasn’t going to give up the food truck. He also knew Zeke wasn’t going to quit his second job. When it came down to it, Louise needing a partner in crime seemed to be more of a convenience than a necessity. 

Bob relented once more, but not before he talked to Officer Julia and Sergeant Bosco on the sly. He wanted to make sure someone was looking out for his daughter. What Louise didn't know wouldn't hurt her. What Bob may not have considered was his aggression prone daughter being the one to stir up trouble, not skeevy patrons.

Despite Louise’s commitment to her food truck and her overall lack of enthusiasm as the first semester of her junior year drew to a close, she wasn’t as on her own as she made herself out to be. She knew it, too. Nearly everything in her inventory was supplied by the restaurant. Her only independent contributions were the poutine and slices of pie exclusively served at the Bob’s Burgers mobile location. 

While her parents and Zeke were down in the restaurant for the morning shift, Louise would be upstairs in the apartment, baking pies from scratch and catching up on the course work that spilled over from the night before. In the afternoon she’d work her shift in the restaurant, then dip out a few hours before close to patrol the streets in her food truck. She’d stay out until the early hours of the morning.

Louise set her laptop to the side, took a swig of her sugar laced coffee, and dug the keys out of her pocket. Bob got up off the plastic crate with a groan and shuffled out of the vehicle. Louise locked the back door behind him and watched him slowly amble toward the apartment. 

She crossed her fingers as she put the keys into the ignition, praying the engine would turn over. When the truck started, she murmured small words of praise to 2.0 as she drove down the street. She drove until she found herself downtown in front of the Lucky Lizard a few yards down from a shitty taco truck.

Weekends outside of bars were always the best profits. Bar flies came out of the woodwork buying food before they went into the bars. An ancient remedy to stave off easy drunken-ness. Others bought food on the way out to temper their foggy alcoholic oblivion. 

A steady stream of bar flies had graced Louise with their business. She took it as a personal challenge until the taco truck peeled off for the evening. It was right before last call when the most sloshed and ravenous came to order food in droves. 

The youngest Belcher stowed her dead laptop beneath her lawn chair and began to balance the till when she heard a sound she hadn't heard in ages. A vial sound that made her cringe.

“Louise Smellcher!" A declaration, not a question.

Louise proceeded to count her night’s earnings and ignore the voice calling for her. 

"I know it's you, Smellcher, I can see your stupid four ears."

"What do you want, Logan?" Louise asked in a dismissive tone.

"I just wanna chat," he hiccuped as he approached the food truck. Louise stood up and crossed her arms. Logan wasn’t alone. 

"Hurry up and order, bro. I gotta piss."

"Shut the fuck up, Scotty, I'm having a conversation."

"Fuck you, man," Scotty mumbled and stumbled down the alley by the bar. Louise could hear the stream in the background, Scotty just barely out of sight.

"Okay, buh-bye now, bye." Louise said in a baby voice as she waved Logan off. She reached for the metal slatted door above to cover the service window. 

"Wait! I wanted to order something," drunk Logan sputtered.

“What was that sound? Is there someone out there? ” Louise put a hand to the side of her pink bunny hat, mimicking an attempt to hear better.

“It was me, Smellcher. I was talking,” Logan replied, slurring a little too long on “talking.”

“Talking? You do that on purpose? And people actually listen?” Louise sniped.

“Can it, Smellcher. What kinda fries you got?”

"Get me some, too," Scotty shouted from the alley.

"Are you still pissing? That is not healthy, man," Logan shouted to his companion.

Louise pulled the door halfway down over the service window before Logan turned around to face her again and mumbled something in protest. "Sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you." Louise slowly continued to pull the door down, enjoying how much she was irking Logan in the process. 

"Do you want my damn money or not, Smellcher?" Logan said into the inch of space left between the door and the counter top. He was standing on the balls of his feet, trying to get closer to what little of the window there was still open.

"Fine," Louise said, opening the service window again, "but you're paying double. Consider it an inconvenience fee."

Logan muttered something about two burgers. Louise started up the grill. She took another sip from a bottomless cup of coffee. She pulled her pink hat down over her head just a little more to combat the cold November night. Right as the burgers began to sizzle on the flattop, she heard a sound outside her truck. A sound suspiciously similar to the one she’d heard in the alley moments before. 

Louise turned her back to the grill and stuck her head out the service window. There was Logan Bush, in his full glory, pissing on the back tire of the food truck.  _ Her _ food truck. 

Louise reached over to the condiment rack beside her and with painstaking precision she lined up the bottle so that Logan was in her crosshairs. “Hey, shithead! What do you think you’re doing?” she shouted. He turned his head to look at her as she squirted a stream of ketchup at her target. 

The look of disbelief on Logan Bush’s face was well worth the misfortune of running into him.

“That’s so mean,” Scotty slurred, having emerged from the alley. “Why are chicks so mean?” 

Logan’s incredulous look morphed into a glare, “You are dead, Louise Belcher!”

“I feel like I’ve heard that somewhere before,” Louise looked around for show, setting eyes everywhere except the place Logan was standing, “but I ‘cantaloupe’ my finger on where.”

“I’m gonna find my way in there and when I do--”

“You might wanna zip yourself up first,” Louise cut her nemesis off. She turned back to the grill to flip the burgers.

Logan looked down. He was all the more fuming that his adversary was getting ample humor out of his embarrassment. “Shut up,” Logan ordered weakly.

“So, do you want the damn burgers or not?” she asked. “Cause, I already got them on the grill.”

“Yeah!” Scotty shouted. Logan glowered at his friend and pulled out his wallet.

“Okay, cough it up, Bush,” the pint-sized Belcher slid over to the other side of the food truck and stood on her tiptoes to reach down through the service window. Logan dug through his wallet and produced some cash. “Double,” Louise said, as if lecturing a child.

“Fuck, no!” Logan said.

“Inconvenience fee,” Louise reminded.

Logan took out a few more bills and begrudgingly placed them in Louise’s outstretched hand, “You’re lucky I don’t yank you out of that damn truck.”

“Yeah, well that costs extra.” Louise rolled her eyes. Logan gave her an amused grin. “Cute,” she responded at his facial expression.

That killed his grin.

As Louise finished grilling up the burgers, she listened to a drunk Logan yell at an obliterated Scotty to “not call her” and “remember why you broke up with her.” Louise came back to the service window with burgers wrapped in foil. Logan was leaned up against the side of the truck like a sullen teenager. A sullen teenager with ketchup in their hair.

Louise cleared her throat and watched Logan jump at the unexpected sound. He glared at her. She smirked and passed the food down to them through the service window. 

Logan and Scotty were only a few steps down the street, already digging into their burgers when Scotty loudly accused, “You’re only acting like a jerk to get her attention. You think she’s cute.”

“Yeah, Logan, you think she’s cute,” Louise called out from behind them, only her eyes and pink bunny hat visible through the service window.

“This isn’t over, Smellcher. You better watch it.” Logan threatened. 

“It seems pretty over to me,” Louise threw back at him. “By the way, I forgot to ask if you wanted some fries with your ketchup.”

“Burn,” Scotty cackled as he pointed to his best friend.

Logan stormed off down the street, Scotty following behind him laughing and claiming he was sorry. 

Seeing Logan seething like that put a huge smile on her face. She felt like a mischievous kid again.


	2. Chapter Two: "Green With Endives" Burger

Chapter Two: "Green with Endives" Burger:

That hovel across the street that Belcher ran, it didn't deserve to be called a restaurant. As far as Pesto was concerned, there hadn't been a restaurant on Ocean Avenue until Pesto's Pizzeria had come along.

Pesto, freshly divorced with a whiny four year old and two lousier newborn twins, had taken the money he'd snatched up out from under his ex-wife and opened a pizza place. It would show her what she missed out on. A rich and successful husband. Nice things. A comfortable life. It would serve her right for not letting go of his minor indiscretions. It wasn't cheating if you paid money for it. Fuck her. She was a prude, anyway.

With things this way, he would make sure his sons were raised the right way. Raised to be men.

Pesto hated Bob Belcher from the moment he first laid eyes on him. The family had come out of the side door by their restaurant. A child the age of his oldest son trailing after Belcher. He held another child in his arms and tried to unlock the front door to his restaurant. Behind him, a woman came out of the side door with a baby in a carrier strapped to her torso. Pesto came outside and made a show of observing this family, huffing audibly. Arms crossed to show this was his territory. This caught the woman's attention and she made as if to cross the street.

"Uh, a little help, Lin."

"Oh, c'mon, Bobby, I'm just gonna say 'hi' to the new neighbor. A little friendly chat. A chit-chat. It'll be fine."

"Oh my God," Bob muttered to himself as he finally opened the door and ushered the two older children inside with them.

Pesto stared the woman up and down, getting as good a view as he could with the baby carrier in the way. He'd seen better, but she was still too good looking for the chubby guy with the too long hair and the weird mustache.

Pesto made the most non-committal attempt at conversation he possibly could before slithering off into his pizzeria. He has staff interviews today. He was going to be swamped. A neighborly conversation? He just didn't have the time, he'd claimed.

* * *

A few weeks after Jimmy Pesto's Pizzeria had opened, there were people lined down the block just to get through the door. Bob came into the living room after tucking Tina and Gene into bed. The two sharing a room, refusing to be separated. Two year old Gene proclaiming up and down that, "Belchers 'tick together."

Bob gazed at Linda with a softness in his eyes as Linda sat on the couch breastfeeding their newborn. "What are you looking at, Bobby? Put your eyes back in your head, Peeky Pete." Bob only chuckled at this and shifted his gaze from admiring his wife to looking out the living room window.

"I don't like that Jimmy Pesto. He seems rude. And he keeps coming over to our restaurant sticking his nose where it doesn't belong," Linda said.

"He's annoying," Bob agreed. "Okay, maybe a little more than annoying."

"He needs to learn to mind his manners and his business."

"He'll stop bothering us eventually, Lin. He's got his own restaurant to worry about."

* * *

By the time their youngest was five, Bob realized how wrong he was about Jimmy Pesto getting out of his slowly thinning hair. The only good thing between the Pestos and Belchers was the appearance that their children got along. An example, Linda harped, that Bob and Jimmy could have done better to follow.

Tina would watch the oldest son, Jimmy Pesto Jr., through the window of the restaurant for hours. Jimmy Jr. would make faces back at her through the window, but Tina would just pace through the restaurant, groaning nervously whenever Jimmy Jr. looked back at her for too long. Gone were the days where Tina would chase him across the street and play tag. Nine-year-old Tina knew what a crush was and she knew when she had one.

Seven-year-old Gene might not have cared about crushes, but he knew his sisters groaning, knew how to mimic it, and knew it got on his father's nerves. "Music to my ears!" Gene would comment before pacing behind his sister and taking on the same sound quality.

"Stop!" Bob said, but was only met with louder groaning from his son. Bob quickly regretted letting the children come down to the restaurant and lend a helping hand. A regret that was unfair to register, because he didn't have much choice in the matter. Linda staying upstairs to watch the kids was too difficult when Bob needed help downstairs. And affording a baby sitter was light years out of the Belcher's budget. Linda had once suggested her sister could watch the kids, Bob could barely deal with three children, he didn't need to be responsible for a fourth he'd said.

"Chicken!" the youngest child accused from the back booth where she had previously sat coloring. "Chicken! You'll never talk to him, 'cause you're too chicken!" The name calling only further disenfranchised Tina, and the groaning grew louder. Bob tried to simultaneously be grateful for the momentary lack of customers and remind himself that his childrens' behavior was only a phase, not realizing that these moments were a precursor for the future.

* * *

Maybe the Pesto and Belcher children got along a little too well.

Louise sat on the curb in front of her father's restaurant watching Andy and Ollie play across the street. Louise realized from an early age how gullible other people were and how gullible people were more easily manipulated. She also realized how bored she was when Tina and Gene were at school. Preschool meant getting out of class hours before her siblings and little Louise didn't handle boredom easily.

Andy and Ollie were trying to stuff their feet into one another's shoes while Ollie had his shoes off and Andy had his shoes still on. Louise crossed the street and stood in front of the strange twins.

"I like your hat!" Andy shouted at Louise.

"I'm Andy's hat!" Ollie shouted, putting a hand on his brother's head.

"Wanna play a game?" Louise asked.

"Only if Ollie is playing!"

"Only if Andy is playing!" The twins' voices overlapped.

That was the moment Louise Belcher devised her first successful prank. The band of five-year-olds snuck into Pesto's restaurant and behind the bar. They grabbed a box of straws and fist fulls of paper towels, stuffing them under their shirts and running fast back out the door. Quietness in the mission was sacrificed for quickness at the behest of a bossy little girl.

The kids knelt down on the sidewalk with the spoils of the robbery. Louise opened the box of plastic straws and dumped them out. She began to tear off pieces of rough paper towels, roll them up and stick them into her mouth. She shot her first spitball and Andy. The twins were eager to follow the ring leaders demonstration.

"Idiots! You don't eat the paper. You blow it out of the straw!" Louise glared at the twins as one of them continued to swallow a paper towel and the other drooled through a straw.

It took a lot of work and patience, but the prankster was able to teach the twins how to form a proper spitball. Proud of herself, she pointed and Andy and Ollie launched.

When the group had almost run out of paper towels, Jimmy Pesto stepped outside to appraise his children and the neighborhood nuisance. "Go, go, go!" the nuisance shouted. All three launched a deluge of spitballs at Jimmy.

The aftermath was a lot of yelling. Yelling between the old Pesto man and her, between the old Pesto man and her father, between her father and her. This was the first time Louise had ever gotten in trouble. Real, serious trouble. And she was in love with it.

* * *

"Bob, one of you is going to have to be the bigger person and it's not going to be Pesto," Linda lectured, as they were laying in bed, not anywhere near sleep. Bob didn't reply, but looked at his wife with a grimace, "He's jealous of you, you know."

"That's ridiculous, Lin."

"Sure it is," Linda said sarcastically

"Are you guys talking about how much Pesto sucks?" Louise shouted from the living room.

"Go to sleep," Bob instructed.

"Dad, you have to kill him," Louise shouted back.

"No one's murdering anyone," Linda said.

The door to Bob and Linda's room opened and their teenage daughter entered and plopped herself down on the bed. "Are you harassing Mom and Dad?" Gene called from somewhere deeper in the apartment.

"Yeah!" Louise shouted back.

"I'm already on my way," Gene said. Gene found his way to his parents room and sat next to his younger sister on the foot of the bed.

"This stupid rivalry has been going on for fifteen years -"

"Dad's been balding for that long?" Gene interrupted his mother.

"Thanks, Gene" Bob rolled his eyes at his son.

Pesto had performed his masterpiece that day, the only mildly clever and unprovoked retaliation he had launched against the Belchers during the fifteen years of their rivalry.

Pesto called all of the suppliers for Bob's Burgers, municipal and city service, and waste management. Everything on the Belcher's rented property was shut off. A fact would slowly dawn on Bob as the morning stretched ahead of him. The lights in the restaurant didn't come on at opening. Linda came down after him, complaining about the lack of lights and water in the apartment.

"I thought we paid the bills, Lin. There's no way we didn't pay the bills."

"Everything's been paid, Bob," Linda told him, holding up the open checkbook as proof.

Then the bread delivery didn't come that morning. Bob spent the better part of an hour on his cellphone trying to get a hold of Joel's Rolls. It didn't sink in when Joel told him Bob's "new employee" had called and canceled the morning order. Joel relaying he had been told Bob's Burgers was going to be closed for the day.

Bob felt a pit in his stomach. He was sputtering over this mysterious "new employee." Linda looked Bob in the eye and told him they were going to have to close for the day. "No power, no water. We aren't going to be able to do anything today."

Bob had agreed, after a lot of resistance and a little arguing, to close the restaurant for the day. Or at least until they were able to figure out what was going on. As they locked the door to the restaurant, Jimmy Pesto sauntered across the street, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

"What do you want, Jimmy?" Bob asked, arms crossed over his chest.

"I heard you were having a little trouble today, Bob."

Linda squinted at Jimmy with a gleam of realization, "What did you do?"

Bob's eyes widened and he looked from his wife to his rival and back. "I called in a few favors," Jimmy's smile grew. "Zoom!"

He left the Belchers standing on the sidewalk as he laughed all way back to the safety of his restaurant. Jimmy Pesto watched from his storefront window. He watched Bob and Linda Belcher through the windows in their upstairs apartment, pacing around on their cellphones trying to undo the mess he had created. Jimmy Pesto felt a spark of satisfaction stronger than all the little sparks he'd felt since meeting Bob. This was closest he had come to besting Bob Belcher. To putting him in his place.

Bob tried calling Calvin Fischoeder first. He was quickly dismissed. It was a landlords responsibility to collect rent, throw firecrackers, and incite mild acts of harassment toward his tenants. He couldn't be bothered to dabble in the games of poor people. Especially poor people who couldn't pay their rent in full, or their bills in full as current evidence suggested. Fischoder also pointed out a death certificate or termination of lease was usually presented to turn off utilities. "You're not dead, Bob. You couldn't be talking to me if you were dead," the landlord said.

When Gene and Louise had come home from Huxley High that afternoon, their parents had mostly ironed out the mess. They both looked frazzled and tired. They'd lost almost an entire day of business.

Bob opened the restaurant for the evening, hoping to make up for lost profits. Without buns, he was doubtful he could have even sold a burger. When he closed three hours later, he hadn't had a single sale.

He crawled into bed as soon as he got upstairs, joined by his wife. Eventually his children, who had no concept of personal space, invited themselves into their parents' room and into the conversation.

"When Dad kills Jimmy Pesto -"

"No one is killing anyone, Louise," Bob rehashed his wife's last statement.

"We'll see about that," Louise muttered.

"Oh my God," Bob muttered, rolling over on his side.

"Jimmy Pesto brings out the worst in you, Bobby," Linda said, sitting up and putting on her glasses.

"No, he doesn't," Bob denied.

"The Super Bowl commercial, that time he tried to sell his own burger -" Linda listed.

"I'm sleeping on the couch," he threatened.

"We could always send Gene to clog Pesto's toilet again," Louise offered.

"Don't send a boy to do a man's job," Gene countered, "Gene Belcher, reporting for doody."

"You're all terrible," Bob grunted, motioning for his kids to leave the room.

"Gene. Meeting," Louise ordered, directing her brother to the living room.

"I can't go to a meeting wearing this," Gene scanned a hand from chest downward, gesturing at his pajamas. He followed his sister anyway.

* * *

Louise declared something drastic had to be done to get back at Pesto. Gene was more than willing to be roped into his younger sister's nefarious plots, and this was no exception. The plan the siblings agreed on was a little low-tier for Louise's tastes. It didn't involve bodily harm or emotional scarring, but it did involve deep personal humiliation. Louise was willing to settle.

Execution was in hitting Jimmy Pesto where it hurt: His utter and consuming sense of insecurity.

The two youngest Belcher's graced the sidewalk in front of Jimmy Pesto's Pizzeria armed with papers, tape, and super glue. As the two teenagers were lining the windows with printed papers. They both felt a twinge of emptiness without Tina's presence in the midst of their shenanigans.

The groaning girl was away at her first semester of college and every time Louise commissioned a prank, she began to miss the white noise of her sister's groaning. The constant nagging to "do the right thing." She missed it more and more with every Tina-less transgression she committed.

* * *

Gene and Louise had already opened the restaurant, when their parents came down to start the day. This prompted a snide comment from their father about how rare it was for the laziest two-thirds of his children to have done something so self-motivated, "I would say I could get used to this, but you're my children, so I won't."

"It's always me, me, me. You only ever take us for granted," Gene said.

"Looks like Pesto is trying out some new decorations. That's nice. Changing it up a little," Linda hummed as she fixed herself a cup of coffee and stared through the storefront window.

"Wait for it," Louise said.

_It_ happened moments later as Gene and Louise were refilling salt and pepper shakers.

Pesto was outside of his storefront, red faced and throwing an adult temper tantrum. He stomped in frustration, trying to rip papers off of the large glass windows. On one pane, the papers faced into Pesto's restaurant, not viewable from the street. On the other pane the papers were pasted in the opposite direction: outward and visible to passersby. Pesto had confetti sized scraps of the papers in his hand as he marched toward the Belcher residence.

"Where did you get these, Bob?" Jimmy Pesto demanded as he barged into Bob's Burgers. His shouting eclipsed the sound of the bell ringing above the door.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Jimmy," Bob didn't look up or through the service window at Jimmy, as he continued to chop vegetables for prep, nor did he make a move to leave the kitchen. Gene and Louise shared a glance at the fallout in front of them. Louise was almost sorry her mother was going to miss the showdown while she was doing inventory in the walk-in.

On second thought, maybe it was better that Linda wasn't involved in this confrontation. It was Bob's battle to fight. It was just his children that placed more wood under the fire.

Jimmy Pesto screamed in pure rage at Bob Belcher. Insults and accusations abound. Where did Bob get all of the terrible online reviews for his pizzeria? The health inspector results that almost got him shut down last month? Personal invoices from vendors that sold him the low grade slop he served? And how in the hell had Bob gotten the statements and rumors other frequenters of the "Desire Dungeon" has voiced about Jimmy Pesto in their "legitimate" newsletter/gossip column?

"...your wife is going to leave you and your fucking freaky-ass children are all going to end up on the street or pissing themselves in halfway houses," Jimmy predicted, putting finality to his tirade.

Bob stopped vegetable prep and looked Jimmy Pesto through the service window. Bob looked him square in the eye, "Why are you so jealous, Jimmy?"

Pesto's face grew a deeper, angrier red. "Jealous?" Pesto's voice cracked in rage at the insinuation that he was jealous of Bob Belcher.

"You've been harassing me since you opened your restaurant, Jimmy. It's not my problem that you are too embarrassed to accept your kids for who they are. It's not my problem that your wife left you, and mine won't leave me." Bob didn't move out of the kitchen. He wanted Jimmy Pesto to know he wasn't worth the effort.

Jimmy Pesto took his arm and cleared the counter, knocking all the condiment bottles, napkin dispensers, and salt shakers to the ground as he stormed toward the door. Pesto turned around before reaching the door, opening his mouth about to spout off another threat. Bob beat him to it, "Zoom!"

Jimmy Pesto was out the door before Bob could even take a deep breath. Bob stopped holding it together the moment the door closed behind Jimmy. Bob retreated a little further into the kitchen and sucked in ragged breaths like he was coming off a panic attack. Gene and Louise got up from the booth they had been sitting in, salt and pepper long forgotten in the wake of the scene that had played out before them. They walked toward the kitchen. Linda sped up the stairs from the walk in, "I heard a thud and yelling. What happened?" She laid eyes on her husband, "Bobby, are you all right?" Linda moved toward Bob and put a hand on his back. Bob slowly recovered his breath.

"Did you do this?" Bob asked his children, already knowing the answer.

"I could have done better, but I was pressed for time." Louise waved off the question.

Most of it had been easy. Gene had scoured the internet for the worst possible reviews he could find on Pesto's place. Louise made some phone calls. Marshmallow was more than happy to enlist the help of Marbles and some other friends to dig up all the shameful dirt on "Baby Num-Num."

The horrible health inspection results were a little more difficult to come by. Louise had to pretend to cry and grovel a little bit, but Ron eventually gave in and "knew nothing about" what he may or may not have emailed to an email account Louise had given him. Whether Ron helped the Belcher offspring because he had a soft spot for them or felt bad for years of Hugo pettily tormenting their parents, was unclear. Louise didn't really care about the reasons, so long she got her results.

Eavesdropping on her parents and their friends as a child proved to be a valuable way to gain leverage in her teenage years. It had provided her with connections like Marshmallow and Ron.

"Speak for yourself. I was perfect," Gene volleyed back at his sister.

"So, does this make up for every horrible thing I've ever done or what?" Louise asked.

Despite the heart attack he thought he was having during the altercation, Bob Belcher had won. He just hadn't seen it in the moment.

The next morning, Bob felt a surge of inspiration. He felt like there had been a weight lifted. After opening the restaurant, he went to his chalkboard and wrote "Green with Endives" under "Burger of the Day."

Teddy told him later it may have been one of the best burgers he'd ever made.

"I'm proud of you, Bobby," Linda said.

Bob Belcher loved his family.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: One of the many flashback chapters that seem to take up the first half of this FanFiction. I wrote this chapter for two reasons. One, it further illustrates the family dynamic of the Belchers and makes them feel more grounded and in character. Two, I have always wanted to see Bob stand up to Jimmy, so I wrote it.


	3. Chapter 3: "Don't Come Around Here No Mozzarella" Burger:

Chapter Three: "Don't Come Around Here No Mozzarella" Burger:

For most of Tina Belcher's life she was awkward and unlucky in love - and everything else. Tina fell in love with almost every boy she laid eyes on. Most of those only lasted for a few days, but Jimmy Pesto Jr. was different. Tina had always circled back to Jimmy Jr.

He may have treated her poorly, but he was just as guilty of circling back to her, too. They were always in a mixed up, confused state of "to be continued." And Tina was willing to wait as long as it took for the series finale to air.

By the time Gene had started high school, both of Tina's siblings began to detest Jimmy Jr. The oldest Pesto kid was never a knight in shining armor, but he killed chivalry completely dead with the "Angela Incident."

"Ya know, there is such a thing as making yourself too available," Linda lectured Tina at dinner one night during the beginning of Tina's senior year.

"I'm not making myself too available, Mom," Tina argued moving food around on her plate. Gene opened his mouth to give his two cents, but Bob shot a glance at him glance that warned him to stay quiet.

"No, you're just Jimmy Jr. 's doormat," Louise said.

"Shut up, Louise," Tina dropped her fork onto her plate.

"Maybe when you stop crying at night and I can get some damn sleep, I'll shut up then. The walls are pretty thin, T," Louise said.

"You're a real jerk, you know that!?" Tina shouted at her little sister as she ran out of the kitchen.

"Do something about this, Bob," Linda gestured to Louise, before she ran after her oldest child.

"You shouldn't talk to your sister like that," Bob started.

"Someone should be telling her the truth, Dad. Jimmy Jr.'s an asshole. He's been treating her like shit since middle school. She deserves better. It's not my fault she's too stupid to listen."

"Your sister's not stupid," Bob said.

"So, is she gonna eat that or not?" Gene asked, pointing to Tina's abandoned plate.

"Why are you and Mom not doing anything to help, then? Am I the only one who cares?" Louise asked.

"I care, too," Gene said, although his discomfort was plastered all over his face.

"Your Mom and I care, Louise, but there are some things that you guys will need to figure out for yourselves."

"Like the Bermuda Triangle or which applesauce is the good kind," Gene said.

"Gene, please," Bob squeezed the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "I'm going to check on your sister. You two are doing dishes." Bob's voice didn't carry much authority, but Gene and Louise complied.

Bob walked into Tina's room as his daughter relayed the latest tale of disappointment, "Jimmy Jr, dumped me so he could go out with Angela," Tina mumbled into her pillow.

"Angela, your little friend from the Hormon-iums, Angela?" Linda asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. She patted Tina's hair.

"He said she has a good singing voice. A voice he could dance to," Tina muttered into her pillow as the sobs began again. "I hope Jimmy Jr. gets mono."

"Tina, you can do better than Jimmy Jr.," Bob told her, trying for a supportive tone, but coming up short. "Also, that's not how mono works."

"My Teeny Tina," Linda cooed, still sitting on the edge of the bed, as Tina worked her way through a fresh tirade of sobs. Bob sat down next to Linda, put his hands together, and stared at the floor. He wasn't sure how to handle this situation, but right now this was the only way he knew how to be there for his daughter.

* * *

By the beginning of October, Jimmy Jr. and Angela had broken up and he and Tina were talking again. Whether it was because Jimmy Jr. missed Tina or because he needed to make peace for Zeke's sake, Tina wasn't sure. She wasn't sure she cared, either. If it meant Jimmy Jr. was back in her life again, that was good enough for her.

Bob's Burgers had begun to gain some traction through word of mouth. No thanks to Bob Belcher's inconsistent and poor attempts at advertising. Bob's Burgers began to do well enough that Bob and Linda decided hiring help was quickly proving necessary. Especially with Tina going off to college in the spring, Gene becoming more involved with his music, and Louise serving stint after stint in after-school detention.

Bob posted a "Help Wanted" sign in the window. He had the kids post flyers at Wonder Wharf and begged them to mention the opening to their classmates. A few days later, Zeke wandered into the restaurant and asked about the job. He was looking for something to earn money. With his current grades he didn't see himself getting into college the following year. He wasn't sure he even wanted to go. With the history Bob and Zeke had in the Wagstaff Home-Ec class, Bob was already familiar with the young man sitting in front of him. Bob hired Zeke on the spot and said it was because of his talent. Bob knew it also may have had to do with him being more desperate for an employee than he wanted to admit.

Tina hadn't exactly warmed up to Zeke, but she'd begun to see him as less of a threat to her spending time with Jimmy Jr. Occasionally Tina and Zeke could be seen walking to classes in the same direction. On even more rare occasions Tina and Zeke could be found talking to each other at a party. Parties usually hosted by Tammy and usually when Tina and Jimmy Jr. were on good terms.

When Tina found out her dad had hired Zeke while things with her and Jimmy were more cold than hot, she was less than thrilled. Tina decided she would use it to her advantage. She would talk to Zeke and keep tabs on Jimmy Jr. In Tina's mind, it was far better than some of the things Jimmy Jr. had done to her.

Tina didn't calculate the logistics of how strained Jimmy Jr. and Zeke's relationship had become. Tina assumed it was due to Zeke taking the job at her family's restaurant or Zeke spending most of his senior year dedicated to the varsity wrestling team, rather than time spent with his friends. The Pestos were a petty breed, after all.

All the keeping tabs Tina did, paid off. She and Jimmy Jr. were together again, going on hayrides together and going to parties. But the more time Tina was spending with Jimmy Jr., the more time Zeke spent trying to get closer to Tina. Working the same shifts she was working. Requesting the same hours off that she had off. The trench between Jimmy Jr. and Zeke only seemed to be growing deeper and Zeke's interest in Tina only seemed to grow stronger.

The pattern was too consistent to not raise suspicions. The only one who seemed remotely oblivious was the blissful, Jimmy Pesto Jr. obsessed Tina.

* * *

Jimmy Jr., true to character, broke up with Tina again right after the Belcher Thanksgiving dinner.

Bob had cooked up a beautiful spread while his family made themselves scarce.

Linda and the kids had adopted the unspoken rule of no one in the kitchen while Bob made holiday dinners. After so many years of burnt turkeys, toilet turkeys, and that one horrible Thanksgiving at Fischoder's, Bob had become impossible to deal with before the food was on the table.

Linda had taken the car to pick up Gayle, who undoubtedly would need several hours to get ready by mentally preparing to part herself from Mr. Business II.

The kids were "deep cleaning the restaurant" when Zeke came in to join them. Linda had invited Zeke over when he mentioned Thanksgiving in his household consisted of drinking beer, watching NASCAR, and maybe ordering a pizza if his dad and step-mom hadn't taken holiday activities to the bedroom. His little brother always seemed to find himself on a hunting trip with buddies from school, leaving Zeke in limbo.

"What kinda Thanksgiving is that?" Linda asked, when Zeke admitted to not having had a turkey dinner since he was in the single digits. Zeke has shrugged, not seeming particularly upset with how holidays in his household worked.

While hanging out in the restaurant, the kids saw Teddy knocking on the door to the apartment. Teddy disappeared quickly out of the cold and snow.

"That there's a brave man," Zeke said.

"Or a really stupid one," Louise corrected.

"Dad got Riverbrooke Lake Farms Turkey this year," Tina said. "Good for Teddy for being allowed in the kitchen with one of those."

"Last time we had a River-Blah-Bella Turkey, Mom and Dad almost got divorced," Gene said. "If they divorce this time, I'm moving in with Mom."

"I call Dad," Louise said, "Gene, you can have Tina."

"Deal," Gene said.

"Damn it," Tina mellowed. "I wanted to switch every other weekend."

In the quiet of the restaurant, they could hear Bob yelling upstairs in the apartment and Teddy frantically shouting back.

As they were sitting in the restaurant listening to the muffled altercation, a teenage girl with a tangle of blonde hair walked slowly past the storefront. The blonde girl turned and looked toward the opposite side of the street. Louise dropped to the floor and behind the counter as fast as she could manage .

The blonde shifted her gaze back to the Belchers' restaurant and pressed her face to the window. "Lou-Ease, I know you're in there," Millie Frock's coo was muffled by the glass. Millie stayed with her face pressed to the store front for several minutes until the others half-heartedly convinced Millie that Louise was not present.

"I'll be back, Louie Lou," Millie sing-songed before removing her face from the glass and skipping back down Ocean Avenue.

Louise sat behind the counter and refused to move from her spot until Linda called the phone to the restaurant.

"Has our father returned?" Gene asked.

"Your father is back to normal. At least for now," Linda confirmed over the phone.

The Belcher kids felt no need to inform Zeke of how unique their family was. Or all the strange nuances the day would bring. Including, but not limited to: Teddy's desire to be overly helpful with everything, Aunt Gayle calling her own apartment every thirty minutes so her cats would "know she was thinking about them," and instead of a prayer before dinner, Linda would sing one her original Thanksgiving songs after a little too much wine.

"I wish my folks did Thanksgiving like this," Zeke said to Bob.

When dinner was finished, Teddy _insisted_ on helping Bob clear the table, Bob _insisted_ on Linda taking Gayle home before the snow got bad, and Louise _insisted_ that the restaurant had to be checked on again and therefore they couldn't assist in post dinner clean up.

The kids sat in the restaurant until a tangle of frizzy blonde hair bobbled by again.

"Motherfucker!" the youngest Belcher shouted as she dropped out of the booth and slid across the floor into the kitchen.

It was too late, Louise had been spotted. The bell above the door rang as an uninvited Millie Frock entered the restaurant.

"When I say Lou, you say Ease," the blonde sang out.

"Fuck off, Millie," Louise shouted from the kitchen. The backdoor slammed shut and Louise took off down the back alley. Millie Frock tore past the counter, through the kitchen, and out the door in pursuit.

"Should we call the police?" Tina mused aloud.

"Nah, she's probably fine," Gene said.

A knock came on the glass of the storefront. Jimmy Jr. stood outside of Bob's Burgers bundled up in a puffy, unflattering coat. Tina and Zeke both perked up at the sight of him. Jimmy Jr. pointed at Tina and motioned for her to come outside. She complied quickly.

Gene and Zeke watched the scene unfold in front of them, as Tina's face fell and Jimmy Jr. started back across the street. Tina sank to the curb.

Zeke shot Gene a nervous glance as he wormed his way out of the booth. "Maybe I should check on 'er."

The door to the restaurant opened and Zeke sat down next to a sobbing Tina.

"Go away."

Zeke stayed put, "Ya okay, T-Bird?"

"D-did you know he was g-gonna do this?" Tina strained through choking breaths.

"Swear on my step-momma, I didn't."

Tina threw a loose handful of snow in Zeke's face. "Go away, Zeke," she repeated. Zeke's face fell as he got up and left Tina sitting where she was.

The back door to the kitchen flew open again and slammed shut. The lock clicked. Louise, breathing hard, collapsed back into the booth beside her brother. "I think I lost her." Louise looked around, "Where is everybody?"

"About that…," Gene pointed out the window, the top of Tina's head visible, just above the window sill. Gene and Louise got up and sat outside with their sister. They stayed like that until Linda drove back up Ocean Avenue and made her kids come inside from the snow.

* * *

It was Valentine's Day. Tina and Jimmy Jr. had not talked since Thanksgiving and did their best to avoid each other inside and outside of school. Tina avoided Zeke for a while too, declaring him guilty by association.

Tina stopped freezing Zeke out when she realized she couldn't blame him, but she didn't have to like him, either.

Bob thought it was all very unnecessary on Tina's part and made a point of telling her as much and telling her often.

As Zeke had finished his shift, Linda spotted him walking toward the Petalphile Flower Shop just after punching out.

At closing, Gene and Louise were flicking folded napkins at each other through the service window, Gene in the kitchen and Louise sitting at the counter.

"Stop it," Bob groaned while wiping down the counter.

"Dad, what would it be like if you had children that actually listened to you?" Louise asked, flicking another napkin.

"What children? I disowned them all," Bob replied.

Tina opened the door to the alley and took a bag of trash with her. Linda sat at the booth refilling napkin dispensers, "Kids, listen to your father."

"Make me, Mother!" Gene said as he shot a napkin back to Louise.

As Tina came in through the back, she returned with a generous bouquet of red roses in her arms.

"Ooh, pretty," Linda craned her neck to look up at the flowers.

"Where did you get those?" Bob asked.

"They were by the back door," Tina replied.

"They're obviously from one of my secret admirers, so hand them over," Gene demanded.

"They're for me," Tina pointed to the tag. She was quiet for a minute. "Do you think they're from Jimmy Jr.?"

"Yeah, sure. He's just playing really, really hard to get, T," Louise said, tone dripping with condescension.

Linda grimaced to herself. For as much as she loved her oldest daughter, she didn't understand how she could be so willfully blind.

* * *

Bob and Linda were down in the walk-in doing inventory when Zeke invited the Belcher kids to the party at his trailer court. His dad, step-mom, and little brother were out of town for his cousin Leslie's wedding. Zeke continued throughout the day to emphasize that he had the place to himself.

"Tina, you graduate in two days. You have to go," Louise said in a thinly veiled bid to take part in alcohol and tomfoolery. Tina and Louise were putting away dishes while Zeke was cleaning the grill.

"Uh…," Tina groaned.

If Zeke was there, that meant Jimmy Jr. would be there, which meant that Tammy and Jocelyn would be there, which meant…

"You're gonna be there, girl!" Zeke told Tina. Clearly no one understood why Tina couldn't go. That this party meant she would have to be in a place with people she had spent the better part of the school year avoiding. Tina's groaning grew louder.

"You broke our sister," Gene said from his spot at the register.

* * *

A few nights later, after Bob and Linda went to sleep, Gene and Louise regrouped in Tina's room already dressed to go out.

"Get up, T," Louise threw a stuffed horse at her sister. Tina stiffened like a log and stayed in bed. Gene and Louise both pulled her until Tina tumbled to the floor.

"I'm not going," Tina said, glaring up at her siblings.

"You're going and you'll like it," Gene told her.

Louise threw some clothes at her sister, leaving no room for argument. Alex Papasian was on his way to pick the Belcher siblings up, she'd been told. Tina groaned quietly as she put the outfit on.

"We had to sit through your frickin' graduation today. You owe us this," Louise whispered.

The emergency phone lit up with a text, "He's here," Gene confirmed.

Gene and Louise pulled their older sister up off the floor and manhandled her down the stairs and out the door. Alex was parked out front with the lights of his car turned off. The Belchers slid into the back seat. Louise rearranged her baggy shirt and the sound of clinking could be heard underneath.

"You stole wine from Mom and Dad?" Tina's eyes widened.

"Believe me, they aren't going to notice," Louise said as Alex drove the car down the street.

"That's really bad, Louise," Tina said.

"I've done worse," Louise shrugged. "Plus, going to this party means you get to stare at Jimmy Jr.'s butt one last time."

"And you haven't even bothered to thank us," Gene said.

Tina sunk lower into her seat and stayed that way for the rest of the drive. The only sure way her siblings knew she was awake was the groaning she'd that continuously emitted during the drive.

Alex parked directly on Zeke's lawn, next to Tammy's shiny car. It stuck out like a sore thumb in the middle of the trailer court, and so did Tammy with her over exaggerated laugh. Tammy had a plastic cup in her hand and she was standing outside of the front door, Jocelyn faithfully by her side.

"This is way more dead than I thought it would be. Where is everybody?" Louise asked.

Tina was still slumped over in her seat. Louise, opened the door and forced Tina out as best she could with her feet on Tina's back. Louise still cradling the wine bottles under her top. Tina held onto the door frame and Louise kept pushing until both her and her sister tumbled out of the car ungracefully.

Gene strolled up to the front door with a shy Alex in tow. Gene uttered some throw away line about how the party could officially get started now that he had arrived.

Zeke and Jimmy Jr were wrestling on the other side of the lawn. When Zeke spotted Gene he ran right for him, tackling him to the ground, "It's the Gene-Jeanie," Zeke shouted.

"Great, Tina's here," Tammy rolled her eyes.

"Ew, eighth grader," Jocelyn said staring down at the pint-sized Belcher.

"Ew, airhead," Louise threw at Jocelyn, walking past the high schoolers and making her way into the kitchen with her pilfered wine bottles.

"T-Bird, get yiur ass over here, girl," Zeke shouted from across the lawn as he stood back up. Gene was still doubled over from the tackle as a nervous Alex helped to pull Gene back onto his feet.

Tina moved across the lawn, making a point of not looking at anyone. She'd had a feeling Louise was going to abandon her, exactly like she had at this moment. Tina was slightly disappointed in herself for hoping that her younger sister would double back around.

"Heh, some party, huh?" Tina tried to sound normal, but her vocals betrayed her and her voice cracked.

Jimmy Jr. glanced briefly in Tina's direction then scuttled inside. Tina reached for the keg on the lawn a few inches away from her and filled a plastic cup. She grimaced before taking a sip, thankful to have something to occupy her hands.

Tammy narrowed her eyes at Tina, Tina avoided Tammy's gaze. She felt her shoulders hunch up around her neck.

Tina looked around for an ally somewhere in the trenches. Zeke had his back to Tina, filling his own cup from the keg. Alex and Gene were sitting on the hood of Alex's car, a beer in Gene's hand. The two were sitting close to one another.

Louise came out of the house with the full wine bottle in her hand, complaining about how hard it had been to find a corkscrew. She sidled up next to Tina and Zeke and took a drink straight from the bottle.

"So, Zeke," Louise began a bit acrid, "did you think to invite _anyone_ else?"

"Nope, I just invited all my friends," Zeke said, chasing his words with a sip of beer.

"So all of your friends are _friends_? Like, friends with _each other_?" Louise asked, the implication in her voice clear. To Zeke's credit, his eyes widened a little when he registered the real meaning of her words.

"I'm sorry, T-Bird," was all Zeke managed to mumble before moving away from the Belcher girls. Louise stuck by Tina's side for the rest of the night, wearing her ugliest glare as a weapon against anything Tammy might dream up. Tina guzzled cup after cup of gross, warm beer to keep herself occupied on something other than the hostile atmosphere.

"Maybe you wanna slow down, T? That's like your fourth one," the younger suggested to the older.

"Shut it, Louise. I wouldn't even be here right now if you hadn't pushed me into coming."

"I didn't know this party was gonna suck so frickin' much, okay? And I didn't know it was just going to be _them_ here."

"Don't say that so loud. You might hurt Zeke's feelings."

"Since when have you paid enough attention to Zeke to care about his feelings?" Louise asked her sister defensively.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Feelings literally make me sick, but stupidity makes me sick, too," Louise mumbled into her bottle of wine. Tina didn't have a comeback. She didn't really know how to begin to decipher what her sister meant, either. Plus, things were starting to get a little fuzzy around the edges.

Louise convinced Tina to stop after her fifth beer. Personally, Louise thought someone should congratulate her. She was being the reasonable one, and it should never have to come to Louise Belcher being responsible or reasonable.

Tammy and Jocelyn drove away in Tammy's shiny car, in rapid succession to Tammy announcing what a "snore-gasm" Zeke's party was. They had a flight to catch in the morning, Tammy said. Something about their senior trip to Miami.

Tina made an off hand comment about how Tammy leaving meant she could find Jimmy Jr. and make up with him. Tammy was gone, so Tammy couldn't make fun of her if she wasn't there.

Tina could feel it in her fuzzy heart and with all her poor judgement, that this was the best plan she had all year. Louise glared at her older sister violently as soon as she spoke these thoughts into existence. The hour kept dragging on and Tina kept rehashing her plan out loud to her sister. But she wasn't acting on it.

Alex and Gene had remained self-contained in their own world as hood ornaments, for as long as they could tolerate. "I'm ready to go," Alex announced.

"Yeah, I wanna go home and watch _Sister Act_ , pants not required," Gene said.

"Are you coming home with us, or are you going to stay and try to 'make up with Jimmy Jr.?' " Louise asked Tina. "Make up with Jimmy Jr." was intoned the most unflattering imitation of her sister's voice that Louise could manage.

"I'm staying here." Tina said

"Maybe reconsider?" Louise said. Her words were a little more delicate this time.

"I'm staying here." Tina repeated.

"It's your funeral," Louise said. She turned around, tucked her pink hat deeper into her jeans pocket, and got in Alex's car.

* * *

Louise was downstairs bright and early. On her first day of summer vacation. In the restaurant at the opening. With her parents. While Gene got to sleep in as late as he wanted.

It was her punishment for all the fracas she caused during her last week at Wagstaff. Or so she was told. It might have been her "eighth grade prank" or the cumulative amount of time she spent in detention this past school year.

If Louise was a Betting Belcher, the prank was the most likely answer. It was the most proper parting gift to the administration of Wagstaff she could muster.

Louise commissioned Tina, months prior, to write an Erotic Friend Fiction saga detailing the forbidden love between Mr. Ambrose and Mr. Frond. Louise made several copies of this story for public distribution. Tina had given her permission, so long as her name was not brought into the fold. Louise may also have taken extra care to highlight the most shocking and vulgar scenes on each reprint of her sister's modern day classic, then deposited these copies in the teacher's lounge as she snuck in to claim her favored "I Hate Mondays" coffee mug. Classic.

Bob and Linda had been so intent on disciplining Louise, they failed to notice one of their progeny was missing.

Louise might have been pissed at Tina, but she wasn't a snitch. If Bob and Linda didn't notice she was gone, that was their own fault.

Zeke rolled in for the afternoon shift tired, bleary-eyed, and overtly hungover. Louise had been waiting for Tina to take the afternoon shift for over an hour by the time Zeke rolled in. When he got there, Louise demanded to know what the deal was.

"It's not any of yuir business, Hot Rod," Zeke told her when Louise asked about the party.

Louise told her parents she was taking a break. She marched upstairs, ready to unleash her fury on her sister.

Louise stormed into Tina's room to find her sister in bed, hair wet from a shower, and turned in towards the wall. "What the fuck, T? It's the middle of the afternoon."

"I don't feel good," was all Louise got out of her sister.

"No, you're just hungover."

Louise could have kept standing there and fighting, she could have coaxed her sister out of bed, but she turned around and went back down to the restaurant to take what was supposed to be Tina's shift. She couldn't say she felt guilty, but she couldn't deny partial responsibility for her sister's downfall.

The next day Louise felt no such reservations about bursting her sister's bubble. Tina wasn't stuck in bed hungover today, but she made it a point not to leave the apartment. She also made it a point not to show up for her shift again.

"What's wrong with you?" Louise demanded following her sister into her bedroom.

"Go away, Louise."

"That's all you ever do anymore, T. You whine and cry and yell at everyone to go away," Louise was loud. Loud enough she wondered if she could be heard downstairs.

Tina said nothing.

"T, if you don't tell me what's going on, I'll just read about it in your diary," Louise threatened. "Or I'll _make_ Zeke tell me what's going on, because both of you are acting super fucking weird."

The back half of Louise's threat got Tina's attention, "I woke up next to Zeke the other day and I was so confused, because I don't hate him, even though I pretend to hate him. And it was my first time and I think it was his, too. And he was so happy and I don't want to give him false hope, but now he isn't talking to Jimmy Jr. And Jimmy Jr. is mad. And I don't know if I care and I am afraid things are ruined for Zeke. And what if Tammy finds out?" Tina spoke fast and spoke until she was out of breath. She sunk down to the floor beside her bed and began groaning.

It took Louise a few seconds to process the fast, singular confession as it poured out of Tina's mouth in a stream of jumbled words. Louise sank down next to her groaning sister.

"Oh," was all she could manage to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Honestly, throughout this entire story I worry about how well I was able to write Tina. She was the most challenging character for me to write, aside from Logan. I really don't feel like I did Tina justice.


	4. Chapter 4: "As Gouda As It Gets" Burger

Chapter Four: “As Gouda As It Gets” Burger:

Bob’s Burgers 2.0 was parked in the back alley behind its namesake. Louise took down her dry erase board and scrawled the “Burger of the Day” down quickly, so she could begin prep. When she placed the dry erase board back on the hook, she made awkward eye contact with Mr. Huggins, who was waving at her from his window a few stories up. Louise waved back.

“What’s the name of tonight's burger?” Mr. Huggins shouted down to Louise.

“Cheese Pervert in Paradise,” Louise shouted back.

“That’s funny,” Mr. Huggins chuckled, “What about Cheeseburger in Pervert-dise? Eh, nevermind, I like yours better.”

“You wanna buy one?” Louise asked.

“I’m having dinner with my girlfriend tonight.”

“It’s been thirteen years. Tell her you’re not getting any younger!”

“I’ll trap her one day,” Mr. Huggins quipped. “Good night, Louise.”

“Yeah, you too!” Louise shouted back. As she did this, she heard a knocking on the backdoor of the food truck. Louise reached for something on the counter then opened the door up, but kept a very visible and very threatening can of Cheese Whiz in her hand to show she meant business. Behind the open door stood Tina with a generous stack of mail in her hand, still clad in her kitchen uniform from Glencrest Yacht Club. 

“Were you talking to yourself? Because if you were, I’m not judging,” Tina said as she climbed into 2.0.

“I was talking to Mr. Huggins,” Louise said.

Tina, very ungracefully, presented her sister the stack of mail, “Oh. Well, Mom wanted me to give this to you.”

“How long has Mike been holding onto these?” Louise asked, starting up a pot of coffee. Tina just shrugged.

Lately Tina had been coming earlier and earlier to get Zeke at the end of the shift. She didn’t say much about it, but with Zeke was picking up more hours at the restaurant. The Glenrest Yacht Club never seemed like it was doing as well around the holidays. With the sailing season over, the activities of the club narrowed down to private catered parties and exclusive holiday events.

Lifetime bans at Glencrest Yacht Club didn’t count when your long term boyfriend was the top chef at the club and lifetime bans didn't matter when you were under the age of eighteen and your father was having a major, pill-induced freak out in the backroom of the prestigious club. Lifetime bans also didn’t count when you worked at Glencrest Yacht Club and are able to get your mother into all the good events. Lifetime bans didn’t count when Tyler What’s-His-Face’s father is not president of the Yacht Club anymore. And lifetime bans simply didn’t matter when they mistook your last name for “Burper,” instead Belcher.

The prior ban from the yacht club was one of the few secrets in Tina’s life she seemed to be capable of keeping and Louise, much like her father, refused to step foot in Glencrest Yacht Club to this day. 

Tina sat on the plastic crate while Louise flipped through her stack of mail. Louise took four or five letters out of the pile and immediately threw them to the ground as if they had performed some great offense against her person. The rest were letters from Seymour’s Bay Community College and one with a return address from Rudy Stieblitz. Louise took her thumb and began to pry open the envelope from Rudy. She stopped when she saw Tina shuffling through her discarded letters. 

“What are you doing?!” She shouted at her sister, throwing the can of Cheese Whiz at her and narrowly missing. 

“Louise, you have so many letters. Some of these are written for the same day.” Tina said organizing the open letters. The pages were numerous and if she didn’t know better, Louise would have assumed it was a new draft of one of her sister’s self-published horror-romance serials. 

“Burn them!” Louise said, pointing to the grill. “Or better yet, don’t open my fucking mail.”

“This is so romantic,” Tina said. “A secret admirer writing you letters?”

“It’s not a secret, T. And it’s not romantic. Those are letters from Millie. Millie Frock.”

Tina was squinting behind her glasses skimming one of the letters, “It says she’s being released to Second Horizon’s Halfway House in a few weeks. She wants you to see her. Maybe you should write her back.”

“No way, T. She’s in jail. You know, prison? She stalked her ex-girlfriend and slashed her tires.” 

“Jail and prison are different things, Louise,” Tina recited in a literal tone.

“I’ll just have Mickey call in a favor to take care of her when she gets to that halfway house.”

Tina gave her sister a judgmental stare.

“What? It’s the perfect idea for one of your new books,” Louise threw up her hands, still holding Rudy’s envelope.

Tina still wore her same judgmental expression. 

“I’m not writing any letters to Millie. It’s for  _ my _ own safety. We have a history, T. One that you know I don’t want to revisit,” Louise said. 

Tina relented. 

Louise’s attention came back to Rudy’s envelope. She tore it fully open. Louise stiffened when her eyes got full view of the colorful postcard announcement. She wadded up the card into a ball. 

“What’s wrong, Louise?” Tina’s sisterly instincts kicking into overdrive.

“Fucking Rudy and Jessica. It’s a baby shower announcement and a fucking engagement announcement.” Louise slammed a coffee mug on the counter and filled her cup up from an almost done pot. 

“Louise?” Tina tried to get her little sister’s attention.

“Some friends,” Louise muttered.

In the four years Louise and her friends had been out of high school, they had all been horrible at keeping in touch. Of all her friends, she and Harley remained the closest to one another, seeing each other over summer breaks and spring breaks or going out to bars together when Harley was home from school for long weekends. Harley may have been first in line for the title of “best friend.” Andy and Ollie were around, but Louise couldn’t force herself to stomach their obnoxious energy in large or frequent doses anymore. They were too gullible and it sucked the fun out of any planned mischief as the trio got older.

Rudy and Jessica started college the fall after graduation. They’d moved to Wildwood to attend the same university and seemingly dropped off the face of the Earth.

Jessica had been a sore subject for Louise immediately following her elected disappearance. Louise invested a lot of time into Jessica and when Jessica cut her off, Louise knew she deserved better than that. No one was ever going to drop her like that again. Louise Belcher was too smart and devious and special to be treated just like any other woman, and she knew it. 

Jessica had been her closest friend outside of Rudy. Louise and Jessica just clicked. The two girls were so close, in fact, that the summer after graduation, there was a lot of tension between them. Louise never said how she felt, but if Jessica had stuck around, Louise knew they may have had the opportunity to break each others’ hearts. 

That and the few awkward drunken kisses they shared on the beach. They had both never told anybody about it. Well, Louise hadn’t, at least. Who’s to say what Jessica  _ really _ did with that information. Louise, what few deeply personal and intimate moments she’d had in her life to this point, preferred it when they remained solely hers and weren’t broadcast to the rest of the world. 

Louise might not have said anything, but her family knew and she knew that they knew. She mostly said nothing because it just easier to not talk about it. It was easier to not talk about a lot of things. But her attitude had a funny way of betraying her, so she’d did what she could to keep it in check as she’d grown older.

Louise spent a few months after that wondering where she was going to find another man or woman who could also pick locks and keep up with her the way Jessica had. Louise had seen from the first night at Linda’s forced sleep over, that real Jessica was a force to be reckoned with. She wasn’t bland and boring at all. She knew she liked that in a person: someone who could be one step ahead of her. Not that Louise would ever let someone have the chance to be one step ahead of her for very long.

Tina reached out for the crumbled card. Louise sighed and handed it to her sister. Tina studied it carefully, “Are you upset about Jessica?”

“Upset? What would I be upset about?” Louise strained her voice. 

“Because you used to like her,” Tina said plainly. Louise wanted to slap her sister around a little bit. Tina may have grown to be one of her favorite people, but her lack of filter and appraisal of social graces could test her patience at the worst times.

“I didn’t li--”

Tina cut her sister off, “A romantic heart always knows.” Tina placed her hand over her heart and returned the crumbled up announcement. Louise stuffed it in her pocket next to her ears. 

“No, it’s not that,” Louise calmed a little. 

Tina didn’t say anything, she stayed silent, letting Louise talk when she was ready.

“We’ve been friends for years,” Louise said. “I didn’t even know they were together. They didn’t say anything. And now all of a sudden here they’re having a kid and getting married? And they’re expecting us to just show up out of nowhere. I want to be happy for them, but I feel like they’re strangers now. And this stupid ‘Baby Getting Engaged Party’ is in March, like we don’t all have lives and can just be expected to show up.” 

Louise felt a little gross. There was too much talking about feelings tonight. She’d have to hose out all the emotional residue out of the food truck at the end of her shift.

“Do you remember that year Zeke and I first got together and I broke up with him for a few days when I came home from school the first time?”

“Yeah, that was the year I kept teasing you that you were gonna be the next Aunt Gayle, Tina-Zilla,” Louise broke into an untasteful smile.

Louise had officially decided around year one of Tina and Zeke, that Zeke was a permanent fixture in the Belcher family. Louise would sell Tina into marriage with him to keep it that way, too. She came to this conclusion when Zeke had taken her to a Boyz 4 Now concert when she was still in high school, respectfully let her fangirl, and then never mentioned it again. This was a man who listened, gave you the affirmation that you needed, and knew how to keep a shameful secret. Tina needed that kind of support in her life. 

Tina chose to ignore her sister's comment. “I wasn’t afraid of being with Zeke. I was afraid of change.” 

“What’s your point, T?” Louise said, taking a sip of coffee. “I’m not afraid of anything.”

Tina gave her sister another disbelieving look. “I just think you should reconsider the invitation is all,” Tina said.

Louise shook her head, “Sorry, not sorry.”

Tina rolled her eyes and asked, “Have you at least read my new book yet? Or are you gonna welch out on that too?”

“I’ll read it soon. I’ve been studying for finals. I didn’t forget.” Louise promised. A raw, unedited copy of _ A Night to Zomb-member  _ by T. R. Belcher, title subject to change, still sat as a save file on her desktop.

“It’s heartbreaking and beautiful and it’s based on an original dream I had,” Tina said. Then with her unskilled sneakiness, Tina attempted to reach for a mug and pour herself a coffee. Louise smacked her older sister on the hand. The family rule of “No Coffee for Tina” still stood since the childhood incident with the espresso machine. 

There was a knock on the back door of 2.0. “Girls, let me in. Your father said he heard yelling. He said, ‘I’m not dealing with this right now.’ ” Linda’s impression of Bob in her high pitched Jersey accent brought a smile to her daughters’ faces. 

“I dunno who you’re looking for, but were not them,” Louise said

“We are them and we’re here. In the truck. Maybe I should have said the part about the truck first,” Tina said.

“Way to go, T. You ruined the plan,” Louise muttered playfully as Linda opened the door to the truck.

“We had a plan?” Tina asked her sister incredulously. 

“What was the yelling?” Linda asked, steering back on course.

“We were bonding,” Louise said. She had no intention of mentioning the brief drama over the Millie letters. She moved over to the counter to start chopping vegetables for prep.

“Tina?” Linda looked at her eldest child.

“We were...uh...bonding,” Tina shifted her gaze toward the counter with the half prepped vegetables.

“We weren’t fighting,” Louise confirmed, “if that’s what you’re wondering.” 

The scattered letters and envelopes on the floor and the stray can of Cheese Whiz suggested otherwise, but no one was missing a limb, so Linda decided not to push the issue further.

“Gene and Alex are on their way home tonight. They’re gonna be staying with us when they get in,” Linda said, breaking out into a full smile.

“Bog Harbor is only a few towns away, do they really need to spend all weekend here? Thanksgiving’s still, like, two days away,” Louise said.

“Don’t be a sourpuss, Miss Missy. Your father and I let you stay with us,” Linda let out a little honk of a laugh. 

“That’s different. I actually live here,” Louise said pointedly.

“That’s what you think,” Linda said. She turned to Tina and said, “I’m bringing your brother with me tomorrow to that Turkey Tail Mixer. I can’t wait to introduce him to all my  _ fancy _ -schmancy friends,” Linda put an extra flair on the  _ fancy. _

“Is that actually what they call it? Turkey Tail?” Louise laughed.

“Turkey Tail, it’s fun. Festive. And speaking of fun, guess who I ran into the other night at the Yacht Club?” Linda asked.

“I’m sure you’ll tell me,” Louise said, dumping the cut vegetables into their appropriate bins.

“Cynthia and Logan Bush,” Linda said, not giving any power to her daughter’s smart-aleck tone.

“And you still willingly show up there?” Louise asked.

“We got to talking and Cynthia isn’t so bad, after a few glasses of wine, anyway,” Linda said waving it off. “That Logan was asking about you. He said he was at the food truck a few days ago.”

“Don’t remind me. The sooner I forget Logan exists, the better off I’ll be,” Louise gave a humorless laugh. Then she turned on Tina, “You work there? You’ve never seen them there before?”

“I see them all the time,” Tina said. “I thought she was his wife. I thought she just looked really mature for her age.”

“She doesn’t look all that good for her age, does she?” Linda laughed. “And what does it matter? You never go in there anyway,” Linda directed the question at her youngest child.

“Mom, you  _ cannot _ fraternize with the enemy,” Louise said.

“I could tell you the same thing, Miss Missy. Selling burgers to the ‘enemy’,” Linda said.

Louise rolled her eyes. “There are too many people in  _ my _ truck,” she muttered under her breath. 

“All right, Whiny Pants, I have to help close soon anyway,” Linda brushed her daughter off as she got out of the food truck, Tina following close behind. “Be safe tonight.”

“Yeah, yeah, I will,” Louise gave her mother a trace of a smile before she shut the back door. 

Louise finished prep and used her laptop to quickly post her location to Chowster while she still had some connection to WiFi. She noticed a small notification circle in her Chowster inbox, but couldn’t be bothered to look at it at the moment. She stashed her laptop in the passenger seat and drove off.

Louise parked herself a few blocks ahead of the entrance to Wonder Wharf, taking advantage of more constrained hours and the earlier closing times of many of the rides and stalls as winter approached Seymour’s Bay. 

Louise made few sales, but made even more progress on her term paper. She was roused from her focus on her half charged laptop by an aggressive voice.

“Filth!” the voice proclaimed as they read the “Burger of the Day.” 

Louise stood up and leaned out the service window to meet eyes with a crinkly Edith Cranwinkle, clad in a fuzzy winter track suit and scarf. Beside her was Harold in his wheelchair with the brake engaged. Harold was decked out in a beanie, thick wool scarf, large jacket and had a blanket spread over his lap. He’d been in a wheelchair for a few years now, not getting around as well as he once had. Edith had begun taking him out for evening walks, pushing him around the neighborhood in all weather and seasons. 

Edith was still a spiteful, spitfire in her age, but as Louise grew older, she began to like that about Edith more than when she was a child. Back when some of that spitefulness had deliberately directed at her. 

“Order or leave,” Louise said bluntly.

“Rude!” Edith shot back.

“If you buy some burgers, I’ll throw in two free slices of pie,” Louise haggled.

“Fine,” Edith agreed, passing the cash through the service window. 

Louise started up the grill, worked her magic, and sliced some pie. She deposited to-go boxes through the service window, handing it to Edith.

“Hold the food, Harold!” Edith shouted at her husband.

“What?” Harold shouted back.

“I said ‘hold the food!’ ” Edith repeated.

“No, you hold it!” Harold argued.

“Shut up!” Edith threw back at her husband.

“What? Fine, give it to me. I’ll hold it,” Harold relented as his wife set the food on his blanketed lap. Edith disengaged the brakes and pushed Harold off into the distance.

Louise hung around her spot for a little longer, finishing up some other assignments and last minute edits to projects until her laptop approached a quarter battery. It was almost midnight and she  _ had _ to upload these assignments.

She shot a text to Zeke begging the password for the router at Glencrest Yacht Club, pressing the same numbers multiple times to craft a coherent text message on her flip phone. Once she sent the text, she hopped into the driver’s seat and drove along the pier adjacent street.

Louise parked herself in front of the Yacht Club and waited impatiently for Zeke to answer her. She bided her time chowing down on some fries and counting her earnings.

It was a good distraction for her placement outside of the Yacht Club. Tina mentioned the only event tonight was a wine mixer that had hors d'oeuvres. Plenty of drunk, stuffed shirts would be wanting a good meal as they were stumbling outside to their cars and taxis. 

Louise’s phone vibrated from the mesh cup holder of the lawn chair. A message from Zeke, just a series of characters she assumed was her coveted router and password. She hand jammed them into her computer and prayed.

She uploaded her assignments and term paper with the spotty WiFi. Just in time, just before midnight. She then made her way onto Chowster and updated her location.

The little notification bubble in her inbox was still there. 

Out of sheer curiosity, Louise opened the little tab. It was a review for Bob’s Burgers 2.0. The review was two stars and authored by one Logan Berry Bush: 

_ “This dingy diner on wheels leaves a lot to be desired. The food and customer service are subpar, in the nicest terms, and nicest terms are a little more than this sad food truck deserves…”  _ Louise intently read through the rest of the review, simmering and seething a little more with each line.  _ “Cold and under-cooked” _ and “ _ Food poisoning is on the menu _ ” were some of the nicer things that jumped out at her. 

Louise had always known Logan Bush was a sneaky bastard, but this was plain low. It was pure mean without a hint of cleverness. Signature Logan. 

But two could play at that game, and Louise played on “Expert.”


	5. Chapter 5: Let's Give 'Em Something Shiitake 'Bout Burger

Chapter Five "Let's Give 'Em Something Shiitake 'Bout" Burger:

The night before Thanksgiving, Louise couldn’t help thinking of how she should have been at home stuffing her face with a juicy Meatsiah Burger while she watched a  _ Hawk and Chick _ marathon in the privacy of her own room. This was one of the few nights Louise allowed herself not to worry about work and making money. Although coveted, these days were few and far between.

Yet here she was, wasting her precious time holding down a corner table in the Lucky Lizard and trying to hunt down another grown adult. Because that other grown adult had decided to be a big, smelly asshole. 

She’d seen Logan Bush wander in a half hour earlier, dressed impeccably in a sport jacket and trousers. He’d ordered a drink and took a seat next to Scotty, who was too occupied by a pretty brunette to notice the arrival of his friend. 

Louise wished she could have prided herself on the gathering of intel: Logan’s admittedly predictable whereabouts. In reality she’d called Tammy Larsen, who had a catalog of everyone and everything relevant in Seymour’s Bay. Tammy wasn’t much, but sometimes she was useful. 

Louise had allowed Logan the time to get a few drinks in him. To mingle and loosen up. When he looked like he was feeling fuzzy enough to be easily malleable, she abandoned her hiding place in the back of the venue and made her way to the bar. She perched herself on a barstool just in range of Logan’s vision. Louise ordered herself a drink and pulled out her flip phone, scrolling through her contacts list to look busy. 

The bartender set the drink down in front of Louise and she thanked them loud enough for the people around her to hear. Logan’s gaze wandered over to the other side of the bar, trying to pinpoint the familiar voice. His eyes landed on Louise. There was a rush of shock and recognition. Before he thought about what he was doing, he got up from his seat, bringing his drink with him and mumbled something to a distracted Scotty as he moved away. 

Louise was still fake-scrolling on her phone, when he asked, “Can I sit here?”

“It’s a free country,” Louise said and took a sip of her drink. 

“You’re not wearing your Ears,” he said.

“It’s warm in here,” Louise shrugged, playing with the tip of one of her Ears. The hat sticking out of her hoodie pocket. “I only really wear them when it’s cold out, anyway.”

“That’s cool,” Logan rubbed the back of his neck. “I, uh, saw your mom and brother earlier today. There was this mixer at the Glencrest Yacht Club.”

“Big deal. I see my mother and brother all the time,” Louise said, snapping her cell phone shut and setting it on the bar in front of her. 

“I’m just trying to be nice,” Logan spouted self-consciously, his eyes were a little glassy. He was definitely buzzed. 

“I find that hard to believe, because I’ve rarely had an interaction with you that ended well,” Louise stated.

“There was that time with the laser tag,” Logan mumbled. He still hadn’t taken the seat.

“Oh, yeah, that was such a great day. Huge fight with my mom. Forced, creepy mommy-daughter bonding. And I got locked in a room with your dumb ass.” Logan looked down into his drink as Louise berated him. “What do you want, anyway?”

“I was just gonna see if you wanted a drink. Peace offering?”

“Fine, but you’re paying,” Louise gave a wry smirk.

“That’s kind of the point of a peace offering,” Logan took the seat next to Louise, returning the wry smirk, “So why weren’t you with your family? I never see you at the Yacht Club.”

“Do I look like someone who would waste their time at a Yacht Club?”

“Um…no? Maybe? I don’t know.”

“I work for a living and I’m trying to put myself through school. I don’t have time for dumb shit like yacht clubs,” Louise said with a haughty air.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was a sore subject. Jesus.”

“It’s fine,” Louise mellowed. “My mom loves it there. It’s a hobby. Makes her feel like she can be part of stuff she missed out on earlier in life or something dumb like that.” 

“Yeah, your mom and my mom seem to get along pretty well now. It’s fucking weird,” Logan said, sipping the dregs of his cocktail. Louise downed hers also. Logan ordered them another round. 

“Tell me about it, my sister and her boyfriend get jobs there and suddenly Linda Belcher is part of the elite inner circle of New Jersey,” Louise embellished, putting a straw in her new drink.

Logan chuckled and took a big swig of his drink, “Your crazy sister who wouldn’t stop asking me questions about boys when I worked at your restaurant?” 

“Worked is a generous overstatement. And she’s not my ‘Crazy Sister.’ Her name is Tina.”

An awkward silence settled between the two. Logan panicked and motioned to Scotty as he barreled through his drink and ordered another one. 

He was drinking fast, Louise noticed. She was making him nervous. Good.

“Call your buddy over here, that’s going to make this situation better. Really kills your chances of scoring any brownie points. Or scoring in general,” Louise said acerbically.

“I’m not trying to score brownie points, Four Ears,” Logan grumbled as he dragged his finger across this throat, gesturing to Scotty to abort the mission. 

“Could have fooled me,” Louise put her hands on her hips. “What’s with the sudden attitude?”

“What attitude?” Logan asked incredulously.

_ “I’m not trying to score brownie points, Four Ears,” _ Louise mimicked.

“I don’t sound like that,” Logan said. 

“Whatever keeps you warm at night,” Louise said and took a small sip of her drink.

“Okay, fine, I can sound a little whiny,” Logan relented.

“I’m glad you can be honest with yourself.”

Scotty whispered something to the brunette he’d been flirting with. The brunette shook her head emphatically in reply to whatever Scotty had said. The brunette and Scotty got up and grabbed their coats from beside the door. Scotty waved to Logan, indicating he was leaving. He walked out of the bar with a conquest on his arm and a shit-eating grin on his face.

Logan pulled out his phone and shot Scotty a quick, scathing text message for leaving him at the mercy of his childhood archnemesis. 

**_Logan:_ ** _ Thanks for leaving me alone with “IT.” (Delivered at 11:03pm) _

**_Scotty:_ ** _ You’re white girl wasted. Stop being a little bitch. You sure look like you wanted to be left alone. (Delivered at 11:03pm) _

**_Scotty:_ ** _ Be careful. Your little crush is showing. ;) (Delivered at 11:04pm) _

“You gonna pay attention to your phone all night? Because I thought you came over here to talk to me,” Louise said.

“Yeah, sorry,” Logan stopped mid-text and set his phone down on the bar. He looked over at Louise, her dark hair framing her face. Her face in a perpetual sour expression. He held eye contact a little too long.

“Keep staring and I’ll get slappy,” she threatened, holding up a hand, palm open. Logan felt his cheeks heat up. There were butterflies in the pit of his stomach, but nothing another drink couldn’t chase away.

Logan took another sip, buying time let himself think, “So, do you still work at Wonder Wharf?” Casual recovery.

“No. I quit about a year ago.” Louise paused and stared at Logan’s drink, “You should probably slow down,” she advised. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Logan let out a sigh.

“Awe, poor little rich boy has some troubles? Needs to tie one on to forget?” Louise asked, moving her barstool a little closer to Logan’s. His cheeks became a little more pink. Louise was sure the color had more to do with her proximity than his evening’s alcohol consumption. 

“Yeah,” Logan looked at Louise and rested his head on the bar.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Louise took her Ears out of the hoodie pocket and set them on the table, still playing with the tip of one ear. 

Logan reached out a hand to touch the Ears. Louise swatted the back of his hand with controlled force.

“Ow!”

“Didn’t Cynthia teach you how to keep your hands to yourself?”

“They looked soft,” Logan defended.

“They are, but you should know because you’ve tried to steal them on multiple occasions.”

“I just wanted to feel them.”

“You mean you wanted to be a little cocksucker and steal them?”

“No.”

“Well, you can be a gentleman and ask for permission.”

“Louise,” Logan took his head off the bar and stared directly into her eyes, “Can I please touch your Ears?”

Louise let out a sharp laugh, drawing some attention from the other bar patrons. “God, you must be fucking hammered. You look so serious.”

“I am serious,” he said somberly. 

“Fine, you can touch my hat, but if your hands wander for too long, I’ll give you a Reverse Norwegian Stink Hold you won’t forget,” she said.

“I’d like to see you try, Smellcher,” he chuckled. He reached for the hat laid out on the bar, feeling the fuzziness. He moved his hand away, accidentally running his fingers over Louise’s. Louise felt an odd electricity tingle up her spine. She made brief, inadvertent eye contact with Logan and this time they both quickly looked away from each other. 

“So, are you going to tell me about your stupid rich boy problems?” Louise asked, changing the subject.

“Yeah, yeah,” Logan cleared his throat. “My mom has been bothering the shit out of me all month about Thanksgiving. Did I take my suits to the dry cleaner? Whose house are we having dinner at? Do I have a date this year? Is my attitude going to give my grandmother a heart attack?” Logan droned. 

“I don’t envy you,” Louise said, taking a tiny sip of her drink. All the ice had melted and now her cocktail was nasty and watered-down. 

“I have an idea,” Logan’s face lit up, “you should come with me. You’re pure evil and my mom doesn’t like you. It would bother the shit out of her. And you probably have some savage clapbacks, too,” Logan swiveled on his bar stool to face Louise, their knees almost touching.

Louise was beginning to rethink her revenge plan. She could just tell Logan about the review right now and come clean. Ask him, like a mature adult, to take it down. He was drunk enough now to be nice, he might just be willing to comply.

“No can do, Pretty Boy. As much as I am sure Cynthia would just _ love _ to have me at her dinner table, Thanksgiving is the crown jewel of holidays for the Belchers. My father would probably stop speaking to me if I missed it.”

“You're just being dramatic,” Logan said dismissively.

“Thundergirls’ honor,” Louise held up her fingers in a vow of perfect trust and commitment. 

“There’s no way you were a Thundergirl,” Logan tilted his head back and laughed.

“Only once, and for confidential spy operations,” Louise revealed.

Logan gave a full laugh again, “You’re really weird, Four Ears, you know that?”

“Do you like weird girls or something?” Louise batted her eyelashes.

“Yeah, I think I do,” he gave her a dreamy look. Louise thought it must have been the alcohol talking.

“Is ‘weird’ going to keep a trust-fund baby like you warm at night?”

“I have a job, you know that. We’ve talked about this before. Back when you worked at the wharf. I can’t believe you don’t remember,” Logan said. He sounded like he thought she must have been joking, like it was an old, familiar memory for both of them.

“Oh, please, tell me what it is you do? I’ve long forgotten. Let me know how much better you are than me and my family,” Louise said putting a hand over her forehead in mimicry of swooning.

“I never said that,” Logan said defensively .

“Don’t be such a fucking baby. It was implied,” Louise said.

“Don’t be so immature,” Logan shot back.

“Oh, go fuck yourself!” Louise said. She stood up.

How could she have been so soft? Just because Pretty Boy Logan was being nice and charming and had made her feel fuzzy? No. Revenge plan, back on. She had an example to make out of him. A lesson to teach.

“Don’t go,” Logan said quickly.

“Are you begging?”

“I’m not a jerk. I promise.”

“You’re making promises now? How drunk  _ are _ you?”

“Reasonably drunk,” Logan admitted. Louise sat back down.

“If you’re playing nice, I guess I can too,” Louise said it like she was doing him a big favor. “What do you do for a living?” She rolled her eyes as she asked the question.

“I work in marketing.” Logan said. “And I’m also a trust-fund baby,” he lowered his voice and moved in a little closer as he said it, like he was letting her in on a secret.

“I’m getting a degree in business management. Fate must have just brought us back together for a reason,” she said with a coy smile as she played with the buttons on her phone. Looking down at the flipped open screen with no messages or voicemails.

“That thing is ancient and outdated, just like a business,” Logan said, sticking his nose into Louise’s personal space. He held his cell phone beside hers. “Can I see it?”

Louise handed Logan her phone. He pushed buttons and kept opening and closing her phone, like he was expecting something amazing to happen.

Louise picked up Logan’s smartphone and appraised it. It had a stupid lock screen on it. Logan reached over and slowly pecked in his passcode with his index finger. Louise flipped through his phone, looking at all the apps, bells, and whistles. Logan propped up his elbow on the bar and rested his chin on his hand. 

There was that stupid, dreamy look again. It was a little harder for Louise to convince herself his gaze was alcohol induced this time.

Louise had already gotten part of what she needed when he put in his passcode, but she looked through his pictures and emails for any incriminating evidence. To her chagrin, there were none.

“Nosy. What did you do, put your number in there?”

“You wish, Loganberry. I wouldn’t disrespect myself like that.”

“Would you disrespect yourself by adding my number in your phone?”

“In your trust-fund baby dreams.”

Logan downed the last little bit of the drink he’d been nursing since Louise accused him of drinking too fast. Louise’s second drink still sat on the bar in front of her, hardly more than a few sips taken. The two talked for a little while longer, until Logan stood up.

“Are you hungry? I’m really hungry. You game for pancakes?”

“I could eat,” Louise said pocketing her cell phone. 

“Let’s get out of here, then,” Logan paid the tab and Louise pulled out some cash to cover her first drink. The bartender didn’t take it, telling her it has already been paid for. Logan gave her a shit-eating grin that made her heart skip a beat. She ignored whatever twinge of a spark she’d felt for that split second.

He was just trying to get her on his good side so next time he pulled some dumb prank, she wouldn’t be expecting it. That had to be it. That’s why she had to retaliate first.

Nevermind that she’d felt safe and unthreatened in Logan’s presence the entire evening. Any instinct to trust or be nice to Logan Bush had to have been brought on by his charming, pretty boy act. It was some malfunction in her brain caused by holiday cheer.

Louise shoved her hat over her head as the bartender handed Logan his card back. They grabbed their coats. 

Logan asked if he could put his arm around Louise’s shoulder. Louise said he could. But she only said it for show, so he would buy into the act. Not so she could go back to ignoring the tingle she felt up her spine. 

Louise leaned in and put her arm around Logan’s waist. He misread her intention and tightened his arm around Louise’s shoulders, pulling her closer with one hand and opening the door with the other as they walked out onto the street. With her arm around his waist, she reached into his pocket and grabbed his phone. 

The pair continued down the block in the direction of a twenty-four hour diner that Logan “swore by.” 

Louise looked back and forth on both sides of the street. The block was abandoned.

Before Logan could fully process what was happening, he felt the cool air blowing around his legs and the sound of photos being snapped. Then he heard laughter. 

“What the fuck, Louise?” Logan shouted, an undercurrent of rage blossoming in his voice. He pulled his pants back up to his waist and fastened his belt. 

“What the fuck, is right. What the fuck is going on down there? Have you ever heard of manscaping?” Louise asked.

“Give me my phone back, you little shithead!” he demanded. 

“Take your review down first!” she countered.

“What are you talking about?” Logan asked, anger still peppering his voice. He stayed more than a few feet back from Louise. Not trusting that she wouldn’t do something crazy again. 

“The review on Chowster. Your shit-ass review of my food truck! Don’t play dumb.”

Realization dawned on him, “ _ That _ review.”

“Yeah, you gnarly bushed asshole,  _ that  _ review. Delete it or I’ll send the picture to everyone in your contacts list.”

“You’re going to send everyone in _ my _ contact list a picture of  _ me  _ getting pranked?” Logan asked with a smirk on his face. “You didn’t think this through very well, Smellcher.”

“What? This is gold! Everyone is going to see that you got caught with your pants down, literally.”

“You’re going to send everyone in _ my _ contact list a picture of  _ me  _ getting pranked?” Logan repeated.

“I heard you the first time,” the confidence in Louise’s voice waned. 

Logan began to laugh. It was the hardest he’d laughed all night. 

“What’s so frickin’ funny?” Louise demanded

“Little Four Ears, you’re really losing your edge,” Logan was breathing hard as his laughing tapered off. “I want my phone back,” he stretched out his hand.

“Not until I figure out how to delete your review,” Louise said poking through Logan’s phone again, trying to find anything resembling the Chowster app. 

“Do you know how to work a smartphone?” Logan asked.

“Of course I do, Big Bush. I’m not stupid.”

“I didn’t say you were. And don’t call me that.”

“Not until this review gets taken down.” 

“I’ll take it down, just give me back my phone.”

“How do I know you aren’t going to run once I give your phone back?”

“You don’t. You just have my word.”

“Because your word is worth so much, Big Bush?”

Logan sighed, trying to tamp down his frustration. “I wanted you to notice me.”

“What?”

“I wanted to get your attention. I wanted you to notice me.”

“You’re full of shit.” 

“Seriously. I did. I saw you the other night and you just kept brushing me off and being an ass. Just like you used to do to me when you worked at Wonder Wharf. So I thought it would get your attention. If I upset you in the process, so be it.”

“You pissed on my truck! I was right to be an ass.”

“It was the tire, not the truck. And I was drunk. Really drunk. More drunk than right now. And you squirted ketchup all over me.”

“Yeah, because you pissed on my truck.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, sure. I believe it.”

“Louise.”

“Was the review true?”

“What? No, it wasn’t true.”

“Then why did you write it?”

“Because, I wanted to get your attention. Do I really have to keep repeating myself?”

“Well, it worked.”

“Yeah, well, this wasn’t what I had in mind.”

“I work my ass off. I never have days off. I run that stupid truck pretty much by myself. I don’t have time for idiots like you. Some of us don’t just get everything handed to us.”

“Don’t turn this into something it isn’t. Don’t just assume I didn’t work hard to get where I am either,” Logan said. There was an edge to his voice, like he was trying to hold back an acerbic remark. 

Logan wanted to deny what the whole scene looked like. Him, tall and towering in his nicely tailored clothes. Perfect trousers, shiny dress loafers, pristine sports coat, and a nice bomber jacket. Her, short and grimacing and wearing pink rabbit ears in a beat up leather jacket over an oversized hoodie. Skinny jeans and beat up boots. Somehow she made him feel like he was the one picking on her.

“Fine,” Louise sighed heavily. She was still messing around with his phone, but was beginning to realize how hopeless the prospect was. 

“Do you want help?”

“No!”

“I’m really over this playing games thing. I’m pretty drunk. I was just pantsed in the middle of the fucking street, and I have to deal with my mother all day tomorrow. Stop holding my phone hostage and we’ll get some stupid pancakes.”

“There is no way I’m going anywhere with you. Not after this.”

“I’m paying,” Logan said, trying to sweeten the pot.

“Fuck you! I don’t need your handouts, Big Bush.”

“It’s not a handou--, fuck it. Forget it.” Logan crossed his arms over his chest and watched Louise mess around with his phone. 

“I hate this fucking thing! And this street isn’t that public. I made sure no one was around when I pantsed you. I’m not that heartless.”

“But you’re heartless enough to send the pictures to everyone in my contacts. Including my boss and my parents?”

“Shut up.”

“Getting tired yet?” 

“Fuck off.”

“I don’t have an app, if that’s what you're looking for. Open the internet browser.”

“That information would have been helpful a lot earlier.”

“You didn’t want my help,” Logan smirked.

“Shut it!”

“How do you know my passcode anyway?”

“I watched very carefully,” Louise said typing the website into his internet browser.

“Am I logged in?”

“No.”

Logan moved a little closer to Louise and recited his username and password. Louise navigated through his page and found his review. Hitting “delete” put a small smile on her face. 

“Do you feel better now?”

“Yeah, but I’ll feel even better when you get the fuck out of my space.”

“Okay,” Logan backed up a few steps, “while you’re still hijacking my phone, would you delete those stupid pictures you took. It’s cold out and I’m pretty sure the angle is super unflattering.” 

Louise snorted, “Very unflattering.”

“Thanks, really boosts my self esteem.”

“Yeah, well your review really boosted mine.”

“I said I was sorry. And I offered to buy you pancakes. What the fuck do you want from me?”

“I want you to sob like a little bitch.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Logan said. He was sobering up quickly from all the drama and the cold air. 

“You can have your phone back.” 

“What’s the catch? Seems too easy.”

Louise started to walk backwards. Logan started to move forward. 

“There is no catch,” Louise said innocently.

“Louise?”

“I didn’t send them to your  _ entire _ contact list. I told you I wasn’t heartless,” Louise tossed Logan’s phone at him and he fumbled to catch it as Louise took off down the street. “We’re even now, Logan. Don’t try to pull anymore bullshit.”

Logan could feel the panic inside of him rise. The front he had put on early was just that. A front. Could he recall a text message? If she’d deleted the picture before they all sent, would they even send? 

Logan scrolled through his phone. Louise hadn’t deleted the pictures like she’s claimed. And it was true, she hadn’t sent the pictures to his entire contact list, because she hadn’t sent them to anyone at all.

She changed his background and lockscreen to pictures of himself. Pictures with his pants around his ankles and a horrified look on his face.

Logan felt his panic abate. He couldn’t believe he’d fallen for Louise’s charming act. He also couldn’t believe he’d gone to all this trouble to get her attention. He had wanted to see her. He had wanted to impress her. He wanted to show her he wasn't the same jackass he’d been thirteen years ago. Or even the same jackass he’d been three years ago when she’d worked at Wonder Wharf and he kept coming by playing at the game booth and trying to get her attention with all his bragging.

He’d forgotten how jaded and cynical Louise Belcher could be. How jaded and cynical she’d been even when they were younger. Being obnoxious was never going to get her attention. It never had before.

It wouldn’t have gotten his attention either.


	6. Chapter 6: It's All Gravy, Baby Burger

Chapter Six: "It's All Gravy, Baby" Burger:

On Logan's way home from the Lucky Lizard, he was too busy feeling sorry for himself to care much about anything else. Then his phone rang. The caller ID was his trashcan fire of a childhood friend. Did he want to deal with this right now?

Jacob called from somewhere downstate, sounding high as hell. Jacob had just wanted Logan to know that he "loved him, bro" and if he was having a crisis, he could always come down and "cut loose." Jacob only called on holidays. Or when he needed money. Mostly it was money. And he was always on something. Or running around with that loser, Jonas, who worked in Reggie's Deli up until the old bag fired him right in the middle of senior year. After graduation, Jonas started dealing. Then he got Jacob in on it too.

Logan was pretty sure Jacob always called because he was too off his face to send a coherent text message. One of these days Jacob was going to call and it was going to be about bail. Or it wouldn't be Jacob calling and it would be about an overdose.

Jacob wanted to wish Logan a "Happy Thanksgiving." He also wanted to borrow a few hundred bucks. Logan told him "Happy Thanksgiving" and hung up.

When Logan got home, he proceeded to raid his own liquor cabinet and get more sloshed while he cuddled with his tiny dog. He sent Scotty text messages in drunk gibberish proclaiming something like "Can you believe what she did to me?"

Had Logan sent his best friend the pictures as proof in a blind alcoholic pity party? Logan couldn't remember. He was too drunk to remember if he had or not.

Had he told Scotty the devious thing Louise Smellcher had done to him?

If Logan had been sober, the surprise photoshoot would have long been deleted from his phone.

The next morning, Logan had been woken up by the loud, unforgivable sound of his phone ringing. He was going to ignore it, but the caller ID was Scotty. The only person Logan was willing to tolerate when he was this hungover.

The mortification of the night prior freshly crashed down on him when he saw his home screen picture as he pulled his phone of the nightstand by his bed. _Stupid, Four Ears_.

"I've been holding back. I saw that picture and I knew it was true. I do love you," Scotty laughed into the phone.

"You're so funny. A real comedian," Logan's voice lacked enthusiasm.

"She really did a number on you, didn't she?"

"You could say that," Logan coughed.

"Well, she's seen your dick, you have to marry her now."

"Fuck off."

"Been a while since you had any visitors? Forgot to trim the hedges?"

"Shut the fuck up, Scotty."

"Chill."

"Whatever."

"Maybe I shouldn't have left ya there alone? I forgot how dangerous she is."

"She's not dangerous. She's just really fucking evil."

"Are you defending the girl who tried to have a biker gang cut off your ears?"

"No?"

"You always did like the crazy ones."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like," Scotty said. "What happened by the way?"

"She found the review I wrote about her stupid food truck."

"You actually posted that? You're a fucking idiot."

"Well, she found it. That thing at the bar wasn't a chance meeting."

"You were kind of asking for it. You posted that review and then you went right up to her like you were old friends or some shit. You could have just ignored her, but your little crush got in the way."

"I _don't_ have a crush."

"I would say I was joking, but you're so defensive and you're full of shit, bro. You're acting like a jerk to get her attention. I haven't seen you try that hard in years."

"She probably hates my guts now, anyway. So what does it matter?"

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I'm not gonna hype you up if you're gonna act like this."

"I have all Thanksgiving to figure out a plan to make her life a living hell."

"Or you could take the L and move on. It's not like she did anything, she just gave you a good scare and it was actually kind of funny."

"Not from where I was standing."

"Nah, it was hilarious," Scotty said. There was laughing on Scotty's end and grumbling on Logan's before they hung up.

Logan got up. He stepped into the shower in the attached master bedroom and turned the water on as hot as he could tolerate. Standing with his head under the stream of water, he tried to relieve the pounding headache he found himself with. He kept running through the night, replaying it. Maybe he'd deserved some paypack, but to go that far was hardly a fair trade off. He'd tried to make things right with Louise by being her friend last night. Or maybe he'd tried to get close to her for his own personal reasons.

He stood in the shower, thinking more than scrubbing. No matter how much he scrubbed, he still felt a little exposed. He stayed there until he couldn't turn the faucet any higher and the water couldn't get any warmer. He got out. The headache still raging along side the disgusting mix of uneasiness and excitement he felt when he thought of Louise and the night before.

He went downstairs to make breakfast, something that could cure the queasiness. It was becoming apparent to him the sickness had more to do with circumstance than hangover.

He could feel the beginning sparks of a rage against Louise forming, but exhaustion and sheer embarrassment made it difficult to drum up much more than that. Was revenge really worth it? Mortification was hard to put a price on and Louise Belcher sure had mortified the shit out of him.

He jumped when he heard the door front door swing wide open.

"Hello!" Cynthia called as she invited herself into the house, spare keys in hand.

"I'm in the kitchen," Logan called. His tone was filled with an acid, he couldn't disguise and he hoped his mother didn't notice. Cynthia took a few minutes before making her grand appearance in the kitchen, undoubtedly poking her nose around his house, looking for something to criticize.

He'd just put food in the dog bowl and sat down to his own omelette, when Cynthia marched into the kitchen with a force. The dog ignored his food and ran in a circle around Cynthia's white pumps.

"Was Dad not fighting enough with you? Had to bring it to my house?"

"Oh, Logan, grow up. You should be tak-"

"Taking your drama somewhere else?"

"Oh, Logan, I'm not allowed to come over and see you? Especially when you aren't answering your phone? It's Thanksgiving. You could at least be bothered to talk to me. I only gave birth to you." Cynthia bent down and picked up the tiny dog.

"You could have saved the lecture for dinner. Bitching at the table is everyone's favorite Thanksgiving activity. I can't imagine you're that worried about my well being?"

"Dinner isn't happening, Logan," Cynthia said.

"Are you joking? Cause it could use some work."

"We're cancelling dinner, Tom and I. We have some news. Your father is on call at the hospital right now, so I'm telling you while I have the opportunity. Before things might get ugly," Cynthia paused for a moment. "You're father's having an affair."

Logan stared at Cynthia incredulously, "I didn't think the pathetic bastard had it in him."

"Right, I didn't think that would surprise you so much," Cynthia said. "Nevertheless, we, your father and I, are very seriously considering a divorce."

Logan worked to regain his composure, "This is the fourth time this year you've threatened that."

"It's real this time," Cynthia's eyes began to water. She sniffed like she was holding back tears.

"It should have happened sooner. I don't understand why you're finally deciding to leave him now."

"Logan, your father and I have had a very difficult marriage. We've been through things I wouldn't expect you to understand, but we did it for you. We stayed together for you."

"Whatever you have to tell yourself, Mom."

"Logan Berry Bu-"

"I spent years thinking all parents fought like you guys did, then I saw my friends parents and realized that shit wasn't normal. It's exhausting being near you guys."

"You're not being very fair, Logan."

"I'm being plenty fair."

"You're so stubborn and ungrateful, you know that? Ever since you were little."

" 'I'm insolent and it's a wonder I turned out as good as I did with how horrible I was as a kid. It's not like my father lifted a finger to raise me. Blah, blah.' I've been hearing this speech for the last twenty-eight years."

Cynthia pursed her lips, searching for a scathing retort, but coming up short.

"The point is, you're too good for Dad. You're both terrible for each other and you're both horrible people, but you're still way too good for him. You might have been a better mother if you weren't so busy fighting with him all the time."

"I have made a lot of mistakes, but I always did my best raising you," Cynthia intoned somberly.

Logan cracked a smile, "Yeah, well, you still fucked me up pretty good."

"Language!"

"That's really what you're worried about right now?"

"Of course not. I'm worried about what everyone will say. What they'll think."

"Screw that, Mom. I just want you to be happy. I mean, don't you _want_ to be happy?"

"Logan, that might be the nicest thing you've said to me in years."

"I say nice things all the time, you and Dad are just usually too busy arguing to hear it."

Her son's blunt criticism made her smile where it normally would have had the opposite effect.

"I wanted you to hear it from me. Who knows how your father would try and spin this whole story," Cynthia gestured, as if to ward off Tom's evil and unsaid words.

"This is your divorce. I don't want any part of it."

"I'm kicking your father out. I wouldn't expect you to make him your problem."

"Good, 'cause that's not fucking happening," Logan said. His mother sat down at the kitchen table next to him, setting the dog in her lap. Logan dug into his omelette. It was already cold.

* * *

"I forgot how loud Gene snores," Louise said, flipping through the channels until she landed on the National Dog Show.

"It took years of training to get this far," Gene said. "And a lot of sleeping."

"Oh, leave it on, I wanna see what they do!" Linda said from the couch, glass of wine poised in one hand and the burger phone clasped in the other. "No, Ginger, I was talking to Louise. She just turned on that dog show. Do you see those little guys? Reminds me of something Little King Trashmouth used to do, rest his soul."

"Linda, Linda," Teddy called from the other side of the couch, "Put it on speaker, I wanna hear what Ginger says."

Alex was still asleep in Gene's old room. How he was sleeping through all the racket, Louise didn't know, but she was growing more envious of her brother-in-law and his ability to sleep through a Belcher Family Thanksgiving.

There was a barely audible knock at the door. Louise sped down the stairs and threw the door open revealing Tina and Zeke. Zeke was carrying a casserole dish in his hands.

"Slow down there, Hot Rod," he greeted Louise.

"Dad's in the kitchen." Louise told Zeke, "Good luck," she added as he moved past her and up the stairs into the apartment.

"Are you missing someone?"

"Aunt Gayle's parking the car."

"I meant Mort, T."

"Aunt Gayle and Mr. Business II are fighting. They're on a break. She asked if she could stay with me and Zeke for the night."

"That poor son of a bitch."

"Who? Aunt Gayle? I know. It's really sad. She was telling me all about it and he's really taking her for granted."

"I meant poor Mr. Busin -"

The door swung open and Gayle walked into the entryway. Tina and Louise moved up onto the steps to create space.

"Aunt Gayle, we weren't just talking about you," Tina chuckled nervously, "And even if we were, it wasn't anything bad. Right, Louise?"

"Louise, I'm so glad you're here. I have to tell you all about my rotten cat," Gayle said moving in for a hug Louise wasn't quick enough to dodge. Gayle ushered Louise up the stairs and into the apartment all while relating the heartbreaking story of her recent fight with Mr. Business II. Louise threw Tina a pleading look, but Tina made no move to rescue her younger sister.

The kitchen of the Belcher household was a no-man's land. Zeke had gotten himself banished in close succession to his arrival. Bob had nearly dropped the turkey out of the window. Bob had gotten distracted by Zeke and started yelling at him for not following instructions to the letter. The window was left open to mitigate the overbearing warmth of the kitchen. Bob had taken the turkey out of the oven, cradling the turkey in it's tin tub. Zeke was messing up the dressing and Bob had to let Zeke know exactly where he'd gone wrong. The patriarch had forgotten the importance of oven mitts and subsequently threw the turkey when his burning skin became too much to handle. Bob's carrying on woke up Alex, who may have slept in well past dinner otherwise.

Inexplicable turkey misfortune was checked off the list. That Belcher tradition was upheld for another year. Thanksgiving soundtrack still had left to be crossed off that same list.

The table was set. Linda had just enough wine to deal with her husband's uptight, Thanksgiving induced mood and come up with an original song. Louise had just enough wine to make conversation with Teddy and Gayle bearable. Mort glided into the Belcher's apartment just as dinner was served. Perfectly timed to avoid Bob's generous Thanksgiving anger and all other usual associated mishaps. Louise noticed the intention and appreciated Mort's finely timed arrival.

After dinner, Louise was in the kitchen washing dishes, hiding from her lovely, but noisy family. Her phone vibrated. She'd set it on the counter a few feet away from the sink before she'd begun the dishes. Louise's heart sank. She flipped her phone open. It was a text from Harley that read, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

Louise flipped her phone shut, set it down on the counter hard. She returned to scrubbing the dishes, pushing any thoughts of cell phone related guilt out of her mind.

Tina walked into the kitchen moments later with her older generation smart phone in her hand, "I got a text from Tammy," Tina said casually.

"I'm sure that was pleasant," Louise said snarkily.

Tina held her phone up for Louise to see Tammy's message. Louise still had her hands in the sink as she scrubbed away at crusty dishes.

"She said you called her and asked about some guy a few grades ahead of her in high school. Logan Bush."

"What do you want, T?"

"I have a good idea when you're up to something."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"No, because you would never go overboard, Louise," Tina said in perfect monotone.

"I don't appreciate your sarcasm," Louise sighed.

"People deserve a second chance, Louise."

"Even Tammy? She just texted you to create drama."

"Creating drama? Sounds familiar, don't it, girl," Zeke said as he stepped into the threshold of the kitchen.

"You too?" Louise glared at Zeke.

Zeke crossed his arms and stood behind Tina. Tina could occasionally bring out Louise's conscience, but with Zeke as reinforcement, Louise felt a lump rise in her throat. Zeke and Louise had always understood their common ground with one another. Both had been troublemakers growing up. Both had been rebellious pranksters. When Louise was up to something, when she was lying, Zeke was the bloodhound who sniffed it out.

"I taught him a lesson. He wrote a trash review on my truck. It was going to hurt business," Louise said, as if it justified everything.

"Bob has been dealing with bad reviews for years. He's never given up. Isn't he your hero, girl? Take a page out of your dad's book," Zeke said.

"My father has gone overboard plenty of times," Louise said. It was a weak form of self-defense. Memories of her father standing and yelling on top of Jimmy Pesto's bar or past Lobster-Fests or holding the Moody Foodie hostage in his own home flashed through her mind. She would have laughed if it all hadn't felt so grim.

"Louise," Tina said, "you're not Dad."

"And neither are you. So stop treating me like a child," Louise said.

"Don't act like one, then" Tina shot back.

"So, are you gonna tell me what you did?" Zeke asked as if he were the tougher, older brother to a mischievous toddler.

Louise gave a very vague description of what her plan had been and what the real outcome was. She didn't know why she felt the need to explain herself. To 'fess up. The dynamic duo of Zena had a way of making Louise's conscience operate in overdrive.

"Because ya don't know what it's like to have someone up in yuir space and take what don't belong ta them right, Hot Rod?" Zeke asked.

"If you're talking about Millie, that's a really fucking low blow," Louise mumbled.

Zeke had driven his point home. Right through the garage door and into the house. If Louise felt a little guilty before, now she felt like the shitbag of Seymour's Bay.

The dynamic duo left Louise in the kitchen with her thoughts as company. She pushed the rising panic back and continued washing dishes.

She didn't feel bad about Logan. Why should she? He had only tortured her and her siblings since she was nine. Before this past week, she hadn't talked to Logan since she'd worked at Wonder Wharf.

When everyone else had left or turned in for the night, Louise sat on the couch with a _Hawk and Chick_ movie on in the background. She flipped open her phone and felt the lump rise in her throat again. As she thumbed the keypad on her phone, she went through her contact list, making her way down to Tammy's number. She was going to delete it, then she was sure she'd be absolved of this dreadful feeling or any future temptation to collect information on her enemies. Louise's breath hitched when she saw Logan's name highlighted in her contact's list.

" _Nosy. What did you do, put your number in there?"_

" _You wish, Loganberry. I wouldn't disrespect myself like that."_

" _Would you disrespect yourself by adding my number in your phone?"_

" _In your trust-fund baby dreams."_

Louise felt a small swell of anger blossom in her chest. That bastard had put his number in her phone! How conceited did he have to be to think she'd just want to call him up after one night of bar chatter? The swell of anger was replaced by the lump rising in her throat again.

"I don't need this," Louise muttered to herself, throwing her phone onto the couch. She bundled up and grabbed the keys to the restaurant. _Looks like 2.0 is going out for a spin_ _after all_ , she thought, as she headed down to load some inventory into the food truck.


	7. Chapter 7: You Can Always Coun-tine Me Burger (Comes with Poutine)

Chapter Seven: "You Can Always Coun-tine on Me" Burger (Comes with a Side of Poutine):

If Tina was her voice of reason, Gene was Louise's partner in crime. Louise propositioned a master plot, Gene was there for the whole ride. Sometimes it was because he wasn't listening and didn't know what he had agreed to, but usually it was in the spirit of sibling bonding.

Gene was the fabulous, large brother that Louise didn't always deserve. The less Tina was around, the more Louise pushed Gene into being her sidekick. Trying to siphon all the time she could out of him before he graduated, moved on with his life, and left her all alone with their parents. Just like Tina had.

At first it was great, their life as the troublesome two. But all the extra time spent together helped them to realize they were still two very different people.

"I blame Dad!" Gene declared one morning at breakfast. Bob was making waffles or pancakes or whatever Gene said he wanted. Gene was making up things that weren't his mind.

"You kids hardly get anything from me, I swear," Linda said as she put on a pot of coffee. "Except my singing, talent, and good looks. And they say persuasion is always the mother's fault. Something with genetics." Linda waved her hand dismissively.

"I blame all the Belcher genes," Louise threw sardonically, pen poised over the homework she'd put off all weekend and rushed through in the morning right before school. The last few weeks of Louise's sophomore year were coming to a close. She began to find it more and more difficult to care about silly things like homework.

"Excuse you, I am the only Belcher, Gene," the middle child quipped. Linda laughed. Louise rolled her eyes. Her annoyance with Gene had been building over the last few days and she'd been finding it harder to hold her tongue.

The topic of sexuality in the Belcher household didn't come up often. No one felt the need to comment on something that would be accepted without question. Gene was fabulous and free. He had dated Courtney. Then he dated Alex. Gene deserved someone who could appreciate him for who he was. Someone who would get his sense of humor.

Gene never had to stifle himself around Alex.

The siblings knew their father wasn't completely straight either, not that it would have mattered. As Belcher siblings were growing up, Linda's tendency to have a little too much wine and gossip about her _very_ personal life with Ginger became more frequent. Linda wasn't as quiet as she thought she was, especially while on the telephone.

Louise had always known who she was. Louise Belcher was always true to herself right up until it came to being honest about her emotions. If it was Louise admitting she was confused about something, few human ears would ever hear it.

She'd never thought much about relationships, dating, or sex while growing up. She was sixteen and it all sounded like a giant chore. Sure, she'd had a massive crush on Boo Boo from Boyz 4 Now. A crush that wouldn't ever seem to go away, but it was a crush that wouldn't lead to anything. A safe crush. The only kind of crush Louise tolderated.

There was one time she'd considered Regular-Sized Rudy for five seconds, when they were in elementary school. There was also that weird thing with Abby Haddington in a closet one time at a party. It ended when she tried to take off Louise's Ears and braid her hair. Slightly drunk Louise had wanted Abby to shut up and just make out with her instead of trying to braid her hair. Louise and Abby hadn't talked much after that.

There was also the obsessive and perpetual attention of Millie Frock. A kind of attention that left Louise genuinely afraid at times.

None of this made it easier for Louise to sort out her feelings.

"We get it. You're here, you're queer, and you don't know how to shut the fuck up!"

The kitchen went silent. Bob's eyebrows furrowed and he looked like he was trying to hold back words he knew he'd regret. Linda's mouth was agape, in a rare speechless moment.

Gene had never looked so crestfallen in his family's presence.

Louise got up, threw her back pack over her shoulder and walked away from the table. She kept walking until she reached the halls of Huxley High. Very early and with a sense of numbness building higher and higher every step.

Had she just said that to _her_ family? The only people in her personal epicenter she truly never wanted to hurt.

Louise knew she was part of the family's bisexual common denominator, but she didn't realize she would have such a hard time accepting it. Maybe it was just accepting the fact she was capable of being attracted to anyone at all.

Louise didn't trust love. She'd seen all the dumb mistakes Tina had made up until Zeke. She'd seen all the dumb mistakes Tina had made with Zeke. Her mother had been engaged to Hugo, the disgruntled heath inspector, for fuck's sake.

If that's what people thought love was, she'd sit this one out.

She's recalled the time in elementary school where she'd thought Regular-Sized Rudy was interested in her and how she'd purposefully made herself weird and disgusting to be unattractive to him. She'd used the same strategy well into her teenage years to avoid having to formally reject anyone. It was a power and responsibility Louise wasn't ready for. She wasn't sure she even wanted it.

Did her parents suspect the same inclinations about their daughter as readily as they had with Gene? Bob could be utterly unobservant. Linda was no detective either, but she was much more in tune with emotional nuances than her husband.

Louise saw her brother in the halls. Gene didn't walk with her or wave to her. Louise didn't hunt for Gene in the band room where she sometimes spent the first half of her lunch. Louise spent her lunch in the cafeteria tuning out the constant chatter of Harley and the Pesto Twins instead.

At the last bell, Louise threw her worn backpack over her shoulder and marched her way down the hall to after-school detention. She'd accrued a week's worth of detention when she'd been a thread away from beating the shit out of the O'Brien brothers for picking on Ollie and Andy. Louise felt more than justified after the incident and the Pesto Twins had both tried to kiss her hands and carry her books around the day after. Louise had been more than obliged to take them up on lugging around her belongings.

This year in particular, she'd made an extracurricular out of detention, with an occasional foray into in-school suspension. She was considering putting it on her college applications, even. She'd never batted an eye at it, until Millie Frock caught on.

Millie would do something stupid to get herself in trouble, too, if she'd caught word that Louise was in detention. Millie would park herself next to whatever desk Louise was sitting at and try to pass notes to her. If Louise came in late to avoid Millie or she switched desks, Millie would follow. Louise's best defense came to be ignoring Millie. Today, though, Louise was not tolerant of anyone. Especially not Millie Frock.

Millie had become steadily more aggressive into their later years at Wagstaff. By the time they had reached Huxley High, Millie was a walking nightmare. She bribed and threatened faculty to get the same class periods as Louise. She would slip lipstick covered notes into Louise's backpack labeling them from a "secret admirer." Louise would avoid her own locker throughout the day because Millie would be there waiting for her so they could "walk to class together."

Millie Frock as a sad, crazy girl with a crush. Louise Belcher was just a mean bully who couldn't let Millie down easily. That's how everyone saw it, anyway. Louise stopped fighting it. No one believed her. So she let them think she was the bully. The jerk. It was easier that way. She was sick of being called a liar.

Millie sat directly behind Louise that afternoon, folding notes into and sticking them in the hood of Louise's green sweater. Louise thought she might have seen Millie slip something into her backpack, but she couldn't be sure. Millie was almost as skillful as Louise at trickery and sleights-of-hand.

Louise tried as hard as she could to hold herself together. Mostly she was thinking about what she'd said to Gene. She had begun to think about what her parents thought and how she might have hurt them, too. Then she started thinking about herself and her boastful claims that she was always true to herself. Had she been true to herself lately?

And typical Millie was here harassing her instead of leaving her alone so she could suss out her thoughts. Louise felt her shoulders hunch up around her neck. She pulled her hood over her head and was told to pull it back down again almost as quickly. She'd forgotten about all the papers that had been stuffed in her hood and they poked the back of her neck as soon as she pulled the hood up. When her hood came back down, the notes bounced out and scattered around her desk and onto the floor.

Louise wished she had her Ears on. She'd rushed out of the apartment that morning and didn't have the chance to grab them and tuck them into their rightful spot in her back pocket.

Louise dismissed herself to the bathroom, but picked up her backpack. Mr. Frond, who'd transferred to "guide" at the high school at the beginning of the year, gave her a strange look. Louise went up to the desk and whispered something about Millie rooting through her things. She was excused, but not removed from suspicion.

Louise walked out of the classroom, past the gym, and straight out of the school. Her pace quickened.

"Wait! Slow down! Louise!" a familiar voice called behind her. Louise stopped and looked back to see Alex and his wide frame approaching her. He was dressed in athletic sweats, just coming out of drill practice.

"What's up?" she mumbled, looking down at her scuffed boots.

"Gene's kind of pissed at you."

"I know."

"Actually, I think he's extra bummed out. You really, really messed up."

"I know," Louise looked Alex square in the eye.

"Your brother is the best thing that ever happened to me, aside from bottomless brunch hash browns. I know how close you two are and you need to apologize to him."

"I know."

"Are you going to say anything else except 'I know?' "

Louise said nothing this time. She spun around on her heels and left Alex standing there, not able to release the full effect of his lecture on her. Louise continued her walk home. What right did Alex have to talk down to her like that? What business did he have being so damn right about everything?

Louise snuck through the alley behind Bob's Burgers and around the side, letting herself through the door to the apartment so her family couldn't see her coming home through the large window of the restaurant.

Zeke had been scheduled to work the days that would normally belong to Louise. At least someone had been benefiting from her constant days of detention.

Louise moved as quietly as she could up the stairs and shut herself in her room. She could hear water running in the kitchen as Linda did dishes.

Louise dug through her backpack and reached for her homework. She felt something smooth and light in her backpack and pulled out the unfamiliar thing. She held up a pink scrapbook with hearts and glitter all over. Louise opened it up and flipped through the pages. Pictures of her and Millie were plastered all over the scrapbook. Some were photoshopped, some were taken sneakily. Millie had plastered the book with pictures of pets, houses, and destination wedding ideas. Love notes had been scrawled on the pages, reading: "I know how you really feel" and "It's you and me against the world" and "You can't deny what's in your heart."

Louise threw the offending book as hard as she could against her bedroom door. It made a satisfying smack, then thudded to the floor.

"Hey! I heard that Miss Missy! You're acting like a royal jerk today. I don't know what's gotten into you, but you're gonna fix it!" Linda yelled at Louise through her door for a while before making vague mentions of "grounded" and "school called" and "in-school suspension for skipping detention."

Louise wanted to run to her mother and grovel for forgiveness. To explain herself. But that was too pathetic. It wasn't in tough Louise Belcher's nature. No matter how overwhelmed she was, she would absolutely not grovel to her mother or admit that anything could possibly be wrong.

Louise spotted Millie's scrapbook on the floor again. It was like everything that was angering and confusing in Louise's life had been captured in Millie's unsolicited, grotesque gift. It was like Millie knew what was tormenting Louise and she had found a way to physically manifest it.

She smashed her face into her pillow and cried. She cried for a long time and couldn't remember falling asleep. She didn't come out of her room until the next morning.

* * *

The next day at school, Louise met up with her friends before relegating herself to in-school suspension.

"You look like Hell," Regular-Sized Rudy told her.

"Thanks, that's what every girl wants to hear, Rudes."

"Yeah, bad," Andy chimed in.

"Really bad," Ollie echoed.

Jessica and Harley fluttered around Louise, but she shooed them away. When Louise saw Alex and Gene approaching the steps of the school together, she slunk into the building and made her way to in-school suspension early, like a loser. She sat in the back and pulled her hood over her head, covering the light from the windows in a dark film. She closed her eyes and leaned back in the chair.

A few minutes of peace passed before Louise sensed a presence.

"Did you get my gift?"

Louise jumped in her seat and pulled her hood down. The blonde she-devil was sitting in the desk directly in front of her, chin resting on her elbow, elbow resting on the surface of Louise's desk. She was leering at Louise. She was the only other person in the room.

"Go die in a ditch, Millie."

"That's not nice. But you look really tired Louie Lou, so I'll forgive you."

"My name is Louise," she said, drawing her hood back over her eyes.

"Why won't you look at me?!" Millie's tone was harsh as she pulled the hood back down from Louise's face. "Stop playing hard to get!" Millie yanked on Louise's long black hair and pulled Louise's face toward hers.

Louise had her hand ready and poised to slap Millie clean on the cheek, but Millie's speed out matched Louise's. Millie's lips met hers. Before Louise had the chance to slap Millie, a chance shove her away, even, Mr. Frond came into the room.

He'd shouted for the two girls to separate and go to the principal's office.

Louise tried to explain, tried to defend herself, but she was getting too choked up. She knew how it looked and Mr. Frond didn't want to hear it. He'd had known what he'd seen.

Millie skipped to the principal's office with vigor. She'd just kissed Louise Belcher! Any punishment was worth that victory.

Louise walked to the principal's office as slowly as she could, putting as much distance between herself and Millie as she thought she could get away with. Her eyes cast down to the floor. She's just been manhandled by Millie Frock. She felt nauseous. She wasn't really here. _That_ hadn't really just happened.

Louise sat in the seat closest to the door. With secretarial supervision, Millie was blissfully forced to sit apart from her. Louise still felt like the space of the office was too small to be shared with Millie. Millie kept looking over at her. Louise kept her eyes on the floor.

Is this what suffocation felt like? Everytime Louise tried to breathe, she felt like she was sucking in water. There wasn't enough air to breathe, not enough to calm her racing heart.

Linda appeared in the door frame of the office, with a look of deep concern. The Vice Principal had called Linda Belcher to inform her that her daughter had been caught engaging in "inappropriate physical activity" and was being "suspended outside of school" for the remainder of the week. Linda was to pick her daughter up at her earliest convenience.

Louise grabbed her backpack and followed her mother to the car. Louise stared at her scuffed up boots. She didn't look at Linda or attempt to say a single word. She picked at the distressed threads of her jeans the whole ride home. Linda parked the car and ushered her daughter past the window of the restaurant. Louise saw Zeke inside, casually conversing with Teddy from his place behind the counter.

The mother and daughter walked into the apartment and Louise followed Linda into the living room. Bob was already on the couch when Linda sat down next to him. The glittery, pink scrapbook lay on the coffee table. The sight of the scrapbook made Louise want to take the whole coffee table and flip it over.

"You're not in trouble," Bob began.

Louise would have kicked and screamed at her parents under any other circumstances, knowing they had gone into her room and through her things. But these were not normal circumstances. Strong Louise was one straw away from her tough girl facade crumbling.

"I got a call from the Vice Principal," Linda started. "They said you were engaging in 'inappropriate physical activity.' I thought you got into a fight. But when they said you were kissing another student in the classroom, I thought something smelled fishy."

Louise stood in the center of the living room, still looking down at her shoes. Bob and Linda had never seen their youngest daughter look so defeated. It frightened them.

"Talk when you're ready," Linda patiently urged.

It took some time and when Louise thought she was going to speak, she choked. She swallowed the feeling of dread creeping in and looked up at her parents. When she finally did speak, she told them everything. Her confusion and anger. How sorry she was for what she'd said to her brother. Where the scrapbook came from.

Louise told her parents about the deliberate times Millie had gotten herself in trouble to be in the same room as Louise. The unwanted stalking in and out of the school hallways. Millie cornering her in the school bathrooms. The notes and love letters. Then Louise told her parents about the unwanted kiss, the tipping point that led them to this moment.

Bob got up from the couch and untied his apron. He grabbed the keys off the coffee table. Louise was wide eyed. Her father was enraged and her mother didn't look far off from it either. Her parents believed her?

Of course they did. Why wouldn't they? Why was it so unbelievable that someone finally believed her? Didn't think she was the one bullying some poor girl that had a crush on her? That she wasn't the one that was hurting Millie and that it was very much the other way around?

Linda got up and hugged her daughter, then she followed Bob down the stairs.

Louise crawled into bed fully clothed and tried to fall asleep while her parents went down to the school and raised Hell, fighting against their daughter's unfair and unwarranted suspension.

Louise awoke hours later to a knock on her door. She rolled out of her bed and opened the door. Gene walked into his sister's room and scooped her up into a large brother hug.

"I'm sorry," Louise said.

"Me too," Gene said.

"I'm more sorry."

"I heard what happened. I heard at school, but Mom and Dad told me everything."

"I'm sure the rumors are flying. Fricking liars."

"Millie got suspended for the rest of the school year."

"Oh, all week and a half of it? Must be _so_ hard for her."

"You're not suspended, though."

"It's really the little things," Louise's words dripped with acid. "They should have expelled her."

Gene paused for a moment,"You remember when we turned the walk-in into an underground ice fight club?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember when you beat me because you tricked me."

"Where are you going with this?"

"You beat me, but I still put that fart jar in Zeke's face so he would lose."

Louise chuckled, "Yeah."

"The point is: I'm always on your side, even when you're a jackass."

"Thanks, Large Brother."

"I'm so telling that fart story at Zeke's wedding," Gene added.

Gene and Louise laughed together and they laughed loudly. They were the Troublesome Two. Belchers from womb to tomb.

* * *

Tina had come home from Trenton for her final Spring Break. While the rest of her college class were getting stoned by some beach somewhere, Tina couldn't imagine being anywhere else but Seymour's Bay.

But even the lights and sights of Wonder Wharf slipping past the window of her parent's car did little to cure her sour mood.

Tina had sat in silence for most of the hour and a half drive home, Bob attempting to make small talk only in the first quarter of the drive. He'd debated with himself on asking his eldest what was troubling her. He decided against it, having had more than one poor experience with volatile Tina and her adult temper tantrums distracting him from the road.

Bob had been on his feet all day. He was tired. He didn't know if he wanted to deal with problems that felt trivial to him, but world ending to Tina.

Bob had begun to fear that this was Tina's new normal.

Bob sometimes wondered if he was a good father.

Tina sometimes didn't care if she was a good daughter.

Tina didn't want to talk about her awful roommate who kicked her out of the room so she could have boys over. Tina didn't want to talk about the class she was close to failing because instructions felt like they could sometimes be harder for her to understand than for other people. Tina definitely didn't want to talk about how little her and Zeke had been talking, but how much they had been fighting when they did talk. Long distance was hard. An hour and a half of physical distance could feel like light years of distance when you were both planning separately for your futures.

Bob went right back to work after bringing his daughter home. It was late afternoon and the dinner rush was dawning. Zeke had taken off before the father and daughter arrived. When Tina found out, she hated Zeke for a moment and stormed upstairs to the apartment. Linda could have been more upset at her daughter for not coming to see her when she got home, but Linda was a young woman once, too. She understood.

Louise was sitting at the kitchen table, working on an essay, because she wasn't the kind of senior that Spring Break applied to. She heard stomping, then Tina entered the kitchen looking pissy as she grabbed a wine glass out of the cupboard. Tina had slammed the cupboard door shut.

"I'm the only one allowed to slam things in this house," Louise said, looking up at her sister.

"Nobody asked you."

"Tina-Zilla," Louise coughed under her breath. She'd picked her pen up and resumed writing. The less than endearing moniker had been coined by Louise when Tina came home for a weekend a month into the first semester that year. She'd spent the whole weekend fuming and being very un-Tina-like. Louise knew Tina would hate the nickname and her theory was proven true. Tina had been home four times that school year and each time she brought home a larger attitude with her. She never talked about school or her personal life, not even with all of Linda's prying.

Tina ignored her sister and commandeered the living room, turning the television on and the volume up. "I'm doing homework, T. Can you turn it down?" Louise shouted from the kitchen. The volume increased. "T, seriously, I know you miss Gene, but you don't need to act like him." The volume increased again. "Turn the frickin' TV off!"

No response.

Louise marched into the living room and pulled the TV plug out of the socket. The screen went black. Tina sat up on the couch and gave her sister a death stare. Louise didn't know Tina was capable of that. She stared back at the sister who had grown so unfamiliar to her.

"You always hate when I come home. It cuts into all the attention you get from Mom and Dad," Tina accused.

"What attention? They're too busy with the restaurant to even spend time with me anymore."

"Just because you're Dad's favorite, doesn't mean you get to act like you own the place!"

"I'm the favorite? Says the spoiled brat who gets to go to a real college!"

"You get to spend all your time with Mom and Dad! What do I get?"

"Literally everything!"

"You've always had Dad and Gene's always had Mom. What about me? I don't get anyone!"

"You get everything you fucking ask for! Your stupid birthday parties. Your stupid horse camp. Your stupid college paid for. Dad has a stupid tramp stamp of his own mustache because of you!"

"Yeah, well you pushed him into going to that stupid Equestria-Con cause you wanted to feel like a spy or whatever. Just like you push everyone into everything you wanna do because you're selfish!" Tina shouted

"I did that stupid Equestria-Con thing for you! I do a lot of things for you! I went to the top of Mount Windy Gap for you, you miserable bitch!" Louise forced her voice to go louder than Tina's.

Both sisters were on the verge of strained voices. They stared at each other for a moment, tension and a film of melancholy settling over them. They couldn't find the words to keep fighting or to apologize to one another.

Tina got up with her bottle of wine and slammed the door to her room, leaving her glass on the coffee table and her sister stunned in the living room.

Louise waited a few seconds for the sound of the front door, but there was nothing. No Bob or Linda spilling in to figure out what the matter was. Louise had a hard time believing the shouting match couldn't be heard downstairs. More likely, Bob and Linda had ignored it. That seemed to be the new trend around the household.

Yelling at Tina after months of her uncharacteristic snubbing didn't make Louise feel as good as she thought it would.

Louise went back to her homework, only half-focused. Tina got drunk and called Zeke just so she could start a fight.

* * *

The Belcher sisters didn't acknowledge each other for three days. Bob and Linda were in the restaurant early and closing late. Louise was in school and detention after. Tina had the apartment mostly to herself and she would go out in the evenings, bar hopping with Jocelyn. Neither Tina or Jocelyn said much to one another. Both young women were just seeking company of a familiar semi-ally.

The present dynamic made everyone avoiding each other very easy. It was decidedly un-Belcher-like.

The fourth night Tina was home, Bob and Linda had closed for the night and came up the stairs whispering loudly to one another. The whispering escalated to talking. Talking escalated to shouting. Linda slammed the front door. Bob called Teddy to pick him up and take him somewhere. The apartment was quiet and empty of parents. Louise could be sure, she'd had her ear pressed to her bedroom door for the whole fight.

Louise made a pit stop in the kitchen for the carton of ice cream and a spoon, then settled on the couch and put on a _Hawk and Chick_ movie as background. Tina was in the living room and on the couch next to her sister before Louise even sensed her presence.

"I've never heard them fight like that before. Do they do that a lot?"

"Sometimes."

"Oh?"

"They're stressed. Things have been really rough lately, T."

"How?" Tina asked, not able to help feeling a little guilty. Was it fair to blame herself for not being around and for moving on to the next chapter of her life? Money was always tight in the Belcher household. What was the point of her parents trying to hide it? Tina admitted to herself she could have done a better job of checking in with her family lately.

"How not? Money rough, business rough, Aunt Gayle rough."

"They were fighting about Aunt Gayle. Is Mom going to stay with her or something?" Tina felt like a scared little kid asking that question, but she didn't know what else to say.

"No. She had to go save Aunt Gayle from being desperate and stupid. What are you? New here?"

"What about Dad and Teddy."

"Bet they're following Mom so Dad can apologize," a small smile curled on Louise's face and Tina knew her sister was basing this assumption off of experience. "Our parents love each other. It's so gross."

"Speaking of gross, I saw Jimmy Jr. today," Tina blurted, conversation about their parents momentarily paused.

"T, no!" Louise dropped the spoon into the carton. Tina picked up the spoon and hijacked the carton. The Belcher family had never been squeamish about germs.

"We didn't do anything. And his butt's flat now, anyway."

"Why?"

"Sometimes people's butts go flat, but it's not nice to point it out."

"No, why did you see Jimmy Jr.?"

"Because, he's familiar."

"Okay," Louise said, not entirely understanding what complex comfort-nostalgia had motivated Tina.

"I told Zeke."

"What did he say?"

"He wasn't happy, but he understands. I'm mad that he isn't more mad at me for it."

"I don't know what to tell you. T."

The sisters were quiet for a few minutes, sitting on the couch and facing one another.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you the other night," Tina said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too," Louise sighed. "And I'm sorry I called you a 'miserable bitch.' "

"I always felt like you and Dad were so close and Mom and Gene were so close. I felt left out for so long when we were growing up."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Cause you and Gene made me feel like I belonged. And I knew it wasn't true. Mom and Dad love me, too."

"I don't do hugs," Louise said unprompted.

"I do."

"Don't even think about it."

"Fine."

"I'm sorry I called you spoiled. I just feel like I can't ask for things. Money is always tight. It's the worst right now. It's just really easy to blame it on you and Gene. I haven't even applied to any colleges and it's basically Easter. How the fuck am I going to pay for college?"

"Louise -"

"Gene keeps asking for money. He's trying to keep his stupid costume shop running and Mom says 'yes' to giving him money, but Dad says 'no.' So they end up helping Gene out anyway. Then there's always Aunt Gayle and her bullshit problems. I feel like I can't even bring college up, but Dad keeps hinting at it."

"You need to talk to Mom and Dad."

"Yeah, yeah, maybe. I feel like I can wait a few years for school. I know I want to take over the restaurant. Eventually, in like a hundred years, when I have the patience for that kind of thing. But I want to go to school and keep my options open, too."

"I'm glad you have a plan, but I still think you should talk to Mom and Dad."

"Or we could permanently cut Gene off," Louise suggested.

Louise snatched the spoon and ice cream carton back from Tina. The sisters sat in silence after that, watching _Hawk and Chick_.

A little while later, Bob and Linda came home to their daughters asleep on the couch, slumped shoulder to shoulder. It was the closest they had seen their daughters together in months.

* * *

The last Belcher had graduated high school months before and the mid-September cool was rolling into Seymour's Bay. Louise's friends were moving off to college. She wasn't.

Tina had moved back home from Trenton. She and Zeke had moved into a tiny apartment. Louise was still stuck in Tina's old bedroom in her parent's apartment.

Zeke had recently found an opening at the Glencrest Yacht Club for Tina. This was the catalyst for Tina's agreement to move home. She had come home to build a nest egg with Zeke and to work on their relationship. Tina and Zeke were a lot of things. Stubborn and in love were just two of them.

Louise had not talked to Rudy in months. She had sent text messages and emails to Jessica. Jessica had not responded to a single one. Louise stopped sending messages before Jessica could get the impression Louise might have actually missed her. Before Jessica could get the impression that Louise had thought their summer of fun and flirting had meant something more.

Harley noticed, but didn't say much about it. She and Louise saw each other when Harley came home on weekends. Andy and Ollie were around, but Louise didn't know if she wanted to be around them.

As Louise worked more, she somehow made less. What few tips the family made were pulled together to pay for repairs to restaurant equipment or to scrape up money for rent. The Belchers hadn't been this late with rent money in the better half of a decade.

First the ice cream machine went, so Bob junked it for cash. Then it was the car. It was always something.

Louise found herself trading the dark, grungy clothing she favored for Tina and Gene's hand me downs to make laundry days stretch further. It was money to go to the laundromat and it took time to walk with heavy bags of clothes. The money to replace the Belcher's broken washer was as non-existent as the money for everything else.

Louise got a second job at Wonder Wharf a month after she'd graduated. She worked at the game booths, rotating between the stacked milk bottles that didn't budge when people threw balls at them to a sundry of other scams. Louise, based on childhood experience and Mr. Fischoeder's loose words, would occasionally tamper with the games and make them win-able. If a kid was going to spend their entire allowance on a game or some try-hard high schooler was going to impress his girlfriend, then maybe deserved to get a stuffed animal out of it.

Louise would work at the wharf whenever they could schedule her or whenever she could slink out of the restaurant. Louise saved most of her money for a food truck she'd begun dreaming of and the possibility of a college tuition. A lot of times she snuck a few extra bucks into the cash register at the restaurant. Her parents never said anything, but Louise was sure Linda at least suspected their daughter was trying to help their profits. Linda couldn't prove it because Louise would always balance the till on the days she'd stuffed extra money in the register.

The youngest Belcher would come up with fake math or a creative excuse to explain the extra currency. If Linda had solid evidence, she would have put an end to Louise using her own earned money to bail her and Bob out. Linda and Bob were religious in declaring that their finances were not their children's problem.

Even if Louise gave every penny she'd earned to her parents, she knew it still wouldn't rectify everything, especially things that weren't money related. At night, Louise would come home from Wonder Wharf and hear her parents in their room, hushed whispers of contingency plans, budgeting and stacking loans.

It really wasn't a secret, Tina knew everything that Zeke knew. Gene knew more than he let on, but he pretended to be oblivious, thinking it helped Bob's wounded pride.

Louise knew what was going on. It was damn near impossible to hide when you lived under the same roof. It was also very obvious when Bob and Linda had sat Louise down a few days after her graduation and told her they might not be able to afford to pay her for much longer.

Bob and Linda may have thought their finances weren't Louise's problem, but as long as she was living under their roof and wanting to take over their restaurant, she would vehemently disagree.

The talk with her parents had been prophetic. After Tina started working at the yacht club with Zeke, Zeke had quit working at the restaurant. At least for as long as Bob was unable to pay him. Louise suspected this was after a long and honest conversation only Zeke and Bob had been part of. They just couldn't afford to pay Zeke anymore. They couldn't pay Louise, but still pulled her weight at the restaurant, even with a second job. The Belchers tightened their belts again.

One night that winter, a bundled up Louise came home from the Wharf, not closed, but not as popular with the inclimate weather. She found the restaurant still open. It was hours past closing and no one was behind the counter or in the kitchen.

The door to the basement was open. Louise followed the stairs down and sat down on the last step next to her father. Bob didn't move at first, then he looked over at his daughter. His eyes were red and his cheeks were wet.

"Your mom is staying with Gretchen tonight."

"Why? What's going on?" Louise demanded.

Bob was quiet for a little while, debating on whether or not he should share the information with his daughter.

She'd never seen her father cry before, not like this, tears filled with so much anguish and despair.

It terrified her.

Bob and Linda had a fight. Linda was in charge of the book keeping. Linda had been asking Gloria and Al for some help with the finances. Gloria and Al and been lending Linda money for a few months now. Linda had also been applying for part time jobs. Even after the Fresh Feed disaster a decade before. Linda had not mentioned anything or discussed any of this with Bob.

Bob had seen something in the mail from Linda's parents. He'd opened it and discovered a very generous check. Then he'd combed through bank statements. When he approached Linda with papers of the offending evidence, she didn't deny any of it. Bob had gotten angry and he'd raised his voice. Linda raised her voice, too.

Would he have accepted the help from her parents had he known about it, she'd asked him. He had said he would not have.

Would he have been supportive of her getting a second job for the long term, she'd asked. He had said he wasn't sure. Louise knew "not sure" was just a thinly disguised "no." Mostly because she'd suspected having Linda in the suck with him was the only thing that got Bob out of bed anymore.

Without Linda there to keep him functioning, Bob would have been struggling more than the restaurant was. It was selfish to keep Linda and Louise so tightly by his side, all three of them knew that.

It was also necessary. Linda and Louise had an unspoken rule about not leaving Bob alone for too long. They elected not to talk about why and how much Bob had really been suffering, but in this moment, Louise saw how much worse for her father not talking about his depression really was.

He needed help, he admitted. But first he needed to find Linda.

It was the end of the line and the Belchers were one wrong move from losing the restaurant, the roof over their heads, and maybe each other.

And there Bob was, thinking about what he'd said and how he'd made the love of his life feel. How all he'd managed to do was sit there feeling sorry for himself.

"You fucked up, Dad."

"I know."

"You owe Mom an apology. Like yesterday."

"I get it."

"You need help, Dad. When I didn't see anyone in the restaurant I thought maybe you'd…"

"I know."

Before Bob knew it, he and his daughter were rushing through cleaning and closing the restaurant. Before Bob knew it, he and his daughter were getting bundled up to make the long trek to Gretchen's place. And before Bob knew it, he was at Gretchen's front door hugging Linda tighter than he had in years and apologizing through more tears.

Linda grabbed her things, thanked Gretchen for letting her stay, and walked back home with her husband and daughter.

The next day Linda heard back from Spare Change Lanes. She'd landed herself a part time job at the bowling alley. Bob was supportive. He and Linda agreed it was time to reconsider some things. They had a lot of talking and figuring out to do, but they were going to do it together.

Bob took his crappy insurance and got in to see a therapist. He begrudgingly took more time off at the recommendation of his therapist. Louise took on even more responsibility at the restaurant. Sometimes running the entire place herself for a few days at a time.

After Linda landed her part time job, Louise used some earnings from Wonder Wharf to make flyers and advertisements. Louise didn't consult or inform her parents. She acted first and thought later, as was her partial trademark.

She handed out flyers at the wharf, she stuck them in purses and strollers when she walked by unsuspecting Wonder Wharf patrons. She set flyers out at the game booths when she was working. She had Teddy clandestinely hand them out to clients. She had Mort and her mother set them out of the countertops at the funeral home and the bowling alley.

Louise even walked around Seymour's Bay at night, after Wonder Wharf closed, and stapled her flyers to telephone poles throughout the town's neighborhoods.

Business picked up very slowly. It could have been the flyers or it could have been a change of luck. Louise didn't know which it was, but did the reason really matter?

The Belcher's financial situation improved bit by bit. It was amazing how the extra bucks from Linda's part time job made a difference when they were below rock bottom. Louise chose not to share this opinion with her father. She'd felt she'd long since made her point.

* * *

Another late summer had rolled around. Logan Bush was twenty-five. He'd just broken up with Shanaya for the sixth time, rekindling after college graduation in a cycle of continuous failure. He'd just bought a house in town. He'd just started a job with a marketing firm outside of Bog Harbor. He commuted to work, tied one on with Scotty during the weekends, and skateboarded a few times a month when he was feeling whimsical. He was Cynthia's sounding board for all of her complaints. He spent a lot of time with his mother. Sometimes he wondered if it was too much time.

Logan wandered around Seymour's Bay. He got his own plot at the community garden and inadvertently killed everything he grew, he took evening jogs along the cove near the lighthouse, he skateboarded in the park. Then he rediscovered Wonder Wharf.

He started coming at the beginning of the summer when he and Shanaya had broken up for the final time and Scotty was constantly working late. It helped fill his time. He felt a little nostalgic. He'd stuff his face and ride the rides until he made himself sick. Then he moved on to arcade games until he got so skilled at them, the lack of challenge was no longer appealing.

He graduated to the game booths. He'd never been able to crack the code. They were obviously rigged, but he was stubborn, so he kept throwing money at the situation, because that's how Tom and Cynthia had taught him to solve his problems.

Louise noticed Logan roaming around Wonder Wharf. She found it annoying, but if he kept his distance from her, she could ignore him. She could make a big show of ignoring him, too. Until she couldn't. Because all he ever seemed to do was play at the game booths.

Louise wouldn't trust Logan Bush as far as she could throw him. The look on her face when he was around told him as much.

She liked to call him out on everything, especially if she noticed some perceived cheating or bending of the rules. Louise knew all the tricks, because she'd pulled all the tricks.

"If you're gonna pull that amateur level shit, you can schlep it down to Family Funtime," she told him.

"No can do, Smellcher, I got banned from there, like, ten years ago. They still have my picture up on their stupid board. Broke a Skee-Ball machine."

"That's cute. I got banned for orchestrating a sting. Almost took home that mini-electric car they had on display for, like, ever. Sorry you can't swing with the big boys."

Sometimes Louise was surrounded by friends. Two boys who looked almost identical and didn't seem too bright or a pretty girl with a dark complexion who never seemed to stop talking.

Most of the time, Louise was not surrounded by friends.

Louise Belcher had a bad attitude and she called him out on everything and it didn't take Logan Bush too long to realize he liked that. He liked it a lot. There was something appealing about someone who wouldn't take shit from him. There was something appealing about someone who could play hard to get.

Except Louise wasn't playing and she thought he was a jackass. Logan didn't know how to change the way she saw him.

He casually mentioned his important new job and fancy new house.

Louise was nineteen and too wise to fall for a "Full-of-Shit-Pretty-Boy". Louise teased him about his seeming lack of hobbies. How he had to bring material things into conversation to make up for his lack of personality and redeeming qualities. Louise also teased Logan about how well dressed he always seemed to be these days.

Logan changed tactics. He tried asking Louise to get coffee with him, instead of bragging. It was simple and non-materialistic. He thought she would appreciate it.

Secretly Louise was impressed with the maturity and consideration, but this was still Logan Bush. So she told him no. She had standards and she would not fall prey to some possible trap set by her former nemesis. Though she wasn't entirely convinced it was a trap. She wasn't entirely uninterested in him, either. Logan Bush was stubborn. She liked stubborn. She could respect stubborn.

She was okay with being in denial that Logan Bush could have grown up into a real and decent person. She was okay with being in denial that Logan Bush was also a human being with feelings.

Logan occasionally came to Wonder Wharf after that summer, but he'd showed up less and less into the fall. After a while, Louise almost forgot about the interactions and that there was once a time where Logan frequented Wonder Wharf on a near daily basis.

* * *

By twenty, Louise had started college, taking New Jersey up on it's offer of free in-state community college.

Her grades were excellent, her social life wasn't. Her work at the restaurant was excellent, her communication with her parents sometimes wasn't.

Linda and Louise had taken to sitting in the apartment late at night, but seperate from one another. Louise focused on her classes. Linda focused on catching up with Ginger or doing the book keeping that stressed Bob out too much.

Bob was asleep and Linda had just gotten off the phone with Ginger. Louise was sitting at the kitchen table. She powered down her laptop after finishing a paper. She couldn't will herself to look at anymore course work that night and she'd vaguely been listening in on her mother's conversation, anyway

Linda had been gossiping with Ginger about Gene and Alex's costume shop and how it had finally begun to get off the ground. Then Gene thought he was going to have to close down, because he couldn't make ends meet. Then things began to look up again. Then they began to look up a little more. The last two years should have shown all of the Belchers that none of them got their savvy business and management skills from their father. Louise would not be doomed like her father and brother, she'd often told herself. She would learn from their mistakes, even if it took her twice as long to meet her goals as it had taken the rest of them.

"We raised two good kids and a Louise. We did what we could," Linda said in reference to Gene as she took a matter-of-fact sip of her wine and put the phone back in the cradle. Linda had made this statement more to herself than her youngest child, but she was looking at her daughter as the words left her mouth. Maybe for confirmation. Maybe to prove a point.

"If you didn't own a restaurant, you probably couldn't have afforded to feed Gene."

Linda chuckled and took a seat at the kitchen table, "I'm proud of you kids. You weird, creative kids."

Louise smiled weakly. Linda poured her daughter a glass of wine, "Thanks?"

"It's not the worst thing your Momma's done," Linda shrugged.

"This isn't the worst thing I've done today," Louise said, it had become a tried and true stock phrase developing in her teen years and continuing into the present.

"There are some things your Momma doesn't need to know," Linda topped off her own glass, "but tell me anyway. What's the worst thing you did today?"

Louise told her mother about the guy she'd been seeing. How he had been slimey and a jerk. How Louise knew she should trust her instincts. How, deep down, she knew this guy wasn't worth it. How just because he was older, didn't mean he wasn't the dumb one. How he liked to gaslight her and she knew it, because she was a master at gaslighting people herself. How after dealing with this bastard, she wouldn't gaslight anyone again. At least not unless they really deserved it. She didn't leave out the details of running him out of the restaurant with a broom earlier that day. She'd shouted at him about how she was done with him and how he wouldn't be coming back as he skidded down Ocean Avenue and out of sight.

Linda tilted her head back and laughed. Louise was always grateful for her mother, but she truly felt it blossomed as she grew older. She wanted to say something, but Louise had always been better at being there than using her words. When she was with her father she didn't need to say anything, it was just understood. When she was with her siblings, it was always action oriented.

"Your father and I promised each other, when I was pregnant with your sister, that we would never stop our kids from being who they were, unless it was dangerous. And sometimes that still didn't work with you."

"You're welcome."

"You see how your father and your Pop-Pop get along. We never wanted you kids to feel that way with us. We never wanted to force it."

"What about you?"

"Where do you think you get your crazy from? You get it from me."

"Really? I always saw it as more of an Aunt Gayle situation."

"You saw how your Aunt Gayle turned out. I could have done worse at raising you. I didn't want you kids to end up like that."

"Oh, Mom, does Aunt Gayle know that's what you think?"

"Mouth shut about your aunt, Miss Missy!" Linda exclaimed. She hid her huge smile behind her glass, trying to avoid encouraging her daughter further.

Louise shrugged and sat with her mother in the kitchen. They took turns shit-talking all non-present family members, excluding Bob and anyone he had helped bring into the world. Louise never realized how many untasteful thoughts Linda kept to herself. She approved of her mother's well hidden sense of humor.

Louise had always been certain of one thing, if she could count on nothing else, she could always count on her family. Moments like this just helped to reinforce that certainty.

* * *

Louise sat in a cart on the Ferris Wheel, bundled up as the late fall air and high altitude brought a chill to the air. She was slowly approaching the top. The Wonder Wharf Ferris Wheel had been central to some very important moments in Louise's life and equally as central to the quiet nights alone the youngest Belcher craved.

The sun had set over the bay shining a dim, murky twilight over the wharf and Ocean Avenue. Louise sat in the moment, but had her mind firmly on the weight of the future. The twenty-one-year-old had just closed the deal on her food truck and she would start operating tomorrow. She'd quit her job at Wonder Wharf earlier that day.

Louise had spent the last few weeks mapping out routes across Seymour's Bay. Walking around town in the evening to construct a mental database of where the busiest and best for business areas were. She spent a chunk of change of her most recent paycheck to print basic flyers she'd designed and plastered them around town when she went on her evening surveys. She'd also left stacks of flyers under the counter in the restaurant and used them as place mats. If you were going to steal your own customers, at least start with the ones that proved themselves loyal by coming into the restaurant regularly. Louise trounced down to Bog Harbor and King's Head Island on a few separate days, waking up earlier than she ever thought necessary.

She left some flyers in Gene and Alex's Broadway Costume Shop. She also scattered flyers around the ferry to King's Head Island, as best could without looking suspicious. While stapling flyers to telephone poles on the island, She'd run into Sasha. She'd handed him a generous stack of flyers and he'd agreed to spread the word as best he could. Louise had personally seen the power flyers had on drawing in customers. She was willing to replicate a possible success, just with less sticking flyers in people's personal effects.

Now that Bob could afford to pay his employees and Zeke had returned to working for Bob again part time. Linda still worked a day or two a week at the bowling alley, but spent most of her time in the restaurant. Louise felt more positive about the restaurant's future. She felt okay about stepping back a little bit.

Louise knew she was taking a big risk. She'd accepted she might have to keep living with her parents until she had her business degree in hand and didn't have to worry about the extra expenses of books and a laptop she was still trying to pay off. That and the whole point of putting away all of the extra earnings until she'd had that money to purchase the food truck outright and pay for any insurance, gasoline, repairs, and the like.

Louise was determined to prove to her father that it _would_ work. Louise was still technically mooching off Bob's Burgers because all her inventory came from their inventory. And technically the food truck would just be an extension of the fixed location. And technically her paycheck was from the restaurant, but she was formally on payroll again, and had been for the last year. It was taxable income.

She worked in a restaurant. It just happened to be owned by her parents. And she just happened to have designs on taking it over one day in the extremely distant future. She just happened to have quit a second job that she didn't really hate. She did it so that she would have the time to run the food truck. Quitting her job at Wonder Wharf was a little more difficult emotionally than Louise thought it was going to be. She'd almost talked herself out of it. She'd tried to come up with plans to work at Wonder Wharf and the restaurant while running the food truck, all while still going to school. It could have worked if Louise never slept another day in her life.

She was resolved to finish this business degree, with some classes and personal studies into economics and financial management. It was simple, really. She was going to open other locations of "Bob's Burgers" or "Belcher's Burgers" and expand the menu. But first she had to test her management skills on a smaller scale. This is where the food truck came in and this was her real purpose behind wanting the damn thing so badly. If it failed, she would know when to cut her losses and look for jobs outside of the restaurant industry.

The cart made it's ascent to the top of the Ferris Wheel. Louise could see everything around her and it felt slightly prophetic. Her nerves and excitement were getting to her all at once and mixing around the butterflies in her stomach. She smiled to herself despite all the uncertainty and confusion in her midst.

For this moment, in this one moment, she was on top of everything. She felt like Queen of the Wharf.


	8. Chapter 8: To Err Is Cumin, To Forgive; Endive

Chapter Eight "To Err is Cumin; To Forgive, Endive" Burger:

On Thanksgiving weekend, Louise posted up Bob's Burgers 2.0 in the OMG Mall parking lot. She did this for three days, until enough loitering complaints were called in by food court employees that Officer Cliffany was sent down from the precinct to shoo her away.

Louise shrugged, drove home, and counted the healthy stack of cash she'd made. If she didn't have to hang around the mall, so much the better. She didn't have to run the risk of seeing people like Logan Bush out in the wild.

It was a rare sighting that certainly didn't bring Louise's guilt back to a boiling fester. There was nothing for her to feel guilty about anyway, so when she saw Logan walking into the mall and her throat tightened, it must have just been allergies.

* * *

November rolled into late December. A few days before Christmas, Louise was basking in the success of another semester closer to a business degree. She was not basking in the knowledge that Tina was dragging her to do last minute Christmas shopping.

Linda and Bob always insisted they wanted nothing, Gene always insisted he needed something.

If not for Tina, Louise would have put Christmas shopping off until the following year.

Last year, Louise had told everyone their gift was in the mail. The Belchers were still waiting for those gifts to be delivered.

The sisters were at Flash in the Pan looking for a gift for Bob, the final stop of the arduous shopping journey. Tina knew if Louise was going to put effort into anyone's gift, it was going to be Bob's. She wouldn't rush her sister.

The bell over the door rang as two tall, well dressed blondes walked in. Louise looked up from the spatula display. Her eyes landed on Logan and Cynthia. The dam holding back the festering reservoir of guilt was beginning to crack. Louise walked to the opposite end of the store, not looking behind her at Logan's sad, pathetic face. Trying to ensure the dam would stay in place.

But of course Cynthia would feel the need to stop Tina and ask her how her mother was doing.

"I haven't seen her since the Turkey Tail Mixer!" Cynthia exclaimed.

More cracks formed in the dam.

Louise found herself wondering if Cynthia and Linda had truly buried the hatchet or if faux friendship was a tenuous phase some women went through with age. The ages between new moms criticizing each other's parenting and the age when your kids finally tossed you in a nursing home to rot.

Logan did his best to not look directly at her either, keeping his back to her as he walked up to the counter, asked for a package, and waited impatiently for Cynthia by the door with his grandmother's gift tucked under his arm as his mother chatted up the older Belcher daughter.

Logan stood with shoulders slouched and an uneasy look on his face. Once he'd seen Louise, it was like he was a scared child and she was the monster under the bed.

Logan standing there like a pathetic golem was unnerving for Louise. He hadn't called her "Smellcher" once since he'd walked in. He hadn't glared. He hadn't approached her under the pretense that he was the changed and mature version of his former bully self.

He never did any of these things. Not when she picked up a nice and heavily discounted Fukinawa knife from the display. A knife she could already see Bob chopping onions with. Not when she checked out at the register. Not when she stood behind Tina, who was still being talked at by Cynthia.

Louise stayed with her back to the front door. She didn't look at Logan directly, but caught him out of the corner of her eye. He was looking down at his shiny loafers.

This was not Logan Bush she knew.

She'd thought she'd felt bad before.

She really was the monster under the bed.

Tina drove Louise home and did wise to keep her mouth shut about Cynthia and Logan Bush.

* * *

Louise staged all the gifts in the food truck, along with the portable space heater she'd splurged on for herself. She prepped in the restaurant kitchen, where it was warm, then she loaded her inventory into the food truck after grabbing some festive wrapping paper from the basement.

Louise sold a few burgers, but spent most of her night reading _A Night to Zomb-member_ by T. R. Belcher.

Between burgers and zombies, Louise had wrapped most of the gifts. When she got to the beautiful, discounted Fukinawa knife, she should have savored wrapping it. It was _the_ perfect gift.

But her mind was in other places.

Louise set the knife box down and shot a quick text message. She got into the driver's seat before she could change her mind.

_Stupid Christmas._

* * *

Louise parked the truck a few inches from the sidewalk. Trying not to get stuck on the curb in the cold weather. Unlike a certain ice cream truck the Belcher siblings had once taken a joyride in with their slow, but well meaning baby sitter.

Louise started up the grill and made a to-go box. She locked up her truck and marched into the Lucky Lizard, trying to convince herself it wasn't too late to just turn around and leave as she walked toward the bar.

"You're not supposed to bring outside food in here."

"Well they let you in, didn't they? And you're basically soggy leftovers."

Logan grimaced at her. Louise took a seat on a barstool next to him and slid the to-go box in front of him.

"What's wrong with it? Did you drop it on the ground or something? Spit in it?" he asked, shoulders hunched up close to his ears.

"No. It's just for your troubles," Louise mumbled.

Logan appraised the container, "It's in an actual box. Not foil. You're really trying, aren't you?"

"I've restructured my business model. Are you gonna eat the fucking food or not?"

"You're trying to buy my forgiveness with food?"

"You can't forgive someone who doesn't apologize. And I don't remember apologizing for anything."

"Funny, because that's kind of what this looks like."

"Well get your eyes checked, Fuckface."

"Fuckface? I love it when you call me cute names," he said acidly.

"Suck my taint."

Logan rolled his eyes, "Why did you ask me to meet you here if you're just gonna be a dick the whole time? Not that I really should have expected anything else. Like, maybe a real apology?"

"I'm not here to apologize."

Logan opened up the to-go box and took a big bite of the "Yule Get Logged Burger." The Bob's Burgers 2.0 Christmas special.

He moaned dramatically into the burger. Drawing attention from the few other patrons. "Oh, this burger, it's just so, so good," he said in a breathy voice.

"Marry the stupid thing then," Louise grumbled.

"Why buy the cow if you can get the beef for free," Logan snorted as he continued to make a show of devouring the burger. "Plus with your four ears, I'm sure you can hear me even better."

"I can't believe I tried to do something nice. I tried to apologize, but you're the most annoying person that was ever born."

"Apologize? Are you, now?" Logan asked, feigning incredulity.

"It was hypothetical."

"I still haven't heard you say the words 'I'm sorry.' And I'm not sure I forgive you. The burger is a start, though."

"Well what do you want? I need to get this off my damn conscience. I don't do the feeling guilty thing."

"Okay," he said, swiveling on his barstool to face her. "I want a truce."

"Wow, you're funny."

"I'm being serious."

"Sure," Louise rolled her eyes and traced her finger along the wooden countertop of the bar. She felt in her back pocket for her Ears, overcome by the sudden urge to make sure they were still there. Especially in close proximity to sneaky Logan.

"What do you want? A blood pact to prove I'm not lying?"

"I'm saving my blood and spit for my Honeymoon."

"Look, I tried to come up with a revenge plan. I'll admit it. But honestly the best I got was TPing your food truck or stealing all the hubcaps. I'm just not that creative."

"You can't play in the big leagues. We already knew that."

"You're enjoying the teasing, aren't you? Making people feel bad about themselves, it's your thing, right?" his tone went from level to acerbic.

"I've accepted who I am," Louise shrugged. Logan began to dig into the gravy soaked poutine.

"Well, I don't feel like playing games, Smellcher," he said.

"Duh. You looked like a wounded bird when I saw you earlier today and now you're all cocky. What's up with that?"

" _You_ texted _me_. Which means you feel guilty. I'm not being cocky, I'm pissed. So, if you're going to apologize, do it already."

"I don't feel guilty."

"That's a huge fucking lie. You just admitted to having a guilty conscience that you 'can't live with.' Can't take it back now," Logan popped another fry into his mouth. "So, truce?"

"Stop toying with me. What's the catch?"

"There is no 'catch.' I really don't have an evil plan." Louise grimaced at him as he ate another gravy soaked fry. "The fact that you don't believe me and it's driving you crazy is kinda doing it for me, though." Logan gave her an impish smile.

"I was two taps away from ruining your whole life and you're just going to let all this blow over?"

"You make it sound a little dramatic, but essentially, yeah."

"So that's it? You try to ruin my business. I pretend to almost ruin your life. Hatchet buried. We go our separate ways? End of story?"

"I love how hard it is for you to accept this," the smile that stretched across Logan's face was evidence enough that he was able to find some humor in the situation.

"I'm going to go outside and my truck is going to have a flaming bag of shit through the windshield, isn't it?" Louise stood up and reached into her pocket to put her Ears on.

"You don't have to go yet. Last call is still thirty minutes away." Louise flashed Logan a suspicious look. "Relax, I'm not trying to get you drunk."

"Why stay?" she asked.

"It's not really a truce if we don't try for a clean slate, is it? Especially if you haven't really apologized." he said. Louise, after another moment of hesitation, took her seat.

"Coffee. Just sugar. Lots of sugar."

"Gross."

"Says the guy who's drinking his life away everytime I see him."

"You're the one who texted me. Asked me to meet you here at fucking midnight. Plus, I needed a fucking drink to calm my nerves before _you_ showed up."

"Yeah, I was really hoping you wouldn't answer your phone," Louise confessed.

"I was working on a big presentation for New Year's Eve. Huge corporate party. Hot shot client. I would have been up anyway," Logan said.

"Working on a Saturday? Poor, little Big Bush," The bartender set a cup of coffee in front of Louise.

"You really need to stop calling me that."

"This isn't me taking a hand out from you," she glanced down at her coffee. "But you are paying for it. You owe me for the time I am wasting here right now."

"Just to put this in perspective, you're the one who owes me the apology, you fucking sociopath," Logan said, trying to keep his voice even.

"We're going to gloss over this whole 'apology' thing, by the way. This never actually happened."

"If this is so taxing for you, consider your 'not apology' not accepted."

"I just got my coffee. Stop ruining it with all of this talk about apologies," Louise lifted her mug to her mouth.

"Or we could just forget this fucking truce and you can leave," Logan said, anger seeping back into his voice. "Because your word is worth so much more than mine, right?"

He was still sitting to the side, turned toward her.

"That's a low blow," she swiveled around to face him. Their knees touched, but she didn't scoot back in her seat. Logan felt that tingle in his spine again and the warmth in his stomach. He should have backed away, but he didn't.

"It is? You don't want to apologize and you don't seem to think I'm serious about a truce. Maybe you're just not that good of a person, either," he baited.

Louise looked down. The bar was loud, but she didn't hear the music or the commotion.

"I really am sorry," she was still looking down.

Logan sneered, "That might be the fakest thing I've heard all night. _You_ can suck _my_ taint, Smellcher."

Louise took a deep breath and looked up at Logan, "Look, I know what it's like when someone violates your personal space and makes you feel disgusting. I never should have done that to you. It wasn't fair. No one deserves that and I don't want to be that kind of person."

Maybe it was her voice or the look on her face. Maybe Logan was having a good night or was he drunk enough to soften, but something in his eyes changed. The anger was seeping out. "So you are capable of an apology?" he sighed. "You went way too fucking far. Way too far."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Like I said, the burger was a start."

"Okay," Louise said, she kept her coffee in front of her for a long time, like it was a shield. She turned herself away from Logan and back toward the bar.

They both went quiet.

"What's this crap about you changing your business model?" he asked, clearing his throat and breaking the silence.

"It's a box. Don't get all hot and bothered over it. Now shut it, hearing you talk is making my coffee taste bad."

"Don't think I can do that," Logan smirked.

"Man, your voice is just so grating," Louise said, looking over at him.

"Thanks, I lost the tuning key a while back. Left in some place called Puberty."

Louise took another sip of her coffee. She would have laughed at his joke if she still hadn't felt so hollow and unsure of herself. She seemed to be feeling that way a lot more lately.

"So, this truce?" she asked eventually. "What's it about?"

"I showed up.I gave you a chance to prove you weren't a horrible person. Maybe you could return the favor? That's really what I want out of this."

"Give you a second chance? I don't think I can agree to that."

"You're still here, so I think you already did," Logan said.

Louise sighed and drank the dregs of her coffee. _I guess I did._

Louise and Logan held down the bar until last call, making small talk.

When they both walked out of the Lucky Lizard, Louise almost shouted to Logan that she'd had a horrible time, a bold lie she knew would make him crack a grin. Instead she climbed into her truck and drove home.

Logan had almost forgiven Louise. He felt he owed her that much, at least. Owed her forgiveness for all of the shit-awful things he'd done to her when they were kids. Owed her the forgiveness she'd mildly pleaded for.

She'd gone overboard with her retaliation and fifteen-year-old Logan would have hunted her down and tortured her viciously. Adult Logan was willing to give a pass, even if it was fucked up and he knew he shouldn't forgive something like what Louise had done.

Tonight was the most civil they'd ever genuinely been while in the same room as one another. For once he hadn't felt like a freak who'd done her wrong. He was able to look at her without being the guilty one. Would it have been such a bad thing to keep things that way?

He was about to turn around and say something to her. Let her know he was sorry about the past and was willing to forgive her because of history or feelings or poor judgement. Something stupid like that.

Instead of turning around, he kept looking at the sidewalk out ahead of him as he walked home.

Louise felt a little lighter as she drove away. It had nothing to do with making nice with Logan. It was just the weightlessness of being able to do the right thing.

Just that and nothing more.


	9. Chapter 9: A Saffron for Sore Eyes

Chapter Nine: "A Saffron for Sore Eyes" Burger:

"One minute you're rubbing elbows in a yacht club with Cynthia and drinking champagne, next your catering a stupid party for her. Who's side are you on?" Louise asked her mother incredulously as she sat at the first booth wiping down menus.

"Stop being dramatic. It's good money," Bob said. He stood in the kitchen, talking to his daughter directly through the service window.

"Tellin' Hot Rod ta not be dramatic? That's funny, Bob," Zeke chuckled from behind the grill.

"It's not for Cynthia, it's for Logan. Cynthia recommended us. Which seems a little too nice for her, but I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth." Linda started off strong and ended in a frustrated mumble. So much for her and Cynthia breaking ground on Friendship Palace.

Louise was beginning to see visible proof that Linda and Cynthia weren't as civil as what they portrayed. She would have been much happier about it, if it weren't at her mother's own expense.

"Because that makes this so much better?" Louise asked.

"The company already paid us a deposit. A real deposit. You can skip out on this when you bring me your own deposit," Bob said.

"I have prep to do for the truck," Louise said.

"We'll get everything ready right before we get there, we'll bring extra coolers. You can drop us off on your way back. We'll just take the food truck. I mean, if it doesn't break down on the way there."

"You're really not making it easy for me to find a way out of this, Dad." Louise said. "Did you guys even think about who's gonna be here to feed Teddy?"

"We'll leave a bag on the doorstep for him," Bob chuckled.

"Zeke?" Louise asked, trying to form a quick alliance.

"We're doin' a huge New Year's Eve Party at the Club, girl. I wouldn't be able ta take the night off from it if I wanted ta," Zeke said

"Exactly, it's New Year's Eve. Do you know how much money I could pull tonight? Especially if I'm at the Wharf when they do the fireworks?" Louise asked.

"I wouldn't ask you if I didn't have to. I know you hate Logan." Bob pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll give you New Year's and the day after off work. With pay."

Bob had resorted to bribing. A tactic he hadn't used in years. This was important to her father, Louise realized. It was high profile. It could be a good thing for the restaurant. If it made her father happy, she'd do it.

She sighed, "Fine, but you're paying for gas in the truck."

"I can live with that," Bob said.

* * *

On New Year's Eve the Belchers cleaned and closed down the restaurant early, loaded the catering equipment into 2.0, and drove off to the Wharf Arts Center.

They got there early and Bob set up his portable grill. Linda set up tin trays and place cards for the fry buffet and Louise had the standing chalk board propped up a few tables away from her parents, carefully printing a custom menu of burgers and sliders: "Sparks Will Fry Burger." "New Years' Rennet-Lusion Burger." "Swiss Me When the Ball Drops Burger"

There were a few party planners making last minute touch ups. People with headsets and clipboards, fluttering around the room like a stage crew in a play. In the center of all the commotion, was an older man in a white suit with an eye patch. A tall blonde man in an expertly tailored suit stood next to the older man. They were engaged deeply in conversation. The blonde was holding a clipboard. Louise smirked to herself and added a last minute change on the bottom of the menu.

Louise was about to set the chalkboard down when she heard footsteps and that voice that made her want to stick a butter knife in a toaster, "Can't stay away from me, can you?"

"I thought these were the hills. I was running for them." Knowing her parents were out of earshot, Louise felt little obligation to be civil.

"You're gonna be running for a while then," Logan appraised her. He'd noticed the immediate lack of tall pink Ears tucked away somewhere on her person. Maybe she was trying to look professional, maybe the catering uniform just didn't have pockets. He felt a little embarrassed speculating on it.

Louise reached behind her back and tightened the strings of her apron, then she looked up at Logan, "So this was your big revenge plan? Personally, I think you could have done better, but I just got here and I'm already having a horrible time, if that's any consolation."

"It helps a little. But it's not a revenge plan. Life's just funny like that sometimes. I knew about this catering thing the other night when you _selflessly_ came to apologize to me. I just wanted to see the look on your face when you had to be here." Logan said, clipboard still in hand.

"Poor Big Bushed bastard wanted to spend the whole company party with his tail tucked between his legs? You scared?"

"Shut it, Smellcher. This party is a big deal for me. Huge, actually. Promotion huge." As an afterthought he added, "Stop calling me 'Big Bush.' "

"I wouldn't say you're a big deal. Average really. Don't give yourself that much credit," Louise snorted.

"Shame you'll never get to find out for yourself," Logan smirked. Louise grimaced. "C'mon, Smellcher, could you at least try to look like you're happy to be here?"

"I'm honored. I'm so, so honored that you would take the trouble to hire me and my family. After all, the food is cold and undercooked. You're really taking a risk with foodborne pathogens," she cracked a large, fake smile to accommodate his request.

"Louise."

"If this party is such a big deal, why did you hire a burger dive to cater?"

"I didn't hire, I suggested. I pitched ideas. Fancy, stuffy dinners are out. Innovative is in. It grabs people's attention. Different is daring. This project is going to be both," Logan sounded as if he was reciting something from a presentation.

"So your mommy thinks Bob's Burgers is 'innovative and daring?' " Louise threw up air quotes. "Stop trying to give me your stupid fucking sales pitch."

"Bob's Burgers is unique and memorable. It's family run. People eat that sentimental shit up."

"Undercooked _is_ pretty memorable," Louise sniped.

"You got a non-consensual striptease out of me. Then you took pictures and threatened to ruin my life. That's also memorable. Do you think you can control yourself and not ruin tonight for me?"

"It's so cute that you think I care enough about you to ruin this for you, Big Bush."

"You're unbelievable," Logan huffed. He turned to walk away. _So much for forgiveness._

"I'm not going to ruin this for you," Louise mumbled. Logan turned back around. "But it's not because of you. It's because this is important to my parents."

"Good enough," Logan said, annoyance coloring his tone.

"Oh, and Big Bush, this one is especially for you," Louise said as she pointed to the last burger on the menu. She set the chalkboard down. Logan read it. "A Saffron for Sore Eyes Burger."

Logan gave Louise an impish grin, "You know, you look different in an apron. Not horrible. It's kinda cute." He spun around on his heels and threw himself back into the action of coordinating.

That impish grin made her want to slap him. It was annoying and cocky and made her feel butterflies. Who did he think he was?

"What was that about?" Bob asked as Louise joined her parents at the catering station.

"I had to put him in his place," Louise said casually. She started arranging plates and utensils to the left of the grill.

"That's not what it looked like to me, Miss Missy," Linda said.

"Did you see Fischoeder over there?" Louise asked, changing the subject.

"Is that Mr. Fischoeder? It is!" Linda exclaimed. She motioned to him.

"Lin, stop it. I don't want him to come over here," Bob said.

"Too late," Louise whispered to her father as Calvin Fischoeder approached the catering station.

He was quickly ushered away by a party planner before he could come close enough to initiate conversation. Mr. Fischoeder was placed at a table toward the front of the room, next to a podium. Guests began to filter in and the sounds of dull chatter filled the event room.

Louise stuck close to her parents. Bob working the grill, Louise plating, and Linda manning the fry bar with a smile. The tipsy stuffed shirts thought Linda was "a hoot." Some of the tipsy stuffed shirts praised the witty menu.

Linda's popularity and enthusiasm made Bob relax slightly. If Louise didn't know any better, she'd swear her parents actually enjoyed themselves.

Throughout the night, party guests were coming back for seconds and thirds. Louise slipped them flyers and business cards she'd kept on the table. It was a last minute touch she'd considered as she ran out to the food truck and grabbed a large stack from the glove compartment.

Louise had been focused on her job at the catering station for most of the party, but she found herself occasionally sneaking a glimpse at the stupid blonde. He was networking and mingling, clipboard never leaving his hand. Louise could see how calculated and professional he was in every movement he made. He was like a different person. She was almost impressed with him.

* * *

Logan was working fast. He was on his feet for the most of the party. It felt like minutes had passed, instead of hours, by the time he was up at the podium introducing Mr. Calvin Fischoeder as the guest speaker for the company's biggest party of the quarter.

When Logan stepped to the side of the podium, he caught Louise Belcher staring at him. Judging him. Appraising him. A tingle ran up his spine. He hated that he wanted the pint-sized spitfire to notice him. He hated that he wanted to impress her. He hated that she wasn't giving him just a little bit of trouble tonight, either. Not that he would have had the time to engage. He hated that he just wanted to go up to her and talk to her and laugh at her sarcastic comebacks. He knew that he actually didn't hate any of these things, and that scared him a little bit.

For now, though, Logan had more important things to worry about. He listened to Calvin Fischoder's speech on the positives of representing interests in Seymour's Bay as well as Bog Harbor. How much money and tourist revenue they could generate by taking on Wonder Wharf and the Wharf Arts Center as strategic research assets. Assets for improvement. Calvin Fischoder was "beseeching them to turn this old town into a gold town." It was a sales pitch to people who did sales pitches for a living and he was laying it on thick.

Calvin Fischoeder had already put on his white cape, a signal he was trying to head out the door, when a bunch of tipsy stuffed shirts surrounded him, asking questions. They were being turned away by Logan and other corporate cogs, who were reassuring them there would be plenty of time for discussions at future meetings. Free flowing booze and champagne had made the stuffed shirts friendly, but Calvin Fischoeder was still the same fickle and opposing figure.

Louise laughed to herself at Logan's slight misfortune of being mobbed. She quickly helped her parents pack up their equipment. Louise would have gotten out of the Wharf Arts Center even faster, if she'd thought it was physically possible.

She helped her parents unload their equipment at warp speed upon arrival to the restaurant, but she didn't stick around to carry anything back to the basement. Linda gave her daughter an earful as she sped down the block to park at the entrance of Wonder Wharf.

"She's literally right there. Look, Bobby, you can see her in the truck. Right there. Can't help her parents put some stuff away. Just speeds right off in that rickety box," Linda said.

* * *

It was after eleven when Louise parked in front of the entrance to Wonder Wharf. The crowd was thinner than anticipated. Louise didn't take this as a good sign when she pulled things out of coolers and scrawled a "Burger of the Day" on the board.

Louise was beginning to regret bringing 2.0 out at all. Soon the fireworks would be shooting off. Then people would be going home or shuffling off to their next party. Some nights were just busts.

"Still running for the hills?"

"Well, fuck, if I knew the vermin were gonna be out, I would have taken the night off."

"Can I get a 'Burger of the Day?' "Logan asked, wrinkling his nose at Louise's distasteful comment. He made a mental note to himself about the reappearance of the Ears perched on her head in the cold night.

"Say it."

"Can I get 'Balls Just Dropped Burger?' "Logan asked loudly. He dug for his wallet, pulling it out of his jacket pocket. He was still wearing his suit from the corporate party.

"You may," Louise snatched the cash out of his hand. "I'm going to let it sit for awhile though. You look like you enjoy a cold burger."

"You look like you enjoy holding a grudge."

"You gonna get outta my sight when you get your burger? You know, follow the 'go our separate ways' clause of this truce."

"And make your night better? Not a chance, Smellcher."

"Why are you here?" Louise shouted out to him from the grill.

"To watch the fireworks. Just like everyone else."

"So, you're not just here to annoy me?"

"No, but it doesn't hurt," Logan shouted back.

"I kept the peace at your stupid work party, you could return the favor."

"I'm not here to ruin your night. I wanted to say 'Thanks'," Logan said, voice still raised.

Louise popped her head back through the window, "I don't think I heard that right. Did you say what I thought you said?"

Logan sighed, "You heard right."

"Well, well, well."

"Yeah, that's what my burger's gonna be, if you don't get back to the grill."

"He's got jokes," Louise threw at him as she disappeared back into the food truck.

Logan waited, standing on the sidewalk with his arms crossed. Louise stuck her head out of the service window again, but kept the to-go box out of reach.

"You gonna give me my food?"

"You have to say it again."

"Thanks?"

"No, you tool, the 'Burger of the Day.' "

"You're evil."

"Thank you."

"Can I have my burger?"

"Sorry, that's a no. Until you comply."

Logan came up to the front of the food truck, stood on the balls of his feet, and looked in through the service window. " 'Balls Just Dropped,' " he said in a deliberately sultry tone.

Louise set the to-go box on the ledge of the service window, just out of Logan's reach.

"What's the view like from there?" Logan asked, eyes still poking around as he stretched up from the sidewalk.

"You think I'm going to let you in the truck?"

"Sure?"

"No way, Big Bush," Louise pushed the to-go box slightly closer to him.

"I bet you would make a lot more money if you took this thing out during the day."

"Don't tell me how to run my business. 2.0 is a Lady of the Night."

"Is that what you call her? Lady of the Night?"

"No."

"Smartass," Logan said as he grabbed the to-go box, lowering himself from the service window. He remained standing next to the truck. Louise was standing at the window, looking directly down at him.

"I sleep until afternoon, I wake up, I do school work and make stupid pies, and then I work at the restaurant all day until I can take my stupid food truck out."

"That sounds like a lot of work. But I know this guy, he's in marketing, and he's really good with strategy and business models. He might be able to make some recommendations if you're so damn insistent on keeping the same schedule," Logan pitched casually. He'd torn into his burger quickly, eating voraciously. He'd hadn't had time at the party to stop and grab a plate from the catering station.

Louise disappeared from the window and opened the back door of the truck, "You can come in, asshole."

Logan stuffed the last bite of burger in his mouth, threw the box in a trashcan, and climbed into the back of the truck.

"That's attractive," Louise said sardonically staring at Logan's puffed up cheeks as he chewed. He opened his mouth to show her the chewed up contents of the burger before he swallowed. Louise flashed him a disgusted look.

"What's with the sudden change of heart?" Logan asked.

"You said something that piqued my interest. Plus, it looks like you're my only customer tonight."

"Marketing strategy? That's what gets you hot and bothered?"

"When I finish my degree, I want to open some new locations. I'm gonna retire the food truck, maybe, and I'm gonna open a slop shop and call it 'Belcher's Burgers' or 'Belcher's Burgers and Beer' or something less stupid."

"Well I can't just spout it out what works best. We'd need to sit down and talk about demographics and competition. Plus advertising. Then I'd probably prepare a whole presentation. That's just to start off."

"I'm not trying to hire you. I just wanted some quick advice."

"I saw your little flyer thingies at the party. It was smart. What if I offered some help? For free. No hiring required."

"What's the catch, Big Bush?"

"You're serious about it. I can see it in your face. I can respect that. So my catch is that I want free burgers."

"I could make that arrangement."

"Okay. You got yourself a deal, Smellcher."

"Just like that?" Louise scoffed.

"Just like that," Logan echoed.

"So that's why everyone you work with has such a huge boner for you, you just give it away for free?"

"Maybe if you'd paid attention to the speech instead of staring at me the whole time, you'd know why they all love me and why that party was such a big deal."

"I was only staring because I was wondering where your paper bag was. The one that belongs over your face."

"Calvin Fischoeder wants the firm to do tourism marketing and research for Wonder Wharf and some other minor properties he has in Seymour's Bay. That's why this stupid party was all the way out here. Special for the guest of honor, who couldn't be bothered to schlep it down to Bog Harbor. Fischoeder thinks he's playing the long game."

"That wasn't what I asked."

"Everyone has a huge boner for me because I'm great," Logan espoused dramatically. A grin formed on Louise's face a little too quick for her to hide. "Also, I'm really fucking good at my job," he shrugged.

"Don't choke on your own dick while you're sucking yourself off," Louise sniped.

"You're more than welcome to take over that job for me," Logan said in a pseudo-saccharine tone.

"I can't. Taking someone's virginity seems like too much of a burden to carry."

"I'm only a virgin on religious holidays," Logan chuckled. "And that's not how that works."

Louise shrugged and walked over to the coffee maker to pour herself a cup with a disgusting amount of sugar. Despite the hostile words they threw at each other, this was the lightest Louise had felt all night. She didn't get to be around people that enjoyed her brand of humor often, but Logan was keeping up.

Logan looked around, surveying the inside of 2.0.

"Stop staring her down with your filthy eyes, you pervert."

"It looks like it should be bigger, judging on the outside," Logan said.

"I could say the same about you and your lack of brains."

Logan didn't respond, he was too busy staring at her laptop, covered in stickers. Kuchi Kopi stickers, Pi stickers, and Boyz 4 Now stickers. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Don't."

"Louise Belcher is a Boyz 4 Now fan? Oh, I wish I'd known about this years ago. So much ammunition."

"Shut your whore mouth."

"You seem like a Griffin fan. No! A Boo Boo fan."

"Boo Boo is a disgusting, beautiful angel and you _will_ keep your mouth shut."

"Confidentially, I can get down to some Tabitha Johanssan."

"Oh, that's even worse than Boyz 4 Now. Why would you admit that?"

"Show of solidarity?"

"There's no solidarity here, Loganberry, just your own personal humiliation," Louise's statement was punctuated by a loud pop and a flash of bright colors across the Wharf. She grabbed her Styrofoam cup and opened the back door to the truck. "You coming, Big Bush?"

Logan followed Louise out of the truck, through Wonder Wharf, and to the pier. Shoving and pushing the whole time through the crowd. Logan caught up with Louise at the end of the pier. They stood together as they watched the fireworks go off.

Logan asked, after some hesitation, "Can I put my ar-"

"Yeah, yeah. Now shut up. Your talking is gonna ruin my coffee."

Logan rolled his eyes and put his arm around Louise. Neither of them said another word as they watched the fireworks in the sky and reflecting off the bay. Logan ignored the warm feelings in this chest, the way his mouth felt dry, the urge to plant a kiss on her that flashed away as briefly as it came. Logan was a grown man, he didn't get nervous around women anymore. Especially not devious pants-ers.

When the fireworks were over and the crowd had begun to fade, Logan and Louise continued to stand there for a little while longer.

"Is this me getting my turn at a second chance?" he asked.

"The more you talk about this 'truce,' the more I want to say 'no.' "

"I thought I was doing so well, too."

"Yeah, you're okay. Not when you're trying too hard to be nice, like that night before Thanksgiving. You were so full of it," she began to pick at the rim of her now empty Styrofoam cup.

"Says you," he scoffed. Logan felt his hopes pop and fizzle out, like the firework show. That was it? She still thought of him as the childhood bully. The semi-reformed jerk. Did she think he was fake, too? Was she always going to think of him that way? His shoulders hunched up around his neck.

Louise remembered where she was. Who she was with. She broke away slowly. Logan followed her through Wonder Wharf, past the concession stands and rides in the dim light of the lamp posts and booth lights along the wharf. He followed her back to the truck and stood there with his arms crossed over his chest. What was he supposed to do? Walk her home? Say "Goodnight?"

"Why are you standing there like an idiot?" she asked.

Logan opened his mouth, a sarcastic response already locked and loaded.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Louise shouted.

"What?"

"Fuck!" Louise repeated, pulling the handle to the passenger door of 2.0. Louise walked to the back door of the food truck and pulled on the handle. She pulled again and the door didn't give.

A smirk formed on Logan's face, "You locked yourself out, didn't you?"

"It's not funny," she ignored the way his smirk made her heart drop into her stomach and then flutter back up again.

"It's a little funny."

"My backup lock picking kit is inside the stupid truck."

"You have a lock picking kit?"

" _Kits_ ," Louise drew out the "s."

"Can you give me a boost? See if I can open it from the inside." Louise asked, pointing to the service window of the food truck.

"If you can get inside, why would you need the lock picking kit?"

"I meant the kit wasn't on me, dumbass."

"You're tiny and all, but I don't think you're gonna fit."

"Shut it and help me up."

"Fine," Logan conceded, he bent down for Louise to climb onto his back. He piggy-backed Louise over to the window, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach, and she put her fingers on the ledge of the service window, hoisting herself up. She got her head and shoulders through the window before she realized it was a failed endeavor.

She shimmied out of the window and slowly tried to climb back down, kicking Logan in the face in the process. Louise dropped back down onto the pavement, landing on her ass. She stood up and saw Logan holding his nose.

"I guess you are right," she said. "This is a little funny."

"Is my nose bleeding?" Logan asked, taking his hand away from his face and turning his head upward.

"No. Now stop being a baby. I just fell six feet onto my ass and you don't see me whining."

"It was like a foot. You were dangling."

"Shut up and follow me," Louise said, walking toward Ocean Avenue.

"Where?" Logan winced from the dull pain in his nose.

"To the restaurant, stupid. My spare keys are in the apartment. The truck door has a double lock."

"Lock picking kits and breaking into your own apartment? You're nuts."

"But you're coming with me, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's cold out here. I can't just leave you stranded or whatever."

"Leave me stranded? That's rich."

"I'm doing you a favor. I'm really not dressed for this kind of shit right now," Logan said as he and Louise rounded the corner behind Bob's Burgers and walked into the alley.

"I'm gonna need another boost."

"Can't you just call your parents and have them let you in? Or bring you the keys?"

"What are you? New here?"

"It smells horrible back here, by the way."

"Duh, it's a Dumpster. Maybe some traces of moldy cantaloupe, too."

"I could toss you into the Dumpster and leave you here, Belcher." Logan grumbled. Louise shrugged off his empty threat.

He ducked down again and Louise climbed onto his back. He stood up and ungracefully pushed her onto the plastic cover of the Dumpster. Louise grabbed the rickety ladder and pulled it down as far as it would go. It met the top of the Dumpster cover and Louise climbed up until she was on the landing of the fire escape.

"Meet me out front," Louise loudly whispered to Logan. She opened the window and disappeared through it.

Logan walked around the building and waited a minute before Louise re-emerged through the front door of the apartment. They doubled back down Ocean Avenue toward the food truck.

"What's up with your window?"

"We leave it unlocked. Just in case."

"Yeah, that seems safe," Logan gibed.

"One time my Mom got herself lost and fucked up on her birthday. Locked herself out of the car and the house. Got skunked, too. She climbed up the fire escape and broke the window to get in. So we just keep it unlocked now."

"Your family is fucking nuts."

"Yes, you've mentioned that. I thought you'd be more shocked by the window thing."

"Nope. I think that's the most normal thing I've heard in the last twenty minutes," Logan said derisively

Louise unlocked the driver side door of 2.0, "Did you drive or do you need a ride?"

"I Uber-ed."

"So you need a ride?" Louise rolled her eyes.

"I guess," Logan said walking around the front and getting in on the passenger side.

Logan was quiet for most of the ride back to his house. "I, um, had a good time tonight," Logan volunteered, awkwardly.

Louise parked in front of the house Logan told her to stop at. "My night was horrible, just so you know," Louise said sarcastically. Logan smiled at that.

"So, should I call you or something?"

"It's a free country," Louise said looking over at him.

"Okay, I guess I'll call you, then," Logan said rubbing the back of his neck.

Logan got out of the food truck. He could hear the barking before he got to the door. He unlocked the door and picked up the little wiener dog that had eagerly been waiting for him. He took his phone out of his pocket. It was after one in the morning and he had a text message from Scotty and several voicemails from Cynthia.

He looked at his dog with a shit-eating grin, "Fuck, I'm in trouble."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know all the chapters say "Chapter X: Chapter X: "Insert Title Here" Burger, but I already committed to it. Here we are. I think this could be the start of a new trend. No going back now.


	10. Chapter 10: Shut Up and Swiss Me

Chapter Ten: "Shut Up and Swiss Me" Burger:

After Zeke's graduation party, Tina avoided Zeke, her family, and angry phone calls from Jimmy Jr. Then the angry phone calls from Tammy started. After three days of unhooking the landline in her room, Tina couldn't avoid reality anymore.

"I'm not screening calls for you anymore, T," Louise told her sister. The youngest Belcher had done her due diligence in warding off Tammy and Jimmy Jr.'s fury filled phone calls. Mostly so their parents wouldn't realize what was going on. Bob and Linda talked a lot in the days following Tina's graduation about why their daughter was acting like a hermit. Mostly when they were alone. Sometimes in front of Zeke.

"As much as I love watching people ruin their lives, I don't like it when it's my family," Louise said. She was standing in Tina's doorway, playing with one of the earpieces on her hat. Holding them in her hands and looking at her Ears and not Tina. "Zeke keeps calling, by the way. And showing up at the front door with flowers. It's getting pathetic."

Did Tina maybe perk up at the mention of Zeke's name? Louise thought it sure looked like it.

"And he still hasn't worked up the nerve to ask me out," Gene said, taking up space on the side of the door frame opposite Louise.

Dread crossed Tina's face. She'd only just had the most confusing night of her life and now both siblings knew about it. It wasn't fair. Tina still hadn't had time to fully process everything that happened. She needed about four more notebooks worth of journal space to let out her feelings. All she did was avoid and write and sulk, but it didn't seem to be working so far.

"It's okay. I just wasn't meant to have a nice life," Tina said. "Just nosy siblings and a confusing Grill Cook with a nice butt that keeps calling." Gene and Louise both looked at Tina and then looked at each other, as if telepathically agreeing on a solution.

Gene came into Tina's room and sat next to his sister on the bed. Louise stayed by the door, trying to put space between herself and the affectionate heart to heart she felt coming on. "Maybe Zeke isn't just any old Grill Cook butt," Gene started. "Maybe Zeke is a butt that has cared about you for a long time. Like a lingering fart. You didn't know it was coming, but now it's here to stay and it's warm, too."

"Strong start, Gene," Louise said sarcastically.

"What if that's what I'm afraid of?" Tina took her gaze off the floor and made eye contact with her siblings for what had to be the first time in days. "Plus, he was really good friends with Jimmy Jr."

"Yeah, _was_. Don't tell me all of this is about Jimmy Jr.?" Louise glared at her sister.

"I don't care about what Jimmy Jr. thinks. I haven't for a long time." As soon as Tina said the words aloud, both her and her siblings knew it was the truth.

Tina felt a little lighter. She hadn't known that it would feel so good to acknowledge it. Had she officially given herself permission to get over Jimmy Jr.?

"Then what are you worried about? Go to him!" Gene commanded. Tina didn't move. Gene gave her a bewildered look "Why are you not going to him?"

"It's just so confusing and awkward," Tina groaned.

"When you've seen someone shit into a crowd from the catwalk in the school auditorium, the list of awkward things really dwindles. You and the 'Mad Pooper' are way past awkward, T," Louise said.

"The 'Mad Pooper' was amazing. I've never seen anything like it," Gene reminisced.

"That butt never even had a chance to go into the butt bank," Tina said.

"You need to talk to Zeke, T. Otherwise you're not treating him any better than Jimmy Jr. treated you."

"How can you say that? I didn't ask for this to happen."

"No one said you did. And no one said you had to grow old with him. Zeke really cares about you and you're frickin' blind for not being able to see it. He never tried to make you feel bad about who you are like Jimmy Jr. always did," Louise said.

Tina had never thought of Zeke in a romantic way. Except when she had. Like the time he went through Hell and Hall Monitor to steal the Wagstaff mascot suit for his grandma. Or when he braved an electric fence to share in a two-butted goat journey with her brother. Or that time he took a shit on the catwalk of the Wagstaff auditorium so Tina could have a damn news story. Or that time he got Tina and Louise a ride to the Boyz 4 Now concert and then helped them sneak onto their tour bus.

But Tina also thought of thousands of other guys in passing. What made Zeke any more special?

Tina fell in love with every guy she saw until she turned sixteen. After that she only fell in love with half of the guys she saw.

Tina spent the rest of her senior year of high school trying to deal with the ridiculing and bullying that Tammy wrought and the awkwardness of existing in the same place as Jimmy Jr. after that final break up. Those things had been hard enough. Add in the immense pressure of her realizing she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. That was enough to make Tina want to bury her groaning head in the sand and write an epic saga in her diary. Now Tina had Zeke to worry about, too?

Tina had a most assuredly unromantic crisis on her hands.

She could see how well Zeke fit into the Belcher family, how easily he had fit in when he started working at the restaurant. She could see the effort Zeke had made. Efforts Tina had previously denied: Valentine's Day flowers, someone to sit with at lunch when it felt like the rest of her frenemies were out to get her, inviting her to his graduation party because he wanted her there and not caring, or seeming to realize, what a stir it caused among mixed company.

So this was it? Tina was just supposed to fall in love with Zeke because she made the mistake of sleeping with him, and listening to all the dumb, wonderful things he'd said leading up to sex? She was supposed to want to be his girlfriend because he got along with her family? She was just supposed to want to be with him because he wanted to be with her?

Tina considered her sister's words. Was she to Jimmy Jr. what Zeke had been to her? She couldn't live with knowing what it was like to be treated the way Jimmy Jr. had treated her and then doing that to someone else.

Her siblings were right. She had to talk to Zeke. Moping around the apartment and ignoring phone calls wasn't working. And her father was starting to complain about her omnipresent state of groaning. Tina wasn't sure if she would be able to get it together. She was torn between what felt right and what felt safe, and safe had been winning by a marathon.

The phone in the living room rang again. "Tell him not to call here anymore, he didn't even pay for dinner last time!" Gene shouted as Louise went to answer the phone.

"Tina!" Louise called from the living room. Tina's groaning stopped in favor of dead silence.

Tina didn't answer. Louise kept yelling and Tina kept quiet. Louise set the burger phone in the living room down and marched into Tina's room, plugging the jack back in. Louise picked up the line, "Answer it!" she ordered.

Tina didn't move.

"Gene, get her!" the youngest Belcher commanded.

"I'll sit on you!" Gene threatened.

Tina groaned.

Louise dropped the line and got in her sister's face, Tina's groaning was now full force. "I got this guy and this guy," Louise said, raising her open palms on either side of Tina's line of vision. "And I _will_ use them if you don't _answer the frickin' phone._ "

Louise shoved the phone into Tina's hand and Tina put the receiver to her ear, still groaning, but more quietly now. The younger sister shoved her head next to the older sister's head so she could hear the whole conversation. Gene slowly moved out of the room, giving his sisters privacy.

"Hey, T-Bird," Zeke's voice came through the phone.

"Zeke," Tina tried cooly, but came out sounding much more panicked.

"Can ya meet me in the restaurant after close, girl? I got a surprise fir ya?"

Tina groaned louder into the receiver.

"Is that a yes?"

"You shouldn't call here, Zeke. I don't want to talk to you." Tina rambled, stringing her words together.

Louise grabbed the landline out of her sister's hand and shouted into the receiver, "She'll be there!" She slammed the phone down into the cradle.

"Why did you hang up? I was listening to that!" Gene exclaimed from a few room away. He'd snuck into the living room and picked up the burger phone to listen in and hadn't felt at all guilty for doing so.

"I'm not going." Tina rehashed.

"The restaurant closes at nine-thirty, you have three hours to get your shit together."

"You can't make me leave the apartment," Tina pointed out

"I can't, but you will. You're the one who always does the right thing. I don't have to force you into anything." Louise said over her shoulder as she walked out of Tina's bedroom.

Tina sat there, drowned deep in her own thoughts. As it grew closer to closing time, Tina felt a tug in her gut, a nagging that she vowed she would ignore.

After what felt like hours of sitting around, Tina heard the voices and footsteps of her parents. It was just after nine. There was a knock at her door, and Bob opened it up. "You're still in here," he said plainly. Not a question. Linda walked in behind him.

"My Teeny Tina. Oh, you just look so sad," Linda announced when she saw her oldest daughter, "What's wrong? I'm starting to get worried."

"Does this have anything to do with Pesto's kid?" Bob asked

"No, Dad!"

Looking at her daughter, Linda asked, "Is it about school? Things feel different after you graduate. I remember the week after Monica and I -"

Tina cut her mother off, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, but I'm still checking on you tomorrow. You're not sitting in the dumps all summer, Miss Missy." Linda said as she ushered Bob out into the hall. Tina vaguely heard Bob ask what to make of their daughter's change in attitude. Linda vaguely said something about reading Tina's diary later to suss out the problem. Tina had thought her mother had stopped reading her diary when she'd hit freshman year. New circumstantial evidence presented otherwise. The Belcher family had always been a very close and very open family, but Tina was beginning to question if they were too close.

The nagging pit in Tina's stomach grew bigger. The thought of staying in the apartment with her parents, especially after this last interaction, seemed suffocating.

Louise had undoubtedly snuck out of the house by now to go to some party with Regular-Sized Rudy or to enact some mischievous prank. Gene was probably with Alex. He seemed to spend all of his time with Alex these days.

Tina got to her feet and decided the first step to figuring out what to do with herself was showering and getting dressed. So she did. Then she found herself pacing in her room debating her next course of action.

"Damn it," Tina muttered to herself, knowing she'd already made her decision. She'd just been trying to delay the outcome.

Bob and Linda were sitting on the couch in the living room watching a baking show and drinking a bottle of wine. Tina tried to sneak past her parents, but she knew they heard her. Her footsteps were not quiet and she had never mastered "the art of subtly getting away with things" like her siblings had.

"Should we try to stop her?" Bob whispered

"I'm just glad she's getting out of the house," Linda whispered back.

Tina could hear her parents whispering as much as they could hear her footsteps. If she was horrible at "the art of subtly getting away with things" her parents had never mastered the "art of whispering."

Tina closed the apartment door and walked into the restaurant. The bell ringing above the door got Zeke's attention and he moved toward the service window. His face lit up. "I didn't think ya were coming."

"My brain didn't think I was coming either, but my heart said 'yes,'" Tina said evenly. The restaurant was cleaned and closed. The floor where Tina was standing was still streaky and wet from mopping.

She could smell amazing smells coming from the kitchen, then she looked towards the booths and noticed that one of the center booths had place settings laid out. No one had ever done anything like this for her. To say it was overwhelming was an understatement.

Tina stood there, not entirely sure what she should do with herself.

Zeke came out of the kitchen carrying one of the serving platters they hardly ever used in the restaurant. He set the tray down on the set table. Steak and potatoes, heavily seasoned. He took out a pocket lighter and lit a single candle resting in a jar on the table top.

Tina began to groan.

"Sorry it ain't all that fancy," Zeke sat down, still wearing his apron that he'd probably had on all shift. It was covered in grease spots and other stains. He rubbed the back of his neck, "Sorry I don't look that great, either. I just got done closin'."

Since when did Zeke really care about what he looked like? The three things Zeke cared about were cooking, wrestling, and hanging out with his friends, in that order. Zeke never cared about impressing women. Yet here Zeke was, trying to impress her.

Tina felt like she had been hit with the serving platter. Was she a terrible person for avoiding Zeke because she wasn't sure if she was ready to see him yet?

Tina finally sat down in the booth, looking directly across from Zeke, "We should talk."

"That's what I been tryin' ta do. 'Cept ya won't answer the phone." Tina looked away for a minute. "Did I hurt ya? Or do ya regret it or somethin'." Zeke choked a little bit, trying to steer away from the awkward turn his demeanor had taken.

"No," Tina looked Zeke in the eye as she said it. She didn't regret sleeping with Zeke, even if it was a drunken accident.

"Why won't ya talk to me, then?"

"I wasn't ready. And I keep getting all these angry phone calls from _your_ friends."

"Ya know, J-Ju is pretty mad at me."

"I don't care about Jimmy Jr.," Tina shouted. Why couldn't anyone see this wasn't about Jimmy Jr.? I was about her and how she felt. How nobody seemed to care about how she felt, but everyone was ready to criticize her, or give her advice, or force her into a situation she didn't want to be in. No one was letting her have time to process all the major life changes she was going through. And no one was letting her process them in her own way.

"I know." Zeke said. Neither of them touched their food.

"Then why did you bring him up?" Tina asked defensively.

" 'Cause people keep pushing me, too. And everyone's angry at me right now. But I don't want ya ta be one of 'em." Zeke explained.

"Okay." Tina said, pushing the steak around on her plate.

"Tammy's mad at me, too, for some reason," Zeke began to cut into his steak, but didn't lift a fork to eat.

"I don't care about Tammy, either," Tina was still pushing the food around on her plate, mostly to give herself something to do that didn't involve direct eye contact with Zeke.

"I know," Zeke repeated.

"Then stop bringing them up."

"I don't- I d-."

"Spit it out, Zeke," Tina's tone was intended to be aggressive, but there wasn't a broad range in her monotone.

"I don't know how to do this."

"I don't know how to do this, either. You're loud and annoying and kind of gross."

"That's pretty harsh, T-Bird," Zeke stopped slicing into his steak. His expression fell. Tina thought about apologizing, but in a rare moment of defiance, decided against it. Everyone has been pushing her for the last few days, including Zeke. Tina should finally be able to speak her mind for a change.

"Why are you doing all this?"

" 'Cause I want ta."

"That's not a good reason."

"I like ya, girl, is that a good enough reason?" Zeke said.

Tina had always known Zeke liked her. She knew she ignored him because she liked Jimmy Jr. and Zeke was his annoying friend who's presence she willing to just barely tolerate. She also knew that Zeke would never admit how he felt, because Jimmy Jr. had been there first.

Zeke was a good friend.

Jimmy Jr. was not a good friend and he was an even worse boyfriend.

Tina sensed Zeke had figured that out sometime after they had all started high school, but Zeke was loyal to a fault. Just because Tina was done with Jimmy Jr., didn't mean Zeke was.

"I thought ya kinda liked me, too. After what ya were sayin' the other night," Zeke started after Tina didn't reply. Tina fumed a little bit. Drunk Tina was a liar with her own ideas about what she _thought_ she wanted.

Drunk, minimally confident Tina had espoused how she thought Zeke was a good guy. How he'd grown into his once awkward butt. It was a nice butt. She was a butt person. Tina may have mentioned an appearance or ten that Zeke had made in her compendium of erotic friend fictions.

Drunk Tina might have casually mentioned how she liked that he seemed to naturally fit in with the Belcher family. How great it was that he got along with Gene, since Gene didn't seem to have many friends his own age. And that it was great how he got along with Louise, both of them natural troublemakers that were really just big softies.

Drunk Tina waxed poetically about how loyal she noticed Zeke could be to his friends and family even when they were jerks. How he added an element of adventure to the Belcher siblings lives. Drunk Tina told Zeke occasionally he could be funny, too.

Drunk Tina was a liar. A liar that told the truth and exposed Sober Tina's secrets. Things that Sober Tina would have eventually talked about, she might have just needed a little more time to admit to it. Some time on her own, maybe at college. Away from the sway of Jimmy Jr. A chance to miss the things she hadn't realized she took for granted, especially things about Zeke.

Tina had spent all her teenage years trying to figure out what kind of guy would make her happy. Who her destiny was. Tina had begun to realize after Jimmy Jr. broke up with her, that she didn't need someone else to make her happy. She was done trying to find love for the sake of finding love. She just needed to learn how to let Jimmy Jr. go first, and that was the tricky part.

Tina didn't budge on her stance, something had changed after Thanksgiving. Something new she wasn't sure if she liked. Tina could fall in love with almost any boy she saw, it was biologically proven, by her.

Tina had never found herself expecting to like someone she formerly couldn't stand. She had never found herself liking somebody for more than superficial reasons. Someone who wasn't Jimmy Jr. Or Josh from Fresh Feed, even though the whirlwind puppy love only lasted for a week, and was ultimately overshadowed by a jealous and weirded out Jimmy Jr.

Then Tina got flowers on Valentine's Day. She tried hard to stay in denial. It had to be Jimmy Jr. It was the only logical explanation. If it was Zeke, Tina didn't know what she would do. She would have to face Zeke and have this conversation and acknowledge her growing feelings she was trying so hard to push down. She never commented on the flowers. And Zeke never brought them up. If Zeke never said anything, then of course it couldn't have been him who bought the flowers. Crisis averted.

Then he had his stupid graduation party and her stupid siblings forced her to go along so they could go to a high school party and have a good time. Tina kept drinking and drinking to give herself something to do and to try and make the horrible situation less awkward.

Louise had been a good sister, sticking by her side all night. Then she left. She had just left Tina there by herself in her own personal Hell. Well, Tina has chosen to stay in her own personal Hell on a drunk, flight risk idea and her sister tried to convince her otherwise.

Damn it, though, if it didn't feel good to be mad and blame someone else for all of this. Especially when Jimmy Jr., who had crashed on the couch, walked into Zeke's room the next morning and found Zeke and Tina sleeping next to each other, and had the nerve to act like all of it had something to do with him, like they were going around on him behind his back.

"T-Bird?" Zeke asked, voice sounding a little nervous.

"What?"

"Do ya not like me or somethin'?"

"I need time to think. My heart says 'yes,' but my brain says 'no.' "

"Ya already said that," Zeke gave a nervous chuckle.

"I mean it. I need time to think about things."

"No pressure, T-Bird, take all the time ya need." Zeke said with an air of determination. He began to dig into his now cold dinner. He looked at Tina and she also began to eat. The food may have been cold, but it was the best steak she'd ever had. It brought her back to the days of the Home Ec-straunt. Her and Zeke joked about it a little bit, it was really the only thing that kept the dinner from being completely silent.

Zeke didn't force Tina to talk. It was another checkmark in the "Zeke is good" box, and that scared Tina a little. She wanted to be mad at Zeke, mad at him for making this all seem so easy, mad at him for how natural this all seemed.

She made herself a promise, as she was eating a delicious home-cooked steak, that she was not going to lie to Zeke. Above all, she was not going to lie to herself.

She would feel whatever she felt. She realized that she deserved a chance at happiness and owed it to herself to not possibly miss out on a good thing. But she also promised herself she would let things take their natural course, to go slow, and if it didn't feel right, she wouldn't force it.

She had a feeling Zeke was going to be an important part of her life. She wasn't going to be able to get rid of him that easily. And even though it would be a slow drive down a long road, she didn't think she wanted to get rid of him, either.

* * *

Alex Papasian was the only person who understood RoboWizard Quest and how crushes on annoying Courtney Wheeler were nothing but a regrettable downfall. Alex was also the only person in Gene's life, aside from his mother, that never questioned the legitimacy and artistic value of his music, even if Alex didn't always agree that it deserved to be called music.

Alex and Gene both hated exercise, diets, and adventures that couldn't be had if you couldn't ride in a car. The mutual disdain for adventure had been discovered after the horrible evening in Alex's Alpine Oasis for Boys, the shimmering institution that it was.

They both loved food and staying at home. The biggest difference between the young men was Gene's love for being the center of attention and Alex's desire to sometimes remain part of the background.

After the night at the Roller Rink with Courtney Wheeler and her nagging father, the boys agreed they would never let a girl come between their friendship again. Neither of them realized how prophetic that promise would prove to become.

By high school, Alex and Gene would spend their nights and weekends at the Papasian household playing with Donut, who'd come to love Gene since the night of the disaster sleepover. It may have had something to do with all the peanut butter his sisters had fed the dog, but Gene chose to believe it was all him.

When they weren't hiding out at Alex's house, they were in the restaurant, with Alex coming by to do his homework while sitting at the counter as Gene worked his shift. Alex came to the restaurant often enough, he had his own custom burger. A burger sandwiched between two bottom buns. No sesame, no problem.

The first time Gene saw the improvisation to accommodate Alex, he called it the "Bottom Butt Bun Burger" and it made Alex laugh so hard, his soda squirted out his nose.

Upon the mention of butt and burger in the same sentence, Louise promptly made it "The Burger of the Day." Bob didn't notice this until after closing, his two youngest being some form of incorrigible duo that still exhausted the Hell out of him.

* * *

Linda made a point of commenting on what a nice young man Alex was or that Gene should invite Alex "here" or "there." Alex and Linda bonded during the boys' junior year of high school when Gene joined the drama club and put on a few plays in addition to his work with costume crew. Linda would spend the whole week talking about Gene's play to whoever would listen, telling them they should go and see it and support Huxley High's young prodigies.

Linda only ever managed to rope Teddy and Alex into going. On the rare occasion Louise went, it was on the principle that someone would mess up their lines and humiliate themselves.

"Father, I was born to be in the limelight! No, the limelight was born for me! And if you can't bother to show up for me, I won't leave you anything in my will when I become famous!" Gene said, marching around the restaurant after close.

"Oh, Bobby, you should come to one of Gene's plays. It would mean so much to him," Linda said as she counted the money in the register.

"Yeah, Dad, one day Gene is gonna mysteriously disappear. Like that other girl who claimed to be our sister," Louise's sarcasm came from the back booth as she was wiping down the table.

"Tina didn't disappear, Louise. She's off at college. I know because I'm paying for it," Bob said as he passed the last burger of the night through the service window. Linda placed the plate in front of Teddy.

"As far as you know," Louise muttered under her breath.

"I heard that," Bob said.

"You were supposed to," Louise said, muttering a little lower the second time.

"Bobby, you know how much you love _Cake_? Well, it's like _Cake_ , but totally different and your son is there," Linda said. Bob pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You only ever think about yourself, Bobby! This is your son. Your son! You need to be there for him!" Teddy's voice got louder with every syllable. Bob grimaced. "I'm sorry, Bobby. I'm really sorry, I just got a little heated there. I don't know what came over me."

"I would love to go, but we'd have to close the restaurant. We can't afford it right now."

"I feel like this conversation is about me," Gene said. "But I want to let you know, I'm not really listening."

"I'll watch the damn restaurant next time so you can go. I mean not like you pay me anyway," Louise said in a tone that suggested she was doing them all a huge favor.

"Awe, how sweet. My little Louise, stepping up to be the woman of the house," Linda put a hand over her heart.

"Yeah, yeah, Mom, don't rub it in. I might change my mind."

"I do pay you," Bob told his daughter, "You get a roof over your head."

* * *

Toward the Holiday break of junior year Gene had begun spending more time with Darryl. Darryl saw what Gene could do as part of the drama club. The two had noncommittal talks about reviving the Itty Bitty Ditty Committee. Gene played some of their old stuff for Alex. Alex tried to be supportive, but dog barking, fart noises, and the ability to only play two notes weren't exactly something to behold. Alex told his friend as much.

Alex was grateful Gene had started taking music more seriously in seventh grade with a lot of guidance from Ms. Merkin. Alex was grateful Gene's music didn't sound like the relics from Itty Bitty Ditty Committee that had been showcased for him.

By New Year's, Darryl and Gene had unexpectedly recruited Peter Pescadero and Regular-Sized Rudy into the revival of IBDC. Re-branded as Pi. An equal measure of Darryl's passion for math and Gene's passion for desserts.

Pi practiced in the basement of Bob's Burgers, with Alex as the prime audience. Gene, who may have only been slightly less dense than everyone credited him for, was sure the only reason Regular-Sized Rudy agreed to be in Pi was because practices were held at Bob's Burgers. Bob's Burgers meant Louise Belcher would be there. Anything to do with Louise Belcher fascinated Rudy Stieblitz.

Within months, Pi was performing in small talents shows at Wonder Wharf, had performed a short set during Art Crawl, and was booked to play Huxley High's senior prom. All of this was wonderful, except for the part where Gene was not only spending more time with Darryl and Pi, but was spending virtually no time with Alex.

"I'm lucky if I see you once a week anymore," Alex told Gene one night after a Pi rehearsal. It was the first practice Alex had been to see in weeks.

"I know. I'm a star now!" Gene quipped as he put his keyboard in its case and stored it next to the basement's walk-in freezer.

"It's like we're hardly friends anymore."

"We're friends. I'm just really busy."

"This is just like that time you ditched me to be Courtney's roller dancing partner," Alex accused.

"That was you! You did that to me." Gene fired back.

"Well, you tried to give me diarrhea with that sesame drink thing," Alex was starting to sweat a little.

"I said I was sorry! And I stopped you from drinking it!"

"If the shoe fits!"

"Why are you bringing this up? It's like you don't want to be happy for me."

"I am happy for you," Alex said weakly, he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, like he might have started something and it went further than he meant for it too. He had wanted Gene's attention, maybe to start a small fight with him, but nothing that would touch the real heart of the matter.

"Then why don't you act like it? You stopped coming to my practices, you stopped coming to the restaurant. I only see you in class and that's just because we have to be there. Maybe we should -"

"Should what? Stop hanging out for a while?" Alex asked.

"I wasn't going to say that."

"Fuck you, Gene."

"Don't talk to me like that. Don't even apologize. Not unless you have chocolate apology cake. And maybe not even then!" Gene yelled as he stomped up the stairs into the restaurant kitchen and slammed the door behind him. Alex emerged a few seconds later, following heavy footsteps pounding up the staircase. He opened the door and followed Gene through the kitchen muttering a string of apologies. Gene plugged his fingers in his ears and hummed as Alex followed him through the kitchen trying to apologize.

Bob shouted at the two, but his voice was lost in all of the humming and mumbling that seemed to grow louder by the second. "Enough!" Linda boomed, slamming the door to the alley as she came into the kitchen. "You boys make me so mad I could stomp! Take it outside or don't take it at all."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere," Gene crossed his arms.

Alex opened his mouth to apologize again, but was cut off by Bob. "Alex, maybe you should go home."

Alex didn't argue with the patriarch, he walked out into the dinning area and out of the restaurant with hunched shoulders and a defeated look, bell ringing above the threshold as he exited.

"That was intense," Regular-Sized Rudy said. He sat on the stool at the counter, the seat closest to the cash register. Louise happened to be working the register. If asked, Rudy would deny the two were related.

Gene came into the dining area with a plate full of fries he'd commandeered moments earlier. He sat down next to Rudy and started mumbling about "the nerve of some people."

"That was really mature. So, you're fighting with your boyfriend now?" Louise smirked at her large brother. Louise had been insinuating Alex and Gene were an item since the infamous night of plastering Jimmy Pesto's storefront with his most incriminating secrets. This was just the first time Louise had directly used the word "boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend!" Gene exclaimed

"Sure," his freshman sister rolled her eyes.

"If I did have a boyfriend he would be much more sophisticated," Gene announced. "Like Tim Curry or Fran Drescher."

"Fran Drescher's a woman," Rudy pointed out.

"I know that. I meant someone like her," Gene said as he slathered more ketchup on his fries.

"I don't belong to this family, I just work here," Louise told a customer as she rang them up. The customer gave the teenage clerk a horrified look as he exited the restaurant.

"This is why we don't get any business. It's your crazy kids," Bob said to Linda.

"My kids? They're your kids, mister. They wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you," Linda wagged a finger at Bob. Linda walked out of the kitchen and went to sit down next to Gene, trying to figure out what happened in the basement.

"You coddle him too much," Bob said.

"Oh, mind your own beeswax," Linda told her husband.

Bob pinched the bridge of his nose and disappeared into the kitchen.

"He's just jealous of my talent and success," Gene said.

"I don't think Dad's jealous," Louise chimed in. "At least not of your success."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gene asked his sister.

* * *

It had been a month, maybe more, by Gene's count since he and Alex had talked to each other. Alex didn't make eye contact with him in class. He didn't try to find him at lunch, either. Gene started spending his lunch in the band room practicing Pi songs on one of the keyboards and stuffing his face with the lunches Linda would pack for him. Occasionally Louise would come and sit in the band room with Gene, but then quickly she would claim boredom and wander off in favor of Jessica or Harley.

A week before Huxley High's senior prom, Darryl came into the band room after school. He ran in, trying to catch his breath, "I have..I have...good news."

"Is there a bake sale?" Gene asked.

"No, but what if I told you we could go on tour?"

"Like, to Wonder Wharf?"

"No, like all around New Jersey. Well, around some of New Jersey, mostly southern."

"No, thanks. I don't do sleepovers."

"Gene, this is a way to get our names out there. Pi could start to be something big." Darryl said, his voice getting a little tight and high pitched like it did when he was excited or angry.

"I dunno…"

"What if we already had our first show booked?"

"Where?"

"Bog Harbor," Darryl said, "The first night of summer vacation. Peter's dad is gonna let us use his van for all of our equipment."

"I dunno, I guess Bog Harbor isn't too far away. How long is this tour supposed to be?"

"I'm still working it out. I'm booking most of these venues myself."

"Eh."

"So, are you in?"

"Eh."

"Think about it?" Darryl begged, "I still gotta talk to Rudy. I'll catch you later."

* * *

"I think you should go," Bob told Gene at the dinner table a few nights later, surprising the entire family that he seemed in such easy agreement with losing an extra set of hands in the restaurant.

"Are you sure? It's so far away," Gene looked a little uncomfortable. Maybe he shouldn't have brought it up so soon.

"You're not even leaving the state. You're seventeen. You need to get over your fear of sleepovers," Bob told him.

"I think you should go. It'll be good for you. My little handsome Gene, a big star," Linda said.

"Whose side are you on, Mother?" Gene asked.

"Oh, let Gene go and do whatever he wants. I'll just work in the restaurant all summer while my childhood slowly dwindles away," Louise said, voice acerbic.

"Oh hush, Miss Missy," Linda waved her fork at Louise.

"How else am I supposed to keep you off the streets and out of prison?" Bob asked without a hint of irony.

Rare as the moment was, Louise couldn't find a good enough comeback. So she kept her mouth shut.

"I can barely afford to pay Zeke. He might already be looking for a second job," Bob revealed, "Tuition is expensive and it might be easier on expenses to have Gene out of the house for the summer. Just a little."

"Tell me how you really feel," Gene quipped.

"You can always hire Andy and Ollie. They're too dumb to know how money works, so you won't have to pay them and their dad wouldn't even notice they're gone," Louise pitched.

"I'm not kicking you out, Gene. I'm being supportive. I'm trying to give you more reason to go," Bob said, ignoring Louise's comment about the Pesto Twins.

"I'll think about it," Gene groaned.

"Awe, I'm afraid if you don't go, you'll regret it," Linda told her son.

Gene eventually agreed to Darryl's proposition with dramatic flourish. He had his reservations, he had made that perfectly clear. But the decision was easy. It made itself. Gene knew he didn't want to miss out on this, even if Pi never would make it big.

* * *

Three nights before Pi's big prom performance, and two weeks before their show in Bog Harbor, Gene was in Bob's Burgers after rehearsal busing and wiping down tables. Regular-Sized Rudy sat at his usual perch in front of the cash register as Louise was working.

"I want you to know, when I leave, I'm going to be thinking of you the whole time," Rudy said to Louise. "Every time we play a love song. Every time I need my inhaler."

"Shh, shh, Rudes. Honey. Baby," Louise stage whispered. "We're not together. I won't miss you that much, buddy." She patted him on the shoulder.

Rudy's face fell and he sat there at the counter staring into his soda. Louise couldn't bring herself to feel all that bad anymore. Rudy had been breaking his own heart for the last year. When Louise and Rudy had started high school, they spent a lot of time together. They also went to parties together with Jessica and Harley. Dumb freshman parties where people still played "Spin the Bottle," "Suck and Blow," and other games that were designed purely as an excuse to make out.

Rudy, Louise, and company had participated in a game of the legendary "Spin the Bottle," influenced by a few beers and a desire for Louise to find an activity that did not involve Harley chattering her ear off all night. Louise spun the bottle and it landed on Rudy. Louise had kissed a few other people since the Chloe Barbash incident in elementary school. To Louise, kissing didn't carry much meaning.

Regular-Sized Rudy was of a much less cavalier inclination. When Rudy locked lips with Louise for the second time in his life, he felt a spark.

When Louise kissed Rudy, she didn't feel much of anything. It wasn't the most awful experience of her life, but whatever spark Rudy felt was once-sided. She was honest with Rudy from the start, there was nothing in that kiss for her. Nevertheless, Rudy Stieblitz persisted, seeming to think time was going to change Louise Belcher's mind.

Gene noticed Louise making a phone call while he was in the back, washing dishes. When he came back out, she hung up quickly.

Louise made idle chatter with a crestfallen Rudy for a little while longer, until he left when the restaurant was closing for the night. Louise mopped, Gene wiped down more tables. Bob and Linda had left the kids to close. It was an experiment they were trying, giving the two younger and less responsible kids more responsibility. "Your babies can be trusted with your baby," Linda had to remind Bob on more than a few occasions.

Gene was on his last booth when a familiar car pulled up in front of the restaurant and out stepped Alex with a bakery box in his hands. He came through the door and Gene stood up, mouth agape.

"I'll leave you two alone," Louise said, slipping out through the front door, still wearing an apron.

"Is your mouth open because you can smell the cake?" Alex asked.

"I told you to stay away from me," Gene huffed.

Alex set the box down onto the table and opened it, "It's chocolate, you said it should be chocolate cake. This is me saying 'I'm sorry.' " Alex reached into his pocket and pulled out two sets of plastic wrapped forks.

Gene sat down in the booth and Alex followed suit.

"Why're yo-"

"I owe you a better apology," Alex cut Gene off. "When you stopped spending time with me and started spending more time with your band, I should have been happy for you. I should have been more supportive. You were really happy and you guys sounded great. But all I could pay attention to was that you weren't spending time with me. You were definitely spending time with Darryl, though. And I got jealous."

"You were jealous of Darryl?" Gene asked incredulously, in a rare serious moment.

"Yeah. I thought you liked him more than me. I didn't understand it all at first, but after we had that fight, I realized that it was losing you that I was actually afraid of. That and you not wanting to be around me anymore. And losing you is basically what I'd done."

"What'd you mean?"

"Your sister called me a little bit ago and told me you were leaving this summer. She told me I better 'get my fat white ass over here and fix things' before I permanently mess it up and 'Gene finds someone better, because you know he will.' At first I thought she was pranking me, but I guess I believed her, because I'm here."

Gene had already started on the cake, but stopped somewhere around "your sister called."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is I miss you. And that I-I like you."

"Damn right you do. I'm the whole package!" Gene smiled.

"Yeah, you are," Alex smiled back. "Eugene Belcher, will you go to prom with me?"

"If this is a prom-posal, you could have done better."

"Gene…"

"I can't go to prom with you, I'm playing prom."

"Eugene Belcher, will you be _seen_ at prom with me?"

"Fine, but you better not wear anything that will embarrass me!"

Alex's smile split ear to ear, "You know I hate anything fussy. No buckles or bows," Alex promised.

Both of the young men stayed at the booth and ate chocolate cake until it was gone, catching up on the month of lost time.

It took being apart to realize that being apart from one another didn't suit either of them.

* * *

Logan hadn't been home in months and he was pissed at himself for having been hopeful that things were going to be different this time. Cynthia and Tom were horrible at virtually everything, unless it involved fighting and one-upping each other. As far as Logan was concerned, they were even more spectacular failures at parenting. The twenty-one year old had a whole summer of bickering parents, regrettable drunken hookups, and therapy sessions with Dr. Swanson to look forward to. The therapy sessions were something Logan thought he had grown out of when he had gone off to college and left his volatile parents in his wake.

He had been wrong.

Trying to wrestle your significant other off the cliff of divorce should not be a lifestyle choice. Yet here his parents were, pursuing it. When Logan was a teenager, he wished his parents would use him as collateral against one another, fight for him and try and get him to pick a side. As fucked up as it was, if they had been more proactive about using him as an emotional weapon, he would have at least gotten some of the attention he needed.

Instead, he spent his preteen and teenage years lashing out and bullying other kids because it was the only way he felt powerful. It was the only way he felt seen. And wasn't all that hostility he was feeling supposed to be totally normal? Dr. Swanson had said as much.

Logan got to college and realized he wasn't powerful or big. He was just a tall, rich kid with a bad attitude. He knew right away he was in trouble. A chronicle of Logan's first year of college was a series of pranks committed by some frat bros with Logan on the receiving end, people standing up to him for the first time in his life, a few broken hearts, and several cases of having the living shit beat out of him.

Logan Bush had a hard time admitting he had gotten his shit shoved in. He also had a hard time realizing that he wasn't a good guy. He was okay with that for a while. He blamed his parent's fighting and general neglect of him as the reason for his mean streak. Then Logan grew up a little bit more and he decided he wanted to change the things he didn't like about himself, most of all his career as a bully.

He was trying, he really was trying. He was making progress, too. Then Louise Belcher came along and temporarily ruined that progress.

Logan could only handle so much of Cynthia's screaming and crying into the phone, venting to her own mother about whatever awful offense Tom had been guilty of at that particular moment.

Logan had dragged himself out of bed at noon, got dressed, and immediately skateboarded down to Wonder Wharf. He found himself lazily wasting away the afternoon playing different gimmicky fair games and sampling the spoils of concession stands. He was stuffing his face with popcorn and toying with the idea of seeing a Wonder Dogs game when he saw _her_ and he wasn't sure what evil thing came over him.

Louise Belcher was walking from the exit of the Scream-I-Cane, fueled by adrenaline and looking a little green in the face. He could easily say he has not seen the Belchers since he'd started college. Louise was taller, if you could call it that. She was wearing ripped jeans and flannel, a mimicry of nineties grunge.

She was older, too. That threw him off. But the pink rabbit ears tucked in her pocket remained a constant, and they were unmistakable.

Logan took a piece of popcorn and flicked it at his erstwhile nemesis. He missed the first few times, then he hit her square in the nose. It got her attention. Louise looked around for whatever sorry asshole was responsible. When she saw Logan, her eyes widened with recognition and she marched over to him without a second's hesitation.

As she advanced toward him, he continued to flick pieces of popcorn at her. When she got to where he was standing, she knocked the red and white popcorn box out of his hand, spilling it onto wooden slats of the wharf.

"Did somebody miss me?" Logan cooed acridly.

"Did your balls drop? Because your voice isn't as high pitched as I remember," It was a little predictable and a little of a low blow, but the fuming look on Logan's face let her know she had him trapped. He fell right into her childish game.

"You're voice is high pitched...and stupid," he struggled for good leverage.

"Your voice is stupid."

"No, your voice is stupid."

"Your face is stupid."

"Your face is stupid-er," Logan heard himself say. He tried to kick himself mentally out of this situation he had so easily fallen into. He was a grown man fighting with a sixteen-year-old, and by all appearances, he wasn't winning.

Logan was desperate, he needed to think of something drastic to cement that he meant business. He reached out and tried to grab the pink bunny ears hanging out of her back pocket. She slapped his hand away. Hadn't they been through this charade before?

"Don't you even -"

"Aren't you a little old to be so attached to that hat?" Logan cut Louise off. "You're in high school now, right?"

"You're a fucking creep," Louise announced as she spun around in the other direction.

The insinuation in Louise Belcher's voice made Logan Bush seethe. He stepped forward and propped out his leg just shy of her field of vision. Louise went down hard, slamming onto the wooden slats of the wharf. When she looked up at him, he had a wide, smug smile on his face.

Louise stood up quickly and lunged at Logan as soon as she regained her footing. He felt the smack of the wooden slats against his back, as he fell with force. Louise was straddling him, her hand forming into a fist, preparing for impact. Logan pushed Louise off of him as quickly as he could manage and got to his feet, his cheeks pink. Louise was rising to her feet as well, forming her hand into a fist again. The wharf was nearly empty, but people were starting to stare.

"You're not a kid anymore! Yo- you can't just do that! You c-can't just c-climb on p-people!" Logan's face grew darker as he stuttered through his words.

Louise lowered her fist and stared at him, bewildered. Logan took off quickly down the wharf in the opposite direction wondering that the fuck had just happened and why he felt so strange.


	11. Chapter 11: Easy Come, Asiago

Chapter Eleven: "Easy Come, Asiago" Burger:

"Those lanterns are, like, so pretty. Look at all the candles. My favorite lanterns are the ones with the copper finish. Which ones are your favorite?" Harley asked, talking a mile a minute. Louise pulled off her Ears and tossed them onto the dashboard.

"I don't know," Louise sighed. She was grateful for the company on a slow, cold night. With no coursework, the last few weeks had been boring during food patrol. It was a few days after New Year's and business was dismal with everyone cozy and tucked away indoors.

Louise didn't think she'd said more than a full sentence to Harley since her companion set foot in the truck. Harley was prattling on about her semester grades, the guy she was kind of dating, and how she was going to move back home after college. Louise glossed over it the first time it was mentioned, then what Harley said hit her.

"You're moving back? Here?" Louise gestured through the open service window and out towards the park. She said the words like she was talking about a Dumpster.

"Yeah, I miss this place. It has character."

"Harley! Sweetheart! Baby! Why would you do that to yourself?"

"Why don't you leave?"

"Because I can't see a future without the restaur-"

"Exactly," Harley said, cutting Louise off.

Louise had always thought of herself and Harley as being on different paths.

Louise saw herself opening up more burger joints and expanding a brand. She saw herself always being a phone call away from Gene and Tina. Sometimes, she could picture a distant future where she traveled to far places and traveled often.

For Harley, she saw a fuzzy golden outline of an outgoing young woman who networked successfully and always closed the deal - friendly and boisterous. Maybe living in an apartment in New York City or Jersey City. Something with a loft, potted plants, and an open plan kitchen.

The two young women stared out the service window at the circle of middle aged hipsters in the center of the park. Lanterns and candles lit for their _Take Back the Night_ vigil. Louise and Harley had been driving around for the better part of an hour, until they landed eyes on the huge crowd in the park. Then they stopped 2.0 and Louise had Harley mark their Chowster location on her phone.

Becket and Maya spotted 2.0. They gathered their hungry hipster troops and descended.

Becket and Maya talked for a little bit: "Give Bob and Linda our regards" and "Isn't this just such an amazing experience?" and "Aren't you young ladies just feeling so empowered?" Louise just nodded and smiled, all the while focusing on how great Becket and Maya looked for their ages. Linda's reiteration of, "They have such an exciting life," ringing in her head.

After being stationary for over an hour, the beauty of the vigil started to wear off and it was getting hard for Louise to drown out Harley's droning. They hadn't had a single customer since the deluge of hipsters.

"I am getting so bored," Louise announced. She pulled out the "Hurt Locker" and started counting the evening's earnings.

"It's kinda late," Harley offered, staring at her phone screen to check the time.

"You like music? I'm thinking: music."

"I just love pop, but you should tell me about your favorite kinds of pop. We have so much music catching up…"

Louise found her ability to tune her friend out would be getting a full workout tonight. She stared out the windshield. Why did she open up anything to ambiguity? Harley was already way ahead of her when it came to turning everything into twenty questions.

Louise turned the key in the ignition. The engine didn't turnover. She tried again. 2.0 started with a sputter. She drove until she parked in front of The Ear Drum.

The loud, thrashing rock riffs could be heard outside. Louise dragged Harley in with her and the two held down a table in the back of the venue. It felt like a lifetime before one of the waiters took their drink order, the club nearly overflowing.

Harley scrolled through her phone and stopped abruptly. She turned the screen for Louise to see. It was a Facebook album of Jessica and Rudy in a field by a lake, striking different poses. Rudy down on one knee, Jessica looking shocked to see a ring she'd probably already been wearing for months, both of them gazing down at Jessica's bulbous belly. She posted the pictures to her profile and tagged Rudolph Stieblitz with the caption: "You Take My Breath Away."

" 'Take My Breath Away'. Clever," Louise said in disgust.

"What? It's cute," Harley said.

"Yeah, if you think being obnoxious and unoriginal is 'cute.' "

"Don't be bitter. You know, if you had Facebook, that announcement you got in the mail might not have surprised you so much," Harley raised her voice a little louder so she could be heard over the music. She scrolled on her phone a little more and turned the screen for Louise to see again. Harley was on Jessica's profile. The pictures were the first thing Jessica had posted in over a year.

"Did you know until you checked _your_ mail," Louise retorted in a raised voice. "Is this really the best place to have this conversation? "

"I mean, no. I didn't even, like, know that they were together. I talked to Jessica, like, a year and a half ago and she dropped hints about someone, but nothing was, like, totally obvious. And nice try, but we're having this conversation."

"At least Jessica talks to you," Louise crossed her arms. Both girls were speaking at higher and higher decibels to combat the loudness.

"Yeah, twice in the last four years," Harley took a long sip of her drink. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's, like, so not you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Louise said indignantly.

"Yeah, you do. You're still pissed at Jessica and Rudy for dropping us like they did. Remember, they stopped talking to me, too."

"I'm totally over it," the defensive edge in Louise's voice wasn't subtle.

"I'm not talking about romance, numbskull. I'm talking about, like, trust," Harley chirped. "Stop saying things like 'I'm over it.' People aren't going to believe you if you keep talking like that."

"I didn't know I was in an after-school special."

"My feelings were hurt too, girl. But life changes and we all move on. Rudy and Jessica want their friends back in their lives. Are you going to just throw away, like, seventeen years of friendship with them just because a few of those years were bad?"

"I could," Louise kept her arms crossed.

"But you won't," Harley chirped. "I think the only reason Jessica even reached out to me was because she was too afraid to talk to you. You're, like, kind of loose-cannon. Would you message Louise Belcher, if you thought she was going to just yell and go off?"

"You've made your point."

"So are you going to the baby-shower-engagement-thing then?"

"I dunno. It's two months away. I'm still making up my mind."

"So you're going to say you're not going, then at the last minute you'll feel bad and change your mind?" Harley forecasted.

"Nothing's set in stone," Louise ran a hand through her hair.

The two friends stared out into the raucous crowd. Two young men were at the front of the venue, climbing over one another to get onto the stage. They looked familiar with ruffled hair and matching shirts. Louise stared harder, trying to place them.

"Oh My God, is that Andy and Ollie?" Harley asked, squinting her eyes.

Louise and Harley would have made an effort to talk to the Pesto Twins, if they hadn't been so busy laughing at them. Ollie fell off the stage and Andy dove into the crowd to come to his rescue.

* * *

A few nights after the conversation in The Ear Drum, Harley made her way back to Newark her last semester and Louise stood in her parents restaurant in an apathetic haze. There were a few hours left until close, but the dinner rush was dying down and Louise was staring at the clock waiting for the moment she could escape her position by the cash register to stand in the cold food truck with its shitty space heater.

Louise was refilling napkin dispensers, back against the cash register, when she heard the bell over the door ring. She looked up.

"No."

"Hello to you, too."

"No."

"Is that how you talk to all your customers?" Logan asked. She wasn't wearing her Ears, but he kept that observation to himself.

"Only the ones I'm about to kick out," she smirked.

"I called you," Logan said, taking a seat at the counter. "A few times, actually."

"I know. I just didn't answer."

"Of course not," he rolled his eyes. "Too much effort, right?"

"You should try calling me sometime when I'm not asleep or working. Then you might get an answer."

"So, you'll never pick up?"

"Damn, you catch on quick."

"Well, I want a burger and to talk to someone who'll take me up on my offer about marketing strategy."

"You won't find either of those things here."

"Louise, stop being so rude to the custo-" Linda appeared in the service window. She stopped talking when she noticed Logan.

"It's Cynthia's green-eyed monster. I reserve the right to be rude," Louise crossed her arms, but smiled at her mother. Logan awkwardly waved at Linda.

"Burger of the Day?" Linda asked, her voice sounded upbeat, but she wasn't trying to hide her curiosity as to why Logan Bush was sitting in their restaurant.

"Yeah, thanks," Logan said as Linda disappeared into the kitchen. Louise could see her mother sticking close to the service window, poorly hiding her nosiness from her daughter.

"Did you get lost on the way home or something?" Louise asked.

"I was in some late meetings. Wanted to grab a bite before I got home. 'It's a free country' as someone I know likes to say."

"If they had any sense, they'd fire you."

"Just like you did, Belcher?" there was that impish grin again. "Who lets a nine-year-old be in charge of Human Resources?"

"Stuff a napkin in it," she threw back, avoiding eye contact with Logan, but feeling a blush forming lightly on her cheeks anyway.

"So are you going to answer your stupid phone next time?"

"I don't think you can tell me anything about marketing strategy that I don't already know."

"It's your future," Logan shrugged. Linda passed the burger through the service window. "So, when did you guys get the bell above the door? I don't remember it being there."

"Sometime in between 'wouldn't you like to know,' and 'it's always been there,' " Louise said, taking the plate from Linda and setting it in front of Logan.

Logan gave a hollow laugh, but was quiet after that. Louise went back to refilling napkin dispensers. Logan paid his bill and left unceremoniously, the restaurant now empty of customers.

When Louise saw the vague car shape disappear out of view of the storefront, she started counting the seconds down until…

"What was all that about, Miss Missy?" Linda asked, appearing in the service window, hands on her hips.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You being a flirty pants with Logan Bush."

"That was not flirting. That was so the opposite of flirting."

"You're full of it," Linda crossed her arms

"Mom!"

"Does your father know about this?"

"No, because there's nothing to know."

"That boy likes you."

"Do you want me to throw up?"

"He asks about you and asks about you when he's with his mother at the Yacht Club."

"He probably needs more oxygen, poor thing. It's hard to come to your senses when you're still strangled by the umbilical cord," Louise crossed her arms and stared back at her mother.

Linda might have laughed at her daughter's wry wit if she hadn't felt like a secret was being kept from her.

* * *

Louise didn't talk to Linda much over the following days unless it had to do with work. It was all very curt and brief and didn't escape Bob's notice. Bob asked Linda what was wrong. He asked until he knew he was on thin ice.

When Bob confronted Louise, she denied any culpability.

"It's menopause," Louise told Bob. "So much raging menopause."

"Your mother is not going through menopause. At least, don't say that in front of her."

To her mother's credit, Louise knew Linda wouldn't say a word to Bob. Linda was proud of many choices Louise had made, though there were others she didn't approve of. Linda understood Louise's need for privacy. She was willing to respect it in the interim.

Louise spent her following nights thinking about Logan Bush, during lulls on food patrol. His stupid smile, his disgusting charm, his bad attitude. The fact that he had called her at least once a day everyday for the last week and a half. Sometimes he left voicemails. Sometimes he didn't. All of them were about marketing. None of them were personal.

At first, Louise ignored it easily enough. Then her annoyance reflashed. How could someone be so cocky and arrogant enough to put his number in her cellphone? He was acting like he was doing her a huge favor. Giving her the time of day. Bothering to help her develop an outline for the future of "Belcher's Burgers and Beer."

Another day went by. No call. Then two days. Then three.

He decided he was absolved? After he'd made all that fuss about how great at his job he was and how he was so willing to help her. What a jackass!

On a blustery Thursday night in the middle of January, Louise found herself and her food truck in the sketchy part of town, right outside of the Marbles and Glitter's stomping grounds. Someone had to feed the drunk, horny, and depraved. So she sold burgers and lots of them, as she paced around the inside of the food truck, her anger at Logan Bush blooming at an exponential rate.

After midnight, Louise picked up her flip phone and hit the call button before she could think better of it. The other line picked up after two rings.

"To what do I owe the honor?"

"You made such a big fucking deal about helping me and now you can't even be bothered to call me? You co-"

"You didn't pick up your phone. Was I supposed to keep wasting my time?"

"You could have -"

"Could have what? Acted more desperate than I already was? You can't have it both ways, Belcher." He'd said Belcher, not Smellcher. He'd done it a few times since New Year's, and it hadn't escaped her notice. Louise thought about pointing it out to him.

"Shut up," was what she said instead.

"I've been really fucking busy these last few days with this Wharf project. I'm literally driving home from work right now. Do you know what time it is, Belcher? I have other things going on in my life. Like wrapping up this stupid project with Fischoeder that _I thought was going to get me that promotion._ I didn't get it, by the way. The promotion."

Louise didn't say a word. She stood there in 2.0 feeling dumb and embarrassed, where she'd felt so vindicated moments before.

A few minutes passed.

"Louise? You still there?"

"Yeah."

"My offer still stands, ya know?

"Okay."

"You can come over tomorrow night. After you're done with the food truck. If you feel like gracing me with your presence." Logan thought his words would come out more harshly. He'd intended them to. Instead, he just sounded soft.

"Like, to your house?" Louise asked.

"Yeah. Why? You scared?" Logan teased.

"No."

"I'll make up a list of questions and we can go through some basic steps about forming a five year plan."

"Okay, Stalin."

"Okay, Smartass."

"Fuck off."

"Good night, Louise."

"It's morning, dipshit."

"Good night, Louise," Logan repeated and hung up.

* * *

After the next food patrol, Louise parked Bob's Burgers 2.0 in front of the walkway of house Logan had told her to stop at on New Year's.

It was after one in the morning, but the lights were still on shining through the windows.

She took the to-go box she'd prepared out of her passenger seat and locked the truck. She breathed in and exhaled. She walked up to the porch and pressed the doorbell.

Logan opened the door and stood in front of her in sweatpants and a collegiate sweatshirt. A small dog was tucked in his arm and a glass of wine in his hand. Louise looked him up and down.

Logan looked her up and down. Ears on.

"You just gonna stare, Four Ears, or are you gonna come in?"

"You look so...domestic. It's disgusting," Louise walked through the threshold. She pulled at her hat.

Ears off.

"I don't remember asking your opinion," he scoffed, as he walked toward the living room. Louise followed. She looked around. Clean lines and tasteful decor inside a spacious first floor.

"This place screams 'Cynthia.' It's about what I'd expect from a guy who lets his mother drag him to Mommy-Daughter seminars. "

"At least I don't live with my parents."

"Low blow," Louise said quietly.

They entered the living room. There were charts, tourist data, and demographics for the greater Seymour's Bay area all strewn across the coffee table. A laptop was open on one of the end tables. Some papers were scattered around on the big, white leather couch. Louise set her to-go box on the end table that was free of clutter. She set her Ears down beside the box.

"You brought me food? How thoughtful."

"It's not for you, Big Bush. It's _my_ dinner."

"How dare I assume."

Louise looked back at Logan, then down at the animal under his arm, "What's his name?"

"What?"

"What's his name?" Louise said, nodding to the small dog. Logan's glass of wine, still obnoxiously in hand, was in close proximity to the dog. She'd seen the puppy lick toward the rim of the glass, but he wasn't quite able to reach it.

"His name's Weenus. Or Ween, for short."

"That's fucked up."

"He's a wiener dog. Makes perfect sense."

"Clearly," Louise said wryly.

Logan set his glass of wine down on the end table next to the to-go box, "You can hold him, if you want."

Louise held out her arms. Logan handed Ween over and Louise cradled the dog, "You're never getting him back." Ween tried to lick Louise's face. Logan felt a brief pang of tenderness at the scene. He shoved it away.

"He's microchipped, Belcher. I _will_ find him."

"I had a fish for a while when I was a kid. I named him Shark, because I really wanted a pet shark instead. Got him for Christmas. He lived for about five years. He wasn't microchipped, though."

"You're depressing the shit out of me right now."

"Are we gonna get started, cause I have places to be," Louise said, still holding Ween as she made herself at home on the large couch.

Logan grimaced at his houseguest. Ween settled in Louise's lap and she reached over to the end table and grabbed her to-go box. She started eating her burger and looked at Logan like she was waiting for something.

He sat down on the couch and grabbed the papers behind him. He started asking Louise open ended questions about her business and her vision for the future and "what directions she was hoping to take" and "which scenario sounded better." The list was longer than Louise's current attention span.

"This is frickin' pointless," Louise said after an hour and a half of answering alternate universe scenarios.

"It has a purpose," Logan said, visibly annoyed with her.

"Is the purpose to bore me to death?"

"Sure, why not. Pass me my glass," Logan said, pointing to his long forgotten drink on the opposite end table.

Louise reached over, put the glass to her mouth and chugged what was left. She handed Logan the empty glass.

"Really?" he asked with an edge in his voice.

"I'm gonna need it if I'm going to get through the rest of this inquisition."

"You could have just asked," Logan mumbled as he got up off the couch and walked toward the kitchen. He emerged a few moments later with an extra glass in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.

"Just opened it."

"That still doesn't seem like enough compensation for my suffering," Louise contributed.

"It's for my survival, not yours," Logan poured wine into both glasses.

He moved onto charts, asking Louise questions about what demographic she "wanted to target."

Another hour passed. A second bottle of wine was opened.

They stopped talking about marketing for a while.

Louise told Logan about how her self-perceived success hinged solely on this food truck. Why she'd worked at Wonder Wharf. How Bob's Burgers almost disappeared from Seymour's Bay the year she graduated high school. How she thought she'd wait to go back to school, but ended up putting herself through college a year later anyway. She talked about how some things just had sentimental value and meaning, even if she wasn't a sentimental person.

"You're sentimental. Why else would you hold onto those ratty things?" Logan asked, pointing to her Ears, still sitting on the end table.

"You're ratty."

"Is that the same hat?"

"No, I've had a few. But I'll _always_ keep that first pair. Even if they don't fit anymore."

"Why do you wear the Ears?"

"I'll tell you that story when you earn it."

A third bottle of wine was opened. They'd slowly filled the space between them on the couch, until there was no space left to fill. Wine glasses were out of commission, as they passed the third bottle back and forth between themselves.

Logan told Louise about his time in college. How he learned what a sorry excuse for a person he was. How he sometimes blamed his parents for the way he was as a teenager. How he sometimes thought it wasn't entirely fair of him to place all the blame on his parents. How he'd grown up as a person. How he thought he could actually be considered a good person now. But he still did shitty things sometimes. He wasn't perfect, he told her. He talked about how hard he worked to prove to himself he didn't need his parent's money or their support to make a life for himself. In reality he was trying to throw his independant success in his father's face. Not that Tom cared about anyone but himself, anyway.

They'd stopped talking about marketing completely.

"Why are your parents such awful people?" Louise asked.

"When I figure out the answer, I'll let you know," Logan said.

Logan went quiet. Louise scratched Ween behind the ears.

"You're really good with him," Logan said.

"Better than you, I bet," she looked up at him with a grin.

Louise held eye contact for a second too long. Logan felt his heartbeat race into overdrive. He thought about leaning in toward her, but resisted the urge.

"Keep your eyes to yourself, Belcher," he said instead, flashing his trademark impish grin. His voice was weak and wanting.

Louise didn't push the butterflies in her stomach away this time. Didn't push away the warm feeling in her chest. Louise reached for Logan's sweatshirt and pulled him towards her. She put her mouth on his. Then pressed him down into the back of the couch.

It took a few moments for the shock to wear off. Logan responded fervently, sinking down until his head was pressed into the couch cushion as he kissed her. He was being straddled by his houseguest. He could have laughed from the sheer absurdity of it. It didn't make sense, the two of them. But it felt right and it felt honest and he'd be lying to himself if he said he hadn't been hoping for something like this to happen since the fireworks at Wonder Wharf. Maybe even since the night in Lucky Lizard when she'd apologized.

Logan pulled Louise down closer to him. Ween stood in front of the couch and barked. The little dog scampered off when he realized he was not going to recapture his place as the center of attention.

Louise pulled at the waist of Logan's pants. Logan broke the kiss.

"You sure?"

"Duh." Louise looked down at Logan. "Are you?"

"Duh," Logan said.

His clothes were on the floor after that.

He let her have her way with him.

It was the most complete he'd felt in a long time.

* * *

Ween was running around the living room barking. Logan's first thought was to get up and feed the dog. Then he felt the warm body asleep next to him. Skin on skin. His second thought was going back to sleep and letting the world wait for a little bit longer. He pulled Louise closer, readjusted the blanket he'd pulled off the back of the couch after earlier activities, and closed his eyes again.

Ween didn't stop barking.

The front door swung open. Footsteps. Logan's eyes flew open.

"Logan Berry Bush!"

He felt his heart stop. Louise shifted next to him, stirring from sleep.

"What are you doing here?" Logan's voice came out shrill.

"Is that Linda Belcher's daughter? Her _young_ daughter?"

"Yeah, it's Linda Belcher's daughter," Louise shouted, she felt rage rising in her chest. She was so overcome with anger, it didn't occur to her to be embarrassed.

Cynthia covered her eyes and stormed out of the living room, shock and horror in her wake as she muttered angrily about her son's unsuitable lifestyle choices.

"Is this how you kick out your one night stands, you perverted fuck?" Louise asked.

"Louise?" His hair was tousled and tangled, his cheeks heating up with embarrassment.

"You get off on your mommy knowing about the chicks you fuck?" She broke away from him, jumping up from the couch.

"I swear I -"

"I knew I couldn't trust you!" Louise started throwing on her clothes as fast as she could.

"Please, just listen to me," Logan threw on his sweatpants and pulled his sweater over his head.

"She had to know I was here. My food truck is parked right out front."

"Please, don't-," Logan tried to grab her hand.

"Don't touch me!" Louise shouted, shoving her boots on without trying the laces. She grabbed her keys out of her jeans pocket and opened the front door. Ween began barking loudly from somewhere deeper in the house, confused by the uneasy sounds.

"We're not gonna talk about this?" Logan asked, walking through the door and following her down the walkway.

"I don't do talks!"

"You're only fighting with me so you can run away from the situation," Logan said weakly, trying to grasp for any reason he could to make her stay. Make her hear him out.

"This was it, wasn't it?" Louise stopped at the edge of the walkway and spun around. Her eyes were glassy. Her hair was a black frizzy cloud trailing down to her shoulders.

"What?" The morning air was just as cold as the feeling sinking down his spine. Confusion evident in his voice.

She gave a sickened smirk and rubbed the sleeve of her sweater against her eyes, "Your stupid revenge plan. This was it," she sniffed.

"I told you, I don't have stupid plan," Logan said, he sounded as defeated as he looked. He walked a few steps toward Louise. She didn't move, still wiping away tears.

"It worked. It really fucking worked," Louise said.

"You're not a one night stand," Logan said firmly.

"Right, cause you're just gonna pass me off to your mommy next," Louise accused acerbically.

"Louise, please just listen to-"

"No."

"I really like you. I promise I ha-"

"Go to Hell!" She slapped him hard on the cheek. Logan heard the smack and saw the look of pain on Louise's face as she pulled back her stinging hand. He didn't feel the slap.

Louise Belcher slapped for two reasons. Affection and unadulterated rage. Logan knew affection didn't look like that.

The door to the food truck slammed shut. The truck disappeared down the street, clanking the entire way. Logan stood there numbly, watching it all slip away.

He began to feel the sting of the slap forming on his cheek.

He walked slowly back into his house. Embarrassment setting in. Then the undercurrent of rage washed over.

"She's quite young for you," Cynthia commented, when Logan walked into the kitchen.

"Get out."

"Excuse me."

"I'm asking you to leave."

"Logan, don't be ridi-"

"I can understand why Dad wanted a divorce."

"Unbelievable. You're going to talk to your own mother like that?"

"Your fucking narcissism, barging into my fucking house, always guilting me into feeling sorry for you. You have no fucking boundaries!"

"Logan -"

"You saw the food truck out there."

"I did. What of it?"

"And you still came in anyway."

"You're my son. If I feel the need to intervene -"

"How about I intervene? I think I'll start with asking Dad some questions about what really happened between you guys."

"That's personal business. You have no right."

"But you have every right when it comes to me?" Logan saw the look in his mother's eyes change. She looked guilty? Regretful? Logan couldn't quite tell.

Cynthia put the spare keys on the kitchen counter when she left.

Logan knew he wouldn't be talking to his mother again for a while.

He was more than okay with that.

* * *

She parked the food truck in the alley and made the slow ascent up the stairs to the apartment. It was eight-thirty. Bob and Linda were in the kitchen. Louise could smell the freshly-brewed coffee.

She immediately went to the bathroom and started a blazing shower. She washed the night off herself. She scrubbed hard. She felt the dull pain north of her inner thighs. She felt sick. Every time the thought of his touch bubbled up, she felt tears prick up with it. When she thought about his touch, it made her wish she hadn't run away from him. She hated herself for wanting to be there with him.

She thought about how responsive he'd been to her. Letting her take control and taking the opportunity to occasionally tease her. Soft kisses. Audible sounds. Wanting whispers.

It felt right. Like she was supposed to be there. Like she could easily be there again.

She'd stayed the night, too. She hated to think about why she would let herself do something so careless and dumb.

He was a sick, fucked up mama's boy. Nothing but a grown-up bully. A wolf in expensive, designer sheep's clothing. He deserved the pain and humiliation she'd wrought with those pictures she'd taken. She should have ruined his life and sent them when she'd had the chance. She kept telling herself this, trying to drum up an ounce of vindication. She didn't feel justified and she didn't feel any better.

When she got out of the shower she was sobbing. She wanted to crawl into a hole. She hadn't sobbed like this since the Millie Frock incident in high school. She'd deny it to her grave that Logan Bush had had the opportunity twice in her life to make her cry. Once as a kid and once as an adult.

She limped off to her room. She got dressed and sat on the edge of her bed, trying to stop feeling. She laid down.

Her cell phone rang, a continuous plea for attention. Again. Again. Then stopped.

Louise slept until her alarm went off.

She went downstairs to start her shift at Bob's Burgers.

She pulled herself together long enough to be the sassy, cynical punk everyone knew and loved. If she'd just had one most humiliating experiences of her life, no one was the wiser.

* * *

_She tugged at the waist of his pants. He broke the kiss._

" _Are you sure?"_

" _Duh. Are you?"_

" _Duh."_

_His clothes were on the floor quickly after that._

_She found herself staring. She got a full look at him. In the light, not on some poorly lit sidewalk, caught by surprise with his pants around his ankles. She commented on his improved grooming. She commented on a lot of things._

_She let her eyes wander for a while. He thought it was nice to feel appreciated. Admired. Part of him felt like he was proving something, part of him just liked the look on her face._

" _Take a picture. It'll last longer," he said jokingly._

_She looked guilty after he said that. She wasn't looking at him anymore. He missed her wandering eyes. He felt more naked with her looking away than he had with her eyes on him._

_The magic was quickly seeping out of the moment._

_He moved toward her. He kissed her again, hard. She responded. More kissing._

_Magic recovered._

_Her hands were moving along his body. Kissing and groping._

_There was inexperience in her movements._

_There was a shared nervousness between the two of them._

_His hands were under her shirt while she was stroking him._

_Her clothes were on the floor eventually, too._

_The first time there was some fumbling._

_The second time they stopped being shy._

_Afterward, they laid down on the couch. He kissed her on the forehead. She told him what a little bitch he was for doing that._

" _I like it when you're nice to me," he said in a husky voice._

" _You're so loud. You act like you've never been touched before in your sad, little life."_

" _Well, you've clearly never been touched before in your life," he snorted._

" _That's not really any of your business," she said defensively._

" _No, probably not. But I'm pretty observant."_

" _Don't get used to it. To me being nice like this," she threatened weakly._

" _You know what I haven't gotten used to? The fact that you always kind of smell like grease," he said, subverting her doubtful threat._

" _I work in a slop shop, shithead. What are you expecting? Roses and citrus?"_

" _You know that's a terrible combination, right?" he asked as he rested his head on a throw pillow. He wrapped an arm around her. "Damn, Belcher, you're gonna make me sleep on the couch?" he chuckled._

_He waited for a snarky reply, but she'd already fallen asleep. He pulled her closer, then pulled the blanket off the back on the couch and draped it over them. He closed his eyes._

Logan kept playing it over and over again in his head. He'd spent the rest of the weekend thinking about it. He went to work on Monday, distracted and disgruntled.

He called her again for the first time since right after she drove off in a blaze of anger. She didn't answer. He left one voicemail, then he stopped calling altogether.

He told her he was sorry. He promised it didn't have anything to do with revenge, just that he really liked her. He also told her that when she left his house, she hadn't been wearing her Ears.

* * *

That Saturday night, when Louise went out to start 2.0, she noticed something was missing. She searched all over the food truck, she searched her room, she turned the apartment upside down. She wore a black beanie that night, instead. She did the rounds across town in her food truck. She was tired from all the pretending in front of her parents and Zeke. The pretending that everything was fine.

She left her phone in the drawer of her nightstand. She left it turned off. She didn't want to see or hear from anyone. She wasn't sure she even wanted to hear from Tina or Gene.

The new semester had started. Louise buried herself in her assignments. She buried herself in course work so much so, she started getting ahead of schedule.

Louise got her first grade of the semester back that Monday. She failed an assignment. She never failed. She had a future to get on track. She didn't half-ass her work.

She was pissed. It was the first spark of anything Louise had felt in days outside of numbness and sadness. It was the pilot light that lit the driving fire.

When Louise got home in the early hours of the morning, she tried to call Tina on the landline. In a moment of weakness, she'd thought about Zena's origin story and how Tina might know something about all the things Louise was feeling. How this almost matched Tina's experience almost beat for beat. Louise felt like a carbon copy.

Except Zeke really cared about Tina.

And Louise and her sister were two very different people.

And, to a degree, Tina had known what she was getting herself into and Louise had basically acted without thinking.

And Tina was overly sentimental and romantic. Louise wasn't.

The fact that she'd trusted someone enough and gotten close enough to them, that they were able to trick her made Louise angry at herself. She felt like a fool. She wasn't anybody's fool.

Louise was always one step ahead. How could she not have been one step ahead this time?

It went to voicemail.

Louise hung up. She didn't try to call her sister again.

* * *

Tuesday Louise's alarm went off. She pulled her alarm clock plug out of the wall. She went back to sleep. Why wake up for lying men and failing grades? An hour later Linda came up to check on her.

"You're late Miss Missy. You coming down to do your J-O-B?" Linda asked.

Louise pulled herself together and got dressed. She opened the door to her room. Linda was standing outside. She took a long look at her daughter.

"You look like Little King Trashmouth. Right before he kicked the bucket," Linda said. Louise's dark circles and greasy hair capturing her mother's attention. "When was the last time you showered?"

"This morning."

"Doesn't look like it," Linda said, touching a tress of her daughter's hair. Louise batted her mother's hand away.

"I did. I just didn't wash my hair. I usually wear a hat if it's bad. So you can't tell."

"Speaking of hats, where are your Ears?"

Louise looked past her mother, "I made a really big mistake."

"Are your Ears with the big mistake?"

Linda didn't ask any more questions. She didn't need to. Linda knew the implication of Louise's words.

Louise nodded in response to her mother's question. Linda hugged her daughter. They walked downstairs together. Once she stepped into Bob's Burgers, she commenced her performance as the immovable Louise Belcher.

* * *

After the dinner rush, it was just Zeke, Linda, and Louise in the restaurant. Louise was at the register, staring into the customer-less abyss of a dining area. The phone rang.

"Bob's Burgers: we grill it, we fry, we hope that you'll buy it," Louise recited the non-approved slogan.

"Louise? Are you the only one there?"

"Hold on, T. Mom went to check the mail and Zeke's downstairs. I'll go get him."

"Actually, I was calling to talk to you."

"Okay?"

"Your cell keeps going to voicemail."

"Yeah, it's um...on hiatus right now."

"I talked to Mom."

"Good for you."

"No, I _talked_ to Mom."

"Yeah, you already said that, T."

"Is the huge mistake named Logan?"

"Fuck off."

"Louise, you're the one who tried to call me first."

"I butt dialed you."

"From the landline?"

"Apparently you aren't gullible enough to believe that?"

"I mostly wanted to see if you were okay."

"I'm fine."

"Mom told me that Logan came into the restaurant the other day. She said there was flirting."

"I was trying to drive him out. Mom has it twisted."

"You know what's going on Louise. You're just pretending to be blind."

"Well, you know a whole lot about pretending to be blind. Let me just walk down stairs and ask Zeke a little bit about that one."

Now she definitely wasn't going to tell Tina what had happened.

"I'll talk to you later, Louise," Tina sighed. She hung up before Louise could form a retort.

Louise stood there for a little bit, her face twisted in anger.

"Whoa, who pissed in yur Cheerios, Hot Rod?" Zeke asked when he came up from the walk-in.

Louise took a deep breath and looked at Zeke, "Don't worry about it."

Linda came into the restaurant a few moments later. A box under her arm and envelopes and coupons in her hand.

"Someone's got mail," Linda sing-songed. She set some thick envelopes on the counter in front of her daughter. "We got a coat rack, too. Upgrades." Linda said upgrades with a shake of her hips, like she was keeping to a beat.

Zeke moved from behind the counter to open the box.

"Tina just called and said she talked to you. You narc-ed!" Louise said to her mother.

"Oh, it was just girl talk. Everything is fine. Your sister would have figured it out soon enough."

"Does Dad know?"

"Of course not. Why would I tell your father?"

"For the same reason you shouldn't have blabbed to Tina."

"Fir what it's worth, I have no idea what yu'r talkin' about," Zeke said, pulling packing peanuts out of the box.

"Is it a human sized coat rack this time or do you have to squint to see it?" Louise asked acerbically, changing the subject. Her tone still showed her mother how unhappy the unsolicited exchange of information had made her.

Louise reached down for the mail and began to shuffle through the envelopes. All of them were from a return address to Second Horizons Halfway House. All of them were from a familiar blonde she-devil.

Louise threw the envelopes into the trash can.

She walked through the kitchen and slammed the door to the back alley shut behind her.

* * *

On Wednesday, Louise pulled her phone out of her nightstand, after an angry email from Harley about Louise's lack of response to all of her text messages. Louise didn't turn her phone on until the early hours of the morning and after she parked at home.

There were missed calls and voicemails.

Louise sat in the food truck and listened to all the voicemails. She listened to Logan's voicemail last.

On Thursday, just before midnight, the park was empty and Wonder Wharf wasn't looking much better.

Louise picked up her phone and hit the call button, pacing in the back of the truck. She was parked in the back alley behind the restaurant.

The answer came on the third ring, "Hello?"

"I want my Ears back."

"Okay."

"Bring them to the restaurant tomorrow after you get done with work."

"Okay," Logan said again, somberly.

Louise hung up before he could say anything else.

* * *

Louise didn't sleep much that morning. She hadn't slept much all week. But that morning, it was the worst and least she'd slept by far. She rose with a lump in her throat and a ball of lead in her stomach.

Louise threw on jeans and a sweater and went down to the restaurant two hours early. She started working as soon as she walked through the door, fueling herself entirely on sugared-up coffee. She hadn't tried to change the "Burger of the Day" to something offensive or silly all week.

Bob had taken notice, but he also knew his daughter. Louise would only say anything if she wanted to volunteer the information, and if she did she was very selective about who the information was shared with. Bob would respect his daughter's privacy until he felt otherwise.

He went along with Louise, pretending that everything was normal. Until he saw his daughter mindlessly listening to one of Teddy's stories as the handyman sat at the counter. Teddy was forgiving when Louise would tell him to "just shut up," which was more frequent than Bob would have liked.

It was a subtle thing, Louise not trying to avoid Teddy's droning on. Just nodding along with a very blase air as Teddy talked and talked.

Bob finally felt otherwise.

When Louise came back to the kitchen to wash dishes after a large party had left, Bob approached his daughter. "Is something, um, wrong? You're acting...weird."

"You really don't want to know."

Bob pinched the bridge of his nose and said, "I'm always here for you. Even when you're difficult. Or...going through...something difficult."

"I know, Dad. And you're about to find out just how difficult."

"Whatever it is, don't bring it into the restaurant."

"I can't make any promises, Dad."

Louise manned the cash register for the rest of the shift. Zeke came in mid-day and immediately got to work on the grill. Toward the dinner rush, Louise started to feel the lump in her throat grow.

The dinner rush came. No Logan, no Ears.

The dinner rush ended. No Ears, no Logan.

Teddy came back at dinner. Louise was an hour away from abandoning her post in favor of the food truck.

She felt wisps of anger and disappointment began to slowly creep in. Why had she been sad, nervous, and scared all day for a liar who couldn't be bothered to show up?

It was slowly crawling into evening. It had been dark outside for hours.

Headlights shone and then turned off in the direction of Wonder Wharf. A car shape could be seen outside of the storefront window. Someone tall stepped out of the car and into the streetlights. Logan stood on the sidewalk and leaned back against his car, bundled up in his bomber jacket.

Louise felt her heart drop into her stomach as she went numb.

Bob was looking through the service window. He grunted in disapproval at Logan's presence.

That's when it hit her. Her father had known the whole time. Maybe not all the details, but he knew enough. He had known that Logan Bush was the subject of the drama, from the moment he saw Logan talking to his daughter at the New Year's party.

Bob's behavior and the small comments he'd made about Louise showing up too early or too late for her shifts all made sense to her now. His difficulty earlier in the day of trying to approach her and get her to talk, without trying too hard to force the information out of her.

He was trying to get her to talk to him in his own subtle, Dad way.

"He looks so sad out there," Linda said, putting her hand over her heart.

"He looks pathetic," Louise said.

Bob saw the defeated, sorry look on Logan's face through the window, highlighted by the streetlights. The pink bunny ears clutched in his hand. He'd been standing out there for a few minutes now. Not a sign of someone who was trying to turn and run.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Bob started, "but maybe you should go out there."

"No, I want to see if he's gonna give up," Louise said.

"I think you need to talk to him," Bob said. Not believing that the words were coming from his own mouth. Louise moved from her spot behind the counter, apron still on. With no jacket and no regard for the cold January weather, she walked out the door.

Louise was only going outside to prove a point to her father. To get her Ears back. Not because it was Logan. Not because she had a rollercoaster ride of emotions to sort through. Certainly not because she missed Pretty Boy Logan.

Louise approached Logan and stood a few feet away. She held out her hand for the hat. Logan handed the Ears over. She shoved them in her back pocket and didn't move. He didn't move either.

"Aren't you gonna put them on?" Logan asked, nervously.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you, you sick fuck?" Louise felt tears prick up. She was absolutely not going to cry in front of him again.

"I mean, it just took a long time to get them back to you. I figured you'd miss them."

Louise lifted her hand up and brought her open palm toward Logan's cheek. He gently reached up and grabbed her hand, bringing their arms back down. Louise tore her hand out of Logan's.

"Where's your mommy? Is she waiting for you to get home for bathtime?"

"Louise."

"You gonna kiss her on the mouth, too?" Louise felt a tear trickle down her check. She wiped it away with her sleeve.

"Louise, stop being such a jackass," Logan said evenly. Louise felt more tears. Her vision was getting blurry.

"Oh, keep saying sexy things like that. I can already see you, me, and your mom -"

"They're getting divorced!"

"What?" Louise blubbered. Had she heard him right? His parents?

The flood gates opened up. He had to bring back the stupid hat. He had to be there and bring back all the emotional baggage he'd caused. She was lying to herself, and she knew it. She was a wreck. A wreck that was shaking because of her forgone jacket.

She wasn't over what had happened with Logan. She wasn't over sleeping with him. She wasn't over the letters from Millie Frock that just seemed to keep coming and always during the worst moments. She wasn't over her mother blabbering her personal business to her sister. She certainly hadn't allowed herself time to process everything that happened because she kept pushing it away. But now Logan was staring her in the face and he wasn't getting in the car and driving away like she wanted him to. Now he wanted to share his own baggage, too?

There was so much she didn't want to face. So much she wanted to keep pushed away. She felt like she was exploding from the inside out and all she could do was stand there on the sidewalk and cry.

Louise's face was already pressed against the wool of a turtleneck by the time she realized she'd been smooshed against Logan, his jacket wrapped awkwardly around the both of them.

Louise was sobbing hard into Logan's turtleneck. She couldn't make herself move away. She missed his stupid closeness, his stupid scent, and the stupid butterflies he gave her. Logan stood still, letting Louise cry. Neither of them were paying attention to Linda and Teddy merging with the glass of the storefront window, faces pressed against it. Bob was behind the counter with Zeke. The Belcher parents and company making no attempt to hide their prying. Louise and Logan unaware that their every fighting word could be heard through the glass window by the onlookers in the restaurant.

"My parents are getting a divorce. Dad was having an affair. It's been really hard on Mom. She's been sticking her nose up my ass since. More than usual. I didn't know that was going to happen. Her just barging in like that. I promise," Logan said.

"I'm sorry," Louise mumbled into his shirt after a few long seconds.

"You're not the one my dad's having an affair with, right?"

"No, Stupid. Don't be...stupid," Louise said looking up at Logan.

"Then you don't have anything to apologize for, Stupid."

"I meant: Sorry for being such a twat."

"You're openly apologizing to me? Without giving me a hard time?" Logan ran his fingers through her hair, detangling it. Louise felt that electric tingle travel up her spine. "I might have to pretend I didn't hear you say that. Save you the embarrassment."

"Don't get used to it. I'm only going to say it once."

"I missed you. But I'm only going to say that once. Consider it a show of solidarity," Logan said.

"I didn't miss you," Louise said.

"Yeah, sure you didn't," he pulled her a little closer.

It went quiet.

"I don't think my mom and I are going to be talking for a little bit," Logan said to fill the silence.

"Fuck you. You're not going to make me out to be one of those women who makes you choose between their mother or them," Louise pulled away from him, abandoning the warmth of his jacket.

"That's not what this is and I think you know that. She needs time to get her shit together. I do, too. I was just hoping you'd let me be near you while I get my shit together."

"I don't know why you're telling me. I don't care. If you don't have your shit together, it isn't my problem."

"I think you do care. Deep, deep down."

"No, I don't. I think you're just a giant momma's boy."

"Look, my parents did a pretty pathetic job at raising me, but my mom tried. She tries to be there for me. I spend so much time with her now because I missed out on a lot of that when I was growing up. And I was always so jealous of you and your family when we were kids."

"You're full of it," Louise said. She never thought of teenage Logan Bush as jealous. Just vicious. Did jealous explain why he'd been so vile when they were growing up?

"That time at Lasers and Gentleman when your mom teamed up with you at laser tag and apologized to you. My mom spent the whole time yelling at me for ruining that stupid seminar. Or how your dad let you fire me and chose you over his stupid plot at the community garden. My dad would never have done that for me," Logan swallowed. It felt good to say it out loud, but it was hard to say, too. "That time you dropped that gross-ass cantaloupe on me. Your brother let me Reverse Norwegian Stink Hold him instead of you. I don't have anyone who would have done that for me."

"Keep talking. I like seeing you grovel."

"Your parents supported you. You're freaking wild, but you can still be yourself around them. My mom's been trying to change me my whole fucking life, even though she thinks her heart is in the right place. Do you realize how lucky you are?"

"Believe me, I already know."

"My family is still my family. I love them no matter how shitty they are."

"I never said I loved my family."

"I'm calling your bluff, Belcher, you totally do. And I'm calling your bluff on thinking I got you into bed as a revenge plot."

"Whatever."

"I wasn't the one who initiated," Logan said. "Just to put this whole thing into perspective."

"Blaming me? That's cute. In all of this shit that went down, I didn't hear you whining once being a cherry popper."

There, she said it. They hadn't addressed it. Louise wasn't sure she wanted to. What was done was done, anyway. It didn't seem to be scaring Logan away.

"You don't have to be so crass," Logan said. She could see a flush forming on his face in the dim light of the street lamps.

"You think that was me being crass? What are you? New here?"

"If I was trying to get back at you, this would have been good enough, don't you think? I wouldn't be putting all this stupid effort in if I was toying with you. I meant it when I said I lik-"

"I know. Now please stop talking. I'm sick of all this emotional crap. You're being needy," Louise smiled at Logan. She was shaking again in the cold. Her face still wet and streaky with undried tears.

"Get over here, dummy," Logan said, wrapping her up in his jacket again.

"This doesn't mean anything, by the way," Louise muttered into his turtleneck, her cheek shoved up against the wet spot her tears had created on his shirt.

"You're so full of shit."

"Don't think this means I totally forgive you."

"Wow, bold coming from you. You're the one who accused me of all sorts of stuff. You owe me so many apologies, Belcher."

"I don't know what the word 'apology' means."

"Well, we still have a lot of shit to talk about. Including apologies."

They stayed like that a while.

Louise eventually broke apart from Logan.

"I have a food truck to get ready."

Louise looked over at the restaurant. She made eye contact with her staring mother. Teddy stupidly waved at Louise. She realized at that moment that her family had witnessed the whole scene and likely heard it, too. Maybe if she stood still, the ground would swallow her up and she wouldn't have to face them when she went back inside.

"Your family is so weird," Logan muttered as he waved back to Teddy.

After Logan had driven away, Louise stood outside and away from her family for as long as she could handle the cold. When she couldn't take it anymore, she finally walked back inside.

Bob had the decency to hide himself in the back. Linda and Zeke were huddled around the landline fielding their report to HQ.

"Louise-y, ya got some 'splainin' ta do," Zeke sang as he held up the phone.

"You're seriously using the restaurant phone for personal shit?" she asked.

"Language, Missy," Linda said.

"Bob's Burgers: we grill it, we fry, we hope that you'll buy it," Louise recited as she took the phone.

"Oh my god! Logan Bush? Really?! Tell me everything!" Gene's voice burst through the phone.


	12. Chapter 12: Free To Brie You And Me

Chapter Twelve: "Free To Brie You and Me" Burger:

Louise never cared much for February fourteenth. She did her best to ignore the fact that it was a sappy, gushy day for people who couldn't understand how commercialism worked. When she woke up in Logan Bush's bed in the very early hours of a Monday morning and remembered what day it was, she wanted to gag.

Logan was still asleep when Louise got up. She took a shower, fed Ween, and made a Meatsiah burger that she left in Logan's fridge. She left a note with it: "Buns are on the counter. This is a NO topping burger, Fuckface."

She'd walked home and dove into the mountain of course work waiting for her.

When Logan woke up for work, he noticed the room was a little more lonely than he had been the night before.

* * *

Louise took 2.0 out for a cruise in the late morning. Other people might not have understood commercialism, but Louise had a decent grasp of how it worked, and she knew there were profits to be made. She christened the Burger of the Day: "Tell Tale Heartichoke (Comes with Artichoke)" She made extra pies and gave them stupid cute names like "My Sweetie Potato Pie" and "Apple of my Pie."

Louise made a killing and attributed it to the stupidity and giddiness over the holiday. She also upped the price of everything by a dollar, to make it up to herself for her daylight operations. She'd agreed to work mid-afternoon until close at the restaurant for the entire week, after much haggling. All of this so Zeke could take Tina out on a week of romantic dates, instead of covering down the hours that she would bail out in favor of the food truck. Bob may have also said he would let her keep all the tips if she sucked it up and took the hours.

Louise knew going into it, this meant a week of minimal sleep if she didn't want to give up food truck operations. It was worth it to be out of the house while Bob and Linda failed at another year of making their Valentine's Day special. The little bit of extra money didn't hurt, either.

Louise and Gene had debated: The week of romantic dates was probably going to lead to something big for Zena. Gene said Tina was hiding a pregnancy. Louise was dubious, but willing to bet money. Gene welched on the offer.

She'd drank half a pot of coffee before she'd parked the food truck along Front Street on the outskirts of the third annual _Valentine's Heart Throb Festival_. She drank another half pot in between waves of customers. Louise's week of no sleep started with just that. She'd been out until midnight, then went over to Logan's to do things that involved a bed but not sleep. She was out the door again before she'd been able to count less than three hours of shut eye.

Louise eventually bailed on the _Heart Throb Festival_ and all it's pink, Pepto Bismol decorations, when she couldn't take the atmosphere anymore, all merchant booths and outdoor space heaters. She'd run out of burgers and buns, anyway.

The Hurt Locker was eating well that day.

* * *

Louise sat in the kitchen after she closed the restaurant for the night, with a beer in hand and her headphones on max. She listened to music to drown out the noises coming from her parent's bedroom. She blasted through coursework and cursed Valentine's Day again. If she'd been taking 2.0 out on the road at the normal time, she would not have been subjected to this personal Hell.

Hours passed. Louise kept her headphones on high and jammed out to metal playlist after playlist. She emailed her professors, emailed Harley, and ignored the texts that Logan had sent her.

Louise was forced out of her bubble when her laptop was forcibly shut by a manicured hand. She pulled down her headphones. "Kids Only Meeting," Tina said urgently

"I'm the one who calls meetings. Not you"

"Gene's on his way. I called him on my way over here."

"Um, okay. How was the Tiramisu Wearhouse?"

"How could you care about something like that at a time like this?"

"Calm down, T. Have you been drinking coffee?"

"No! Listen to me. We gotta wait in the living room."

"For what?"

"Shut up. You'll see," Tina stared at her younger sister. Louise got up and migrated to the living room. Tina followed in close succession, her pretty blue dress flowing behind her as she walked.

"So, where's Zeke?"

"He's at home."

"Solid date night?"

"Hush. No taking 'til Gene gets here."

Louise was wondering if her sister had finally snapped. She wasn't trying hard to grasp the gravity of the situation. It was difficult to forge emotional ties to the intangible. Louise pulled out her cell phone and read her texts.

_**Logan:**_ _You left my kitchen a mess this morning, Belcher. (Delivered at 6:02am)_

_**Logan:** _ _This is the best burger I've ever had. (Delivered at 11:56am)_

_**Logan:**_ _You've never made me a free burger unless you fucked up. Is this an apology or Valentine's Day gift? ;) (Delivered at 12:49pm)_

Louise was about to reply with a scathing comeback to his Valentine related inquiry when the front door opened and slammed shut. There was heavy breathing and scrambling up the steps. Gene poured into the living room.

"How far along are you? Is the baby Zeke's? You need to name my baby after me!"

"It's clearly not yours," Louise said dismissively as she put her phone away. "That would just be weird."

"I got over here as fast as I could," Gene said as if he'd been traveling for hours to walk straight into an emergency.

"You live, like, an hour away," Louise scoffed.

"Exactly! Do you know how many fast food restaurants there are between Bog Harbor and here? Too many!"

"So, you're pregnant, T? I'll beat that no good son of a bitch, Zeke. I'll make that boy turn into an honest man for you," Louise said, raising her fist.

"Guys, no. I'm not pregnant."

"Then what did you call me over here for this late? I'm missing my nightly hot chocolate soak," Gene whined.

"Do I even wanna know?" Louise said, staring at her brother.

Tina pulled a small velvet box out of her clutch and opened it slowly.

Gene squawked when he saw what was in the box. He tried on the small elegant ring. Tina batted his hand away, reminding him of the water park misadventure that ensued the last time he'd tried on a ring that didn't belong to him.

"We're getting married," Tina smiled.

"Finally!" Gene said with dramatic flair. "But your wedding can't be as fabulous as mine. It's not allowed!"

"Congrats, T!" Louise said coming closer to her sister. She rolled her eyes at Gene who seemed to be forgetting that he and Alex had gotten married at City Hall and took a Honeymoon trip to see the legendary Two-Butted Goat.

Gene and Tina were both jumping up and down. Louise stood close to her sister giving her a one armed hug, post jumping session. The door to Bob and Linda's room swung open.

"What is everyone yelling about?" Bob squinted into the light of the living room. Linda squealed and ran with arms outstretched toward Tina. It hadn't taken Linda more than a few seconds to spot the small diamond, even without her glasses.

The Belchers popped some champagne and stayed up late, all circled around Tina. Hugging her and telling her how it was "about damn time." Linda made Tina describe the evening in all it's elegant detail. Bob nodded and "hmm"-ed at all the necessary parts.

"Tell me more about your new boyfriend," Gene teased his younger sister.

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Could have fooled me from what Zeke said."

"Not. My. Boyfriend."

"But he's hot enough. And he's rich! You better snatch him up before someone else does."

"He's ugly," Louise told her brother.

"Yeah, if an eleven out of ten is ugly, then he sure is ugly."

"Even if he was attractive, which he isn't, I'd never let him know that. It'd go to his egotistical head."

"So you _do_ think he's hot?"

"No," Louise lied.

"Yeah, you do! And he is. And he's rich, rich," Gene sang.

"And egotistical and annoying."

"So, is he addictive and salty like fries?" Gene raised his eyebrows.

"You're horrible," Louise scoffed at her brother.

"I think he's good for you."

"He's only good for one thing."

"Addictive and salty," Gene sang. Louise pinched her brother hard on the arm.

_**Louise:**_ _Tina just got engaged. (Delivered at 11:15pm)_

_**Logan:**_ _Poor thing, her life is already over and she doesn't even know it. (Delivered at 11:17pm)_

Louise tried not to feel too guilty about the fact that she put off answering Logan all day and he had responded to her text almost immediately.

* * *

"Awe, Four Ears is scared of a little change."

"I'm happy for her."

"I know you are, but you're acting weird. I think things changing is making you nervous."

"I am _so not_ nervous about anything," Louise said, taking a large gulp of beer.

She was sitting on Logan's white leather couch, with only a sleeping wiener dog between them. It was Tuesday night. Straight after close she'd walked right out of the restaurant. She had a backpack with her laptop, toothbrush, and change of clothes slung over her shoulder. She locked Bob's Burgers up, and kept walking until she was at Logan's door. Tonight was night two of Tina and Zeke's "special week." Zeke was taking Tina horseback riding, and she suspected her parents were getting up to something similar in the confines of the apartment. Louise was set to avoid the Belcher household at all costs.

"I could kind of get used to having you on this new schedule. It's nice to see you when I get home from work."

"Stuff it."

Logan went back to working on a project, staring down at his laptop. Louise put the finishing touches on her paper.

"How behind are you?" Logan asked.

"I'm way ahead. 'Cause I'm better than you."

Logan shut his laptop. "I'm done for tonight," he said, placing his laptop on the end table closest to him. He turned to face Louise and brought Ween up onto his lap.

Louise took another large sip of beer, "I'm going to need to get a little more drunk. Especially if I'm going to fuck you without a paperbag over your head."

"That's funny 'cause I have a paper bag for you, too." Logan took the beer out of her hand and finished it himself.

"You little cocksucker, I was drinking that," Louise was still typing away on her laptop. Logan rolled his eyes at Louise and handed her his unopened beer.

"I saw my Dad yesterday."

"I'm not nearly drunk enough to talk about this emotional stuff. With you, especially."

"I went to dinner with him and his new girlfriend."

"I love your pain. It makes me so happy. Now stop talking," Logan glowered at her for her sarcasm. She was looking at her laptop and not him.

"She's my age. It's kind of weird and I think when Dad realized that, it just made dinner awkward. Then Mom called me and kept prying about dinner because she heard from one of her friends at the community garden that I was out with my Dad and his 'lady friend.' Apparently they were at the same restaurant."

"How did it feel to meet the chick that broke up your parents' marriage?"

"Kind of skeevy. By the way, I blame my parents for breaking up their own marriage."

"So, Cynthia called you?"

"That's the first time I've heard from my mom since...well, you know."

"No, I don't know."

"Louise, stop dicking around."

"Fine, I'm glad it didn't take a hundred years for you and your Mom to start talking again. Even if she only called over something skeevy."

"Ooh, say skeevy again. It makes me so hard," Logan said sardonically.

"Did you tell your dad off, Skeevy?"

"No. It's not worth it. I thought spending more time with him might be good for the both of us, but now I think I could care less."

"Screw your dad's girlfriend. It would really teach him a lesson," Louise briefly looked at Logan and away from the laptop screen when she said this. Then she burst out laughing.

"You're the worst person I've ever met and your ideas are terrible," Logan told her, taking the beer from her. He chugged half the bottle.

Louise stole the bottle back from him, "I never said it was a good idea. I just said it was effective."

Logan looked over Louise's shoulder and at her laptop screen, "You're a horrible economics writer," he said, squinting at her paper.

"I'm a great economics writer, you're just illiterate."

"Well, then you can teach me how to read," Logan purred in her ear, closing her laptop.

Logan kissed her. She tasted like beer. They both tasted like beer. Louise sank into what Logan was offering. Letting herself forget for a little bit about how things seemed to be changing so fast. Letting herself forget about the utter lack of sleep she'd gotten over the last few days. Letting herself forget how exhausting and draining the world was.

When they were spent, Louise slept the best she had in weeks.

* * *

"So, you're sleeping with the enemy?" Scotty asked as he took a seat at the bar next to Logan.

"I'm getting laid and I have a great job making lots of money. What are you doing with your life?" Logan laughed.

"Sounds like you're a hooker."

"Yeah, well, you would know."

"What's going on between you two? First she was two inches away from ruining your life and now some of her stuff is at your place. Shacking up?"

"Shacking up implies she actually wants anything to do with me. The jury's still out on that one."

"Speaking of shacking up, I heard about your parents. Good for Tom."

"Fuck that! 'Good for Tom,' my ass. I've been waiting years for their sorry asses to get divorced. I thought it would be good for both of them, but they're still the same shitty people."

"So you don't want to talk about the divorce?"

"Fuck you, man," Logan laughed.

Logan and Scotty proceeded to get plastered and shoot pool. Logan hadn't seen Scotty since around Thanksgiving, and the end of February was closing in quickly. He realized it was okay that he needed his friends. He and Scotty made plans to shoot pool once a week. It turned out to be a good system.

* * *

"You want me to go with you? To meet your friends?" Logan asked, dipping his fry into a huge glob of ketchup. He sat at the counter of Bob's Burgers. Louise was manning the cash register and Bob was in the kitchen pretending to stay out of his youngest child's business.

Bob, after the infamous "night of yelling and crying and returning of the Ears", told Louise that he approved of Logan. In his grumbling, gripping Dad way. Louise was floored by this. She denied to her family that she had any lasting interest in Logan, but here he was, showing up on weekends and after work for the occasional burger.

And still, Louise would often disappear for the night, only to be dropped off in a shiny, dark car in the morning hours. A car that looked a lot like the one that belonged to Logan Bush.

"You're not going with me. I'm going to be there. You can show up too, if you want."

"So we're going separately, but I don't know any of these people and I'm going to stand near you the entire time, just not with you?"

"Well, it sounds really fucking stupid when you say it," Louise said flatly.

"I get it. You're scared to go alone and you want me to be there for emotional support. You need me there, actually. I'm your knight in shining armor."

"Forget I asked."

"Oh, I'm going, and I am going to make fun of you the whole time," Logan bit into the Burger of the Day, chewing loudly as was his signature move to annoy Louise.

Louise was quiet, then when Logan was about to pay his bill, she decided he was worth talking to again.

"What the hell do I get for a baby? 'My First Lockpicking Kit?' A mini flask?"

"Yeah, maybe, if you want them to grow up with Daddy issues."

"So the flask then?"

"What are you doing Saturday morning?"

"If it involves spending time with you, then I'm busy."

"I'll take you somewhere to figure out this stupid gift thing, okay."

"No."

"Good, I'll see you Saturday morning." Logan paid his bill and left. He'd also left a generous tip. Louise was going to kick his ass for it the next time she saw him.

"They make lock picking kits for kids?" Bob asked through the service window.

"Of course they do. How do you think I got started?"

"Sometimes it's hard to remember what horrible people I brought into this world."

"I offered to teach you and you said 'no,' Dad."

"Bus the tables, Louise."

* * *

When Logan Bush was in high school, he would bully other people to make himself feel important. To make people notice him. When he grew up, he realized it only forged enemies. He didn't want that for himself. He didn't know if he could change the damage he'd done when he was younger, but he decided he didn't have to be that same horrible person forever. Teenage Logan would have kicked Adult Logan in the unmentionables for the upstanding softy that he had become. Teenage Logan was unaware of how powerful your own medicine could taste.

When Logan was fifteen, no one was immune to his wrath. Not the other teenagers in his school and certainly not anyone younger and smaller than he was. He was used to kids cowering in fear. He could walk around his neighborhood and feel big, bad, and important. No one would stand up to him. So when he met a nasty little girl with pink bunny ears and she stood up to him, Logan hated the little shithead immediately.

She was mean, she was tough, and she didn't act the way he expected her to. She didn't cower. He loathed that. So he made it a personal mission to remind her that she was little and that she should be powerless.

The pink hatted kid was pure evil. Who would get a biker gang to cut someone's ears off? Who would get away with launching slobbery, nasty spitballs at him while his friends laughed about it behind his back?

She needed to be put down, and he would be the one to do it.

Then the day came when Logan Bush made Louise Belcher cry. He had chased her and her chubby brother all over the neighborhood and cornered them. The cause for all his rage may have been a moldy, fruity accident, but her tears were so worth it. He felt like a hunter that had finally shot its prey. He'd hadn't felt that vindicated before. He'd never been able to relish in that kind of cruelty before. He was finally going to get his long deserved revenge against the little runt who'd caused him so much grief.

Then her brother stepped up to take the brunt of the retribution.

Logan doled out punishment to the chubby boy, not his initial target, but better than no revenge. He was only satisfied with the consequence he wrought for a fleeting moment. As he was walking home, he felt an inexplicable jealousy consume him. His hatred for his pint-sized enemy came roaring back.

Why should someone as horrible and infuriating as Louise Belcher have a family that cared about her so much? A mother who took her side, a father that chose her happiness over his own happiness, a brother that sacrificed himself? Logan had never been able to experience half the familial love and acceptance that she had. She was horrible and devious. Why did she deserve to have so much when he couldn't have any of it?

That winter, Logan was minding his own business in the park, packing snowballs as tightly as he could for maximum pain. He and his friends had spent all morning building their forts and these kids just came sledding down the hill into his territory.

And who was the ringleader but Louise Belcher?

Logan had to chase them away, to show them he meant business. So he made icy hell reign. Then that little terror had the nerve to come back down the hill and confront him face to face. So he threw more snowballs, shooing her away like the pest she was.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the little terror came back with that jocky dweeb, "Manitary Napkin" and a full blown defense strategy that chased him away from _his_ hill. All the manpower and force he mustered wasn't enough on his end, even though he'd used the runt's same strategy against her.

The next day he found himself surrounded by every female he'd ever bullied, snowballs in hands, ready to pelt him into another light year. Threatening to knock him so hard, he'd be shitting ice.

All of this because Louise Belcher tried to stand up to him and here were people who didn't even know the kid, trying to protect her while all his friends had run off and abandoned him out of fear. Logan would have been more jealous and furious, if he wasn't so busy cowering behind the closest object that could shelter him - Louise Belcher. The tiniest, worst choice for a human shield. He'd grabbed her up in a moment of desperate panic.

"Oh Logan, Logan, Logan, you are so screwed," the tiny terror taunted him as his classmates got into position, snowballs poised above heads and ready to be thrown.

Then he was traveling down the hill on a sled, pushed over by the tiny terror guiding him to safety.

"You saved me?" Logan asked her.

He'd never considered the possibility that Louise Belcher was a good person. It didn't seem possible. But the tiny terror had just saved his hide. And after all the horrible things he'd done to her, too.

"Oh, I didn't save you. I just kind of gave you a head start," she said.

Logan turned tail and ran as fast as he could, getting pelted with more snowballs then he was dodging. The tiny terror shouting from the distance, "Merry Christmas, Logan!"

Maybe Louise Belcher wasn't a good person after all, he'd thought, but if she wasn't a good person, she certainly was a better person to him than he had been to her.

* * *

Logan walked beside Louise through the park. She was carrying a small yellow bag in her hand, very domestic and festive and out of place anywhere near the dark clad Louise Belcher. She looked even more out of place next to the tall, professionally dressed Logan Bush in the unseasonably warm mid-March weather.

The two walked past a white wooden sign proclaiming a Baby Shower/Engagement Party for Rudy and Jessica Stieblitz. Logan found himself wondering why the last name sounded so familiar, but didn't have time to process the thought when his companion was tackled into a giant bear hug by a young woman who had materialized out of nowhere.

"Hi, Harley," Louise said with an edge of frustration in her voice.

"I, like, just knew you would show up! What did you bring? How do you feel? Are you nervous about Jessica?" Harley prattled. She stopped and looked Logan up and down, "Who is this? What's his name? Why are you with him?"

"I ask myself the same questions everytime I look at him, Harley," Louise's thinly veiled sarcasm went over her friend's head.

"My name is Logan Bush. I'm Miss Belcher's parole officer."

"He's funny," Harley decided in an approving tone.

"You like him just like that? You aren't going to drill him with a million more questions? Ask him what his favorite color is?" Louise looked at her friend, desperately fighting for a distraction from the impending party.

"I will, I will! But first I gotta see how you are. This is, like, a whole deal, there's Rudy. Plus Jessica is, like, really nervous-excited to see you," Harley said, locking her arm around Louise's.

"I don't think I need to be here," Louise said, nervousness seeping in.

"You know, Louise and Jessica have so much history," Harley wriggled her eyebrows at Logan.

"Harley, I am trying to get out of here with minimal damage. Shut up for once in your fucking life," Louise begged her best friend.

Harley flashed Louise a look that said "No way." She took the gift bag from Louise and gave it to Logan, "Here, you find out where this goes, Parole Officer Bush."

Harley swiftly pulled an objecting Louise toward the crowd and left Logan awkwardly by himself. Logan skirted around the fringes of the party until he found a gift table. He placed the bag on the table and put his hands in his pockets, scanning the crowd for a trace of Louise.

"Logan Bush? What are you doing here? Gonna steal a bunch of gifts from some little kids?" The voice was familiar, Logan hadn't heard it in years, but it made his heart stop briefly. He spun around to face his accuser.

"Manitar- uh, Mandy? How are you?"

"What are you doing at my cousin's engagement party?" Stieblitz. Mandy Stieblitz. That's why the name had sounded so familiar.

"I'm here with someone."

"Poor sap. Do they know how awful you are? " Mandy sized Logan up and down, like she was looking for a weak spot to attack.

"Yeah, he is a poor sap and stupid, too. I try not to hold it against him," Louise's voice rang. She had her arms crossed and was standing behind Logan. Logan turned around to look at her. What was it with women sneaking up on him today?

"Bunny Girl? You're one of Rudy's friends. I remember you."

"Geez, Mandy, put your glasses on." Louise smirked, "You were at my graduation."

"Christ, don't tell me you two are friends?" Logan looked uncomfortably at his companion who was too busy sizing up the situation to pay him attention.

"You brought this piece of garbage with you?" Mandy asked Louise.

"He's not garbage. Just annoying," Louise said, her arms were still crossed.

A look of dread still crossed Logan's features.

"Relax, I'm not going to try and start trouble at my cousin's engagement party. We're not all animals like you," Mandy snapped, looking at Logan as she said the last part of the sentence, encouraging his dread.

"I'll make you a deal: I'll keep him away from anywhere he could cause trouble and you can glare at him from a safe distance for the rest of the afternoon," Louise haggled.

"You drive a hard bargain, Bunny Girl," Mandy said sarcastically. "Get him out of my face."

Louise pulled Logan by his arm and down into the crowd. "What was that all about? No defending yourself? If you were any softer out there, you'd be inpotent."

"Shut up," Logan said, face heating up.

"Awe, Big Bush is all sad and embarrassed."

"Speaking of embarrassment, where is this Jessica friend of yours?" Logan gibed back.

"You want me to hurt you?" Louise threatened.

"You're all bark and no bite. I just witnessed you defending me. And you're being seen in public with me. These are both ones for the records."

"Don't test me or I will slap you into the records."

"Speaking of testing, you're testing my fucking patience. You couldn't have fucking bothered to tell me who this thing was for?" Logan whispered at her.

"I didn't fucking think about you and Mandy. It's not my fault you were such a shitty person and everyone you grew up with hates you."

"Well you would know from experience. You're a monster, too, " Logan retorted.

"I forgot you could be just as petty as I am," Louise said.

"You're the petty one."

"Look, I don't want to be here, but this is important and I - it's just important, okay?"

"Okay," Logan said, biting down on his anger. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked alongside Louise letting the fight disappear into the ether, as much as he wanted to keep the anger ongoing and tangible between them.

She had said she didn't want to be here, but she hadn't said she didn't want to be here with him. She had defended him. She had brought him out to see her friends, some of whom knew who he was and how he used to be. She was nervous about this party, even if Logan wasn't totally sure why. The rage didn't have anything to do with him. She wanted him here because she was scared. This was something very simple, but as Logan realized this, the shock was the emotional equivalent of a bucket of ice water being dumped over his head.

Louise needed the moral support that she would never admit to needing. She hid it behind mean words and threats. Logan was beginning to see through her act. She hadn't strictly brought him along for the displeasure of his company.

He would file this away and tease her mercilessly later about the fact that she was warming up to him.

She was finally beginning to see him as something other than a grown-up bully,

"Louise!" Harley shouted at her friend, jogging up to her. "You totally, like, slipped out on me, you little bitch."

"I thought I was going to get away with it," Louise muttered.

Harley put her hands on her hips and looked Louise square in the eyes,"I know this is hard for you, but I think you'll regret it if you don't try."

"You suck, you know that," Louise told Harley. Louise stood there for a few long seconds deciding what she was going to do. Deciding who she wanted to be in this situation. Louise took a deep breath and followed Harley through the crowd, letting Logan trail dumbly behind them.

Harley led them to a group of picnic tables, shaded under a pavilion. Coolers with water and sodas were set on the benches. Rudy's father was manning the grill, putting on hotdogs and burgers.

"Look who I found!" Harley squealed when she approached the family of honor.

"Louise, I haven't seen you since graduation," Rudy said, nervousness coloring his voice.

"I wonder whose fault that is," Louise challenged. She knew Jessica was there, she could see the outline of her old flame, but wouldn't look in her direction. Harley elbowed Louise hard enough that it twisted Louise's expression into a grimace. "I mean, yeah, it's been a while, huh?"

"So, who's this?" Rudy asked, gesturing at Logan.

"Logan Bush. I'm Louise's...friend," Logan held his hand out to Rudy. Rudy shook Logan's hand, looking at him like he was trying to place him.

"I'm Jessica. I was Louise's "friend," too, once upon a time," Jessica winked at Logan and shook his hand. Louise stiffened. Logan slid his arm around Louise's shoulders, a reminder that she wasn't there alone. Louise felt her Ears burning a hole in her back pocket. Why hadn't she just worn them today? Any small comfort would have been helpful.

"You're that jerk that my cousin Mandy chased away with that huge snowball fight," Rudy snapped his fingers. "You really had that one coming."

"What can I say? My reputation precedes me," Logan sighed, playing down his guilt.

Rudy started to laugh, then wheezed. He grabbed his inhaler and took a hit. "Drugs, you gotta love them," he joked, still somewhat out of breath.

Louise had been looking at Jessica since she'd shaken Logan's hand. Seeing Jessica so pregnant and glowing was surreal. She's expected to look at Jessica and feel so many things. Things Louise Belcher didn't allow herself to feel, like softness. Things Louise Belcher did allow herself to feel, like anger and betrayal. Louise looked at Jessica and felt like she was looking at a stranger. All of the bitterness she'd been holding seemed so useless and misplaced when she looked at this woman in front of her.

"You look so excited?" Louise tried.

"I am. We're having a girl and Rudy's terrified. I've been waking up at night pretending to go into labor and scaring the shit out of him. Works every time," Jessica laughed. Louise laughed too. It sounded much more like the Jessica and Rudy she knew.

"This is just so weird," Louise breathed.

"I know. I was really thinking you weren't going to show up," Jessica said.

"I wouldn't miss it," Louise fibbed.

"I can smell your lies, Belcher," Jessica said.

"Harley sort of convinced me," Louise admitted.

"I, like, really gently nudged her to a conclusion. But it was totally, like, fine." Harley waved off.

"What are you up to these days, Louise?" Rudy asked.

Logan felt Louise relax against his arm. He pulled her a little closer, expecting her to fight it. He was surprised when she didn't.

Louise could have stormed away from the park in a fit of rage. She could have given Jessica and Rudy the piece of her mind she was secretly planned on gifting them instead of the stupid, nice thing Logan picked out. Louise could have watched Rudy and Jessica crumble as she listed all of their personal indiscretions they committed against her in school and after graduation.

A younger Louise Belcher would have committed these actions, then felt guilty afterward. The older, wiser Louise Belcher that she was today felt guilty for even thinking about doing these things.

Reconnection and forgiveness were two things Louise didn't specialize in, but she could understand now why they might be necessary.

* * *

That night, curled up in a king size bed with a small dog in her lap, Louise was dozing off after a fight to keep her eyes open. Her economics test opened up on Logan's laptop.

She'd spent all afternoon being talked at by friends and acquaintances, most of which she hadn't seen in years. Then she spent all evening in the metal tank of her food truck trying to push back emotional reactions and reconsidered perspectives.

When she pulled up in front of Logan's house, she walked behind the truck and found some roses looped around the back door handle. Louise hated them as soon as she set sight on them. She pulled them off the door handle and threw them in Logan's face when he opened his front door to let her in. He admitted that as funny as her frustration was, it wasn't him who'd placed the flora. The roses found their way into the trash.

An angry Louise went up stairs and showered all the grease and emotion off of herself. Then she jumped Logan. They fooled around until she'd collapsed with exhaustion.

When Logan tried to get her to talk, she told him to shut up. So he shut up and let her borrow his laptop to do course work.

Logan looked over from his book at the sleeping Louise. He took his hand and pinched her nose shut so she could only breathe through her mouth. Her eyes flew open and she jolted forward. The first sound she heard was Logan's booming laugh. She lifted a hand to slap him and he gently knocked her hand away, still laughing.

"Are you gonna finish that test?" Logan asked after containing his laughter.

"No." Louise closed the laptop and set it on the nightstand.

She laid her head down on the pillow and closed her eyes, hoping Logan could get the damn picture and not start with his bullshit again.

"Are we gonna talk about this shit, or are you gonna fall asleep on me?"

"I don't know? Both?" Louise said, opening one eye.

"What's the deal with -"

"Jessica? We had a thing in high school."

"That wasn't what I was going to ask, but thank you for reminding me how oblivious you think I am."

"Fine. What were you going to ask?"

"You already know."

"Ugh, this is what you wanted to talk about? You sound so girly and annoying."

"You sound immature and annoying."

"There isn't anyone else, if that's what your asshair is all in a knot about. You're adequate in bed. That's mostly why I come back."

"Just adequate? That's the nicest thing you've said to me. Can I get that framed?"

"What do you want from me?"

"For you to just have a little bit of fucking emotion for like five seconds."

"I like you, you already know that. Don't ask me to say it again."

"I want exclusivity, Louise."

"I already told you there isn't anyone else. Stop being such a pussy."

"What does that make this then?"

"We're just friends, Logan. Don't try and complicate things."

"Right. Just friends."

Logan and Louise fought often. Louise loved to point out how much they didn't have in common. Logan liked to make sure she was educated on how wrong she was about that. He'd forgiven her for the awful things she'd done. He didn't take the bait as often anymore when she did try to start fights. He was there for her. She didn't know what to make of all that.

It occurred to Louise that Logan Bush might possibly be a good person. If he wasn't a good person, he certainly was a better person to her than she had been to him.


	13. Chapter 13: Will You Be Mine, Kale-Mine?

Chapter Thirteen: "Will You Be Mine, Kale-Mine?" Burger:

"I want your wedding to be better than mine," Gene said to Tina. "But _not_ more fabulous."

"You shouldn't mess with tradition. You'll jinx it," Louise said to her mother and sister one Sunday morning in early May, back turned to her family while making a pot of coffee.

"What do you mean 'jinx it?' " Tina asked nervously.

"Don't listen to your sister. She's being a Nelly, a little Negative Nelly. You're gonna want pretty tablecloths," Linda said to her oldest daughter.

Louise craned her neck to look at the catalogs Linda and Tina had spread across the kitchen table. Pages torn out, ideas circled in Sharpie, more pages dog-eared. Louise mused to herself about who was going to pay for all the fancy wedding junk.

"Good Belchers get married at City Hall," the younger sister "tsked" as she overtly poured a shot of whiskey into her coffee, a celebration of the finished semester.

"Someone's getting home late," Gene said to Louise, not a trace of subtlety in his voice.

"I don't know what you're implying," Louise responded, back still turned to the wedding planning craze at the Belcher's kitchen table.

"Does his name start with Logan?" Gene prodded.

"Who now?" Louise brushed off.

"I saw flowers by the front door when I came in this morning. They had your name on the tag," Gene sang.

"Oooh," Linda said.

"They're not from Logan. He knows better. I'd stuff them up his nostrils."

"What kind of flowers?" Linda asked. "We need ideas for centerpieces."

"Mom!" Tina scolded, trying to reel Linda's attention back in.

"What? One of you kids deserves a nice wedding. Gene couldn't wait and Louise is never getting married," Linda waved her hand at Louise.

"What makes you say that?" Louise asked, feigning sincerity.

"You literally said the night I got engaged that you were never getting married," Tina said.

"Details, details," Louise said dismissively as she blew on her liquor laced coffee. "So what do we have here anyway?" Louise sat down at the table with her siblings and mother.

"What about this one?" Linda pointed to a yellow floral tablecloth.

"Hate it!" the sisters said in unison. Tina and Louise looked at each other and smiled. Maybe this wedding planning thing would actually be kind of fun, after all. Gene looked at the picture of the tablecloth like he'd never be so offended by anything in his life.

Gene had been coming to the apartment nearly everyday, leaving Alex at the costume shop to fend for himself. Everytime Gene entered the apartment, he had on a different tuxedo or suit. Some suits were loud and colorful with extreme details, some were more muted. Gene was less than subtle about his desire to supply attire for the wedding party.

"It's going to be a small wedding, Gene. I don't think me and Zeke are going to need all of this stuff. What I really need are song suggestions." Tina told her brother.

"You just haven't found the right outfit yet. You'll know the one. It'll speak to you. Outfits are more memorable than songs, anyway," Gene declared. Today he was sporting a gold and purple three piece monstrosity. A monstrosity he was somehow pulling off. Louise told him he looked like Mardi Gras threw up on him. Gene told his sister the nineties called and wanted their flannel back.

"We're not going to have that many people in the wedding," Tina said, attempting to extinguish the impending argument.

"Oh, I still love the suit. Give me a twirl," Linda commanded. Gene spun around and struck a pose.

"I'm the maid of honor and if you want it to stay that way, I wear whatever I want," Louise said, uncompromisingly.

"Well I'm going downstairs," Gene said, dramatically. "If I can't convince you, then I'll get Zeke to listen to me."

"Zeke's working at the Yacht Club today," Tina shouted at her brother who was making his way down the stairs.

"Then I'm going to annoy Dad," Gene said, slamming the apartment door behind him.

"Zeke's been working at the Yacht Club a lot more lately," Linda nudged.

"Yeah, it's almost like he sees his life going somewhere, right? Somewhere that's not this old slop shop," Louise contributed in a cheeky tone.

"I have some news," Tina said.

"News! T, you can't just say that. People will start assuming things," Louise taunted.

"I can't? What kind of things?" Tina asked, wide eyed.

"Louise, stop teasing your sister," Linda said.

"I got a new job," Tina announced, her voice monotone, but the excitement displayed in her eyes.

"My babies. My grown babies, still growing!" Linda hugged her eldest child.

"Congrats, T. Where?" Louise high-fived her sister, though Tina's return was weak.

"Horsing Around Riding Center. They're doing a summer camp. It's kinda of seasonal for now. But they said they're looking for people to take on full year."

"They'd be stupid not to hire you full time," Linda said, still smothering Tina in a hug.

"No more Yacht Club? Good riddance. I didn't know you had it in you." Louise said. Before she could lean back into her chair she was forcibly sucked into the Menstruation Nation huddle by her mother, with no prospect of escape. "I don't do hugs!"

* * *

Louise updated her Chowster location and piggy backed off of the weak WiFi of the Glencrest Yacht Club. Louise stuck closer to the Wharf in the earlier hours of her food truck operations. More customers, more cash, more places she could conveniently "borrow" WiFi.

Louise had suffered a short shift in the restaurant with the prequel to work being a full morning of wedding planning for Tina, in which absolutely nothing was decided or accomplished.

The most Louise had contributed to the wedding planning was a text to Tina after she had arrived on location in front of the Yacht Club.

_**Louise:**_ _First dance: Gene's original composition, "Silent Love". (Delivered 10:33pm)_

_**Tina:**_ _No. Zeke and I actually like each other, remember? (Delivered 10:45pm)_

"Her loss," Louise muttered to herself.

Louise shuffled through a semester's worth of emails deciding what was worth keeping and what assignments she could save and make slight modifications to turn in as brand new for the fall semester. She deleted and deleted until she came to an email address she didn't recognize.

She opened the email, what was so obviously a prank, right? The text read:

" _I keep leaving you flowers and you keep ignoring them. I spend so much time picking them out. You're so mean. You've always just been so mean. And you never answer my letters..."_

Louise read the email a few times, and ignored the cold, sinking pit she felt in her stomach. She stared at the screen of her laptop, she zoned out trying to keep the cold, chilling pit in her stomach from rising up into her throat. She forwarded the email to Logan and to her parents. For value of proof? To figure out who was pranking her? She didn't really know why, but it seemed like the most logical thing at the moment.

"Hey, Bunny Girl! Can I get some damn service over here?" someone shouted through the window.

* * *

At five the next morning, Logan was standing in his kitchen with the coffee pot on and an omelette cooking on the stove. A knock thundered at his front door. Ween barked in response. Logan opened the front door and Louise barged into his house, charging through the door like she was on a mission. She had her Ears on.

"You have a key. You can let yourself in," Logan said, shutting the door behind her.

"Do you think I actually carry that thing around with me?"

"That was kind of the idea."

"Did you check your email?"

"No. Should I?"

Louise breezed past him and walked around the first floor until she located his laptop, closed on the kitchen table. She opened it and went to his email.

"You know you have food burning in here?" Louise shouted at him.

"You receive full blame for anything bad happening in this kitchen," Logan told her as he raced back to the stove to plate the omelette. Louise came up behind him and took the plate off the counter.

"Look at this," Louise demanded.

"That's not for you," Logan said, eyeing the omelette and ignoring Louise's order.

"Cry me a river. You have all the shit out, make yourself another one. Plus, this one's burnt."

"There's _Canadian_ bacon in that omelette."

"Canada is a horrible place," Louise stated plainly, but bit into the omelette anyway.

"You know, poutine is _Canadian_ , right?" he teased. He began putting everything together to make himself another omelette.

"Shut your whore mouth and get over here," Louise said.

Logan sat down next to Louise at the table and read the emails she'd pulled up on his browser:

" _I keep leaving you flowers and you keep ignoring them. I spend so much time picking them out. You're so mean. You've always just been so mean. And you never answer my letters…"_

" _I know how you really feel. You can't deny what's in your heart."_

"And you're blaming me? That sounds nothing like me," Logan said

"I'm not blaming you. Just - do you see this shit?" Louise asked defensively.

"Yeah. You look pretty freaked out."

"Freaked out? You're fucking kidding me? I'm annoyed."

"Call it what you want, but you look pretty scared to me, Four Ears."

"I'm not scared."

"Okay. Fine, You're not scared, but maybe I am."

Louise didn't say anything after that. She just shoveled half of the pilfered omelette in her mouth. Logan got up and made himself another omelette and poured two cups of coffee. He plated the omelette and sat back down next to Louise. She was sitting with her arms crossed, dog in her lap and staring off into space at the laptop. The screen was black. Logan closed the laptop and pushed it to the side. He set a cup of coffee in front of her.

"Why're you up right now, anyway? Shouldn't you be asleep."

"I couldn't sleep much," Louise admitted.

"So you come over here at five in the fucking morning and bother me with your drama? You're such a shithead," Logan smiled at her and put an arm around her shoulders.

"Shut up," Louise said, scooting closer to Logan, the tip of one of her pink Ears just shy of poking him in the eye.

"You could always send them emails back. Start harassing them," Logan suggested.

"That's a terrible idea," Louise reached for her cup of coffee. Logan took his arm off of Louise's shoulders and took a bite of his omelette.

"I'm kind of worried about this," Logan admitted. "Maybe we should call someone or something?"

"I already talked to the police. They said 'they'd keep me updated and that it was probably a prank. Nothing to worry about.' " Louise said in a mocking voice.

"Sounds like you had a busy night. You already talked to the police. You were out there by yourself. Didn't think about calling me or your parents to come with you," Logan said with an edge in his voice.

"Getting mad at me? That's cute," Louise said, looking down at the dog in her lap.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm freaked out. I'm worried about you. There's a difference."

"You're also annoying me, right now."

"How much is it going to take for you to admit you're scared and just being a jerk because of it?" Logan asked, clearing off the table and loading the dishwasher.

"You never talking again, maybe."

"Sorry. Try again," Logan said filling up a travel mug with the rest of the contents of the coffee pot. He tightened his tie and buttoned his sports coat.

"You look like a dweeb."

"At least I'm not actually a dweeb. Like you," Logan said, picking Ween up to let him outside.

"You're going to work?"

"Looks like it, huh?"

"Corporate Kiss-Ass," Louise scoffed.

"You can stay here if you want. I'm not kicking you out."

"No. I'd rather not be alone right now."

"Okay. Well I'm going to need you to move the food truck so I can get my car out of the driveway," Logan paused, as if thinking better of the situation. "Or, I don't have to go to work. I can call in sick. Whatever you want."

"I walked."

"You're fucking kidding me, Louise, really? Threatening emails and weird stalker shit and you just walk around town like it's not a big deal?"

"Don't get your huge bush all tangled in a knot over it. It's only, like, two miles."

"Right, I'm not worried or anything. This isn't a problem," Logan sneered. Louise proudly displayed her middle finger at Logan. Logan blew her a sarcastic kiss in response.

When he let Ween back in, Logan put a leash on the dog and handed him to Louise.

"What's this all about?"

"You don't want to be alone, right."

"You're seriously letting me take him."

"Only for the day. Or I don't have to go to work at all. You could get some sleep and then we could go back to the police. I can call Linda or something, if you want."

"No. Go to work. I don't really know what I'm going to do yet."

"You're sure? Cause I'm not so sure I'm okay with it."

"Just go to fucking work, okay?"

"You know what? No."

"Fine. Just shut up about it, okay?"

"Okay," he sighed.

Logan drove Louise back to Bob's Burgers and called in sick to work on the way.

"You should tell your parents about the whole thing, maybe?" Logan suggested again once he was off the phone.

"Not a chance."

"I guess I'll be the responsible adult then. If you don't say anything, I will."

"Oh, you're such a fucking hero."

"I'm glad you think so," Logan said, edge returning to his voice as he pulled up to the curb.

As Louise walked through the front door to the apartment, she could smell coffee already brewing. It was a little early for her parents to be up, she thought, but this was maybe the most normal thing to happen in the last twelve hours. Louise walked into the kitchen holding Ween in her arms. Logan stayed in the living room, obeying Louise's direct order to do so.

"What's with the dog," Bob asked his daughter, looking up from the newspaper.

"Nothing," Louise said.

"This isn't a permanent thing?" Bob asked.

"It's a real dog, Dad. Real animals are pretty permanent."

"The dog's not staying here."

"Not forever."

"You didn't steal someone's pet, did you?"

"His name is Weenus. He belongs to Pretty Boy Logan."

"That's a terrible name for a dog."

"I know," Louise said as she sat down. She put Ween on the kitchen table.

"Oh my God," Bob said in protest, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"We've had a cow, a guy who thought he was a mannequin, and that weird baby-sitter, Jen, in this apartment. You're worried about a dog on the kitchen table?"

Bob opened his mouth to fire off a lecture to his youngest child, but stopped himself when he got a good look at her. "Have you slept at all?"

"Not really."

"You should."

"Hmmm," was Louise's only response.

"Something's wrong?" Bob assessed.

"Yes, yes there is."

"Do you want to...talk about it?" Bob asked awkwardly, knowing his youngest daughter was rare to talk about feelings and doubly rare to elaborate on them. "This doesn't have to do with that boy does it?" Bob asked, nodding to the tiny dog sitting on the table.

"Yes, it does. Logan Bush drugged me and married me off to a cult. Now I must carry around this dog as an idol of worship. Also, you owe Pretty Boy Logan a dowry."

"Well, I guess I don't need to pay you to work at the restaurant anymore, then."

"Dad, I still need money. How else am I going to afford to feed this dog?"

"What actually happened, Louise?"

Louise sat there for a little bit and then finally told Bob about the emails, the mysterious the occasional flower bouquet. How it was all very reminiscent of Millie and how that made it even worse. How she talked to the police. How they weren't much help. How Logan was sitting in their living room and how he didn't really know what to do. How she didn't really know what to do, either.

Bob sat with his daughter, trying not to admit that he, too, didn't know what to do.

* * *

Louise had been harassed before. Being a female ensured that. Being a female that marched to the beat of her own drum ensured that even more.

In high school it was always Millie. After high school it was always some gross, scuzzy guy slumming it by the wharf. Old, young, clean, or gross. It didn't matter. Someone saw her, decided she was cute and tiny and naive with her pink Ears, and they descended. Louise wasn't a stranger to landing a punch to someone's nose or calling Wonder Wharf security.

Louise even had people make comments to her while inside the safety of 2.0, with it's small service window and double locked doors.

She would get told she was cute. She would get told she was ugly. She had dumb, drunk Logans pissing on the tire of her truck. She's even had one guy try to grab her hand when she reached down to take the cash he was paying for a burger with.

All of these things were unappreciated. All of them were skeevy. But all of them were very obvious and present. What did you do when the skeevy threat was menacing and immaterial?

Louise spent no time in the food truck and a lot more time in the restaurant over the following days.

Louise also spent a lot more time with Logan. Logan tried to get her to talk about it. Louise wouldn't. Logan dropped the subject. Louise got mad at him for dropping the subject. Mindless sex and continued talk about marketing strategy distracted from the unspoken reality, but the film of tension was still present between them.

Another package addressed to Louise showed up at the Belcher's front door that Thursday. It was an incredibly similar scrapbook to the pink, sparkly one Millie had snuck into her backpack sophomore year of high school. Louise was on the phone with Sergeant Bosco again. Bob and Louise were on the phone with Sergeant Bosco again. Logan and Louise were on the phone with Sergeant Bosco again.

Louise was told she could come down to the station and make another statement. She so did so with Bob, Linda, and Logan in tow. They brought the package. It was collected as evidence. They were all told the same things again: " _Without sufficient evidence, no claims of stalking could be substantiated, and therefore no charges can be pressed. We're continuing to investigate."_

What they heard was, " _We don't want to help."_

* * *

On a Saturday, post lunch rush, Logan strolled into Bob's Burgers dressed like he was going to a job interview. He sat himself at the counter. No one was manning the dining area. There was a young couple in the front booth and a figure in a grey hoodie, carefully appraising the menu and sitting in the far back of the restaurant.

"Four Ears," Logan's voice boomed.

Louise poked her head into view through the service window. No Ears, Logan noted. The chalkboard next to the service window read, "Save the Last Dasheen for Me Burger."

Louise was silently cursing Aunt Gayle and her "emergency" that pulled Bob and Linda away from the restaurant. They called Zeke and "he was on his way." Louise had been assured. Bob insisted on staying with his daughter in such a fragile time. Louise insisted that he should go. Whatever situation Gayle was "stuck in," it sounded like Linda couldn't do the job on her own. It took twenty minutes of arguing and another three phone calls from Gayle before Bob relented. Louise texted Logan and told him to come to the restaurant.

"Where's my burger?"

"Oh, so you're just expecting to come in here and get served on a silver platter?"

"Duh."

"What the fuck do you want?" Louise asked, holding up a small notepad.

"What's the most difficult and time consuming thing for you to make? That's what I want."

"You're getting a cheeseburger.".

"Fine. Cheeseburger. What are you doing tonight?"

"Not you," Louise rolled her eyes.

"Really? But, my Ween misses you so much."

"You think you're so witty?"

"I do."

Louise scoffed at him and disappeared into the kitchen.

Logan scrolled through his phone. Movement caught his eye. Grey Hoodie was staring Logan down, looking at him over the menu.

"Hey, buddy! Wanna take a fucking picture?" Logan called over. Grey Hoodie's eyes retreated behind the menu.

Logan went back to scrolling on his phone. Louise came out with a round serving tray. She dumped a plate with a cheeseburger and fries carelessly in front of Logan.

"Where's my drink?" he asked playfully.

"There's a faucet in the bathroom, go stick your head under it," Louise flashed Logan a quick smirk, then walked from behind the counter into the dining area. She served the table with the young couple and then moved on to take Grey Hoodie's order.

There was a thud, as the serving platter felt to the floor. A jolt. Quick movements.

"Get the fuck out!" Louise's voice was shrill and loud, the words almost indiscernible. She felt a current of fear in her chest. Logan spun around on the stool, turning to face Louise and Grey Hoodie. Grey Hoodie's hood was down revealing curly blonde hair and a threatening smile.

"Don't be so mean, Louie Lou. I wanted to come and see you. Especially since you've been ignoring all my letters," Millie Frock said, pouting.

"Get the fuck away from me, Millie!" Louise's voice boomed. She reached down and picked up the serving platter. She slammed it down on the table in front of Millie, just missing Millie's fingers. Louise raised her hand, forming it into a fist and swung. Millie skidded back in the booth, bracing herself against the wall.

"That wasn't nice!" Millie squealed.

Logan was on his feet before he realized what he was doing. He grabbed Louise by both of her arms and pulled her back toward the counter and away from Millie.

"Let go of me!" she shouted at Logan, kicking as he pulled her away from the booth.

"Louise, stop it," Logan said evenly. Louise continued to struggle against Logan's grip. Trying to lunge at Millie.

"Let go of her, you creep!" Millie screamed at Logan.

"Listen, Mildew or whatever the fuck your name is, get the fuck out before _I_ start throwing punches!" Logan shouted at Millie.

One of the women seated at the front of the restaurant had her cellphone out, already calmly speaking into it. The other woman got up from the booth, but remained at distance. The police were being called, she said.

Millie lunged past the booth and grabbed the urn of sweet tea by the door of the bathroom. She threw it hard in Louise's direction. The urn hit the ground with a crash. Liquid pooling over Logan and Louise's shoes. Millie dashed out the restaurant, bell ringing overhead as she sprinted through the door and across the street.

Logan let go of his grip on Louise. Louise turned around and reached up to slap him, launching her hand back. Logan reached up and brought her hand down. Louise yanked her hand out of Logan's. Louise spun around to look at the other two women in the restaurant. One was still on her phone with the police.

"I-I'll comp your meal," Louise offered, trying to regain her composure.

"You're totally fine, girl," she said. Then added, "Is he bothering you?" She was pointing right at Logan.

"No. He- he's f-fine," Louise said.

Logan called Bob. Bob said he was on his way. Louise slipped into the kitchen while Logan was on the phone with Bob. Logan went into the kitchen. Louise came back out of the kitchen. Logan followed.

"Stop!" Louise shouted.

Logan backed up. He stepped toward the booths, leaving the counter between himself and Louise. He could see the fear and adrenaline in her eyes. She looked like she was ready to swing at him, too.

When Louise left the expanse of the counter between herself and Logan, she felt a little safer. She could see the woman who had asked her if she was okay, standing by the door. Her arms were crossed and she was eyeing Logan carefully.

"I just- are you okay?" Logan asked Louise.

"I'm - I'm fine."

"I'm sorry I grabbed you. I just- I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want you getting hurt."

"I know," Louise said. She didn't look at him when she said it. She was shaking a little. Logan wanted to go behind the counter and hold her. He also knew it would be a terrible idea and Louise wouldn't want him touching her.

"I'm here, okay. I'm right here," he said instead, maintaining the distance.

"I know," she said again, still not looking at him.

Sergeant Bosco and Officer Julia pulled up at the restaurant moments later, the cruiser parked at the curb. Officer Julia slowly walked over to Louise and guided her to the counter to sit down. Bob and Zeke poured into the restaurant at the same time.

"What in Sam Hill happened here?" Zeke asked. He was met with silence and a glare from his future sister-in-law. Zeke kept his mouth shut after that.

Bob sat down next to Louise on the opposite side of Officer Julia. Louise hugged her father and didn't let go for a long time.

Sergeant Bosco pulled everyone into the kitchen individually to be interviewed, starting with the couple that called the incident in. More police rolled in, assessing the scene. When Linda came dashing down the street after a phone call from Zeke, the police almost didn't let her into the restaurant.

Sergeant Bosco pulled Logan into the kitchen to give his statement.

After, he pulled Louise into the kitchen.

"Is she okay?" Logan asked Bob, standing beside the patriarch as they watched Louise walk into the kitchen.

"She's doing...okay," Bob said, not offering much more than that.

"Do you -"

"Louise wants you to leave," Bob said forcefully, cutting Logan off.

"Seriously?" Logan asked, defeat permeating his tone.

"Don't take it personally. She'll talk to you when she's ready," Bob said, crossing his arms.

"What if the police have more questions?" Logan asked, grasping weakly.

"We'll call you if we have any questions. That's why we ask for your contact info at the beginning of the interview," Officer Julia said dispassionately, arms crossed. She was standing in front of the bathroom door, ensuring a full and clear view of the dining area.

"Okay, well, tell her I -" Logan started.

"Just go, man. And try not ta track sweet tea all over the floor on yur way out," Zeke said, mop and bucket full of water in front of him, waiting to wipe down the floor.

Logan walked out of Bob's Burgers. His heart dropping into his stomach and a wave of nausea rolling in.

* * *

Louise parked her parents' car in the driveway behind Logan's shiny, fancy car. The lights in the house were still on, even at midnight. She knocked loudly on the door and heard Ween barking from somewhere inside the house. She let herself in with the key she'd dug out of one of her junk drawers.

"Logan!?" Louise shouted, closing the door behind her.

"Office!" came a muffled shout from upstairs.

Ween came bounding down the stairs toward her. Louise picked him up with the hand that wasn't holding a grease saturated paper bag and climbed the stairs. She walked into one of the spare bedrooms that served as Logan's rarely used office.

Logan was in pajamas and sitting at his desk going over documents.

"This is depressing. I see why you never come in here," Louise said, glancing around the room. Big desk, swivel chair, filing cabinets. The only remotely cozy aspect of the room was a recliner next to a floor lamp and bookshelves.

"Change of scenery," Logan said, still staring down at his files.

"Surprised you're awake," Louise commented, still standing close to the door.

"Well, I've gotten used to staying up this late on Saturday. Thanks to a certain someone." Logan said, swiveling around to look at Louise.

"Certain someone, huh?"

"Yeah, an annoying, pint-sized someone."

"Well, I know an annoying someone who didn't even try and call me."

"I did try. A few times. But the way you had Bob kick me out earlier, I figured you couldn't be bothered with me."

"I may not have bothered to check my phone," Louise admitted.

"Anyway, if you wanted to see me, I figured you'd show up eventually. That's how this goes, isn't it."

"That's pretty cocky of you. Assuming I care enough to just show up," Louise approached the desk and set the greasy bag next to some papers.

Logan looked at the bag then over to and pink Ears-less Louise and cracked a smile, "You're apologizing? That's pathetic. It's weak, really."

"It's not an apology," Louise said, staring down at Ween, who was licking the hand she'd been carrying the greasy bag in.

"Right, right."

"Look, there's some back story to this whole thing, and I don't really like talking about it. I, um," Louise rubbed the back of her neck with the hand not holding the dog. She looked at the rug on the floor. Her words were meant for Logan, but she knew if she looked at him, she might not be able to get those words out.

"I didn't ask you to talk about anything," Logan said softly.

"I-I know. I just feel like...like I owe you an explanation for...basically kicking you out," Louise was still staring at the floor.

"Well, I owe you an apology, too. I swooped in without thinking and I think it fucked you up a little."

"It wasn't you. I promise."

"It felt like it was," he said, also staring at the spot on the rug.

"It wasn't you," she repeated.

"Okay, so what's the deal with Mildew?" he asked after a silence settled over the room.

Louise took a deep breath and sat down on the recliner, placing the small dog in her lap. Logan, still sitting in the swivel chair, grabbed the to-go bag and pushed himself back from the desk and over to the recliner in one swift motion. He took the burger out of the grease bag and began chewing loudly in Louise's ear. Louise's face scrunched up in response to the disgusting sound. Logan began to make loud moaning noises as he devoured the next bite. Louise burst out laughing.

"You're so dumb and gross," she said.

"Actually, just dumb."

"You are really, really dumb. So dumb you're almost kind of smart."

"Speaking of dumb, I'm sorry I left. I'm just realizing how fucked up that might have been."

" No, I'm glad that you did. I needed to be alone. I would have forced you out anyway. I might have kicked your ass. And if I didn't, Zeke would have."

"If we got into a fight, you'd probably win. Just based on sheer anger alone," Logan said, recalling the time at Wonder Wharf when he'd thrown popcorn at her and she had seemed more than prepared to punch his lights out.

"I'm more clever than you are, so I'm factoring that in. I'd sabotage the shit out of you, too."

"Sabotage. We could sabotage Mildew. If we put our heads together, we could probably even break her spirit," Logan said, getting a little too excited over the prospect. Louise realized then maybe one of the reasons she liked Pretty Boy Logan so much was because he was still a mischievous, prankster at heart. Just like she was.

Some habits were hard to break, even in adulthood.

"No, the less she pays attention to me and comes near me, the better."

"Okay, Belcher, I'll hold off for now, but I still have a whole TPing idea I never got to use." Logan said. He crumpled us the paper bag and launched it into the trash can, barely making the shot.

"They found her hiding out in that stupid stationary store near the restaurant. She was on parole apparently. Domestic violence charges," Louise volunteered.

"Did _you_ press charges? I hope you fucking pressed charges," Logan said, standing up from the swivel chair and pushing his way onto the recliner, forcing more space than there really was. Louise moved over and Ween barked at the sudden disturbance.

"Yeah, I did. But I bet nothing's gonna come from it until next year anyway."

"Well, I feel ten times better knowing Mildew isn't roaming the streets. "

"Oh, you're worried? What about me? I have weeks worth of lost profits from hiding inside like a scared little baby and not taking out my stupid food truck."

"Yeah, but you're an unharmed, scared little baby. Who's stupidly worried about money more than personal safety."

"All this concern is gonna make me vomit all over your floor."

"You vomit, you're cleaning it up."

"The dog'll get it."

"That is so fucking disgusting," Logan's face scrunched up.

"Whatever, I'm okay, You're okay. Everyone is happy, whatever," Louise waved her hand as if to dismiss all the events leading up to the present moment.

"But are you really okay?"

"I guess. I think she's less concerned about me and more concerned about her ex-girlfriend. Plus, I have a restraining order now."

"You should have had one against her a long time ago, it sounds like."

"A piece of paper doesn't protect anyone from a psycho, but thanks Captain Obvious," Louise said harshly.

"No, but it puts an end to creepy letters and emails," Logan countered.

"So does the fact that she's behind bars again. Well, except for letters," Louise looked over at Logan.

"Letters? You should have already had a restraining order."

She looked down at the floor again. She opened her mouth then closed it again. Logan sat and waited for her to say what she needed to say.

Louise told Logan about her history with Millie Frock. Trapping her and her friends in their fort one Halloween, the class president election in fourth grade and her infamous "BESTIES" gamble, trying to strangle Abby Haddington to get to Louise, that time she was forced to hang out with Millie to solve the "doll mystery" because the Wagstaff faculty was trash, and all of the aggressive things Millie did to violate Louise's personal space and sense of security right up to the unwanted kiss and all the letters she's sent Louise from a jail cell.

Logan listened to the whole thing. He didn't ask any questions or make Louise feel like shit for being scared. Louise had never appreciated someone so much and equally hated them as much for her own desire to want to be close to them. Everytime she was with Logan Bush, he seemed harder and harder for her to emotionally navigate. She wanted Logan in her life permanently, she realized. And that just wouldn't do.

* * *

"You could answer your phone more," Logan suggested in an incensed tone.

"You could show up more," Louise countered. She had him on speaker phone as she did food truck prep.

"I'm the one calling you while I'm on lunch. I'm the one showing up to your damn restaurant for dinner almost every fucking night. And you're never there," Logan pointed out.

"Don't be so butt hurt. I have a job to do."

"I do, too. One that I can get fired from if I don't put out."

"Yeah, you know a lot about not putting out."

"Call me back when you stop acting so childish."

"Well, you're gonna be waiting a long time, Pretty Boy," Louise shouted into the phone, not realizing the line was already dead.

It was late May. Louise had done some math and some live trial and error. She'd decided to capitalize off of not taking a summer semester and pushing 2.0 to the limit. Louise went into Bob's Burgers with her father every morning at nine and helped him set everything up, do inventory, grind meat, and test out the deep fryers. If Louise was feeling extra nice, she would clean the grill so Bob didn't have to.

They opened an hour later at ten and Louise would work until just after the lunch rush. She would be cruising around Seymour's Bay in the food truck, raking in the dough, by early afternoon. She started pulling longer hours. Sometimes manning 2.0 for twelve or thirteen hours at a time

It meant less time with her family, but it also meant less time dedicated to wedding planning. The wedding was a month and a half away and it was like the planning might as well have just started. The venue had been booked and it was the only thing Linda hadn't changed her mind on. Linda would vent to Louise or call up Ginger on a nightly basis, exasperated that Zeke's step-mother's interest in the wedding only went as far as attending it and subsequently getting trashed at the reception.

Gene was showing up every few days and still dressed to impress, pushing Tina to pick outfits for the wedding party.

Everytime a decision was reached, Linda or Gene would axe it in favor of something more fabulous, or more cost effective, or something not as "clashy".

Tina was too easily influenced by suggestions to override Gene or Linda. Louise knew her older sister was going to have to explode on her own and stand up for herself on her own Tina-esque terms. Zeke knew this, too.

Tina's tipping point was already on back order. Tina had called her sister a few nights ago asking how to get herself away from the chaos. Louise told her to pretend she was sick and stay away for a few days.

" _By the way, have you thought about 'If You Love Something, Set It On Fire' by the Burning Couches?" Louise pitched a potential first dance song to her sister._

_A long Tina groan came through the phone line before she said, "It's just not really a wedding song."_

" _To be continued," Louise sighed._

Tina may not have taken the song recommendation, but she did take Louise's other piece of advice. It worked for a while, until Linda started to get stir crazy and maternal and asked Zeke on an hourly basis if Tina was feeling better. A quick conversation with Zeke before she'd started prep for food patrol made Louise privy to new info: yesterday was the last day Tina thought she could possibly milk this fake sickness.

" _Typhoon Tina's coming?" she'd asked Zeke as he put on his apron._

" _Yeah, girl, she's coming," Zeke had said with vigor. They were in the kitchen while Bob had gone down to the walk-in to grab 2.0's daily supplies._

" _It's about damn time," was all Louise said in response._

Louise occasionally brought Harley on a ride along with her. Usually on a weekday when it was slower business and she focused less on posting near Wonder Wharf proper.

Louise never brought Logan on a ride along, though he did ask her about it once on a weekend. She told him "no." That was the beginning of the bickering.

Louise had casually mentioned one night a few weeks earlier that she was looking at places in Seymour's Bay with low rent. Places she thought she might want to move into after her senior year drew to a close. Somewhere in close proximity to where she'd want to open up "Belcher's Burgers and Beer."

Logan casually mentioned how much time Louise already spent at his house.

" _It's not like you have a whole lot of stuff anyway. I have empty closets. A spare room for all your extra stuff. You already have a shit ton of things here anyway."_

" _You want_ me _to move in with_ you _? You want me to help pay for your mortgage? That's frickin' hilarious."_

" _I wasn't kidding," he'd said, looking a little angry._

" _No way. I'm not ready. I haven't even had a chance to live on my own yet. I'm not going to be that chick who moves from her parents house into some guy's house like she can't be responsible for herself"_

" _Okay. I understand."_

And she knew he truly understood. That was part of the problem.

In the midst of all the chaos and arguing, a few weeks earlier Louise had invited Logan to the first, and last, Belcher Mother's Day brunch. As anything else planned with care in the Belcher Household, it fell apart almost effortlessly.

Zeke's parents said they were going to show up, but didn't. Gayle kept calling every hour from five in the morning until the time Bob went to pick her up, asking when the brunch was starting and when she and her cat should be ready. Logan came over way too early and spent half of the visit alone in Louise's room on his phone with his grandmother who was yelling at him for not talking to his mother. Then the other half of the time trying to call his mother who was "too put out to come to the phone."

When all the guests sat down to a cold brunch that Linda forgot to keep on the stove, because she was too busy chatting with Ginger, Bob was pissed to discover it was only half of what he and Louise had made. Alex and Gene had long since started eating the food before it had formally been served.

In the middle of the tragic brunch, Mr. Business II jumped onto the table. An allergy addled Bob sneezed all over the cat and Gayle. Gayle went into whiny hysterics over all the germs and the intolerable treatment toward Mr. Business II.

After the devastating failure that was the family meal, Alex and Gene were lazing on the living room couch, watching _Banjo_. Zeke took Gayle and Mr. Business home to be away from the unpredictable danger of sneezes. Linda and Bob went down to the restaurant for the late opening. The apartment kitchen was a wasteland of dirty dishes and silverware. Tina washed, Logan dried, Louise put away.

" _So, I guess I haven't really gotten a chance to say it yet, but congratulations Tina."_

" _Thank you," Tina said, handing Logan a plate._

" _Don't listen to him, he's trying to suck up so he gets invited to the wedding," Louise said, putting silverware away._

" _He_ is _invited to the wedding," Tina said._

" _Stop lying to him, T. You're just going to hurt his feelings when he finds out you're joking." Louise said flatly._

" _Louise, he's invited."_

" _You're a shithead," Logan smirked at Louise and playfully threw the dish towel at her. The towel landed on her shoulder._

" _Oh, you were kidding," Tina said to her sister._

" _She's mean to me, Tina," Logan said. "So mean."_

" _My sister's not for the faint of heart," Tina said insightfully._

" _What's she gonna do? Cut my ears off?" Logan laughed._

" _Don't look away, Logan, cause if you do, you don't know what's gonna happen," Louise said ominously, glancing down at the silverware drawer. Logan rolled his eyes at her._

The brunch had been a few days after the Millie incident. It had been the happiest he and Louise had been in each other's company since before the incident.

Logan felt like Louise was slipping away, she was working all the time. It was becoming almost impossible to see her. She was making it almost impossible to see her.

He'd convinced himself that there would be a period of adjustment. They'd only just come out on the other side of a frightening experience. For Louise, it was doubly so. She had a lot to process. She needed time. Logan would honor that.

But it didn't get better. Louise made herself inconvenient, then inconvenienced. Under the suspected guise of interest in lost time on business matters. Logan convinced himself his hunches were wrong. That he was maybe feeling a little insecure, because, after all, his special friend was wildly more independent than anyone else he knew. But, he knew that he knew exactly what was going on: Louise was doing what she did best: running away from her feelings.

_Not for the faint of heart._ Logan learned how true this was when it came to Louise. He learned it over and over again since he'd first met her. It seemed these past few months, he was learning it on a daily basis. He was learning just how difficult Louise could be.

* * *

It was early June and as Louise sat in 2.0 outside of Wonder Wharf, she felt that familiar undercurrent of guilt and sadness work its way into her chest. She hadn't spoken to Logan in a week, and before that it was a lot of bickering and arguing and blame on both ends. Today was different. Louise knew what day it was. She knew she should be spending it with Logan, but instead, here she was pretending she had better things to do.

Louise pulled 2.0 into the alley behind Bob's Burgers early that night. Eight hours of food truck wages and the added hours of the morning in the restaurant were reasonable enough, she decided. She took The Hurt Locker up to her room, set most aside to take to First Oceanside Savings Bank on Monday for her routine deposit, but set some aside to take with her in the interim.

_More money could always be made, time couldn't be gotten back._ She felt utterly stupid at the cheesiness of the thought.

Louise pulled out her phone and called Logan. No answer. She called again. No answer. The time on her flip phone read just after nine in the evening.

"I'm borrowing the car," Louise shouted from her room.

Bob and Linda were in the living room watching TV, willfully ignoring their daughter. No objection? No problem! Lousie grabbed the keys and drove off in the Belcher Beater.

She parked in the driveway upon seeing the living room lights on. She let herself into the house.

"Logan!?" she shouted.

"I'm right here," Logan said firmly from the couch, small dog placed squarely on his lap.

"You didn't answer your phone."

"So? You never answer yours."

"That's different. You _always_ answer."

"You're not wearing your Ears, Four Ears," Logan stared at Louise with a glazed over look in his eyes.

"Astute observation, Big Bush," Louise stood in the doorway of the living room, arms crossed.

"Don't call me that, you know I hate it," Logan said flatly, he picked up the large bottle of whiskey sitting on the coffee table and took a generous swig before setting it back down. He had some reality TV show playing on low volume, but he wasn't paying attention to it.

"What's that all about?" Louise nodded to the bottle.

"Coping," Logan shrugged.

"That all seems...very healthy," Louise said, making her way over to the couch, sitting down deliberately close to Logan. He moved closer to her, filling in the space and wrapped his arms around her. "Stop trying to cuddle me, you little bitch."

"No. We're staying like this."

Louise begrudgingly complied, "You're sucking up awful fast for someone who's spent the last three weeks fighting with me."

"Yeah, I could say the same to you."

"So, this is what's been keeping you warm at night?" Louise took the bottle of whiskey off the coffee table and took a quick swig.

"Just tonight."

"The night's still young."

"I don't care. I'm a party of one."

"Two."

"So you _are_ staying?"

"You're a mess. I don't think I have a whole lot of options."

"Good."

"Good? I had a whole night planned. I was going to take you to Pie in the Sky. Then I was going to take you to Wonder Wharf to play Skee Ball."

"We can do that tomorrow. I'm not gonna be any good at Skee Ball while semi-drunk."

"What's got your asshair in a knot?"

"I talked to Tom today. I had to call him, 'cause he didn't call me. And then Mom called me about him."

"Tom, like your dad Tom."

"Duh! catch up," Logan said in a high-pitched voice, mocking Louise.

"I do not sound like that."

"Yeah, you do. Anyway, guess what he told me?"

"What?"

"His girlfriend's pregnant. I'm gonna be a big brother. Happy Birthday to me!" Logan punctuated his false cheer with another swig of whiskey.

"Oh, fuck, that's…"

"Fucked?"

"Super fucked," Louise confirmed.

"And he's so excited about it. He's more enthusiastic about this damn hussy's kid then he ever was about me."

"Geez, tell me how you really feel."

"I hate it," he said. Louise got a good look at him when he said this. His eyes were puffy and red-rimmed.

"Have you been crying?"

"No," he scoffed, but he pulled Louise closer to him and took a deep breath when he said it.

"Look, you can't blame the kid. And you can't really blame your dad's girlfriend. The only thing she's guilty of is being stupid."

"I'm gonna be almost thirty years older than this damn kid. How am I supposed to relate to that?"

"Well, you already act like a five-year-old. So, problem solved," Louise smiled at him.

"You're not funny," Logan glowered and took another sip of whiskey.

"Okay, I'm confiscating this. You've had enough," she took the bottle out of his hands and placed it far away from both of them on the opposite end table.

"Mom's freaking out. The ink isn't even dry on the divorce papers and she keeps bitching about all the other country club moms asking her questions and gossiping and shit."

"That's Cynthia's problem, not yours."

"My birthday isn't her problem either. Your family pays more attention to me than mine does. Your Mom texted me 'Happy Birthday' this morning. Scotty too. Only people to say it all day," Logan said, looking pointedly at Louise.

"You want special treatment because you got old? Really?"

"Don't be selfish, Four Ears. Say it."

"Happy Birthday, I guess. I wouldn't exactly call it 'happy,' though."

"No, it's fucked. My dad is literally having another kid and he can't even remember that it's my birthday."

"You dad's shitty. So you have a responsibility. You have to make sure that stupid little new fucker doesn't end up like you when they pop out."

"I turned out fine."

"Arguable. I meant you before the age of twenty-five."

"Yeah, that would be one screwed up kid. Takes one to know one though," he looked at Louise again.

"Speak for yourself," she said.

"I am speaking for myself. And it's my birthday, so as my 'speaking' gift, you have to promise me when we get married you'll never run off on me and cheat on me with some younger, stupider piece of shit."

"I'm never getting married. Not to you. Not to anyone. And you've set the bar pretty low on stupid. I'd have to cheat on you with someone who was brain dead."

"You're so mean. I missed your mean ass," Logan sighed.

"Speaking of mean asses, you need to get your mean ass to a shower and a bed."

"I'll sleep when I black out."

"No blacking out," Louise said firmly.

"I spent my twenty-ninth birthday all alone. You don't get to come in now and start telling me what to do."

"I do. And you're going to listen or things are gonna start getting slappy."

"You wouldn't," Logan hiccuped.

"Brave enough to test that theory out?"

Logan got up from the couch and trudged up the stairs, wiener dog following in tow. Louise turned off the TV and went upstairs when she thought she heard water running in the master bathroom.

Louise walked into the bedroom, past the open bathroom door and the signing, drunken fool in the shower. When she saw Logan's phone on the nightstand, she snatched it up. A new plan was forming. She thumbed through his recent contacts and hit the call icon.

Louise felt like a little kid putting their hand in the cookie jar, parents in the other room about to catch her at any moment.

"It's almost ten, Logan Berry Bush. This better be important. News about your father, I presume?"

"Actually, Cynthia, this is Louise."

"Well, this is certainly...unexpected."

"I have a favor to ask you."

"That's very plucky of you, considering the state of everything last time I saw you."

"This isn't about me. This is for Logan."

"He can't ask for this _favor_ himself."

"It's a surprise. For him. So, I guess you're doing a favor for me, but really it's about Logan." Louise felt sick to her stomach, pandering to Cynthia of all people. Acting like she was nervous, too. Why were threats not as effective on adults now that she was an adult?

"I'm listening."

When Louise was done talking to Cynthia, she hung up and erased the call history. She got up from the bed and walked into the bathroom. The sound of a pitchy, off-key Logan and a wall of steam greeting her.

" _It's a dirty job, but I ain't stoppin', I know I'm breathin' toxins, but you're lookin' foxin'. Will you be mine, coal mine? Will you be mine -"_

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Took you long enough to notice."

"Since when do you sing Boyz 4 Now?"

"I've just been getting into them really recently."

"For no reason?"

"Because it reminded me of you."

"You are such a desperate, little man."

"No, just drunk enough right now to admit I missed you."

"Well, I...didn't hate it."

"And you missed me?"

"You sound so hopeful."

"And you missed me?" Logan repeated, stepping out of the shower.

"I may have missed you," Louise admitted.

"You could show me how much you missed me," Logan suggested.

"Yeah, I was planning on it," she said, pulling the wet, naked man toward the bed.

* * *

In the morning, Louise rolled out of bed and left Logan a note telling him dinner was at Pie in the Sky. To go straight there when he got off work. She had an obligation to return the Belcher Beater before Bob and Linda woke up.

* * *

That night, Louise posted 2.0 up near Pickles, location on Chowster updated and business semi-booming, when her phone started buzzing.

_**Logan:** _ _You invited my mom? Seriously? (Delivered 6:08pm)_

_**Logan:** _ _Where the fuck are you? (Delivered 6:08pm)_

_**Louise:**_ _I said where dinner was, I didn't say I would be there. (Delivered 6:13pm)_

_**Logan:**_ _You're evil and that's not a compliment. (Delivered 6:14pm)_

An hour and a half later, Louise's cell phone rang. She flipped it open and held it to her ear with her cheek and shoulder.

"Thank you," Logan said.

"Sounds like you and Cynthia had a good, long talk?"

"You could say that."

"I can't talk, really. I'm standing in front of the grill right now."

"Is it on?"

"No, I'm serving these people air."

"Okay, okay. I'll see you tonight?"

"If you promise not to get all emotional and talk about how you had Mommy-Daughter bonding for dinner, then fine."

"No promises," Logan said before he hung up.

Soon after inventory dwindled and Pickles closed, Louise parked the food truck in front of the familiar house. In that familiar house she found herself curled up on a couch, with a dog in her lap and an obnoxious, sarcastic man sitting next to her. A shared bottle of whiskey passed back and forth between them. The whiskey reminded her vaguely of something she'd been meaning to do all day.

_**Louise:**_ " _Coal Mine" by Boyz 4 Now. (Delivered 1:38am)_

_**Tina:** _ _It's perfect! (Delivered 1:39am)_

_**Louise:**_ _Why are you awake right now? (Delivered 1:40am)_

_**Tina:** _ _A romantic heart always knows. (Delivered 1:40am)_

_**Louise:**_ _Eye roll emoji. (Delivered 1:41am)_

_**Tina:** _ _That's not how emojis work. (Delivered 1:41am)_

Logan shifted over and leaned in on Louise's shoulder, eyes closed.

"Are you asleep, loser?"

"Almost."

Louise leaned in a little a little closer to Logan. She'd been gone a long time. She'd ached for this warmth in her chest she got when she sat next to Logan. The ease and security that came with sitting next to him or falling asleep next to him.

Maybe this could be home. As long as he didn't say anything stupid. Not something stupid like, " _I love you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated a lot with myself about re-writing this chapter. Millie is a very small part of this story and her "surprise visit" plays a total of a few thousand words in this whole story. However, I set up for it from early on in the story and it added a bit more depth to Logan and Louise's relationship. It put them in a tough situation and you get to see how they handle it. That is why I decided to keep it in. I acknowledge that this is not really that kind of story and if it feels a little out of place here, so be it.


	14. Chapter 14: New Bacon-ings

Chapter Fourteen: "New Bacon-ings" Burger:

They came outside to face the family, exploding through the doors of City Hall. Gene carried Alex bridal style, drawing attention in all directions with their bold matching suits. There was confetti. There were clapping bystanders. There was a river of tears.

That's how Tina would have written it, anyway. But Alex and Gene were still inside, signing the marriage license.

"I'm doin' it. I'm gonna cry. These are tears, boys," Zeke said wiping his eyes. Alex's mother was dabbing the corners of her eyes with her shawl. She embraced Zeke as she began to bawl.

"Stop it, you're gonna flood the street," Louise said, looking down to prevent anyone from seeing her own happy tears forming.

Linda was standing in front of the rest of the family on the sidewalk, camera poised at the large glass doors, finger hovering over the button and ready for the moment the large glass doors of City Hall swung open.

Alex and Gene emerged awkwardly, Gene holding Alex's hand and both holding wide grins on their faces. The happy sobbing and camera clicking was the soundtrack to their first moments as a married couple.

"My precious 'lil lamb is all grown up," Zeke said through a heavy breath. Tina patted him on the back as she tried to avoid being sucked up in the joyful, snot filled grope of Mrs. Papasian.

"Reception time yet?" Mr. Papasian asked, in an ignored attempt to move everyone away from the City Hall steps. Surrounding citizens were growing annoyed as they dodged the large family while making their way into City Hall.

Gene and Alex hadn't been more than a month graduated from Huxley High when they found a cheap apartment in Bog Harbor. Their boxes hadn't been packed yet, but they had pulled the money from their graduation checks together and put down the security deposit and first month's rent. There was nothing stopping them now, but themselves.

Those were the words Gene had used a week earlier when he got down on one knee in front of family and friends. Alex went to open Gene's gift and found a small velvet box in the obnoxiously large gift bag. It was Alex's eighteenth birthday party and he said he only wanted a gift card for Falafel on a Waffle. Gene wasn't sentimental, but he was flamboyant and he knew he could give Alex something so much better than a gift card.

Bob closed the restaurant in the early afternoon for the wedding and reception. Quick cards, rushed gifts, and fresh envelopes containing checks were piled on the counter near the register. Darryl stood by the window with a microphone as Peter Pescadero and Regular-Sized Rudy accompanied him.

Bob and Zeke were in the kitchen filling orders as Linda and Tina buzzed around the dining area. The restaurant was full of friends and family squeezing into booths and standing at the counter between already occupied barstools. When Linda took Dalton's order, he told her, "This is the best Fabulous Reception I've been to all week. And I've been to three."

Louise looked out at Jessica as she passed hot plates of food to Tina through the service window. Jessica was sitting two stools away from the abbreviated version of Pi and she was spending a lot of time staring at Regular-Sized Rudy. Jessica was looking at Rudy the way Louise looked at Jessica when she thought Jessica wasn't looking. Her stomach began to hurt and she couldn't figure out why, but it seemed to spike up everytime she caught a sideways glance of Jessica and her shiny auburn hair. Louise wasn't involved with Jessica, but she wanted to be. And she wanted Jessica to want to be, too.

Gene came up to the microphone after Pi finished their set. His colorful suit was a little wrinkled from all the sitting, but still complimented him from head to toe. "I've found someone who is more special to me than ice cream cake and midnight cheese platters. I've found someone who I want to share all my ice cream cake and midnight cheese platters with. Do you know how big of a deal that is, people? I guess what I'm trying to say is: I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Alex. But only in matching clothes."

Gene hardly finished his speech before Teddy was pouring out tears of happiness, his sobbing loud enough to eclipse the entire restaurant in its noise.

Tina looked down at her feet briefly. She was certain she's already found the robot-fearing, wrestle-loving butt she wanted to stare at for the rest of her life. Would her favorite butt ever declare his desire to spend the rest of its life sharing ice cream cake and matching outfits? Tina raised her head and smiled at her brother and his cheesy speech. Time would just have to answer her hard questions, wouldn't it?

* * *

Tina sat in front of Linda, staring straight into her own reflection. Her glasses were on the vanity next to scattered makeup palettes and brushes. Tina tried to appreciate the soft, subtle make up with her blurry vision as her mother fussed around with her hair.

"Should we go up or down," Linda asked, voice slightly muffled with the bobby pins she was holding in her mouth. She began a complicated up-do on Tina's short hair before either of her daughters gave their input. Sweat was beading at Linda's temples and a fan was trained on Tina to prevent her from having runny makeup. Louise sat on the edge of her parents' bed, lazily waving some papers to create a breeze in Tina's direction.

"Just because I am sitting in the Menstrual Hut, doesn't mean I'm participating in the activities," Louise said turning the papers to wave the breeze toward herself. The early July heat made the Belcher apartment sticky, humid, and far from the ideal place to prepare the bride for her big day.

Tina's flowing white dress hung from a hanger in the open closet, where it had been there for the last three weeks since Linda had helped her pick it out. Three stores, ten dresses, and unlimited amounts of complimentary champagne shared between Linda and Louise. These were all the things Tina had to endure before finding _the dress_.

Louise had made it clear she had come for the free champagne, being moral support for Tina in her time of need was just a bonus. Louise had been espousing to her mother all the reasons wedding dresses were impractical and stupid. Linda was tipsily countering her younger daughter's argument. Then Tina had walked out of the changing room and stood on the platform in front of the three sided mirror. The Belcher woman stopped their debate, eyes drawn toward the platform. Tina couldn't recall another time when she'd seen her zealous mother and headstrong sister both speechless.

" _That's the dress. My baby found_ the dress _," Linda said as she approached Tina._

" _Mom, keep the champagne away," Tina said, voice getting a little high pitched as Linda surveyed the dress, turning her head to view at multiple angles._

" _You look good, T," Louise said, downing the remainder of her flute of champagne._

" _I thought wedding dresses were 'impractical and stupid?' " Linda quoted, flashing a playful look at her youngest._

" _I said 'impractical and stupid.' I didn't say ugly," Louise said._

Tina had stayed the night in the "guest closet" formerly belonging to Louise. Zeke had stayed at his and Tina's place. Because it "wasn't tradition" for the groom and the bride to see each other before the wedding. Louise respected Tina's desire to not jinx any part of her wedding day, City Hall being deferred aside. Tina respected Louise's opinion that it was pure stupidity to spend the night away from someone you had had sex with and had been dating for the last eight years. Both of the young women respected their mother's opinion that most of the swirling around the Belcher residence over the past twenty-four hours was in the name of "tradition" Linda was working so hard to keep tradition. Including casting her husband out of the house, to help the groom prepare for the wedding.

Gene and Alex had stayed the night in Gene's childhood room. Gene would sleep in and inevitably be late to the entire affair. This was his personal "tradition." The one tradition Linda would not allow to be maintained.

"Okay, Mouthy Melodie, do you wanna do your sisters hair?" Linda asked, brushing off the comment about the "Menstrual Hut"

"I want it down," Tina announced, finding her voice.

"It lives!" Louise exclaimed.

"That's the first thing you've said all morning. Is my Teeny Tina getting cold feet?" Linda asked.

"No. You're both just driving me crazy." Tina ran her hands through her hair, untangling the partial up-do. "I just want everything to be perfect and you're both making me nervous."

"You're nervous? Imagine how Zeke feels not being able to wear cargo shorts for the first time in twenty-six years," Louise said.

"He wears pants when he has to, Louise," Tina said.

Linda sat down next to Tina and put her arm around her daughter. "It'll be perfect, no matter how not-perfect it is, honey. When you see Zeke standing there, all the nerves - poof - gone."

"I hope so," Tina said, leaning into her mother. Louise still sat on the edge of the bed, fanning papers laid to rest.

Gene walked by the open door, eyes immediately homing in on his mother and older sister, "Hugging without me? This is a betrayal!"

* * *

The smallest event room at the Spinnaker Hotel was laid out with a white lattice arch, small white chairs symmetrically arranged, and an off white carpet creating an aisle to the altar. Small tables for the reception were placed with chairs and seating cards a few feet back from the ceremony setup. Guests had started filing in and taking seats, while others scattered in small groups across the venue talking in hushed tones.

"It looks like the Arctic threw-up in here," Logan said as he straightened the tie on his pristine tux.

"This was months of planning, you insensitive shithead," said Louise. Her arms were crossed as she rocked back and forth on her heels. She stood in between Gene and Logan, the three of them in the back of the room.

"Don't get grumpy just because you had to dress up," Logan smirked at Louise, clad in flats and a frilly olive green dress.

"Well, we can't all be used to nice things like you are."

"And I guess no matter how cute you are, we can't all be bothered to put effort into our appearances," Logan gave Louise a side glance, looking her up and down in her wrinkled dress. "Aren't you supposed to be a bridesmaid or something?" Amusement infused into his tone, impish grin still plastered on his face.

"Do you two always talk to each other like this?" Gene asked

"Only when we pretend to get along," Louise said.

Tammy Larsen paraded in through the side door, looking around the room with her face twisted into a sneer. She had an oblivious Jocelyn on her arm. The height difference making the two look out of place next to one another.

"There's no cocktail hour?" Tammy asked, making sure she could be heard throughout the venue.

"Is that, like, a wedding thing?" Jocelyn muttered.

"Only at the good weddings," Tammy told her girlfriend.

"I can't believe they actually showed. Scratch that, I can't believe T actually invited them," Louise said

"Your sister does seem like the 'kill them with kindness' type," Logan said.

Gene squinted in Tammy's direction as she and Jocelyn took their seats. "She had work done. Lots of work. Especially the nose."

"Too bad none of it was on her personality," Louise said

Alex and his parents were at the front of the venue, chatting animatedly with each other. Bob and Linda were standing a few feet from the altar with Zeke's half brother. Bob adjusting his tie and Linda combing the young teen's unruly hair with her fingers. The ringbearer looked like he'd just come from a mud wrestling match and had changed into his tuxedo in the backseat of a truck. As people began looking for their seats, Andy, Ollie, and Harley took their seats in one of the back rows.

"Think Jimmy Jr. 's gonna show?" Gene asked gazing at the Pesto twins.

"I doubt it," Louise said.

"It's gonna break Zeke's heart," Gene said.

"I also doubt that," Louise said.

* * *

Tina didn't get to ride a horse down the aisle and her father never learned how to play the harp, but if Tina had a fairy tale wedding, this was about as close as she could have gotten.

As Tina walked down the aisle, Bob had to help keep her steady. It felt surreal, like she was flying and didn't know where she was or where she was going to end up. She should have felt happy, but mostly it was butterflies.

Her eyes passed over her mother and her sister, her perfect bridesmaids. When she'd seen Zeke standing there, the nerves certainly did not disappear like Linda said they would. The nerves worked their way all the way up from her stomach and into her heart. It felt like that first time Tina'd seen Zeke after his graduation party. It felt like the first time she tried to tell Zeke that she loved him and had nearly hyperventilated. It felt like minutes to get down the aisle to be next to him and the butterflies kept multiplying. Yet despite all the nerves, Tina had still felt like she couldn't get to the end of the aisle and be next to Zeke fast enough.

The butterflies disappeared when Zeke put the ring on her finger. The happiness took over when they kissed. If she was going to be a nervous wreck with each momentous change for the rest of her life, she knew it was Zeke she wanted to be standing next to when those butterflies formed.

* * *

"I think I finally found a place," Louise said, lounging on Logan's couch with her laptop balanced on her knees. Ween was asleep on the floor in front of the couch.

"Yeah, I think I found a place too," Logan said, taking his foot and pushing lightly on one of her ankles, creating a wider gap between Louise's legs. Louise took her foot and gently nudged him back.

"You're subtle," she said sarcastically.

"No, I thought it was pretty obvious," Logan said from the other end of the couch, lowering his newspaper to look at Louise

"I'm busy and I'm not sad and lonely enough to find you attractive, yet," Louise smirked.

"Not even with your sister getting married today and leaving you in the dust? You're not jealous and lonely and needing someone to make you feel special?"

"You're really laying it on thick."

"Just reminding you what I have to offer."

"Well this building has more to offer than you do," Louise peered over the screen of her laptop at him, giving him an amused smile.

"I'll be the judge," Logan moved over and stuck his face in front of the screen so he was looking at the screen upside down. "I've seen better."

"I didn't ask you for your lousy opinion, Logan."

"Those windows are a little open for a living space. You gonna sleep behind the counter? Or up in the ceiling?"

"When 'Belcher's Burgers and Beer' opens up, I'll let you lick the floor clean in exchange for a place to sleep behind the counter."

"An offer I can't refuse. Too bad it's a pipe dream for you."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You can barely afford to keep that food truck running with all the parts and shit. You're gonna have the money to rent the place out? If you think your overhead is bad now, just wait. You're not even the one paying the bills and suppliers and the rent. "

"I'll show you overhead."

"All I heard was the part about head."

"I've calculated all the costs. I've looked into the suppliers, insurance, rent, all that boring business shit. I'm always improving this plan. How many times have we had this fucking conversation?" An edge was apparent in her voice as she set her laptop down on the coffee table.

Logan knew it was true. Louise had a business plan, a solid one that she kept modifying every time she thought of something new or something that could be done better. They'd discussed it together endlessly from the standpoint of a business major and a marketing major. He'd seen her notes and spreadsheets and how much they'd changed since they first started talking about marketing strategy months ago. Even though the dream of opening up her own restaurant wasn't going to happen for her anytime soon, she was already prepared. Maybe a little too prepared.

"Maybe I'm just afraid you'll stop needing my help if you have it all figured out. You won't need my opinion anymore and you'll be done with me," Logan admitted.

"Wow, you're so fucking full of it today," Louise said. She reached out and pulled the collar of his shirt, pulling him toward her until their lips met.

She clearly didn't get that he was being serious about his fear of her getting bored of him, he realized. Or maybe she was good at playing it off, just like everything else that involved emotions. Logan kissed her back harder. For now he guessed he was going to take what he could get.

Whatever anger or desperation had been felt, they'd worked it out of their system for the moment. They'd collapsed on the couch, limbs tangled up and heavy breathing. Logan looked at Louise and felt a stirring in his chest. He almost said it then, but she untangled herself from him and got up from the couch.

"Stop looking at me all weird."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, voice far away, staring at their clothes scattered around on the living room floor.

"I'm going to take a shower."

"Okay."

* * *

"I'm sorry, Louise, but she's dead," Teddy told her as he dropped the hood of the truck down with a slam.

"How much to fix her?" Louise asked, standing on the step by the back door of the restaurant, trying to ignore the scent of the overflowing Dumpster.

"You'd be better off buying a whole new truck, kiddo." Teddy wiped his hands off with a rag.

"This blows," Louise muttered, looking down at her feet.

"I can give you the name of a guy I know, but he'd be way more expensive and I don't think he'd do much more for you than I could," Teddy's eyes softened and Louise wanted to punch the apologetic look off his face for a moment. She took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'll take it," Louise said, exhaling a breath and releasing her misplaced rage.

Teddy tucked the rag into his back pocket and pulled a card out of his wallet.

"I won't charge you for the consultation."

"Cool. Do you want a burger? On the house?" Louise asked, shoving the card into her jeans pocket.

* * *

"We missed you this morning at breakfast," Bob mumbled as he worked to scrape off the grill. Linda was behind the counter balancing the till and humming to herself. Louise had been silent and surly most of the day. While Louise was busing tables earlier in the day, Bob and Linda had a very brief and forceful discussion on whose responsibility it was to face the wrath of their daughter. Bob lost that round.

"I was handling a crisis," Louise said, turning her back to Bob as she put clean plates away.

"Teddy told me."

"Of course he did."

"You got that other guy to come look at the truck?" Bob's question was punctuated by the scraping against the flattop.

"How did you guess?" Louise asked bitingly. Bob had become expertly practiced in selectively ignoring his daughter's misplaced sarcasm over the last twenty-two years. The look Louise wore all day was enough to tell anyone how bright the future of Bob's Burgers 2.0 was.

"You've been grumpy all day. More than usual."

"It's a lot of money and a lot to think about. If I bought a new food truck, I'd just be breaking even. I'd be broke. I still have school books to pay for next semester. I have loans. What am I going to do, Dad?"

Bob stopped cleaning the grill and turned to face his daughter, "Welcome to the last thirty years of my life."

"Think of all the extra advertising and business we're losing, Dad?"

"The restaurant is doing fine, Louise." Louise glared at her father. Bob only looked back at her more firmly. It was true. The restaurant was doing just fine. More than fine, actually. Louise had helped Linda with the book keeping enough to know that her parents were doing better than most. She was there when Linda finally started a retirement account.

What about all of the extra money? What about all the hard hours? All of the time and sacrifice she'd spent on making everything balance out for herself? All the sleepless nights and mornings? All the classes she'd fought to stay ahead in? All the real college and other things normal twenty-two year olds did that Louise had missed out on? Things Louise wasn't sure she even cared about anyway. What about her independence and her opportunity to move out of her parents that she'd pushed off for the last four years? Why couldn't anyone else see her dreams were crumbling in front of her? Everything she'd worked toward was fading fast.

"What about -"

"You?" Bob finished his daughter's question.

"Yeah," Louise said weakly, setting a clean stack of plates down on the edge of the dishwashing station.

"You move on to the next thing. Even if you're not sure what the next thing is or how to do it."

"Like raising three kids," Linda said, sticking her head through the service window. Her and Bob exchanged quick, knowing smiles at one another.

"Maybe like raising kids cost wise," Louise muttered. "You never really wanted the food truck anyway. Kind of like kids."

Her parents didn't laugh.

"I know the food truck was your baby, but babies grow up. And sometimes they disappoint you. But sometimes they make you more proud than you could ever imagine. You learn to adapt," Linda said.

"I put so much time and so much of myself into this thing and I just feel like I failed," Louise said.

"You didn't fail, Louise. Life has a way of kicking you when you're down. You've seen how hard it is to keep this place running. I'm surprised you're so surprised," Bob said, crossing his arms.

"Bobby," Linda said through gritted teeth.

"He didn't say anything that wasn't true, Mom," Louise mimicked her father's posture.

"Honey, you grew up in a household where your father always tried too hard to prove himself and always felt like he had something to prove. He always fusses about doing things his own way and never selling out."

"I'm right here, Lin."

"Hush, Bobby," Linda said, waving her husband off. "I love your father and I'll always support him no matter what. Just like I'll always be supportive of you kids. But who are you trying to prove anything to? We've always believed in you. I dunno why you don't believe in yourself more. Even if it means having to start over. Or start something new."

"Mom, I -," Louise was overcome with a strong urge to run to her mother and hug her, but she didn't. She stood in the kitchen with her arms crossed, looking down at her feet and holding in her breath.

There were a lot of things that were important to Louise Belcher: fighting her battles, always being right, and fierce independence. But her family was at the top of that list in big, bold letters.

* * *

Louise parked in the driveway behind Logan's shiny car and slammed the car door shut. Ween barked when he heard the noise.

"Wow, you replaced the food truck already? With an even more useless and shitty vehicle?" Logan asked. He was standing on the front porch, holding the small dog like a baby. He looked sinister with the streetlights illuminating just one side of his face, impish grin on display.

"It's Tina's car," Louise said as she came up the steps. Tina and Zeke had given Louise free reign of their car while on their Honeymoon, so long as Louise agreed to collect their mail and watch their place.

"They're still in swinging seventies paradise?"

"You can just say they're visiting my grandparents. Unless you're trying to make me vomit in my mouth." Louise walked into the house, Logan following behind her.

"Tempting, but not my goal," Logan set the dog down inside the doorway and followed Louise into his kitchen. He stood in the doorway with his arms crossed as she poured herself a large glass of whatever she had pulled out of the liquor cabinet first.

Louise let out a sigh and walked past Logan toward the stairs. Logan snatched the pink hat off of Louise's head. She whipped around and yanked it out of his hand.

"Hands off the Ears," she warned.

"Nice to see I still have your attention."

"I'm at your damn house. It's pretty hard to ignore you here."

"Somehow you still manage," Logan said. Louise stuffed the hat in her jeans pocket and made her way up the stairs. Logan followed behind her. "What's with the Ears anyway. You haven't worn them this much in months."

"I'm having a bad day."

"Yeah, you've been having a few of those lately."

"Nice to see I still have _your_ attention," Louise said, turning Logan's words on him. She sat down on the side of the bed and set the mostly full glass on the nightstand.

"You're allowed to be pissed off, but don't take it out on me."

"Sorry, it's been a lot to process the last few days."

"Did you just apologize? You really are feeling horrible," Logan said.

"I'm not getting another food truck. I decided today and it's bothering the fuck out of me. It just feels like I'm sliding backward."

"I'm glad you finally realized it. You're a horrible failure who has no hope. It's kind of entertaining to watch you fool yourself, though," Logan said sarcastically as he sat down on the bed next to her.

"You're not funny," Louise turned toward him.

"Stop sulking. It's getting on my nerves," Logan smiled at her.

"Your existence gets on my nerves," Louise said sharply, collapsing onto the bed.

"So we're done bantering now? I thought that was our thing."

"I didn't exactly come over here to banter."

"Right, it was for the sex and the liquor. Got it."

"It was so my mom would stop asking me if I was okay every twenty seconds. The sex and liquor are just added benefits."

"Speaking of added benefits?" Logan asked, sinking down on the bed next to her. Louise brought her mouth to his, fully intending to take advantage of the added benefits.

* * *

"You're staring at me weird again," Louise said, throwing her towel in the laundry hamper.

"Sorry?" Logan asked, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around his waist.

"You've been doing that a lot lately. It's really annoying, actually."

"Taking a lot of showers? Or staring at you weird?"

"The second one," Louise said, slipping a borrowed t-shirt on.

"I've been thinking, that's all," Logan sighed as he ran a comb through his hair.

"Didn't know you were capable of that, but it explains why you look so vacant."

"Yeah, like when you try to be nice," Logan joked.

"Only when I try to be nice to you, because it really does take a lot of effort."

"Seems like a lot of things take a lot of effort for you," Logan said only-half joking this time. He slid on a pair of sweatpants.

"Why do I have a feeling this is going to be a serious conversation and it's going to have something to do with _feelings_." The last word came out of Louise's mouth high-pitched and biting. She was sitting on the foot of the bed.

"I like you and I think maybe we should talk about what this thing between us is," Logan said as he walked out of the bathroom and closed the distance between them.

"We're friends, Logan. As much as it pains me to admit that I can tolerate you."

"I'm serious, Louise. We've been tip-toeing around labels for months. You sleep in my bed practically every night, but we're 'not together.' "

"I'm having a quarter life crisis and I lost my first ever independent source of income and you want to talk about frickin' feelings?"

"It wasn't your own 'independent' anything. Everything was from your parents' restaurant."

"Fuck you."

"Okay, okay, maybe that wasn't totally fair. But this conversation isn't supposed to be about the food truck. It's about us."

"There is no 'us'."

"Really? Because from where I'm standing, it sure as Hell seems like there is."

"Stop trying to make more out of this than it is."

"Then what is this Louise? Your sister just got married and this kind of feels like -"

"Just because Tina got married, I should be too?"

"It was a bad example. I'm just saying that -"

"That I should do everything based on everyone else's expectations? Including yours?"

"Louise, would you just fucking listen?"

"What? Are you gonna tell me you love me and want to marry me and have trust-fund babies with me?"

"Clearly this was the wrong time to talk to you."

"Clearly."

"Do you even like me, Louise? Because the way you're making it sound makes me think I'm just a convenience."

"You're...you're fine," Louise lost steam. She wasn't sure how to answer that question without being honest with herself. Without having to acknowledge what this whole thing really was. Without having to acknowledge her feelings.

"Just fine?" Logan asked quietly, the fight deflating out of him like a popped beach ball.

"You're...I like...I'm...it's a lot to think about. I mean, how do you answer that?"

"I know I want more," Logan said firmly. "I love you. I see a future with you in it, even if we're both doing very different things with our lives. That's how I'd answer the question."

"I don't know if I can answer that the same way. All we ever do is fight. It's the basis for a real healthy relationship," Louise sneered.

"That's not true. We don't always fight," Logan said.

"We're fighting right now."

"If you wanna call it that," Logan muttered, looking down at the floor in front of him.

Louise had seen love make people do all kinds of crazy things. It made Tina keep a picture of her and Zeke on her nightstand. It made Gene get married to Alex as soon as they graduated high school. She'd seen an IRS agent jump into a jellyfish tank to impress an aquarium owner. It made Teddy more bumbling and awkward than normal until Kathleen got the picture and finally asked him out.

She'd grown up in a household where her father ran after her mother and ended up piloting a seaplane to save his wife from a cad who took advantage of bored housewives. She'd grown up in a household where her mother ruined an astronaut's empowerment speech just to make sure Tina wasn't mad at her or embarrassed by her. It was also the driving force for Louise making Bob promise her, in a crowded theater, that they would never stop being close just because she grew up and ultimately reunited another estranged father and daughter in the process.

All of these things were beautiful, Louise couldn't deny that. But she wasn't sure that she was ready for it. She wasn't sure that she even deserved it. And here was Logan, saying all of these things that she already knew were true, but had worked so hard over months and months to stop him from saying. She'd finally reached the point where she couldn't hold him off from saying it any longer.

"Louise?" Logan asked, breaking the silence after what felt like minutes.

"I need time to think," was all she could manage to say.


	15. Chapter 15: A Good Manchego Is Hard to Find

Chapter Fifteen: "A Good Manchego is Hard to Find" Burger:

Bob and Linda thought their youngest child's residual melodrama was over the defunct food truck. Some of it was, but Louise had learned a long time ago that her anger was respected and not interfered with. Her personal life and sadness was a different matter altogether and it was something Linda didn't always keep her nose out of.

Louise couldn't cruise around town in 2.0 and sell burgers. She could hide in her room, but it just felt childish and stupid. So she started going down to Wonder Wharf to kill time.

The trouble with time was, you could only ride the Scream-I-Cane so much before it couldn't distract you from your thoughts anymore. So on the third day of going down to Wonder Wharf, Louise filled out an application. She stopped going to Wonder Wharf to kill time after that. She started going to Wonder Wharf to work the concession stand. She killed time this way too, but this way, she was getting paid for it.

Logan let a week go by. Then he called her. He called a few more times after that. He left voicemails. Louise listened to the voicemails. She didn't answer any of them.

"You've made it pretty clear what you think. It would be nice if you'd at least bring my house key back." It was Logan's final voicemail. It was curt and brief and Louise didn't respond. She didn't bring his house key back, either.

She started thinking about getting a house key of her own for a place of her own. She had the money now that the food truck wasn't absorbing most of her finances. She looked around. She found a two bedroom apartment above a pawn shop a few blocks over from Ocean Avenue. It was small, cheap, and furnished. She took it.

Harley moved in a few weeks later. She'd come back to Seymour's Bay like she'd been planning. She needed a roommate. Louise had an extra room.

It was the end of July. Louise had her own place and a job to replace the lost funds from the food truck, so why did she still feel like she was sliding backwards?

* * *

"I haven't seen Logan in a few weeks," Linda said, sticking her head through the service window. Louise and Bob were in the kitchen peeling potatoes.

"Neither have I," Louise said flatly.

Bob looked over at his daughter, his eyebrow arched at her statement.

"What happened, honey?" Linda asked.

"Let's just say we came to an agreement," Louise supplied.

* * *

"Mom said you and Logan broke up," Louise thought Tina's voice sounded even more monotone over the phone.

"You can't break up with someone if you were never together with them," Louise said. She walked through the arch and exited Wonder Wharf. Street lights illuminating her way down the sidewalk as she headed back to her apartment.

"You guys were together."

"No, we weren't."

"He thought you were."

"Well, he's stupid, so that's one of the reasons we definitely weren't," Louise moved the back of her hand across her forehead, wiping away the sweat in the sticky, humid evening.

"I don't want to see you throw away something good because you're scared."

"Scared? That's hilarious, T."

"I think you're making a mistake, Louise."

"It's been weeks. I'm over and it and I'm sure he is too."

"He's not. Zeke saw him and his mom and the Yacht Club. Zeke said he looks tired and depressed."

"Yeah, I'd be depressed if I was related to Cynthia, too."

"Louise!"

"Stop trying to guilt me, T. It's not going to change anything," Louise flipped her phone shut and walked the rest of the way home in silence.

* * *

"Wedding pictures, wedding pictures, more wedding pictures," Harley said. "You should be glad that you don't have social media. My newsfeed is so clogged with pictures it's, like, not even funny." Harley's laptop was sitting on the kitchen table and she was carefully clicking through an album with one finger trying not to smudge her wet nail polish. Louise had her back to Harley and the computer while she was stirring sauce on the stove.

Louise turned around and peered over Harley's shoulder. Jessica had posted a huge digital album of wedding pictures. In the picture on the screen, Jessica's auburn hair cascaded down to her shoulders. She was in a beautiful white dress, holding a little, chubby baby in her arms. The baby had on a white frilly dress and pink headband. Rudy was in a tux, his arm around Jessica.

"They look happy," Louise said. It was simple and beautiful and the Jessica in the picture looked like she was right where she was supposed to be. Louise didn't feel her heart drop when she saw the picture. Didn't feel any resentment or jealousy. She felt a little weird for not feeling weird about it.

"She said in her post that it was a small ceremony. They went all the way up to Vermont for it. Literally just family," Harley said carefully.

"We should send them a card," Louise said.

"That's it?" Harley asked. "No speeches, no bitching, no vendetta?"

"What? You don't wanna get them a card?" Louise asked, answering the question with a question.

"I think it's a great idea."

* * *

"I'm glad you've finally come to your senses," Cynthia said, she placed the cloth napkin over her lap.

"It's complicated," Logan retorted.

"It's very uncomplicated," Cynthia said tugging at her pearls. "She's doing you a huge favor. You didn't think you had a sustainable future with someone so...underprivileged and unambitious, did you? You can do better than a girl who works in food."

"You're always so supportive," Logan said sarcastically. He picked up his glass of wine. He wasn't drunk enough for the rehashed lecture. He wasn't sure why he'd agreed to have dinner with his mother, she'd always had a funny way of making him regret spending excess time with her.

"She's way too young for you anyway," Cynthia brandished her favorite counterpoint.

"Those are the only bad things I've ever heard you say about her. That she's too young for me and that and she's poor," Logan looked at his mother like he'd solved a riddle. "You like her, don't you?"

"She's unique. Certainly not my first choice," Cynthia looked away as she cut into her steak.

"Good. You have horrible taste anyway. You were married to Dad for thirty-five years."

"You'd do better to not bring that up again," Cynthia said.

"I'm sorry," Logan sighed.

"And I'm sorry you and Louise didn't work out," Cynthia said. Logan noticed that was the first time in the last nine months since all of this started that Cynthia had called Louise by her name and not just "Linda's daughter."

"Me too," Logan said.

In the weeks since he'd last seen Louise, this was the first he let himself acknowledge what was going on with words. Logan wasted the first few days walking around the house either checking his phone too much or not checking it at all. In the office, he threw himself into paperwork and asked to be put on any project he could get his hands on. He started working later than he already did. He didn't want to come home to an empty house, he just didn't want to admit it to himself.

Anything that could stop him from thinking of how Louise said she "needed time to think" as she got up off his bed, shoved her jeans and boots on, and walked out his front door as soon as he'd stupidly said "we need to talk."

Anything that could stop him from thinking about how he didn't say anything or try to stop her as she walked out. Anything that could stop him from wondering why she hadn't called him. Wondering if maybe he should call her.

Then he called her and she didn't answer the phone. Didn't respond to his voicemail. It all felt familiar, routine, and horrible.

Scotty had called him "pathetic and depressing." Told him he knew he was wasting his time and he deserved to be treated better than the way Louise Belcher was treating him right now. Scotty was being a good friend and only saying exactly what he was thinking, but Logan wasn't in the market for a good friend.

Scotty grew more impatient. They would shoot pool at the Lucky Lizard while downing a few drinks. Logan would always find a way to bring Louise back into the conversation. Scotty relegated his sympathy to trademark lines. "Don't be desperate." and "I'm sorry she broke your heart." Lines suspiciously similar to the ones Logan had favored Scotty with in his friend's own broken hearted past.

"This isn't like you. You need to get a hold of yourself," Scotty had told him. So Logan did. At least as far as appearances went. He stopped talking about it. But not talking about something didn't mean he'd gotten over it.

That night, at the beginning of August, when Logan got home from Beville's, after a less than enjoyable dinner with his mother, his phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Uh...Logan? It's Tina…"

"How did you get my number? Nevermind, I don't care. Is something wrong?"

"I'm calling about Louise."

"Your sister's made it pretty clean that she doesn't want anything to do with me."

"She thinks she's protecting herself. She's been like this her whole life. She doesn't like to talk about her feelings," Tina explained.

"Really? I had no idea," Logan gave a humorless laugh.

"She doesn't. It's hard for her to...Oh, you were being sarcastic," Tina trailed off.

"No shit," his voice was bitter.

"Anyway," Tina started again, ignoring his disposition, "When I started dating Zeke, I was scared. I avoided everyone. Louise told me to stop feeling sorry for myself. She said I had to confront Zeke. It got us talking. The same thing happened with Gene and Alex. Louise called Alex and made him fix things."

"So, you're meddling?"

"I'm trying to fix things," Tina corrected.

"Why?"

"It's called fate. Fate is great. At least that's an easy way to remember it."

"It's not fate if you're meddling. Besides, I already called her and she still hasn't brought back my house key."

"Cause she doesn't want to."

"Whatever, tell her she can keep it. I can always get my locks changed."

"You should go and see her."

"She'd probably tear my face off."

"She works at Wonder Wharf in the evenings at the concession stand. After dinner rush at the restaurant. Everyday except Tuesdays."

"I'm not going," Logan said, knowing that he could and should hang up at any time. He wasn't able to bring himself to do it.

"You don't have to," Tina said, "but you should think about it."

"Look," Logan sighed, "How old was Louise when 'fixed things,' because it was ' _just fate_?' "

"I don't know. Fourteen?" Tina estimated.

"She's almost twenty-three," Logan said. "She's an adult who can make her own decisions. So let her. My family's been in my buisness my whole fucking life. It gets old quick."

"Just think about it," Tina sounded resigned, like the conversation wasn't going at the way she'd pictured it would.

"Goodbye, Tina," Logan said with more authority in his voice than he'd had in the rest of the conversation. He hung up.

Fate? It sounded so ridiculous. If it was fate, then there was no point in putting the work in. Fate meant things would just happen and couldn't be avoided. Logan tried to brush it off.

Louise told Tina to talk to Zeke. It fixed things. Louise had called Alex. It fixed things. Louise had called Cynthia. It might not have fixed everything, but it had gotten Logan and his mother back on good terms again after months of bitterness. Maybe there was something to this meddling thing after all?

* * *

The sun had already set. Parents were pulling on the hands of errant children and leading them home for the evening. Teenagers were sneaking kisses by the pier or standing in line for the Ferris Wheel. It was a warm evening and it was even warmer in the concession booth surrounded by deep fryers and heat lamps.

Louise stood at the cash register ringing people up and fluttering around the booth grabbing and bagging orders as Large Tommy worked the deep fryers.

A young couple shuffled out of Louise's line of sight when she handed them their order and a few bills were placed in her hand. "What can I get for you?" She asked the next customer, eyes still trained on the register.

"A 'Burger of the Day' would hit the spot," the voice said.

Louise slammed the drawer of the register shut. "We don't serve those here." Her voice was dispassionate.

"Then maybe just a talk? Your sister called me and I thought about some of the things she said." Logan smiled weakly. He was dressed in designer board shorts, a tank top, and boating shoes. He had a leash on his arm, Ween sitting obediently beside him. He looked great. He looked more than great, actually, and Louise hated that.

"You wanna talk, Fortune Telling Booth is at the other end of the wharf."

"You know that's not what I mean."

"I have a whole line of people behind you. Order something or leave."

Logan ordered some nachos, told Louise to keep the change, and kept walking after he got his food.

The rest of the night, Louise was quiet. She made Large Tommy switch places with her. His shoulders were hunched up to his ears as Louise banged and slammed bags of food around the concession booth for the rest of the shift. The only time Large Tommy asked her if she was okay, she told him she was "just great" and that he should "shut up." It took all her restraint and emotional maturity not to throw the bag of frozen corn dogs she was holding right at Large Tommy. The next time Louise saw Tina, she was going to give her an earful.

Logan stood alone at the edge of the pier, stuffing his face with soggy nachos. The clouds were rolling in and covering up the stars. The only light coming from the dim street lamps on the wharf.

"Fate? It's ridiculous. So fucking dumb," Logan said his dog. He looked down at Ween. Ween cocked his head to the side. If Logan didn't know any better, he would have thought his own dog was pitying him.

* * *

"What's the emergency?" Tina asked breathlessly as she ran through the door of the restaurant. Zeke rushed in close behind her.

Louise tensed and took a deep breath. It was the first time she'd seen Tina since before the night Logan came to Wonder Wharf. She'd called her sister up that night and gave her a large slice of her mind. The sisters had yelled at each other so loud over the phone, Harley got up in the middle of the night and slammed things around while packing an overnight bag. Harley was loud enough to make sure Louise knew she was awake. She'd spent the night at her father's house and away from her screaming roommate.

The next day Louise spent half the morning apologizing to her best friend and fighting off the urge to call Tina and apologize to her, too. She eventually did call Tina, but she made it clear that she hadn't forgiven her sister for meddling.

"Emergency? They changed Chunky Blast Offs again?" Louise asked, talking into her coffee mug. She was sitting at the counter, a row of large cardboard boxes creating a wall between her and Gene.

"Don't even joke about that!" Gene said, looking aghast.

"What's so important that we had to literally run over here?" Louise asked with a hint of ire in her voice.

"Mom and Dad's thirtieth anniversary is coming up," Gene declared, "And we're throwing them a surprise party."

"Their anniversary is at the beginning of September. Nine-three. It's divisible by three," Tina said.

"Exactly! So we can't do it in September. Then it wouldn't be a surprise," Gene reasoned.

"Mom does love a good surprise surprise," Tina said.

"You mean throw them a party right now? Like _to_ -day?" Louise asked.

"Well what do you think all these boxes are for?" Gene crossed his arms.

"It's six-thirty in the morning. Dad's going to be down to prep the kitchen in a few hours," Louise said.

"Handled it. Aunt Gayle and Alex are upstairs distracting Mom and Dad."

"Million dollar plan," Louise rolled her eyes.

"I'd say a hundred dollar plan, but still good," Tina said.

"We have to decorate fast. We can't keep the people waiting! They'll be here soon."

"Who would come to a party so early in the morning?" Louise grumbled.

"Anytime is a good time for a party, Hot Rod," Zeke said.

The bell above the door rang as someone popped their head in, "I'm here to help you kids decorate," Teddy said.

"That's who," Gene said, taking a bright garland out of one of the boxes and wrapping it around his neck like a scarf. Tina reached into a box and pulled out a jumbled ball of heart shaped string lights.

"What kind of cake are we having?" Teddy asked, approaching the counter.

"I forgot the food! How could I forget the food?" Gene bellowed

"On it!" Louise said. She hopped off the stool and put her hand out toward Gene. He handed Louise his wallet. "Zeke, you're driving."

* * *

Zeke parked in the Fresh Feed parking lot. He looked over at his sister-in-law.

"She was only tryin' ta help, ya know?" Zeke asked in his gruff voice.

"Still doesn't make it right," Louise crossed her arms and looked straight ahead out of the windshield.

"I know. But yiu've done the same kinda things before."

"I was right. There's a difference."

"Doesn't mean T-Bird was wrong."

"Is this going to turn into another one of these conversations about how I'm wrong and don't deserve to make my own choices. Because everyone has been throwing that in my face lately?"

"I don't care what ya do about that," Zeke said. "I care about ya and Tina makin' up."

"You kinda sound like my Dad right now."

"That's what happens when ya work for someone fir nine years, I guess. And marry their daughter." Zeke said.

He and Louise smiled at each other, lecture still hanging in the air, and they got out of the car.

* * *

Zeke and Louise came back with cakes, cookies, and anything Louise could get away with spending Gene's meager funds on. Zeke parked the car in the back alley and started unloading everything in the kitchen. Louise was expecting the party had already flopped with it's sad decorations and misguided planning. As far as Louise was concerned, Gene was fooling himself if he thought Tina and Teddy, two of the clumsiest people she knew, could help him pull of his "vision." She could picture Gene ordering and bossing the other two around, because the arrangement just didn't "speak" to him. She was grateful for the unexpected chance to bail.

When she walked into the dining area carrying the two-liters of soda in her arms, she hadn't been prepared to eat her words.

The windows and door were rimmed with heart-shaped lights and fairy lights. Each table had pink and white garlands hanging from the edges and little paper hearts were tacked onto the salt and pepper shakers. Pastel bowls of conversation candy hearts were set on both ends of the counter. Unlit tealights were set along the sill of the service window and pink balloons with white strings invaded the ceiling.

"Pretty great, isn't it?" Teddy asked, crossing his arms. His eyes wandered around the room, appreciating his handiwork. Louise opened her mouth and then closed it again, too overwhelmed to come up with a sniping remark.

"It's like Valentine's Day threw up in here," Zeke said, he sounded like he was about to tear up. "It's beautiful."

"Don't just stand there. Help me bring all this stuff in. People are going to get here any minute," Gene said. He disappeared into the kitchen and came back out with bags of chips. They made quick work putting out food. Tina picked up the phone behind the counter and called the apartment. "Aunt Gayle? It's time."

Friends began to pour in. Gretchen, with a half drunk bottle of wine and a lampshade over her head. When Critter asked her about it, Gretchen said, "It was just going to be that kind of party." Trev snuck in quickly and left a gift bag on the counter before slinking back off across the street to Jimmy Pesto's. Mort was sinking his hand into the bowl of conversation hearts. Lenny DeStefano was standing by the back booth talking to Courtney Wheeler.

By the time Louise had set everything out on the counter, the restaurant was so overflowing, the party was in danger of spilling out onto the sidewalk.

The bell over the door rang and bodies squished together so the door could open all the way. A shriek of excitement could be heard over all the commotion. Linda was standing in the doorway, hand over her heart and a huge smile on her face.

"It's perfect! Bobby, do you see this? Oh, kids!" Linda pushed her way through a crowd of adoring faces. Whooping and hollering greeted her as she moved through the restaurant. When she made her way behind the counter, she pulled her son into a suffocating hug.

Bob waved and gave gentle smiles to everyone as he followed his wife's trail. "Oh, hey, Marshmallow," Bob said to the woman wearing knee high socks and drinking punch at the counter.

"How many people did you invite?" Bob asked.

"Who didn't I invite?" Gene replied.

Bob looked around at the decorations and put an arm around Linda. "Is that glitter on the floor?"

"How else was I supposed to decorate the floor?" Gene asked.

"Oh my God," Bob sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Bob and Linda spent the rest of the morning dodging and weaving through their own restaurant. Catching up with some and avoiding others. When Bob Sr. was spotted with a sour look on his face trying to make his way through the crowd and behind the counter, Bob ducked into the kitchen. Bob demanded to know who invited his father. "I didn't not _not_ invite Grandpa," Gene admitted.

Tina ultimately came to her father's rescue, commanding her grandfather's attention by regaling him with tales of her newly married life.

When the refreshments ran out, Alex furiously began taking orders and Zeke found himself behind the grill serving up burgers as fast as he could flip them. Louise was on a perpetual trajectory from kitchen to dining area, bringing bottles of beer out on a serving tray.

The buzz of the party shifted when Gene stood up on a stool and put one foot on the counter. He held an empty beer bottle close to his lips like a microphone. "Thank you all, beautiful audience, for coming to this celebration of my mom and that guy that she married. Pay your bill, tip your bartender, and tell me how great I was on your way out. But before you leave I'm going to turn it over to Dad!" Gene held out the bottle of what was clearly not his first beer.

Bob reluctantly took the empty from his son, "Well, I, um, didn't really have anything prepared…"

A slow hum started in the center of the restaurant and quickly formulated into a chant. "Speech! Speech! Speech!"

"Okay, okay," Bob said. "I, uh, I always seem to forget my anniversary. And I've never been very great with Valentine's Day. I have all these plans and ideas and I can either never afford them or they never work out the way they should. But Lin, you've never cared about what it looked like, just that we could spend it together. You've made so many sacrifices just so you could be here with me and so I could keep the restaurant open. You are a great mother. You deserve so much. More than I could ever give you. I'm glad you settled for me, because I don't know what I would do without you."

"Oh, Bobby," Linda said, throwing her arms around her husband and kissing him on the cheek.

"This is a family show!" Gene shouted at his parents and put a hand over his eyes. He was still standing on the stool with no apparent intention of coming down.

Zeke got behind the cash register and rang everyone up on their way out. Louise began to bus tables and clear empties off the counter.

"Bunny Girl Louise," a voice called from the back booth. Louise spun around to face her long-lost hero. "I didn't know it was you in all that flannel and leather. But I saw your pink bunny hat hanging out of your pocket. You in a gang now?"

"It's called the Broken Glass Kids," Louise nodded.

"Well, I like the color of your flag. It's a good color," Nat said, pointing to her Ears.

"It's the best color," Louise said, agreeing with Nat. She was decked out in solid pink.

"You've got a broken heart or you're planning large scale revenge," Nat said. "I can smell it."

"I thought I was the only one who had that skill, but I usually smell fear," Louise approached the back booth.

Nat scanned Louise's face and settled back into the booth seat, "It's not revenge, which is a shame. I specialize in revenge."

She hadn't had someone in her life to discuss the finer details of revenge with since Mort's mother passed away. She'd loved revenge and shrimp almost as much as Louise did. "Sadly it's not revenge, but I'll keep you in mind for any future needs. You're the most well connected person I know."

"And I'd help you for the right price."

"What do you consider the right price?"

"The one where you try talking to them first."

"You're just going to leave me hanging like that? Where are my words of wisdom?"

"My words of wisdom, if you're too scared to talk to this person or too broken hearted" Nat said as she got up out of the booth, "get a Komodo dragon. They won't disappoint you."

Louise turned around to set the bin of dishes on the counter. She was going to stop and then… What? Ask for advice? For help? Louise stopped and looked down at her boots. By the time Nat was out of the restaurant, Louise could have easily convinced herself she'd hallucinated the conversation. A manifestation of guilt brought on by the shallow burial of the sadness she'd been feeling all through the last month. Grief she wouldn't admit was self-imposed.

* * *

"We didn't do so hot today," Louise said as she placed the last few dollars in the banker bag. "And I didn't skim any off the top, either."

"You don't do that," Bob was mopping. He paused. "Do you?"

"I don't know, do I?" Louise asked.

"That's not funny," Bob said.

"What's not funny?" Linda asked coming up from the walk-in.

"Hot Rod says she's a thief," Zeke said from the dishwashing station.

"A thief? Ooh, that could be fun," Linda said.

"Don't encourage her," Bob said, putting the mop in the bucket and flipping the sign on the door to "Closed."

"What?" Linda waved her hand, "It's not like she could make a career out of it. Just be supportive."

Linda winked at her daughter, flashing back to the days where Louise would add in a dollar here and a dollar there from her Wonder Wharf earnings and Linda forced herself not to notice.

"All done?" Louise asked.

"Yea-up. Tina wants me ta call her ta come pick me up. I'm gonna wait for her upstairs," Zeke said. "Ya should come too, Hot Rod."

Louise looked at her brother-in-law, trying to assess what sort of ambush he'd devised. "Sure," she said, looking him directly in the eyes. He seemed innocent, but wasn't removed from suspicion just yet.

When the family entered the apartment, they could hear voices muffled and loud over the telephone. "Shh, they're here!" Tina commanded from somewhere in the living room.

"What's going on in here," Linda asked, marching upstairs.

"I have Gene and Alex on speaker phone," Tina said.

"Hurry up and tell me what's going on suspense is killing me!" Gene shouted over the line.

"Do what he says. He's going to start being dramatic. He's already pretended to hang up once," Alex said.

"I...I...We...Uhhhh," Tina started groaning. Zeke walked over and sat down next to her on the couch.

"We made a baby," Zeke blurted when Tina's groaning didn't abate.

"My Teeny Tina, a mom? I'm gonna be a grandmother?" Linda shrieked.

Tina nodded.

Linda ran over to her older daughter and wrapped her arms around her. Bob wiped his finger under his eyes briefly and stood there for a moment.

"Is that why you got married?" Gene's voice came over the phone. "We're on our way. You better still be there when we get there." The line went dead.

"Dad, are you crying?" Louise sniffled.

"Maybe," Bob said, "but not as much as you are."

"That's a load of horseshit," Louise said, taking the sleeve of her hoodie and wiping her cheeks. She looked at her older sister. Something came over Louise. She looked at her sister and her brother-in-law and felt a stirring in her chest. She knew what she had to do.

She started walking toward Tina and Zeke with nerves in the pit of her stomach. She reached into her back pocket.

"T, you guys are gonna be great parents." Tears had begun to pour down Louise's face as soon as she started talking. "I think it's important for every kid to have something special that they love. I want you to have this."

"Are you sure?" Tina asked, tears starting down her cheeks, too. Louise nodded. Tina wrapped her arms around her sister and pulled her down on the couch next to her. Pink ears now spread out on Tina's lap. Seeing them there in her lap cemented how real the moment was, how much life was changing. Tina began to cry harder.

"I'm crying. I'm already crying. I'm doing it," Zeke said hugging Tina from the other side.

"This is too emotional, it's so beautiful. I need a drink," Linda said.

"Get me one, too," Bob whispered to Linda. "We're going to need it when Louise realizes what she's done."

When Louise had cried out all her tears, she broke apart from Tina and dabbed her wet sleeves to her face again. Louise reached into her other pocket to pull out her phone and flipped it open. She had to share the news with someone. She had to tell Logan! He wouldn't believe this!

She closed the phone again when she realized what she was doing. She set her phone down on the coffee table and grabbed the glass of wine her mother was holding right out of her hand. Linda gave her daughter a curious look. Louise flashed a somber look back. Linda gave her youngest child a one armed hug and decided now might not be the right time to interrogate.

When Gene arrived, he ran straight through the door and inserted himself on the center of the couch splitting up Zeke and Tina. "I have so many costume ideas for the baby. I spent the whole ride over here thinking them up."

"Hello to you too, Gene," Bob said.

"Not now, Father, I'm doing business."

More glasses of wine were poured along with a cup of plain fruit juice for Tina. Someone had turned a mix track earlier on in the evening. Linda and Zeke were just tipsy enough to dance to Zentipede and laugh awkwardly with one another. Louise sat in the arm chair in front of the window, back against one arm rest and legs propped up against the other. Alex sat down on the floor next to the chair, a glass of wine in his hand. He saw Louise glance over at her flip phone, still lying on the coffee table.

"I see that you gave up your Ears," Alex started.

"I know. Pretty big of me," Louise smiled at him.

"No take backsies?" he asked.

"No take backsies," she nodded.

"Not even with a certain blonde pretty boy?" Alex nudged.

"Gene put you up to this?" Louise's expression turned sour.

"No, but I saw you looking at your phone. Waiting for a text back?"

"Trying not to send one," Louise corrected.

"Maybe you should just send it."

"Why does everyone keep saying that? This entire last month everyone has been hounding me and sticking their nose into my business. I'm getting fucking sick of it." Louise had gotten used to sneering and walking away. Or yelling until the other party backed down. Tonight, she'd had just enough alcohol to be honest.

"Maybe the universe is sending you a sign."

"Tina calling Logan isn't a sign. Neither is him being stupid enough to think I want to see him again."

"You called me that one night. After that month Gene and I had a fight. All the way back in high school."

"That was different. You guys couldn't have been more obvious if you got t-shirts made."

"If you hadn't called me, it would have taken me months to talk to Gene again. I probably would have gone that whole summer without talking to him."

"That's your loss."

"Your sister's having a baby. With the guy that you basically forced her into having a romantic dinner with. You're a meddler. You Belchers are all meddlers."

"He liked her for years. I wasn't going to let her ruin it. She would have ruined it on her own."

"Like you're ruining it on your own?"

"That's the difference, Alex. They wanted to be together."

"And you and Logan don't? You're so full of shit, Lou."

"Well, I only shit once a week, so it's kind of unavoidable."

"You're hilarious," Alex said saracastically in response to his sister-in-law's comment. "Look, no one wants to wound your pride. But it's pretty obvious that you should just swallow it already."

"I'm an adult. I can make my own choices."

"You can. And if you want to use your freedom to make childish choices, then that's your right."

"Shut up, Alex."

"You don't have to text him, but make your choice fast. You should be enjoying your night with us. This is what matters," Alex moved his hand in a sweeping gesture across the living room.

Louise reached down and flicked Alex on the arm. Her eyes shifted down to her phone, still laying on the coffee table. "It's time," she sighed.

Alex reached over and handed her the phone. She flipped it open.

_**Louise:**_ _You're right. We need to talk. Meet me at Wonder Wharf tomorrow after close? (Delivered at 10:47pm)_

After she hit send and tossed the phone down on the chair.

"Feel better?" Alex asked.

"Not really. Maybe even a little worse," Louise admitted.

"Well, turn that frown upside down," Alex said. He stood up and held out his hand. Louise took his hand and he pulled her up. She danced with Alex and Linda to " _Let My People Rock_." Gene was crowding his older sister, trying to convince her that "Gene" was a great name for a baby, regardless of the gender.

* * *

Louise had stayed the night in her old room and woke up with a slight hangover. It was Bob shuffling around in the kitchen that convinced her to get out of bed. She walked across the hall quietly. She poured herself a cup of coffee and joined her father at the table.

Bob put down his paper and looked over at his daughter.

"Why are you looking at me like your puppy just died?"

Bob cleared his throat.

"It's just, you're all growing up so fast…" they said in unison, Louise prepared for the speech her father gave so many times before, starting with Tina's high school graduation.

"It's true," Bob sighed.

"I only moved out like two months ago. Calm down, young Robert. Life is not but a blink of the eye."

"You're still a smartass," Bob informed.

"Some things never change," Louise gave her father a pseudo-sweet smile.

A buzzing could be heard trilling on the countertop. Louise looked around, investigating the sound. Bob reached back and pulled Louise's cellphone off the countertop. He tossed it to her.

"It's been going off all morning," he told her. "You left it in the living room last night."

Louise opened her phone and flipped through it. Several missed calls and text messages from Harley, asking where she was. She sent a quick text to let her best friend know she was alive. There was one text message that wasn't from Harley:

_**Logan:**_ _Fine. (Delivered at 5:09 am)_

"Everything okay?" Bob asked, eyebrow arched.

"Yeah, yeah," Louise sighed and set her phone down to the side. Bob raised his paper again.

In all the drama and chaos, Bob was the only one who hadn't given an unsolicited opinion or lecture about the whole situation. He was the only one who let Louise be. Let her think and let her have the room to breath. He knew exactly what was going on and respected her enough to let her figure it out on her own. It was more than Louise had sometimes felt she'd deserved as she'd grown up, and even now, as an adult.

"Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"I just wanted to say 'Thanks'."

"You're welcome?" Bob lowered his paper again. "Are you okay? You look like you're about to cry."

"So do you, Old Man."

"I'm going to be a grandfather," Bob said. He leaned back in his chair.

"Yeah, is that just now hitting you?" Louise took a large sip of coffee to hide her own turbulent emotions.

"You look so old," he whispered to his daughter, voice cracking a little. His eyes began to well up. Louise got up from her chair and came over to her father. She wrapped her arms around him. Bob hugged her back.

"Dad, are you going through menopause?" Louise whispered.

Bob began to laugh as a tear slid down his cheek. He wiped it away. Louise began to laugh hard along with her Dad. They both laughed until they started to hurt. Louise broke the hug.

"There is one thing that hasn't changed. You still never think before you talk," Bob said, chucking.

"Well, that, and the fact that I'm the favorite," Louise said.

Bob rolled his eyes, but he didn't do anything to deny his daughter's assertion.

* * *

Wonder Wharf had been a fixture in Louise's life as much as the restaurant had. It was where Linda had told Bob she was pregnant with Louise. It was where she had spent countless hours with Tina and Gene causing mischief, concocting schemes, and riding the Scream-I-Cane until they hurled. The place she got to meet her childhood celebrity crush again and slap him in the face for the second time.

Wonder Wharf was the place where her and her family had dramatically saved her father and Mr. Fischoeder from a watery grave, Linda being the real hero.

Louise couldn't be entirely sure if that day where her mother almost became a widow was a dream or not. No matter how many times over the years that her mother and Teddy has assured her it had, in fact, been very real. And very horrifying.

Wonder Wharf was where Louise had worked to finally earn enough money for Bob's Burgers 2.0, to start putting herself through college. And now to pay her own rent.

Louise balanced the till at the register in the concession stand, while Large Tommy cleaned the counters and appliances. When he left, he took the trash with him. Louise locked up and held her breath. She walked down the pier and toward the Ferris Wheel. She felt her heart sink into her stomach. She felt like she could throw up. She tried not to make it obvious that she was surveying her surroundings for a tall, blonde pretty boy.

"You smell like grease," a voice said as she passed by the game booths.

"Thanks, it's a new perfume," Louise said acerbically. She stopped walking. Logan walked over to Louise and stood next to her. He didn't throw a comeback her way. "Well, aren't you going to say something?"

"Not until you do. You're the one that wanted me to meet _you_ here."

"Well, we're going to be waiting here a long time then," Louise crossed her arms.

"Fine. I have all night," Logan said, mirroring her body language.

"You know what," Louise said, throwing her hands up, "This was a mistake. I'm really sorry I wasted your time." She turned on her heels.

"I won't wait on you forever. If you dip out on me right now, I'm not coming back." Louise kept walking. "It's not a threat, it's a promise!" Logan said a little louder. Some of the passersby looked in his direction, it made Logan feel exposed. Maybe the wharf hadn't been the best place to have this conversation.

Louise stopped. She took a deep breath. She turned back around to face Logan. "I'm listening," she said evenly. The breeze off the bay began to grow stronger. She could smell the saltwater. Her hair whipped around in her face. She tucked her hair behind her ears.

"You're the one who left me, but somehow you're the one who gets to be angry? I think you have it backwards."

"I was scared," Louise said quietly.

"Why?" Logan's hair was windblown and messy too. Louise felt a pang of warmth in her chest. She tried her best to ignore it.

"Because, those words change everything. You wanted to change everything by putting a stupid label on things and making it all about feelings. You said you loved me. How am I supposed to know what to do with that?"

"I...Look, I know there's a lot of things you hate talking about. Like the thing with Mildew and the food truck crapping out. I'm not trying to make you do anything you don't want to, Louise. But I do need answers. How am I supposed to feel when you don't even want to call me your boyfriend? It makes me feel like you don't like me."

"I do like you. I thought that was pretty obvious."

"With you, it's hard to tell, sometimes."

"I know. It's just really hard for me to believe sometimes. You and me. You used to terrorize me when I was a kid. You stole my things and chased me around and threatened me."

"And you almost had a fucking biker gang cut my ears off, you orchestared a whole army of high schoolers to throw snowballs at me until I was bruised up. You threw a moldy cantaloupe at me."

"That was an accident and you know it," Louise looked up at him.

"Was you pantsing me in the middle of the street an accident? Or was the part where you stole my phone and took pictures of it the accident?" Logan asked, holding eye contact.

"You wrote me a bad review," Louise's voice went flat. She knew how weak it sounded. She felt almost as bad now as she had when she'd seen him that day at Flash In The Pan.

"People change. I'm not the same asshole I was when I was kid. You aren't either. I get scared when I think about it because the whole time we were together, I kept thinking that you were always going to see me as that childhood bully. That it was the reason you didn't really want to be with me."

"That's not true."

"Then what is it?" Logan asked. He looked like he was about to cry. It was a little scary. It was painful. She didn't want to be the cause of that hurt. She never wanted to be the cause of his hurt again.

"When you say those stupid words to someone, everything changes. You have to start giving things up and making sacrifices. It's not just about you anymore. I've seen Gene and Tina get married and move out and I've seen the fights they've had. I've seen so much of the shit my parents have gone through."

"Have you met my parents? You wanna talk about problems." Logan cracked a brief smile. Louise's lip twitched upward a little. It wasn't a smile, but she felt herself thawing.

"I haven't even finished college yet, Logan. I haven't even gotten a chance to open up my own restaurant. I just moved out of my parents place. I just got started living on my own. I don't want to have to give all my shit up for someone else."

"I would never ask you to. I'm pissed that you think I would. You always do what you want, anyway. I wouldn't change that about you."

"It would have helped if you led with that."

"I can't read your mind, Louise. I mean, did it ever occur to you that I might want to be there for those things? That I might want you there for important shit? I might want to be part of it."

"Not really," Louise admitted somberly. She moved a few steps closer.

"Well, now you know, I guess," Logan scratched the back of his neck.

"I think I owe you an apology," Louise muttered.

"To save you from any embarrassment, I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Logan said.

"You've been great. You've been there for me from the start and I just keep coming along and fucking it all up. I've lost all this other shit. Including the food truck. I didn't want to lose you too. So I got rid of you before you could get rid of me," Louise looked down at her boots.

"I mean, you did fuck a lot of shit up. _A lot_ of shit. But I would have kept you around. I mean, I'm not going to clean up your messes. I was going to make you do that," Logan smirked.

"Well, I don't have all my shit together, but I'm hoping you'll let me be near you while I get it together," Louise said.

"It's a free country," Logan wrapped an arm around her shoulders. They were silent for a little while.

"What now?" Louise finally spoke.

"I don't know. We have a lot to talk about. You're not off the hook. Not even close."

"As you so eloquently put it: 'I have all night'."

"There's this diner that has really great pancakes. We can discuss details there," Logan said. His arm was still around Louise's shoulders as he ushered her toward Ocean Avenue.

"I have a pretty good feeling you're not gonna let me go this time." Louise said.

"Yeah, and I have a pretty good feeling you're not gonna fuck and run this time," Logan said. "But, I'm not taking any chances. Think of this dinner as a job interview for winning me back."

"I'll humor you."

"Oh, that's so nice of you, Four Ears."

"I know. I'm good like that."

"Where are your Ears, by the way."

"They're gone."

Logan stopped walking, his arm dropped from her shoulder as he faced her. "No shit?"

"They went to a good cause," she tugged on his hand and guided him forward. "I'll tell you all about it while I'm stuffing my face with hashbrowns But before that, I'll tell you why I started wearing them."

Logan held onto her hand as they began walking again.

" _Why do you wear the Ears?"_

" _I'll tell you that story when you earn it."_

She may not have said the words exactly, but he'd earned the story. He knew what she was trying to say without having to say it.

"Yeah, I love you, too," he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I feel like this chapter fell a little flat, but I feel like it is a satisfying conclusion. I really enjoyed writing this story, even though it took about five months to put together. If you've made it this far, I can only assume you enjoyed reading this story. I am open to any and all feedback, so please feel free to comment or PM me about this story for constructive purposes. 


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